Chapter 12
TWELVE
SOPHIE
Unsure, I look at Jules after Cole left. "I didn’t want him to get angry."
"It’s okay," she replies with a sigh. "He’s not angry. He’s just acting like a moron."
"Why am I not allowed to go downstairs?"
She averts her gaze before answering. "You’ll have to ask him that."
I don’t understand what it’s all about, but after Cole got so mad, I don’t dare ask further questions. Instead, I look around the large living room.
"Maybe we should clean up," I suggest. "My mother always got a little more gracious when things were tidy."
Jules laughs, looks at me, and nods. "You’re probably right. Cole hates a mess. Let’s get your stuff in your room first."
After putting away my new clothes, I want to go back to the living room, but pause when I hear muffled voices. I know it’s inappropriate to eavesdrop, but I’m too curious. Besides, I’m a little afraid to face Cole after he seemed so upset.
"I can’t keep an eye on her all day," Jules hisses softly. "I have to go to work, remember?"
"Yeah, I remember." Cole still sounds mad. "But what am I supposed to do? Tie her to my back? I’m not a fucking babysitter, goddamn!"
Jules says something, but I don’t understand her words. What Cole says in response, on the other hand, is clearly audible.
"That was a fucking terrible idea. I should’ve just left her there."
My heart contracts in a painful way.
They’re fighting, and it’s more than obvious that it’s about me.
Again, I’m confronted with the fact that I’ve been very, very stupid. Of course they don’t want to have me here. They don’t even know me, so why would they help me find my way around and shelter me?
Yes, Jules has been more than nice to me, but she just said it herself: She has to work. She has a life, and I don’t fit in. And the fact that Cole isn’t very amused about having me around has never been a secret.
The first tears well up in my eyes as I realize that I can’t stay here and let them explain the world to me.
It was already more than generous of Cole to buy me clothes.
Jules’s efforts to change my appearance so I can move more freely outside also mean a lot to me.
But in the end, I guess that’s what I have to do: Go out there.
Find my way in this world. And most importantly, not be a burden to Jules and Cole. Because that’s what I obviously am.
I wipe away the tears running down my cheeks with the back of my hand, then carefully push my head through the crack in the door.
They’re standing in the open kitchen. Jules is scrubbing the countertop while Cole talks to her softly, but insistently.
Both have their backs to me, so I cross the large living room with quiet steps and go down the stairs.
When I reach the heavy steel door that leads outside, I push against it with all my weight, and eventually, I manage to open it and can step through.
It’s already dusk. I have no idea where I am, but my shame and the feeling of being unwanted weigh so heavily that I don’t even care. Just like the fact that I’m once again empty-handed and completely alone.
Silently, I close the door and look around.
The gravel road in front of me is deserted.
On the other side of it, more buildings like the one I just left line the street.
They all look old, and some of them are even partially dilapidated.
I wonder what they housed before people left them to fall apart.
I know so little about this world, yet I have to try to find my way in it by myself.
Because even though I’ve only been away from home for one single day, I’ve already learned two things: I can’t trust everyone, and I can’t expect anyone to take care of me.
As much as I’d hoped to at least find a friend in Jules, the conversation I just overheard has opened my eyes.
Without a destination or a plan, I head to the left and start walking. At this point, I don’t even care if the police find me or where I’ll sleep. I just want to leave and no longer be a burden to either Jules or Cole.
I don’t know how long I’ve been walking, but when I reach the outskirts of town and can see the lights of the next town in the distance, I just keep moving.
In the meantime, it has gotten dark and the temperatures have dropped, which is why I’m freezing in the thin top and blouse, but I don’t care about that either.
I want to put as much distance between Cole and me as possible.
The coldness in his eyes as he dragged me up from the basement drives me on, so I keep walking, even when I hear the sound of a vehicle approaching from behind.
A small part of me hopes Cole is looking for me, but I scold myself for being so stupid and weak.
The farther I walk, the darker it gets. There are no streetlights outside of town, and the forest surrounding me almost vibrates with noise.
It’s eerie and causing me to wrap my arms around myself.
At the same time, I don’t allow myself to think about how careless it was to leave in the evening.
I should have waited until tomorrow morning, but what’s done is done.
There’s no point in thinking of what might have been.
At least on this point, I agree wholeheartedly with my mother.
I wonder how she’s doing. I don’t know if she’s angry or worried because I ran away, but it’s probably a mixture of both.
If I knew exactly where I was, I could go back home.
I could tell her how stupid it was to run away, and hope that she’d forgive me.
But every part of me resists giving up on my newfound freedom.
And one thing I know for sure is that my mother won’t let me get out in the future either.
Heavens… If she knew about Cole, she’d probably think that he touched me, considering she deems all men evil. The thought alone makes me grimace. Even though Cole obviously doesn’t want me near him, I wouldn’t want my mother to think badly of him.
Immediately, his storm-gray eyes appear in my head, and the low rumble of his voice booms in my ears.
I don’t know why, but despite his words, I can’t stop thinking about him.
After all, he was the one who helped me run away from my mother and this life that wasn’t really one—whether he wanted to or not.
He also stopped me from going with Mike and his friends, let me sleep in his bed, and slept on the couch himself.
He bought me new clothes and said that I could stay for now, at least. But the words he spoke when he thought I wasn’t listening hurt too much.
So I had to go, as much as I would’ve liked to stay with him and Jules.
When another vehicle approaches from behind, I move a little farther to the right to avoid being run over in the darkness. But this time, the car slows down.
I turn around, my heart suddenly racing in my chest, but the headlights blind me so much I can’t see anything. Only seconds later, the vehicle stops next to me with skidding tires.
It’s a black pickup. Cole’s pickup.
Before I can even decide whether I’m relieved or worried, he pushes open the driver’s door, jumps out, walks around the high hood, and suddenly stands so close to me that I can feel the heat of his body.
His chest rises and falls rapidly under his T-shirt, and I involuntarily wonder if he isn’t freezing.
"Dammit, Sophie." His hands land on my shoulders with a firm grip. "What the hell are you doing?"
He’s so tall, I have to bend my head back to meet his gaze. When I look into his eyes, which are almost black in the darkness, I swallow hard. They are wide open and look at me with such intensity that my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth and I can’t say anything back.
Cole lets his gaze slide over me, then looks me in the eye again. "Are you okay?"
I just nod because I can’t make a sound and he intimidates me a little. He seems completely beside himself, though, out of worry.
Suddenly, he lets go of my shoulders, wraps his arms around me, and presses my body against his.
I’m immediately enveloped by that unmistakable scent of leather, tobacco, and campfire, and close my eyes.
His body is firm and nearly scorching, but his embrace is careful, almost timid, and lets me forget everything around us for a moment.
So this is what it feels like to be hugged by Cole.
My arms wrap around his waist of their own accord. I feel safe, protected, and—even if it’s certainly not true—loved in a kind of way. It’s completely different from what it felt like with Jules; much more engaging and intense, especially when I feel him lower his head and bury his face in my hair.
"You can’t just run away, little darling. Don’t you know what could have happened to you?"
The slight tremble in his voice instantly gives me goosebumps everywhere which are amplified by his warm breath on my scalp.
"I heard what you were saying," I whisper after finding my voice again. "When the two of you were fighting because of me."
He pulls away slightly to look at me, but I just stare at his broad chest because I’m ashamed of my confession.
"Hey. Look at me," he prompts gently.
Reluctantly, I raise my head and do as he asks.
His penetrating gaze is utterly breathtaking—in the truest sense of the word.
My breath is taken away because he’s so close to me and looks at me in a way that makes my knees go weak.
In the brightness of his pickup’s headlights, I recognize a fine, almost invisible scar running across his eyebrow.
I want to run my fingertips over it and ask him what happened, but I don’t dare move or say anything as my heart threatens to burst in my chest.
"Whatever you heard, don’t do that again, okay?" He looks me in the eyes urgently and brushes a strand of hair out of my face.
I shudder under the soft touch and wish for a moment that he would do it again. And again. And again.
"Don’t you ever run away again, little darling."
I try to nod but have no idea if my head moves because my body tingles everywhere.
Every time he calls me that, I like it a little more even though it doesn’t make any sense.
"Now come on. You’re freezing." He lets go of me but takes my hand and guides me to his pickup. "We’re going home."