Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Joey
I’ve had this day marked on my calendar since the project began.
It’s time for the final presentation.
The conference room feels more like a war zone, though, with the way Norma is glaring at me.
It’s possible that today could go really well, though it’s just as likely I’ll spend my lunch hour crying in my van.
Time will tell.
Max gives me a sympathetic look. He’s been looking at me like this for weeks. He asked multiple times if he could take over the project, but I kept telling him no. I wanted to do this. I wanted this challenge.
I may be overly sensitive and apologize too much, but I am damn good at my job.
I’m practically vibrating with nerves. I even took a puff of my inhaler because I was worried I’d have an anxiety-induced asthma attack.
“Thank you all for being here. Let’s walk through the deliverables, shall we?” As I click to the appropriate slide, I pretend my hands aren’t shaking.
The first slide reveals Droplet’s new logo—both in color and black and white.
Bryan studies the image wearing a pleased smile, while Norma tilts her head to the side.
Moving my cursor over the logo, I explain my thought process. “I made a few minor revisions to the original design. I’ve included both the black and white and the full-color option to appease all audiences.”
A small, snide remark never hurt anyone, right?
I click through to their brand and style guideline next.
“I’ve added your main colors with optional tints and shades to the guide, as well as additional branding colors so everything is cohesive and visually appealing to the audience.
Bryan, you mentioned liking a sans serif typeface, so I used one and added several weight options.
You can use the different styles as you see fit, such as headings and subheadings on your website. ”
Slide after slide, I explain my thought process. Including visual elements, design assets, usage, and more.
I even made a few mockups of the logo under different lighting conditions because Norma asked in one of her many emails whether the logo would “speak” to the consumer under both fluorescent and natural lighting. Did I know logos could do that? Nope. But I made it my mission to find out.
When done with my presentation, I turn my attention to both Bryan and Norma.
“I really enjoyed working on this project, and I hope you’re happy with the final deliverables.
I’m prepared to send all the design files over in the appropriate versions for each application and platform.
I’ll include specific details like which ones are best for your website, social media, print, and more. ”
For a moment, the conference room is dead silent. Max is holding his breath, I’m drenched in sweat, Bryan is still staring at the screen, and Norma’s eyes are narrowed on Bryan.
“Incredible,” Bryan says, his eyes lighting up.
“Nice,” Norma says coolly. “I like the options.”
I let out a breath of relief, and it looks like Max is breathing again too. I’m fairly certain this is the closest to a compliment I’ll ever hear from her.
The rest of the meeting passes by in a blur of logistics and small talk.
Afterward, while Max, Bryan, and Norma file out of the conference room and chat with the CEO of Fernrose, I make my way back to my desk, needing a minute to breathe.
It feels like I’ve lived a hundred lives today and I’m exhausted.
As I answer a few emails, minding my own business, Norma saunters over and looms over me.
How symbolic.
With a hip propped against the desk next to me, she clears her throat.
I glance at her from the corner of my eye but don’t stop typing. What does she want now?
“Joey,” she says, “let me ask you something.”
I huff, my hackles rising. “Sure.”
“Bryan was telling me about your alternative lifestyle.”
I don’t know where she’s going with this. Bryan and I chatted once about national parks, and I mentioned that I traveled while I worked and that I could give him a list of my favorites.
“I work remotely and travel across the country. It’s not like I’m living on a commune.” I pause, my fingers hovering over the keyboard. “Then again, that doesn’t sound too bad right now,” I mumble.
She sucks her teeth in disapproval. The sound makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
“What I’m gathering is that you’re not tied down. No husband, no kids, no. . .family?”
That last part stings more than I would have thought it could, but I don’t let her see that. Because I do have a family. My circle is small, but they’re still family. “What are you trying to get at, Norma?”
“Don’t you think it’s time to settle down?
It’s cute when you’re in your twenties and traveling the world, but you’ve got to be in your thirties by now.
Doesn’t that seem a bit juvenile? Don’t you want to feel more.
. .complete? Fulfilled? And don’t you want a loving husband and a house in the ’burbs kind of life?
Maybe a couple of children?” She clicks her tongue.
“Maybe it’s time to be an adult now, dear.
All this traveling and wearing colorful clothes and bouncing from place to place without a care in the world isn’t setting you up for future stability.
Just something to think about.” With that, she spins on her heel and strides toward the door.
I silently hope that she slips on her way out.
Unfortunately, I’m not that lucky.
Sitting back in my chair, I stare at my computer screen, completely dazed.
Even after the successful meeting, that single interaction is enough to take me back to the days when my insecurities ran rampant and controlled my life.
And suddenly, I’m second-guessing a lifestyle that I was once so confident in.
It’s funny how all it takes is one shitty person to make someone doubt themselves.
“You’re rid of her, right?” my sister asks.
I flop back on my bed, fluffing the pillows behind me with one hand while holding my phone up so I can see her. “Yeah, I am. The last couple of months have been hell.”
“I was about to grab the pruning shears and show that bitch who’s boss,” Marnie yells in the background.
Stomach sinking, I lower my voice and say, “Are we sure she hasn’t killed someone?”
“No. No, we aren’t,” Charlie whispers back. “Wait, what’s wrong?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“You’re biting the inside of your lip like it’s your last meal. Is everything okay?”
Nope. Everything is not okay. Norma’s parting words have been replaying in my mind for hours.
“It’s nothing.” I sigh, trying not to let my shoulders slump. “Just something Norma said before she left.”
Charlie’s eyes fill with concern. “What was it?”
“It’s nothing. I don’t want to be a—”
“If you say the word burden, I’ll send Marnie over there with the pruning shears.”
My heart lurches. “Heard that loud and clear.”
I take a deep breath and collect my tangled thoughts.
They’re twisted and tied together in a knot that’s nearly impossible to undo, but eventually I clear my throat and dive in.
“She said my lifestyle was juvenile. The traveling, the lack of a spouse, and even my choice in clothes.” Angry tears burn behind my eyes.
I promised I wouldn’t cry over this, yet the sting of her words is still sharp.
“Maybe she’s right. Maybe I need to change my ways.
Settle down, find someone who will complete me, and live my little picket-fence life in the suburbs. Maybe how I’m living is wrong.”
Charlie sighs loudly. “First of all, you don’t need to change anything.
And there’s nothing wrong with your lifestyle.
” Head tilted, she hums. “Ok, you should add more fruits to your diet, but I digress. Second, you can’t let someone as insecure as Norma cause you to doubt yourself. Don’t give her that kind of power.”
Groaning, I thread my fingers through my hair. “I know. I know.”
“Just remember, while you’re busy doubting yourself, other people are looking at you with envy.
They’re intimidated by your ability to remain true to yourself.
So many people slip on a disguise every day, wanting to hide who they really are.
You? You’ve never been like that. And Norma?
It’s envy. She’s unhappy, and she thinks it’ll make her feel better to bring others down with her. ”
I huff. “I hate when you get insightful with me.”
“Why? Because I’m usually right?”
“Unfortunately, yes. Don’t let it get to your head.”
“Too late!” Marnie calls out.
I shake my head, smiling for the first time in hours. After the day I’ve had, my chest finally feels lighter, freer. Like I can finally take a deep breath again.
“Thank you for this. Seriously. I’m sorry for being a—”
Charlie lets out an annoyed sigh. “Oh, my god, shut up. You’re not a burden. Stop apologizing.”
“So. . .you do love me?”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t make a big deal out of it.”
Frantically, I shake my head. “No. Never. I can’t believe you just admitted to having feelings.”
For a while after the call, I lie in bed, ruminating.
It’s not the quantity of people one surrounds themselves with that matters.
At the end of the day, it’s the quality.
I may not have a huge group of friends, but the small team of people who stand behind me would go to battle for me, even on my darkest days.
They accept and love me, through and through—even though I apologize too much.
They stand by my side when the world walks out on me.
They support all my rights and my wrongs.
They see inside my heart and soul. And they look past the facade I show the world.
The banging of pots and pans disrupts my thoughts. Curious, I make my way down the short hallway.
In the kitchen, Beckett has pulled out his baking supplies.
His hair is damp from the shower, and the faint clean scent of his shampoo wraps around me.
He’s dressed in a pair of black sweatpants that hang low on his hips, and as he pulls a bowl from the top shelf, the hem of his gray T-shirt lifts, giving me a glimpse of his inked, toned skin.
Steamy dough daddy, indeed.
Fucking Marnie. Granted, she’s not wrong. The man before me is most definitely living up to his nickname.
“Hey, Beck,” I slide onto a stool at the island, setting my chin in my palm.
With the mixing bowl in his hand, he spins around and a smile breaks free on his face. When he smiles at me, his entire face lights up like one of his long-forgotten wishes has come true.
“Hey, stranger,” he jokes. “I haven’t heard from you all day. Is everything okay?”
Unable to look him in the eye and lie, I play with a loose thread on my sweater. “Yep.”
Nope.
My sister’s tough-love pep talk only did so much to untangle the web of intrusive thoughts in my mind.
He sets the bowl down and crosses his arms. “You couldn’t be less convincing if you tried.
” He rounds the island and sits next to me.
“I can always tell when you’re lying because you break out in hives.
” He parts one side of my cardigan, unveiling a hint of my skin, and traces a lingering path from my collarbone to the base of my throat, leaving a trail of goose bumps in his wake. “Right here.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “I hate that my body betrays me.”
He glides his fingers up to my chin and tilts my head, forcing me to meet his worried eyes. “Talk to me. What happened today?”
“It’s fine. I don’t want to be a—”
“If that next word is burden or burden adjacent, I’m not accepting it. You’ll need a better reason.”
Powerless against the intensity in his voice, I break down and tell him everything. Once again, he has an impressive way of creating a safe space for me to crack open my heart and bare my soul.
Because with Beckett, I never have to worry about being too much.