21. Irrevocable Love
21
Irrevocable Love
H axsel’s words replayed in her mind as Alexa lay on her bed that night.
Deep inside, she had known she was wrong in thinking God abandoned her. However, as the odds stacked against her and her sister, she had decided to throw her faith away.
But had her life gotten any better after that?
Of course not—until Tristan came. Now, Jesus claimed He had sent him to her.
That He had been watching over her faithfully even when she failed to be faithful. But why? It refused to make sense why He hadn’t given up on her after all this time. Why would He go to such lengths as to send a total stranger from Illinois visiting his fiancé’s friend, to her, bearing His message?
Apparently, Haxsel’s fiancée met with Cassie while Haxsel had been with Alexa, and she told Cassie the exact words Haxsel told her; that Jesus loved her. Cassie’s eyes had been red and puffy when she returned to Alexa’s room, which alone said how much the talk with Haxsel’s fiancée impacted her.
Alexa snapped out of her thoughts as she felt a hand clasping over hers, which were folded over her belly. She pulled away instinctively, realizing only in the next second that it was him.
Invisible. Of course.
“Tristan,” she whispered as low as possible, and reached out into the air for him, her heart flaring to life realizing he had come.
Her hand brushed his and he clasped it, intertwining their fingers. Alexa pulled him down immediately, her other hand searching in the air with the desire to touch his face. When she did, a watery smile broke into her face.
Tristan’s familiar scent wafted around her, giving her an at-home feel in the hospital of all places. His hot breath fanned her cheek and his other hand cradled the side of her face.
“I’m here.”
Alexa stole a glance at her sleeping sister on the couch and looked back at the empty space where he hovered over her. “I wanna see you,” she pleaded.
“But if Cassie wakes up—”
“Just for a few seconds,” she cut in, her eyes imploring. “Please, Tristan, and I’ll let you call me Lexamkpin or whatever ridiculous nicknames you come up with in the future. ”
Tristan chuckled softly, his breath now fanning her jaw and neck, and the sound of his laugh warmed her insides. “You wanna see my face for a few seconds so badly that you’ll let me call you my ridiculous nicknames? ”
“You have no idea.”
Tristan sighed. “You never cease to surprise me, Alexandra Ford.”
Alexa felt him lean closer, and his soft lips pressed to her forehead in a tender kiss. She shut her eyes in contentment, and opening them, his beautiful face filled her vision. She sighed longingly, a smile on her lips.
“I’ve missed you.”
“And I you,” Tristan whispered back, the glint in his electric-blue eyes something between joy and pain. “But I can’t stay longer.”
He began to pull away with rueful eyes but Alexa held him back, her eyes alarmed. “But you just got here. Stay please.”
“Lexa…” Tristan’s eyes betrayed his mask, and the desire to stay with her glistened in them. But he was hesitant. “It’s too dangerous.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “You’ve never once told me that since we began hanging out. Is this because you think it’s your fault I’m here?”
“It is my fault,” he insisted, his eyes hardening.
“You’re stupid. Tristan, you saved me!”
“ After I nearly destroyed you!” He glared back.
“You weren’t even struck until I was ripped from your arms,” she hissed and stole a glance at Cassie to make sure she was still asleep. “The last thing I saw was you being struck down. I was hurled back before that. ”
“That’s not possible,” Tristan stuttered, a puzzled look crossing his face. “You wouldn’t have been hurled back unless I was struck.”
“And you wouldn’t have been able to yell my name if you were struck.” She challenged him, daring him to deny it.
Tristan leaned back and looked down at her in bewilderment.
“You did yell my name when I was ripped from your arms, didn’t you?”
He nodded slowly, as if recalling that moment. “I did.”
“So, what does that say about my fall being your fault?”
He thought for a moment, his eyebrows scrunching up and furrowing often, and then he shook his head. His eyes met hers apologetically. “It’s still dangerous. I am dangerous.”
“Stop.” She pressed her finger to his lips and gave him a stern look. “ You are my gallant Lightning Knight. You’re not dangerous. You would never hurt me knowingly—”
“That’s the point, Alexa,” Tristan interrupted, a ring of frustration in his voice. “I could hurt you unintentionally . It’s something I can’t control. But I can prevent it.”
Alexa’s eyes widened at the determined look entering his eyes. It scared her more than the thought of dying. She began to shake her head. “No—Tristan—”
“Shhh,” he crooned, brushing his knuckles down her temple to her jaw. “It’s for the best.” His eyes were tormented as he spoke .
Tears pooled in her glaring eyes. She yanked him down by the collar and pressed her lips to his, kissing him hard. Tristan didn’t hesitate before he kissed her back with equal fervor, infusing his frustration and desire into the kiss. Alexa locked her arms around his neck and held him unrelentingly, with no intention of letting him break apart until she let him know how much she wanted him.
But that was the problem. He knew it, yet he was willing to make the sacrifice just to keep her safe.
Didn’t he know there was only one place in the universe where she felt safe? Right here in his arms?
They needed to talk properly. And then, she would tell him that she loved him. There was no point in fighting with him now. So she decided to let go, for now, until she was discharged from the hospital.
Tristan broke their kiss slowly. Alexa loosened her arms from his neck and cupped his face instead. When she opened her eyes, the dim ceiling met her. She clenched her jaw and gripped his face tight.
“I promised I would never leave you alone, and I will make sure of it till my last breath, whether or not you like it, Tristan Knight.”
Tristan’s hand clasped over hers on his cheek and gave it a gentle squeeze. She let her fingers trace his face, every contour and detail, before letting her hands fall.
A sudden chill replaced Tristan’s warmth, and she realized he was gone.
* * *
Two days later, Alexa sat in the back of John’s car as he drove her and Cassie home. She was discharged from the hospital, but was given strict instructions of rest for the next three days before she could go back to school.
Though, rest or not, she wasn’t going to succumb to it until she had talked things over with Tristan. And that was where they were heading now; Tristan’s house. Only, Cassie didn’t know it. If she did—well, Alexa didn’t want to find out.
What if she didn’t agree? Alexa didn’t have it in her to fight.
She was saving the strength for her fight with Tristan. She was sure it would take a fight to make him see sense.
Sweet John had agreed to be her crime partner this time. Cassie wouldn’t know where they were headed to until he drove them down Tristan’s neighborhood.
When they did, just as she calculated, Cassie turned to John with questioning eyes. “Where are we going?”
John smirked in his effort to hide a mischievous grin. “To a friend of mine.”
“A friend of yours?” Cassie’s eyebrows rose. “Which one?”
“I have more friends than you know, Cass.”
“Of course,” Cassie said and turned back to stare out the windshield.
John caught Alexa’s eyes in the rear-view mirror and they exchanged a secret smile. It had been long since they’d last been on a secret mission together.
“Can’t you drop us at home before you go to your friend?”
“Actually, I’m taking all of us there.”
“What?” Cassie’s eyes snapped to him, bewildered, and then to Alexa. Too late, she caught her smirk. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What are you two up to?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh, please.” Cassie rolled her eyes. “Nothing means everything .”
“Lex, do tell me I’m on the right road,” John chimed in.
Alexa turned her attention to the windshield. “See the right turn with the hedges? That’s it.”
Cassie followed her gaze, recognition flickering in her eyes. “We’re going to Tristan’s, aren’t we?”
“Not we, me. But yeah, you guys are dropping me there.”
“Of course not.”
“Of course yes, ” John countered with an unrepentant grin. “I’m sorry Cass. I’m with her in this. She’s gonna fight for her love, and I give her my full support.” He narrowed his eyes on her in a not-so-serious way. “Which means, I’ll stop you from stopping her.”
Alexa melted at his words. “Aw, Jonny, you’re the best big brother ever!”
Cassie huffed. “At least I don’t have to do anything to please you to remain in my best big sister position, so I’ll pass on this.”
She was right. As ever.
Alexa sighed. “I can’t rest until I’ve smoothed things over between me and Tristan, Cass, and I thought you might insist I should take rest as Albert instructed, if I mentioned going to Tristan first. I didn’t want to upset you.”
“Well, you’re doing it now. How could you have thought I’d stop you from seeing Tristan? Oh, yes, because I asked him to stay away when you were in the hospital. But did you really think I’d actually stop you from loving the only boy who’s managed to capture your heart and somehow resurrect the Alexa I never thought I would see again? You’re unbelievable! ” Cassie tore her glaring eyes from the windshield to John. “You too. For siding with her.”
Alexa felt awful. “Oh Cass, I—”
“Save it.”
“Seriously?” She widened her eyes.
“Yeah, seriously.”
The car glided into the driveway of Tristan’s house. John killed the engine and gave a few compliments on the Knights’ breathtaking residence before he stepped out to take in the surroundings. But Alexa felt too guilty for underestimating her sister to listen to any of it. She sat unmoving until Cassie finally turned to her.
They held gazes for one, two, three seconds before Cassie’s serious mask cracked. She began to laugh. “Oh, Lexi, do you really know me so little to believe I’m actually mad at you?”
Alexa shrugged, refusing to join her amusement. “I don’t know. Siblings are supposed to fight. Isn’t that what all those content creators on Instagram show in their reels?”
“And they said we’re not humans when we showed them what we are like. That’s what I’m talking about. Do you seriously think I could stay mad at you of all people?”
Cassie laughed again, and Alexa cracked a smile. “So, dynamic sisters with a unique bond?”
“With no fighting over phone chargers but sharing the last cookie with each other?” Cassie grinned. “Always and forever.”
“I love you too, sis.” Alexa returned the smile and gave her a rather awkward hug due to their seating positions.
Cassie stroked her hair. “Go and get your Prince Charming.”
Alexa pulled away and smiled at her deviously. “You too, Cass. You heard Jonny’s proclamation about supporting me against you in fighting for love. I can literally smell his implication in the air. He’ll fight for you till the end.”
Cassie opened her mouth, probably to protest, but Alexa pushed open the door to thwart her attempt. “I suggest you stop tiptoeing around your feelings,” she said and got out of the car.
John turned to her. “You sure you don’t want us to wait until you two are done?”
“Yes, Jonny, thank you.” Alexa smiled. “Tristan will get me home.”
“Fine. But if you need me, I’m only a phone call away.” He got back in the car.
Alexa watched them drive away before she turned to the portico and climbed up the steps. Just as she was about to ring the bell, the door opened, revealing Valero who was obviously leaving after his job for the day.
He brightened as he saw her. “Ah, young Alexa! It’s been a while.” They shook hands. “I’m glad to see you’re alright. Trist told me you had the flu. That poor thing has been sulking around in your absence.” He smiled fondly. “In all my years, I’ve never seen him quite like this. Tristan never sulks. ”
He laughed heartily.
So Tristan had taken it upon himself to bear the guilt that wasn’t even his.
Alexa wanted to groan, but she forced a smile for the kind old man in front of her. “I hope he wasn’t mean to you because of his off mood. If he were, I’ll deal with him.”
Valero laughed again and waved a hand in the air dismissively. “You’re a sweet girl. But Trist has been in his room all these days, so luckily, I was spared from it.”
Alexa forced a chuckle. “Where is he now?”
“Listen,” Valero said and pointed his index finger upward.
Alexa listened, sharpening her ears to whatever Valero was referring to. Then, she heard it. A piano melody.
“He’s been playing the same song every day,” Valero whispered. “You should go up. I can tell he misses you greatly. He’ll be ecstatic to see you.”
Alexa’s heart rose at his words even though she knew he had missed her and would be indeed ecstatic to see her—only, she hoped he wouldn’t hide the joy, or that his guilt would obscure it.
“Thank you, Valero.” Alexa smiled in gratitude.
“Always, child.” Valero shoved her upstairs.
The melody of the piano keys became clearer as she climbed up the staircase, and when she recognized it, her heart skipped a beat.
He was playing Run to You.
Oh, Tristan…
Alexa fastened her pace toward his room and stopped at the partly-opened door. Heart beating fast, she peeked inside, and saw him sitting at the piano with his back facing the doorway, lost in the song.
She opened the door just enough to slip inside and closed it behind her silently. The music filled the air, along with her longing to run into his arms, but she held herself back. Leaning against the wall, she listened to his excellent playing, drowning herself in the melody with him.
When the last notes of the music faded away, Alexa debated whether or not she should let him know she was there. Perhaps she should stay silent until the next song—
“I thought you would sing along.”
Alexa gave a jump, pressing a hand to her chest . Of course, he knew she was there.
“I-I…” she stuttered, groping for a response. “I didn’t know you knew I was here.”
“I picked up on your scent,” Tristan said, without turning to look at her. His shoulders were tense as he played a random note. A solemn one.
“Well, if you play again, I’d love to sing.” She took a tentative step toward him.
“Alexa… you shouldn’t be here.” He sighed heavily.
She paused in her tracks. “Are you not going to look at me?”
He sighed again. “If I look at you…”
“The world is not going to crumble if you do, you know?”
“Mine would.”
It was her turn to sigh. “Tristan…” she pleaded. “Don’t do this to me.”
“It’s for the best.”
“Well, you’re wrong!” She stomped toward him, but before she could take three steps forward, Tristan was in front of her, holding her shoulders and looking down at her.
His eyes were tormented.
“We can’t be together,” he began.
Tears clouded her vision. She shook her head. “Tris—”
“We shouldn’t have been together; I shouldn’t have come into your life. I should’ve… I should’ve just been your mysterious Tristan, Lightning Knight, and your secret guardian, but no, I was selfish . I have been too selfish, blinded by my desires for you, to treat you better when I saw how pathetic your ex-boyfriend was—”
“Are you telling me I’m the greatest mistake you ever made?” she interjected, demanding.
“No!” Tristan protested fiercely and cupped her face. “You are the farthest thing from a mistake, Alexa. I don’t regret meeting you; I don’t regret taking care of you all these months. You were my life, you are my life. But my selfishness led us here; my selfish desires became the cause of you ending up in coma for two days and I can’t… I can’t be selfish again—”
“You can! ” Alexa insisted, clasping her hands over his. “And I beg of you, please be selfish and keep me.”
“Do you crave a future of isolation?” His voice broke, and his eyes narrowed on her.
“Yes! If isolation is the price I have to pay in order to be with you, I will!” she said defiantly.
“You’ll eventually get tired of it.”
She glared at him, a challenge in her eyes. “Try me.”
Tristan closed his eyes and groaned. “Why are you so stubborn?”
“Look, Tristan, do you want me to remind you that you’ve never had a lightning strike since you got that watch from your godfather?” She began seriously. “That night, you were distracted. We were kissing and you didn’t register the tingle warning. That’s why you—why we were caught off guard. So, as long as we don’t make out when we’re outside, we’ll be on our full guard and teleport to safety the moment you get the tingling.”
“That’s impossible.” He shook his head.
“I’ll tell you what’s impossible—staying away from each other. That’s what’s going to be impossible for the both of us. I know you love me and you’re breaking up with me because you think that can keep me safe. But what if I keep coming back to you?”
Tristan stared at her with longing, but then he composed himself and took a deep breath. “I can’t let that happen,” he murmured. “Even if I have to make you forget me.”
“Then thank God you don’t have the ability,” she said in serious sarcasm.
“Yet,” Tristan said. “But if I’m desperate, which I am right now, to keep you safe from me, I can activate that ability like I did my others—if I have it in me.” He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, holding her face firmly.
Fear gripped her.
“Forget me.”
Alexa shook her head against his. “No.”
“ Forget me,” he said, firmly this time, despite how his voice cracked. “Forget that I ever existed in your life. You’ve never known a Tristan Knight, you’ve never heard such a name, even if you do, you won’t remember me. All you will ever remember is the mysterious Lightning Knight who has defended you and saved your life. But you won’t know who he is or what he is. You never will. The memories we build together will just be an unforgettably remarkable dream from your sleep—”
“No!” Alexa pushed him away and glared at him through her tears. “Are you out of your mind?”
Tristan opened his mouth and closed it. He almost reached out for her, but stopped himself.
“Can you ever forget me, Tristan?” Alexa folded her arms across her chest and feigned a bold look in spite of her breaking heart. “Even if you did succeed in making me forget you, can you forget me?” She didn’t wait for his answer. “You can’t. You cannot live without me. Knowing you, you will continue watching over me from the shadows. And you know what? One day, just like how we met at the bridge, there will come a time when you and I meet again. Yes, I might not remember having feelings for you then, but I assure you Tristan Knight, one look at you will all it takes for me to fall in love with you all over again.”
Tristan froze.
“Yes, Tristan, one look at you and I started falling, despite all my efforts to stop it. So no matter what you do to make me forget you or keep me out of your life, there’s nothing in this world that can stop love. I love you!”
She paused and caught her breath, watching Tristan’s eyes bulge in shock.
“What did you just say?” he asked, barely above a reverent whisper.
The glare in her eyes softened. “I love you,” she repeated .
Tears glistened in his eyes and he turned away from her, his shoulders rising and falling as he took deep breaths.
Alexa waited with bated breath, but at his prolonged silence, she realized the depth of the shock she had put him in. After all, she too had been shocked when he told her he loved her. He needed time.
“If you’re still breaking up with me, at least, take a little time to think it over. I’ll wait for you, just like you did for me. And we’ll see how long you can keep away from me.” That was a challenge.
Alexa forced herself to turn and leave his room. She dried her face with her hands as she headed downstairs. It felt like a lifetime’s confession when the three magical words finally left her mouth, and deep in her heart, despite the current chaos, she believed she’d spoken them to the right person.
She wanted him to be the one for her.
Alexa had no sooner reached the closed main door than Tristan appeared right in front of her. She gasped and nearly collided into his chest, but he grabbed her by the shoulders and steadied her.
For a moment, they just stared at each other. Alexa in shock-surprise and Tristan—his eyes were a sea of emotions.
Then, he broke the silence.
“This long,” he said in a whisper. “I can only stay away from you this long.”
He crashed his lips to hers.
Alexa nearly sobbed in elation and flung her arms around his neck, meeting his kisses with equal hunger. Pure passion and fire ignited between their lips. Tristan pulled her closer to him, holding her like he’d never let go again.
“So, does this mean you’ll never push me away again?” she asked the moment they came out for breath.
“Yes,” he breathed and leaned back just slightly to look at her. His eyes were intense, in all his seriousness. “I swear it.”
“Then why were you saying all that nonsense?” She poked at his chest, narrowing her eyes.
“I still want to protect you from me, Lexa, and what if I can, while keeping you? All I’ve ever wanted was to earn your love, and now that I have it, I’ll be a fool to let it go. You were right about me being distracted by our kiss to notice the tingle warning that night, but I was too scared for you to see the sense in your words until… until you said—can you say that again?”
Alexa sighed with a soft smile and looked into his eyes with all the love she had for him. “I love you, Tristan Knight.”
For the first time since that night, Tristan truly smiled. He sighed in contentment. And Alexa loved the sound of it just as much as she loved his laughs.
He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. “I love you too, Lexampkin. ”
She burst out laughing at his ridiculous endearment. “I guess a deal is a deal then.”