Lowen
A s I throw back another shot of some god awful liquor, I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling it burn through my chest. It gives me a minute to push back the building emotions too. I don’t want to be the one who starts the water works, even if it is expected of me.
“Are French guys hot?” Ridley asks, tossing a few peanuts in his mouth.
“Hot enough,” I answer. “I won’t be taste testing though. I have big plans and falling for some guy who’s only going to hold me back isn’t one of them.”
“How do you know he’d hold you back?” Bane asks.
“Because that’s the kind of luck I have.” I lift the plastic sword dangling in my third martini of the night and eat the olive at the end of it. “I can’t do casual, and I don’t have time for anything more.”
“Like, forever?” Jerryn asks.
“Well not forever, I hope. Just until I’ve launched my own amazing career designing for the ultra rich. As soon as I get a layout in a big design mag I’ll know I made it.”
Indy is staring at me with the fatherly set to his jaw he gets sometimes. He’s mere months older than me but for some reason, he’s always felt more like a big brother than a peer.
“What?”
Indy shrugs. “Nothing, man. Sounds like you got it figured out.”
Not even a little bit but I’m not announcing that. “Come on, guys, it’s not like I don’t have experience with this. Do I need to remind you of Joshua Brennan in junior year?”
Kit cringes and moans. “That douchebag. I hope you’re not basing future romantic choices on that loser.”
“No, but I am basing my choices on my reaction to that loser.” I blow out a huff of breath as disgraceful memories rush back. “I was a mess after he cheated on me, and it took me way too long to bounce back. I can’t afford to lose time like that.”
“Hey,” Indy says, reaching over to squeeze my shoulder. “That was a long time ago. Don’t miss out on something good because of that. The right guy will complement your life, not distract it.”
“Wise words from an eternal playboy,” Kit says, grinning, and we all laugh at poor Indy’s expense.
Indy flashes a lazy, alcohol-laced grin that still manages to be sexy. The man is literally sex on a stick who had a starring role in my jack off fantasies the first month I met him. I learned quickly that he’s got a soft spot for the twinkiest of twinks and he’s a player like he’s trying to win a medal in the fuckboi Olympics. I’m not a twink, thank you very much. Okay, maybe I’m twink-adjacent.
“Are your parents coming to graduation, Low?” Bane asks.
“Oh yes. They’ll be here to take the pictures so they can get in the newspaper back home. Instead of a brand new Mercedes like my sisters got, I’m getting a wardrobe budget and my flat paid for.”
The guys fall silent, staring at me like I just started speaking French again.
“What?”
“Nothing, man,” Ridley says. “Just us losers trying to make sense of what you said.”
“Don’t everyone’s parents take out a press release in the local newspaper when their children get a degree?” My tone is dripping in sarcasm. “And trust me the fancy gifts are nothing but plot points to alleviate their guilt for being such shit parents.”
“You okay?” Indy asks.
I nod, straightening my shoulders. “Yep. In a week I’ll be sitting in cafes eating freshly baked croissants and heading to my dream job. What do I have to be sad about?”
Besides being absolutely fucking terrified, wracked with loneliness, and tragic about leaving my friends. Little things.
“It’s ten past midnight,” Kit says. “Can I cry now?”
“No,” Ridley says. “We’re closing this place down so keep the waterworks at bay for two more hours. Who wants to dance?” He’s out of his seat and shaking his slender hips. “Come on, Kitty Kat.”
Kit laughs, scooting his chair back. Soon enough, all of our chairs are scraping across the wood floors as we head to what is scarcely a dance floor but it’ll do.
“Remember New Year’s Eve?” Jerryn asks, his words slurring a little as he sways to the music.
“Which one?” Bane asks.
“Um… the last one I think.”
Indy laughs, putting his hands on Jerryn’s hips from behind. “The table dance?”
Jerryn nods happily, wrapping his arms around Bane’s neck in front of him. “Was that last year?”
“Two years ago,” Kit says, bouncing awkwardly to the song.
“And Jimmy didn’t charge us for breaking it,” I yell. “That was nice of him.”
Ridley twirls around a wood column in what I think is supposed to be a seductive move. “I’m gonna miss this place.”
“We all will,” Indy says, his eyes settling on me as he shifts to dance in front of me. “You sure you’re good, man? You can talk to me if you need to.”
Even half-drunk off his ass, he never stops caring about all of us. “I’m sure.” I put my arms in the air and do a little shimmy. “Thanks though.”
“Any time.”
The song changes to some twangy country song and we all groan and shuffle back to the table.
Ridley gets a huge shit eating grin on his face. “Hey, who wants to take a gardening break?”
“Hell yeah,” Indy says, already out of his chair again.
“We’re in,” Bane says, tugging on Jerryn’s arm.
“Nah, man,” Kit says. “I’m way too fucked up for that.”
“I’m good,” I answer.
The guys wander off while I sit with Kit, who’s staring off into space. “What part of California are you going to again?”
“Sacramento.” He shifts his half-open gaze to me. “Can I tell you something, Low?”
“Of course.”
“You’re so pretty. The second prettiest man I’ve ever seen.”
I scoff. “The second?”
“Indy is first. You have to agree?”
I nod, solemnly. “Fair. Indy is fire.”
“But you’re something too. The French boys are gonna lose their shit. Le poop?” He cackles, drawing a grin to my lips.
“Thanks, Kit. You’re not so bad yourself.”
He nods, before rubbing his hand over the scruff on his chin. “If I was into twinks, I would’ve totally tried to shoot my shot with you.”
“I’m not a twink.”
“Well you were three years ago when we met.”
“Fine. I concede on that point.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that, you know? Twinks are all the rage I hear.”
Laughing softly, I rub his back. “I don’t have an issue with it really, but I don’t want to be typecast before someone even meets me, you know?”
“I get it.” He leans in. “Hey, did you and Indy ever hook up?”
I scrunch my nose. “No. I think you’d know if we did.”
“Huh. You seem like his type. I was a little jealous.”
“Of who?”
He shrugs. “I guess both of you. I crushed on him in the beginning. I figured he’d be into you.”
“I have no idea if he ever was but fuckbois aren’t a vibe for me.”
Kit chuckles, nodding sagely. “He covered some decent ground, didn’t he?”
“Yeah.” I push a curly tendril off his forehead. “Did you ever tell him you liked him?”
“Nah, it wasn’t like that.” He shifts in his chair, looking over his shoulder. “This one time at a party, we were wasted, right?”
“Right.”
“I don’t know what happened but we both leaned in at the same time like we were gonna kiss.”
“Oh, now this is juicy. What happened?”
“Our lips almost touched, like I could feel his breath, and then we pulled back at the same time too. It felt like I was about to kiss my brother.”
I laugh, clapping my hands. “Oh gawd. I’m dead.”
“He said the same thing. Maybe it was curiosity or we were just horny, but yeah, we couldn’t see it through.”
“Probably for the best.” I pat his hand. “We all know Indy loves ‘em and leaves ‘em.”
“That he does. I can’t wait for the day someone locks him down. It’s gonna be some epic shit.”
“For real. If it happens. He might be one of those eternal bachelor types.”
“Nah, his heart is too big. He’s living life and enjoying his youth, but I predict he’s gonna fall and hard.” He rubs his hands together. “Can’t wait.”
“You’re downright gleeful over his demise.”
“I am. Gay hearts around the world will break when Indiana Hart is off the market.”
“Very true.”
Kit grabs my hand, holding it to his chest. “And French boys’ hearts will break when you turn them down.”
I put my other hand over his. “Thanks, boo. I’m gonna miss you idiots.”
“Back at ya.”
The guys file back to the table, a skunky smell wafting around them. I wave my hand in front of my face. “You stink now.”
Indy, red-eyed and happy, wraps his big arms around me and plants a wet kiss on my cheek. “Another round, pretty boy? I’ll get you a martini, nice and dirty.”
“You do know the way to my heart, don’t you?”