41. I’d never treat me this shitty. You made me hate this city.
41
I’d never treat me this shitty. You made me hate this city.
Moth
I sat in stunned silence while every part of me told me to run. He put the gun down. He put it down, I could go. I could run.
I couldn’t. I just couldn’t listen.
Maybe it was what they talked about, fight or flight?
Maybe I had somehow chosen both?
My brain was a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions, yet none of them were clear or concise.
“B-but… w-why…” I tried to form a coherent sentence, but I only managed a blubbering, babbling groan.
Barrett looked up at me, and somewhere within the confines of his eyes, I saw something that gave me hope—I saw what looked like caring, or worry. But even if his eyes held something close to concern, his fingers dropped the knife to the table and instead picked up the gun.
“Why?” he asked. “Why what? ”
I suddenly lost my breath, and when I forced myself to speak again, my voice was unsure and hoarse, like the croak of a frog in a drying swamp.
“Why not j-just…” I swallowed hard, trying to rid myself of the taste of fear that had taken up residence on my tongue. “Just talk to me? Why d-do all of that?”
He blinked hard, and I watched as the frown on his lips shifted into a sinister smirk that had an icy chill racing up my spine. His eyes shifted again, and now they held a glimmer of something darker, something that made me question my sanity.
“Talk to you?” he scoffed, his voice dripping with disdain. “Oh, my dear, sweet, stupid Vanessa. I tried to talk to you. Don’t you remember?”
My heart raced, and I struggled to make sense of his words.
“What? What are you talking about?”
As I searched for answers, Barrett leaned closer, his eyes fixated on me like a predator stalking its prey.
“My first day of school here in Cottonwood Falls. You were the first one to catch my eye, and I walked right up to you at the lunch table, but I don’t think you even heard me. You were too busy being the pretty, popular, perfect Police Daughter. You didn’t even give me a second glance.”
“I-I don’t—”
“I like your earrings, Vanessa.”
My heart slammed against my sternum as Barrett’s words echoed in my mind. How could I have forgotten? After all these years, I somehow hadn’t put two and two together. Why, because he had cut his long mane of auburn curls and lost the huge, coke-bottle glasses? Had that really been all it took for me to assume he was a completely different person?
A flood of memories rushed back to me, the vibrant cafeteria buzzing with conversations, laughter, and clinking silverware. I didn’t notice the new student because I was too focused on my friends, my hair, and seeking attention from the seniors. The realization hit me like a punch to the gut.
“W-we were friends, Barrett. After Sophomore year, and we—”
Regret washed over me, mingling with the fear that had already taken hold. How could I have been so blind?
“Sure, we were friends ,” he said with a shrug. “After puberty hit me like a truck, sure. After I tore you down from your pedestal, remember? After I fucked the bitch right out of you. You remember that, don’t you?”
Barrett’s words continued to hang in the air, his smirk widening. It was as if he had been waiting for this moment, relishing in the opportunity to expose my ignorance.
“But… you were there for me,” I blurted, my voice trembling. “W-when we met, and— You were there! You held me as I cried and you—
“Oh, Vanessa,” he sneered, savoring my vulnerability. “You didn’t think it was a little weird that I knew everything that had happened before you even told me? ”
My mind spun with disbelief. The bitterness in his voice stung, revealing a deep-seated resentment that hit me like the slap of a paddle.
“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Barrett continued, his voice dripping with bitterness. “I was invisible to you, just another face in the crowd until you were broken. Until I’d ripped you down to my level, where you belonged, rubbed some dirt in your eyes, and then you finally saw me.”
As Barrett’s smirk transformed into a grimace, I saw a glimmer of pain in his eyes.
“I never wanted to hurt you, Vanessa,” he said, his voice low, barely a whisper. “But I had to. You know that, don’t you?”
But he had. He had hurt me in unimaginable ways, and ways that Tommy would have never—
All thoughts stopped as another surge of pain ripped through me, and now I couldn’t deny the reason for them.
It was contractions.
I was in labor, and judging by the bleeding, I would deliver a dead baby.
The unmistakable slamming of fists against the front door disrupted my thoughts, and the doorknob rattling set Duke on edge, standing in the foyer where he had been watching us, his brown eyes flashing between me and the door. A well-trained dog knew when to ignore orders, but he was unsure. I was his master, and I’d told him to stand down, but the scent of blood mixed with the smell of my fear was sending his brain into overdrive.
“Goddamn it,” Barrett hissed. “He’s like a cockroach. He doesn’t fucking die. ”
Before his words could register, he reached over, his hand wrapping around my bicep and hauling me to my feet. I felt a flood of blood splash down my legs, and a sob fell from between my lips before I could bite it back .
Still wrestling with what to do, Duke backed away as we made it to the door, standing in the doorway that led into the living room, watching as the scene unfolded, and at that moment I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his mind.
It was a short-lived thought, however, when the pounding at the door came again, and the wrenching on the doorknob came harder. Briefly, I wondered if he would rip off the knob altogether.
“Vanessa!” Tommy’s voice sounded on the other side of the door, and it sent a surge of need pulsing in me that I couldn’t contain. “Open the door, Vanessa.”
“We’re gonna wait right here,” Barrett whispered in my ear, stepping away from the door and pulling me back along with him. He spun me around until my back pressed against his chest, and he aimed the gun at the closed door. “And when he walks in—”
He chuckled, like a purr in my ear, and a wave of nausea slid down my belly.
“You’re gonna watch him die.”
Every muscle in me tensed, ready for the sound of the gunshot, but nothing came. No loud crash of death upon my heart—and no more pounding on the door.
What happened? Had he given up? Maybe he knew Barrett was here. Maybe he was waiting for a signal, a moment when Barrett’s attention would waver.
My breaths came in short, desperate bursts, each inhale trembling with the strain of my fear and pain. I couldn’t make sense of the silence that had settled over the room. It was too quiet, and the absence of the door’s rattling made my nerves scream louder .
I felt Barrett shift behind me, his grip tightening. His breath was hot on my neck, a vile contrast to the coldness rooted in him. I heard a faint click, and my heart leaped—was it the sound of the door unlocking? No, it was just Barrett adjusting his hold.
“Tommy,” I whimpered, my voice barely a whisper, hoping that somehow he could hear me through the door. “Tommy, please…”
“Shh,” Barrett hissed, pressing the barrel of the gun against my temple. “He can’t hear you now. No one can hear you, Vanessa. No one but me. I’m gonna be the last one to hear you scream.”
The tension in the room was palpable, a taut wire waiting to snap. The sharp, rhythmic pains of labor wracked my body, and each wave dragged me deeper into a chasm of fear and despair. I could feel the blood trickling down my legs, the reality of what was happening pressing down on me with an unbearable weight.
“W-what if he doesn’t come?” I said, my voice shaking along with every limb. “What are you gonna do to me?”
His free hand lifted from where it looped around my waist and pressed against my throat instead, pulling me back and nearly off my feet. I couldn’t think—couldn’t breathe. Everything was flashing like a strobe, and my ears rang with a chattering, metallic sound.
“Whatever I want,” he said, his voice hot against the nape of my neck. “Everything I’ve thought about since that night in the basement.”
I wanted to wretch, to vomit in his face and kick him in the dirt. I felt my stomach churn, but it was quickly drowned out by my lack of oxygen. My fingers scrambled at his forearm, nails digging into his flesh until it mounded and welted and I felt blood seep beneath my nails.
Suddenly, I saw Tommy standing in the kitchen doorway, his eyes settling on me with a fire that made me shiver.
Behind me, Barrett gasped in panic and swung the gun towards Tommy, his movements frantic. Tommy didn’t hesitate. He lunged forward, tackling Barrett with a force that sent them both crashing to the floor. Duke leaped to his feet, scrambling into the foyer, his booming barks echoing around me as I flung myself away from them, my skull pulsing and my stomach contracting painfully.
“Duke, get him!” Tommy yelled over the struggle. “Moth, go! Get out of here!”
I hesitated, my legs like lead as I tried to move, the pain in my abdomen bringing me to my knees, no matter how desperately I tried to get to my feet.
The sounds behind me were a blur of screaming and violence. Duke had fallen quiet, but the sound of Barrett’s frantic screaming told me he had hit his mark.
Fighting to get to my feet, I fell back to my knees, scrambling towards the door, each step a battle against the agony. I could hear Barrett’s painful shouts and Tommy’s fierce growls, but my focus was on my pain. I reached up, grabbing for the door handle, and on the back of my hand, all I saw was blood. The knob slipped from my hand—once, and then twice before I managed to flip the lock and pull it open.
Bright lights flashed behind my eyes, and every single breath was a struggle. The world outside was dark and silent, a stark contrast to the chaos behind me .
“I’ll kill you!” Tommy’s scream was the last thing I heard before the gun went off. Three separate shots split the sound of the night and sent the crickets into stunned silence around me as I slid out of the foyer and onto the front porch.
I didn’t dare look back.
I couldn’t see it.
I knew I would break no matter who had been hit.
The cool breeze gently whispered across the nape of my neck, and as I looked out over the front lawn, I saw the swaths of trees on either side lighting up, creating a sea of cherry red and ocean blue that sped and bobbed down the driveway towards me. My breaths came in ragged, painful gasps as I tried to find my bearings and my voice. The world was going dark around me, grey at the edges, and I knew I was fighting a losing battle. My fingers were numb as I crawled across the pitted, rotting boards, hurrying toward the steps. The lights flashed, pulsing through me as I placed my palm against the first step. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t go any farther.
I couldn’t breathe. My heartbeat pounded in my ears.
I could hear footsteps crunching through the snow, and a voice calling my name, but it was far away and pulsing. I turned to see a shadow flying toward me, and a pair of wide, brown eyes floating through the darkness.
“Vanessa, hold on!” the voice shouted, rushing to my side. “We need to get you to a hospital.”
A hand on my back held me there, warning me not to move as the owner of the voice twisted, speaking over his shoulder to someone who wasn’t me—someone I couldn’t see .
“Call it in! I need medics here now! Now! Get me a medic now!”
The pain was relentless, but I wasn’t alone. Not anymore.
“Hang in there, Vanessa,” the voice said softly. The warm hand across my shoulders brought me comfort that I clung to. “Just stay with me.”
I tried.
I really tried, but everything was so heavy, and I was suddenly tired. The next thing I knew, the snow-covered porch was quickly approaching my face, and I was helpless to stop it.