23. I love the smell of gasoline. I light the match to taste the heat.
23
I love the smell of gasoline. I light the match to taste the heat.
Moth
“ S o what does it mean?” Amelia asked, sliding the steaming mug across the table to me. I picked it up to warm my hands, but not much else. I didn’t trust my stomach to keep anything down right now.
“It means,” I said with a sigh. “Barrett has been lying to me this whole time.”
“So Barrett is…?”
“My abductors son.”
Even saying the words had my stomach flipping again.
“So does that mean he’s…?” I heard her swallow audibly and looked up at her. She looked as sick as I felt. “The stalker?”
I snorted a laugh.
“Nope,” I said, forcing a smile. “That means my stalker found out about it and beat the living shit out of him, and then showed me the evidence. ”
I couldn’t even be angry about that anymore. Barrett had lied to me my whole life. He wasn’t even who he said he was.
Maybe he deserved what happened to him.
Probably?
It was a conflicted thought that made me feel small and heavy, but I couldn’t shake it. I was angry, and I think I had reason to be. When the hospital had called last night to update me on Barrett’s condition, I’d let it go to voicemail, and it was gonna stay that way for a while.
He didn’t have his cell phone, so he couldn’t bother me. Maybe he needed to sit in that hospital bed and think about what he’d done.
But yet again, maybe there was a reasonable explanation.
Sighing, I shook my head and forced the mug to my lips, swallowing a thick drink to chase away the headache that pulsed at the edges of my vision.
“So,” Amelia said, her finger tracing the edge of her mug of coffee as she looked over at me. “What’s the deal with the dresses?”
Reaching into my bra, I pulled out the crumpled flier that I’d slept with in my bra. I unfolded it, smoothed it out, and shoved it across the table at her. She plucked it up off the table with two fingers, eyes narrowed as she read it. When she’d finished, she looked up at me with her brows furrowed, a look of concern creasing her face.
“I don’t get it.”
“They do this every year,” I said, returning to my mug. I pulled down another drink. Now that I could finally force it down, it had become the elixir of life, and I couldn’t put it down. “It’s a harvest thing. It originated back with this was Apache land, and all the settlers kept it as a tradition. It’s the kick-off to our Halloween.”
“So it’s like a party?” she asked.
“Basically,” she shrugged. “It’s a masquerade ball that they have in the basement of the big courthouse.”
“So you think the stalker will be there?”
“I do,” I took another sip, this one longer and deeper. Slowly, the fog was retreating from my brain, and I so desperately wanted to keep it away. I just wanted to feel as normal as I could.
“So what’s the plan?” she asked, placing the flier on the table and shoving it back toward me.
I folded the flier and took a moment to stuff it back into my bra, keeping it close to my heart. It also gave me an excuse to check and make sure my phone was right where I left it, on the dresser upstairs. I didn’t need him listening in on me right now.
“I’m gonna go to that ball lookin’ like a rockstar,” I said with a knowing grin. “And when he tries something, I’m gonna let him.”
Amelia raised her eyebrows so high I feared they were gonna fly away.
“And when he gets close enough, I’m gonna snatch that mask right off his face.”
Her face lit up in a sly grin.
“Damn, Ness,” she said, taking a drink of her coffee. “Love it.”
“So I figured, today is Wednesday. That gives us three days to make sure we have everything we need.”
“And then we pounce,” she said, wiggling happily in her seat. “Sounds fun! ”
There was a long pause before Amelia looked up at me again, a tiny giggle popping in her throat.
“So when you say, ‘let him’,” she hooked her fingers into air quotes.
I shrugged, and before I spoke again, I hid my grin behind the rim of my coffee cup.
“I mean let him . I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not curious,” I paused. “Besides, I have an IUD.”
When Amelia looked up at me with bewildered amusement, I simply looked away. After a few minutes of awkward silence, we both drained our coffee cups and stood up.
“Well, we’ve got three days,” she said. “How do we spend ‘em?”
“First, we have to try on the dresses, and make sure we have accessories, makeup, and hair ideas.” I went down the list, and she nodded at everything I ticked off.
“I’ll get the dresses,” she said, moving toward the front door.
“And I’ll get my phone, and my mom’s jewelry box,” I moved towards the stairs, but I stopped when Amelia snorted behind me.
“What?” I said, turning to give her a sly smile. “I have to make sure he’s going, don’t I? Or all of this is for nothing.”
“Don’t try to lie,” Amelia said, playfully pointing a finger at me as she stepped out the door. “You’re having fun.”
Maybe?
Maybe I was.
We spent the day trying on our dresses and watching makeup tutorials on YouTube. The next day, we went through my mom’s old jewelry boxes and found several big, shiny pieces that could work well with what we were planning, and near the back of the box, I found her engagement ring.
“You should wear it,” Amelia told me with a sad smile. “It’s a tradition to pass it down, anyway.”
And so I did, slipping it on the ring finger of the opposite hand. It had a modest diamond, flanked on either side by blue sapphires. It was a gorgeous ring, and it was sad to let it go to waste. All these years, I didn’t even know my dad had kept it.
On Friday, we drove to the closest Halloween store (almost an hour away) to find the last accessories we needed. Amelia’s dress was blue, and she found a gorgeous feathered masquerade mask to match. Mine was black, and I found a black lace mask that swept up at the sides, coming to tall, twisting points meant to resemble rabbit ears.
Perfect.
Shortly after midnight that night, Amelia fell asleep on the couch watching hair styling videos, and I crept upstairs to enact phase two of the plan. Sneaking into the guest room, I pushed the door closed and subtly made sure to check that the closet door was open.
Peeling my shirt up over my head, I undressed slowly. He was watching. I knew he was.
And that was part of the plan.
The air in the room was charged with anticipation as I stood there, clad only in my undergarments, pretending not to notice the invisible eyes boring into me. With deliberate movements, I reached for the clasp of my bra and unhooked it, letting it fall to my feet as I turned away, carefully slipped into bed and beneath the covers, making sure to give him a good shot of my ass as I did.
Good, let him look.
I needed him to look, and maybe part of me wanted him to.
I couldn’t remember the last time someone had protected me, and he had done it before I’d even known he needed to.
Reaching onto the bedside table, I grabbed my phone and flicked it on. My heart skipped in my chest as I went to my contacts and found his, touching his little black heart and holding it to my ear as it began to ring.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
“Yes?” his voice was somehow deeper, huskier than I remembered.
It sent a shudder racing through my body. I smiled into the darkness, letting my fingers trace patterns on the cool metal frame of the bed.
“Hey there,” I said softly. “Did I wake you up?”
He chuckled, a sound that made my insides warm.
“Not quite. What’s the matter, Moth? Can’t sleep?”
I bit my lip, feeling a rush of nerves and excitement flood through me at the same time.
“Not really,” I replied, trying to sound nonchalant. “Just thinking about tomorrow night. ”
There was a pause on the other end of the line, and I held my breath, waiting for his response.
“Yeah, me too,” he finally said, his voice tinged with a hint of mystery. “It’s gonna be quite the event.”
“Are you going?” I asked, careful to keep my voice steady, despite the shake in my limbs.
“Of course,” he said hoarsely. “I have to.”
“Work thing?” I asked.
He chuckled.
“Something like that.”
He was not confirming, yet not denying. He was as stoic as ever. It wouldn’t be that easy, but that was fine. I’d figured as much. Most of the town would be there anyway, so would his answer have told me that much regardless of what he said?
“Are you excited?” I asked.
“Maybe a little.”
The fish was nibbling the bait. Now it was time to set the hook, and for it to work the way I needed it to, it had to be believable.
It had to be real.
I lay there in the darkness, picturing his face as he spoke. I had seen his eyes behind the mask—a deep, rich whiskey-barrel brown that bored into me. When he’d lifted the mask that night on the stairs, I had seen the curve of his angular jaw and the smooth, creased smirk that folded his lips. Together, they didn’t finish the puzzle, but it was enough to give me something to think about.
I slid my hand down my body, slipping my fingers past the waistband of my panties and toward the place where my thighs came together. Releasing a breathy sigh, I made a show of parting my thighs, and I heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.
Hook, line, and sinker.
His next words came out in a low, gravelly rumble that made me shiver.
“Moth,” he whispered my name like a lover’s secret, sending a thrill down my spine that settled right behind my pelvic bone. “What are you doing right now?”
I hesitated for just a moment before deciding to take the plunge.
“Just lying here in bed… thinking about you.”
“Is that so?” he murmured, his voice heavy and loaded. “Tell me more.”
I giggled, unable to contain it anymore. My fingers continued their slow journey across my skin, tracing the curves and dips of that forbidden part of me with a feather-light touch. I let out a soft sigh, savoring the deep groan of his reaction.
“I’m just feeling a little lonely, and maybe a little scared,” I confessed, allowing vulnerability to lace my words.
The silence that followed felt electric, crackling with anticipation.
“Scared?” his voice rumbled through the line, rough with an edge of hunger. “What’s troubling you, princess?”
I sighed, and for a moment, my fingers ceased their sinful waltz.
“Just… everything,” I said, and sincerity crept into my words. “About Barrett. All this time, I never knew.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, his words low and genuine. I could feel it in the tone of his voice, and something about that made me feel safe in a way I couldn’t explain .
“You saved me,” I let out a soft sigh, savoring the sensation as I whispered into the phone. “It feels good to have someone protecting me.”
“I’ll always protect you, babygirl.”
I felt a rush of heat at his words, my cheeks flushing as I continued my exploration, making sure to put on a show for him. Even under the thin sheet, I knew he could see the movement of my hands through the camera.
I closed my eyes, letting the sensation of his words wash over me with a sense of comfort and security I hadn’t felt in a long time. A part of me wanted to believe him, to surrender to the promise of protection and care he offered so effortlessly.
But another part, a darker corner of my mind, whispered warnings of caution and doubt. Was this connection real, or just a fleeting fantasy born out of fear and uncertainty? I pushed those thoughts aside, focusing on the warmth that bloomed in my chest at his words.
“I wish you were here right now,” I whispered into the phone, my voice low and sultry as I let my fingers roam with deliberate intent. Every touch sent a jolt of pleasure through me, heightening my senses as I imagined his reaction on the other end of the line.
“I wish that too, Moth,” he confessed.
“Why?” I asked, my voice barely a breath. “What would you do?”
“I would make you forget all about your fears. I would show you just how safe and protected you can be in my arms. I would treat you like the angel you are, and protect you like you deserve. Like a princess.” His voice dropped to a whisper, thick with desire and promise. “And then when we’re alone, and it’s just you and me, I’d fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before. I’d make you scream my name until the walls shook and that big empty house echoed with it, until you couldn’t remember a time when it was anyone else’s name on your lips, until all you could think about was how good I make you feel. Then when you were spent, drooling on the floor like a used-up little whore and you couldn’t handle anymore, I’d pound my seed so deep into your hole that it ended up in your womb, right where it belongs.”
His words hung in the air between us, heavy and charged with a hunger that matched my own. I felt a wild rush of desire surge through me, mingling with the fear and uncertainty that still clung to the edges of my mind. But in that moment, as his voice poured over me like honeyed velvet, I found myself craving his touch more than anything else.
“Do you want that, Moth?” he asked, his voice a low, throaty growl. “Do you want me to make you forget everything but how good it feels to be with me?”
“I want that,” I whispered, my voice trembling with longing. “I want to forget everything but you.”
The line crackled with tension as he let out a low gruff moan, a sound that reverberated through me and settled deep in the very pit of my belly. I closed my eyes, imagining his presence beside me, his hands trailing over my skin with practiced precision that left me aching and pleading for more. I bit my lip, feeling a rush of desire, unlike anything I had ever experienced before.
A low, rumbling chuckle echoed through the phone, stirring the air around me with a promise that sent a shiver down my spine. His voice dripped with a potent mix of desire and restraint as if he were carefully balancing on the edge of a precipice, and it was only a matter of time until he went tumbling over into the black abyss.
Maybe it would be tomorrow.
“I have a present for you,” he said. “Look under the bed.”
Panic seized me for a moment, wondering if I had pushed too far. What was under the bed? Was he hiding there, waiting to reach out and grab me, and do all the things he’d promised me? Swallowing hard, I gently laid the phone across the pillowcase and sat up. Fingers trembling, I rose to my knees, not caring when the sheet slipped down the curve of my hip, leaving me exposed to the air—and to the camera. Leaning over the edge of the bed, my sandpaper tongue slid over my lips as I ducked my head, carefully peering into the shadows. What greeted me was a long, low shadow. With one trembling hand planted against the floor to keep me upright, I reached into the darkness and pulled it out.
It was a box, soft pink in the moonlight, and topped with a bow.
With narrowed eyes, I reached over and picked up the phone.
“What’s this?” I asked. I was almost afraid of the answer.
“Open it.”
With trembling hands, I untied the bow and lifted the lid of the box. Inside, nestled on a bed of velvet, was a stunning silver chain the pendant was a lock, complete with a keyhole, but shaped like a butterfly. Or maybe, judging by the antennae, it was really a moth? The delicate wings shimmered in the soft moonlight as I plucked it from the box way too big for such a small thing. It was deceivingly heavy as I turned it over in my fingers .
“It’s beautiful,” I breathed into the phone. The metal was cool against my skin, sending a shock through me that grounded me down to earth.
“Put it on,” he commanded, a hint of urgency underscoring his words.
I slipped it around my neck, a bit confused at first. It didn’t have a clasp—I didn’t think. Then, the moth fell into two pieces, and I understood. The lock was the clasp. I fastened it around my neck, pushing the pieces into place until they came together with a dull click that sounded terrifyingly final. A gentle tug told me everything I’d suspected.
It was locked.
“Now, you can’t take it off,” he whispered. “Not without me.”
“Does it have a key?” I asked, my voice low.
“I do,” he said, a soft chuckle in his voice. “Keep looking. There’s more.”
Sucking in a shaking breath, I reached into the box, my fingers finding the velvet and pulling it away, and what I found under it sent my brain reeling into overdrive. Even in the low light, it was immediately obvious, and I felt my cheeks heating with timidity.
Nestled in another bed of soft velvet, a long, thick, undeniable shape glimmered in the moonlight. Grabbing it, the silicone was soft and undeniable as I pulled it out of its resting place.
It was a dildo, so realistic that it had the heat in my face extending up to my hairline.
“I-is this…” I whispered, my teeth catching my lower lip and biting down. “You?”
His laugh was like the rumble of thunder .
“Not quite, baby girl. Close, but you’re not ready for that.”
I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry, as a shocking wave of desire washed over me. I couldn’t help but imagine him inside me, filling me, the thought deepening the blush on my cheeks.
I gulped, my heart pounding in my chest. My hands trembled as I held the toy, feeling the hefty weight of it in my fingers. But there was something undeniably exciting about it, too.
“What do I do with this?” I asked, my voice barely a breath.
“You’re going to use it to pleasure yourself until I can be with you—to train you, so you can handle the real thing,” he said, his voice a low growl.
I felt a sudden heat between my legs, my core clenching.
“Go ahead, touch it,” he whispered, his voice low. “I want you to feel what it’s like to have me inside you, even if it’s not quite life-sized.”
I lay back on the bed, resting the toy across my stomach as I stripped my panties off and dropped them to the floor beside the bed. When I was finally in position, I picked it up, feeling the lifelike ridges and veins slipping between my fingers.
“Good girl,” he purred. “Do it now.”
With shaking hands, I guided the toy between my legs, the cool silicone contrasting with the heat of my own body. I slowly slid it into my core, and a flash of pain shot through me. It was big—bigger than I’d had before. I could feel it spreading me, forcing me wider than I’d ever been before, and I whimpered, whining into the phone as I forced it in as deep as it could go.
It was big. It was too big, and he was bigger.
Would I be able to handle him ?
I thrust the toy in and out, matching the rhythm of my heartbeat, feeling the silicone slide against my sensitive flesh, each thrust like a bolt of lightning striking at the base of my spine.
“That’s it,” he murmured, his voice a low gravelly whisper. “Just like that.”
My body started to relax into the sensation, and I found myself matching the toy’s pace, my hips rolling and my breath coming faster and faster. It wasn’t the real thing, but this suddenly seemed like the closest thing I could get to feeling him inside me, and I wanted that.
Fuck, I wanted that. I must have been fucking crazy.
The heat began to build, my desires rising with every slow thrust.
“Faster,” he commanded, his voice a low groan that vibrated through me. “Ride it like you want it to be me.”
With his words as my fuel, I pushed faster and harder, the toy slipping in and out with a rhythm that was intoxicating and addictive. My heart raced and my breaths came in short gasps. I felt as if I was being consumed by it all, my body humming with anticipation and release.
“F-fuck,” I whined, my breath coming in panting, desperate gasps. “F-feels so good.”
“You’re doing great, baby girl,” he praised, his voice a low, sultry murmur. “Just a little bit more.”
His praise fueled my desire, and I thrust harder and faster, the toy slipping in and out of me with a slick, wet sound. I could feel the heat building up, the pleasure rising to a feverish peak .
“That’s right, baby. Let yourself go.” He chuckled, a rough, primal sound that sent shivers down my spine. “You’re so fucking close.”
I could feel the orgasm building, a tight, intense pressure that seemed to stretch my body to its very limits. The pleasure was overwhelming, the sensations rippling like waves through me.
“Harder,” I gasped. “I need you. Please, make it real.”
“You want me, huh?” His voice was low, almost teasing in its tone.
“Yes,” I moaned, my voice hoarse. “I need you. I need your c-cock.”
With a surge of energy and raw need, I thrust the toy deeper into me, my muscles clenching and unclenching around it in a desperate rhythm. It was intense, but I wanted more—I needed more.
“I want you inside me, filling me up. Please.”
“Are you begging me, Little Moth?” he asked. “Tell me what you want.”
“Wanna cum,” I hummed, fighting to catch my breath. “Wanna cum on your b-big cock.”
“Then do it,” he said, his voice thick with lust. “I wanna hear it. Cum for daddy.”
I thrust faster, harder, my body arching with each movement. The toy felt like fire, and I could feel the pleasure building, an intensity that was unlike anything I had ever experienced.
“That’s it. Such a good girl,” he muttered, his voice an unholy mix of lust and pride.
He was proud of me. Fuck, why did that make my toes curl ?
I could feel tears springing to life in the corners of my eyes, my throat burning and clenching along with my pussy.
“Push harder,” he demanded. “Give it everything you’ve got. Fuck yourself like I’m going to.”
“Y-you will?” I panted. “When? Tell me.”
“Tomorrow,” he said, and I could hear the struggle in his voice. “At the ball. I’m going to fill you with the real thing. Now cum for me, Little Moth.”
“P-promise?” I whined, desperate.
“I promise, baby.”
“I-I c-can’t— F-fuck, daddy!”
The words sent a shock of electricity through me, and I knew I couldn’t hold back any longer. I arched my back and dropped the phone to the bed beside me, my hand slapping across my lips as I fought to swallow the sounds I made. My body trembled and shook, waves of pleasure crashing over me like a never-ending storm battered the shore. Every muscle in my body seemed to tighten, and I felt as if I were being lifted into the stratosphere, soaring on a wave of blissful sensation. The pleasure built and built until I felt like I was going to burst. I rode out the wave, my body shaking as I struggled to catch my breath. I reached down, gripping the toy tightly, my fingers digging into the cool silicone as I clung to the orgasm that threatened to pull me into oblivion.
Finally, the wave began to recede, leaving me in low tide, gasping for air and fighting to break through the surface.
Swallowing thickly, I reached over with trembling fingers and picked up the phone .
“Good job, Moth,” he said, his tone softening. “Now get some sleep. Tomorrow’s gonna be a big day for you. And leave it in. I want to sleep inside you.”
Before I could say a single word, he ended the call.