34. Summer
CHAPTER 34
Summer
O h, now you care about my friend? Why don’t you and that little boyfriend of yours mind your own damn business? I scrub the coffee table harder, being mindful of the chip in the corner from where my mom got a little overzealous with the box cutter during one of her numerous craft projects. I am determined to work out the anger I’m feeling in a productive way.
Even when I’m trying to be kind to Jared, he has to be a dick. The last couple of months since our mediation appointment have been a constant flip between hot and cold. I never know which side I’m going to get from Jared when I see him. One minute, he’s laughing with me and treating me like we’re friends, and the next he’s snapping at me. It’s like he moves on and then remembers that he hates me.
I’m still trying to be as neutral as I can in the face of his anger because I know if I start down that path, it’ll be hard to go back. I’m just thankful Emma is at her grandma’s house so I can have an afternoon to rage and work it out of my system before she’s back for dinner.
I’m trying to keep Emma’s future in mind. I want to be able to attend birthday parties, graduations, holidays, and maybe even her wedding one day without her worrying that I’ll blow up on her dad.
After rage-cleaning, I decide to give Ryan a call to update him on how the talk with Jared went. I find his contact in my phone and press call. “Hello?”
“Hey, babe. Just wanted to let you know what Jared said. Are you busy?” I take a seat at the kitchen table and absently look over my plants, making a note to water the pothos later.
“For you? Never. So, it went super well, right?” Ryan asks sarcastically. It pulls me out of my angry stupor and I snort a laugh.
“Yeah, so well . He thanked me for my concern and reminded me what a fantastic mother I am. He’s putting me up for a good citizen award.”
“No way. You’ll definitely win,” he deadpans. Both of us laugh and I enjoy the break in tension, feeling my jaw unclench for the first time this afternoon. Once we sober he nudges, “No really. How did it go?”
I sigh and respond, “Not great. He accused you and me of meddling and told me to mind my own business. He can, and I quote, ‘handle his friend without me and my little boyfriend.’ Can you hear my eyes rolling? He’s literally the most dramatic person ever. I swear, if you had met him a year ago, you would think he was level-headed and dependable, if not a little self-centered sometimes. But that was overshadowed by the fact that he was such a good father.”
“I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry that he isn’t turning out to be the person you thought he was,” Ryan says softly.
“It’s just crazy how much a person can change when they don’t get their way.” I sigh, trailing my fingers along my string-of-pearls plant. “I cleared my conscience. I told him that I was worried and that he should see about getting Duncan some help. I can’t do any more than that. ”
“Nope. You did what you could for a person who has been nothing but rude to you for almost a decade.”
I nod even though he can’t see and ask, “So what are you up to tonight?”
“I’m going to go out with the guys. They said something about a new action movie. As long as it's indoors and has air conditioning, we could be watching paint dry for all I care.”
“Yeah, you were in the heat again today, weren’t you? I’m sorry,” I say sympathetically, “I hate the idea of you working outside in the middle of the day when it’s hotter than satan’s left tit.”
“Is his right tit known to be cooler?” he asks dubiously.
“Smart ass,” I retort, laughing again. “Okay, I’ll let you go so you can get ready to watch people get blown up or whatever.”
When he speaks, I can hear the smile in his voice, “Thanks, babe. I’ll see you soon, okay? I miss you.”
“I miss you too. Have fun tonight,” I say.
“I will. Love you.” No matter how often I hear it, I can’t get past the swarm of butterflies that take flight in my abdomen when he tells me he loves me.
“I love you too. Bye.” When we hang up, I feel so much more at ease. It’s amazing how much just speaking to him grounds me. He always knows how to calm me down and make me feel better.
I breathe in through my nose and wrinkle it when I realize I smell like dust and dirty dishwater. I decide a bath is in order, even if it is hotter than satan’s left tit out there. I head to my bedroom where I strip off my biker shorts and t-shirt and start the bath.
While it's filling up, I go back into the bedroom to grab my newest book, Obsession , off my bedside table. I could only get a chapter or so in last night before giving up and going to bed. The one thing that hasn’t changed in the last six months is how exhausting motherhood is, especially solo parenting. It never ceases to amaze me just how much energy my daughter has and how much it feels like that energy gets funneled directly from my own reserves.
I step into the steaming bath and sink down into its warmth. After drying my fingers on my nearby towel, I open the book and gently set my rose quartz bookmark down on the side of the tub. I fully intend to read until my toes are pruny and the water turns cold.