6. Ryan
CHAPTER 6
Ryan
I load up my groceries in my truck and dash home. As much as I want to replay the way Summer looked up at me from her car, I can’t. I shouldn’t. Even though it really seemed like she might lean in and kiss me… I rub my lips together, imagining the phantom press of her lips on mine. I shake my head and focus on the road.
My sister and her family are coming for dinner, and I was supposed to have it started by now. Her and her husband, Todd, are very specific about Hudson’s bedtime. I can’t blame them because I’ve seen the little monster he turns into when he gets tired.
As I rush to unload the groceries in my kitchen, I leave out the ingredients to make carbonara and a salad. Pasta is always a guarantee for my nephew, and I’d rather not sit through a standoff over chicken nuggets. Just as I’m slicing up the pancetta, my front door opens, and Layla pokes her head through. “Hey!” she says, stepping the rest of the way inside. She sheds her damp outer layers in the entryway, hanging up her raincoat and setting her shoes by the door .
“Hey, Lay. Where’s Todd and Hudson?” I ask, washing my hands at the sink.
“They’ll be inside in a second. Hudson decided to take off his shoes in the car, but is demanding he walks by himself to the front door. So, Todd’s in the middle of some pretty intense negotiations.” She hip-checks me out of the way and starts washing her hands.
“I thought we don’t negotiate with terrorists?” I ask jokingly.
“Yeah well, when you live with one—” she says, cutting herself off with a laugh. “At least I have a good negotiating partner.” She heads to the stove and stirs around the browning pancetta, and I take a moment to look her over.
Layla used to struggle with depression pretty heavily in her teens, and it got scary there for a bit. After a lot of therapy and a little medication, she vastly improved, but the worry is hard to shake. She has her thick, dark hair pulled back in a ponytail, so I can see her side profile. Other than looking a little tired from chasing her three-year-old around all day, she looks good. Happy. I breathe out a small sigh of relief that I don’t see any sign of the empty, vacant look she used to wear.
We’re a little less than two years apart, so it’s not like I’m all that much older than her, but I still feel the urge to protect her and make sure she’s okay. It wouldn’t matter if I was only a minute older; I have the big brother role woven into my DNA. “You can stop assessing me now, Dr. Ryan,” she says with a scoff that takes me back to middle school.
We used to race to be the first one in our shared bathroom in the morning. The loser would be forced to sit and wait in bladder-bursting agony. She would always beat me to the bathroom, and gave me that same scoff when I told her that I was literally going to die from a bladder explosion.
“You have something on your face,” I lie, coming up beside her so I can toss the pasta noodles into the boiling pot. Her hands immediately come up to feel her face and I snort a laugh .
“God, you’re annoying,” she says, walking to the fridge to pull out ingredients for the salad dressing. This is a meal we’re very accustomed to making together. Our dad is half Italian, so carbonara and salad was a weekly meal growing up. We both learned our love of cooking from him.
We bicker good-naturedly over who exactly is the most annoying now versus when we were kids. Eventually, Todd and Hudson burst through the door. “Mama, I got my shoes on all by myself,” Hudson declares proudly before plopping unceremoniously on the floor and yanking said shoes off. Todd looks at us and gives a little shake of his head, eyes wide and white like the victim of a war zone, contrasting with the deep black hue of his skin. I hide my smile by turning back to the stove, where dinner is almost done cooking.
After dinner we watch from the couch as Hudson runs laps around the living room, using Todd’s broad back as a springboard. Over the cacophony of a three-year-old hyped up on carbs, Layla turns to me and asks, “So, how are you settling in? How’s work?”
“Work is good. It’s a little weird to know that I’ll be in one place indefinitely, but nice too. I also ran into Luke. Remember him?” When she nods, I go on, “Anyway, he and I got to talking and we’re going to grab dinner this week and catch up.”
“Aw, look at you making real friends for once,” Lay teases, punching my shoulder.
“I know, I’m excited for it,” I say truthfully.
“I’m glad you’re finally staying in one place,” she says, watching her son’s impromptu dance routine. “I worry about you. I know you wanted to sow your wild oats or whatever, but you’ve always liked structure and routine. That’s why it surprised me so much that you stayed on the move for so long. ”
“It’s my job to do the worrying,” I say, trying to divert the conversation. She gives me an epic eye roll and continues to stare me down. I reluctantly say, “I know. After Lydia, I felt restless. I needed to do some soul-searching or something.”
Layla mock gasps, “You have a soul?” Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. “Sorry, go on. Soul searching, et cetera.”
“Right. So, you know how the plan was always to get married and find a place to settle down? Well obviously, that didn’t work. So, when I was left without the ten-year plan we had, I just needed to… I don’t know… ” I struggle to find the words to describe how empty and betrayed I felt. How directionless.
“Find yourself?” Layla supplies.
“I guess,” I say with a shrug. “I needed to figure out who I was as an individual and not just as part of a couple. I had joined my life so completely with hers that I needed to take time to figure out what I wanted. I mean, we were together for years and had planned to have a future together. Everything became ‘we’ and her wants became my own,” I finish with a shrug. While I know that wasn’t a bad thing, I can recognize that I had completely eclipsed my needs with hers to make sure she was happy. It was a hard lesson to learn that even if I put myself dead last, it didn’t mean the relationship would be sealed with vows and a white picket fence.
“And what do you want?” she asks. I almost laugh at the serious turn of our conversation while poor Todd is now being forced to spin Hudson around and around, the little terror cackling wildly. Layla is unbothered, so I take a second to seriously consider her question.
“Well, I was sick of traveling and living out of a suitcase.” I pause to think. “I guess I just want to have a community again. I spent the last few years being selfish and now I want to have people to take into consideration. I want good friends. I eventually want to settle down with someone. ”
Layla claps giddily at that. “Ooh, do you want me to set you up with one of my friends? I promise I won’t get mad at you this time.” We both laugh at the shared memory of when I took one of her friends to prom. She was (rightfully) furious, but teenage hormones can’t be reasoned with.
I shake my head. “Not yet. I want to try to meet someone organically first.”
She snorts, “What, like in the produce aisle? Get with the times, old man. Now we rely on the internet to find us dates.” She waggles her phone in my face.
I push her shoulder, “I’m only twenty-eight. I’m not that old.”
“I think it’s about time we get your last will and testament in order. You’re just about over the hill,” she says, reaching over and scrunching my forehead to create wrinkles.
I pin her hands in one of mine to stop the assault when Todd says from across the room, “Is this what we have to look forward to when we eventually give Hudson a sibling?” That stops us and we both laugh while I release her hands.
“Yeah, sorry to tell you,” I say. I forget sometimes that Todd is an only child. He always studies us with equal parts confusion, fear, and amusement when we’re together.
“Maybe just the one, then,” he replies, chuckling.
Layla levels him with a playful glare and says, “Nope. You knew what you signed up for when you married me. We need at least two more.” Todd mock shivers and we all watch Hudson zoom his toy cars around the floor.
“So, how do you plan on finding someone to date, then?” Todd asks eventually.
I shrug and say, “I’m hoping it just happens, you know? Maybe a client or something.” I can’t stop myself from conjuring the image of a certain curvy redhead, her plush lips, glossy and pink, just inches away from mine .
Layla must see the glazed look in my eyes because she says, “Do you have someone in mind?”
“No,” I reply too quickly, and immediately recognize my mistake when Layla’s green eyes light in triumph.
“Oh my god, who is it?” she pesters.
“No one!”
“Tell me!” she exclaims.
I decide to give in because I know from experience if I don’t tell her, she’ll never stop. “Ugh, fine. It’s not going to go anywhere, but one of my new clients is really pretty.”
Stunning. Sexy. Drop-dead.
“Why isn’t it going anywhere?” Todd asks. “I don’t think you’ve ever had trouble in that department,” he continues matter-of-factly. Layla wrinkles her nose in mild disgust which makes Todd laugh.
I chuckle too, because I’ll take any chance to make Layla mildly uncomfortable. It’s my brotherly duty. “Well, no,” I admit, “But from the looks of it, she’s just out of a relationship and isn’t really on the market.”
Layla peers at me thoughtfully, “You know, they say that a woman emotionally leaves a relationship way before it actually ends on paper. If she’s the one ending it, anyway.” She shrugs. Todd looks at her, worry drawing his thick brows together. Layla’s eyes soften and she says to him, “Don’t worry. I’m still firmly planted with you.” I want to be disgusted because she’s my sister, but I can’t feel anything but happy that she’s found her person.
While they make googly eyes at each other, I take the opportunity to get on the ground and play cars with my nephew. He’s a huge reason I moved closer to my sister. We take turns smashing our cars together. I take the time to appreciate his little face, cataloguing all the ways he’s already changed since I saw him last. He’s the perfect blend of Todd and Layla. His smooth brown skin is just a few shades lighter than Todd’s, and his nose and eyes look exactly like Lay’s. I love him so much, I want to squeeze him .
Hudson lets out a huge, jaw-cracking yawn, signaling Layla and Todd to get everything together and head home for bedtime. When I close the door after they leave in a flurry of chaos, I can’t help but feel a little sad at how quiet and empty my house is without a family to fill it.