Chapter 30
love is never enough
elena
After what happened in the elevator, I haven’t stopped thinking about what will happen once the tenth arrives and this is over.
Come to think of it, I wasn’t far off when I compared what’s happening to us to the story of Cinderella, because once my brother and Carolina get married, things will go back to normal, and this beautiful spell will vanish.
I’m scared out of my wits, and even though I try not to dwell on it, the harsh reality is that there’s nothing I can do to stop it from happening, and that creates a tension inside me that makes my mood swing like a weather vane in the wind.
Victoria and I have bridged the distance that kept us apart until just a few months ago; we’ve talked about our relationship and how we feel, but not about what really matters.
I’ve learned—through arguments and tears—that love isn’t enough to make a relationship work, and I’m not willing to repeat the mistakes of the past, no matter how perfect things seem when we’re together.
Five years have passed, and I’m sure we’ve changed a lot—we’re not the same people anymore.
We have different silly quirks now, and we’ve matured and learned things about life we didn’t know before.
I don’t want to be in love with the memory of the Victoria from the past, but with the woman who’s walking beside me right now, her sunglasses covering her beautiful green eyes and her soft skin slightly flushed from the heat.
At this time of the morning, the sun beats down hard on our heads, but thanks to the shadows in the narrow streets, the walk is much more bearable.
The slushie I’m holding is delicious, and I’m enjoying it just as much as I did back then.
Since we met just three days ago, we’ve let ourselves be swept up by that chemistry that’s impossible to ignore, and we’ve kissed as if no time had passed between us; but the truth is, things aren’t what they used to be—and neither are we.
She wants us to move forward with what’s happening, to enjoy it all, but I can’t ignore reality, and I know we need to slow down.
“You’re so quiet. What are you thinking about?” Her voice breaks the silence, and I’m forced to fake a smile because I can’t find the perfect words to start a conversation I’m not sure I want to have. “Is everything okay?”
I stop at a row of wooden benches and, intending to talk, take her hand and sit down on one of them.
“Don’t you think we need to talk about this?” I ask cautiously.
“I thought we already had,” she says, somewhat surprised. “But okay. What exactly do you want to talk about?”
“Your current relationship, for example.” I fire the arrow as if it were burning in my hands. Her expression turns tense, and I raise an eyebrow. “What are we doing, Victoria?” My voice is barely a whisper, but every word carries the weight of years of pain and disappointment.
“What we’ve always done. We’re getting carried away by the moment, without thinking about the consequences.”
“And what about her? You told me you’d had a fight, but…” I shake my head a couple of times and run a hand through my hair. “Have you talked? Have you broken up? Don’t you think she deserves better than this?” I say, bitterness in my voice.
“I’ve tried to, but she won’t answer the phone.”
“The phone?” I sigh and make a face. “You can’t do this over the phone! Please!” I exclaim. “You’re not a teenager, Vicky.”
“And what do you expect me to do? Go back to Madrid just for this?” I look at her, not knowing what to say. “Things with Joana shouldn’t have happened. What happened between us isn’t as important as what we have, and I can’t hold back my impulses just because she’s hurt.”
Her words are so harsh that I’m surprised they come out of her mouth. For a moment, I put myself in Joana’s shoes, and rage burns inside me with the same intensity as the love I feel for this woman.
“You can’t dismiss someone’s feelings just because they’re not the same as yours,” I retort, standing up and setting my slushie glass on the bench.
She gets startled and stands up, grabbing my arm, and that’s when it hits me.
“Oh my God! You did the same thing to her that you did to me! You made a decision without even considering her!”
“That’s not how it happened. It’s more complicated, Elena. I promise.”
“Don’t lie to me.” I point a finger at her.
“I’m not some fool who believes all your promises anymore,” I add with a coldness that even surprises me; my voice trembles, and so does my heart.
I don’t know why I’m getting so tense, but I don’t like it.
“Have you talked to her since you’ve been here?
Do you know how she feels, or have you just acted like you didn’t care and gone on with your own plans?
” She looks at me, and from the way she does, I know she can’t find the words to answer me.
“I think we should put all this on hold until you clear things up. I don’t want to break anyone’s heart. ”
“But Elena… you and I…”
“You and I are divorced,” I point out, bringing to light a situation that shouldn’t have changed.
“You’ve been with her for quite some time; you say your relationship isn’t as important as ours, but that doesn’t mean you have to hurt her.
” I shake my head. “If you want our relationship to work, you can’t make the same mistakes from the past. Do you understand? ”
“Okay, but don’t leave. Please.”
“I have to…” I take a couple of steps away from her. “If I don’t, things might happen that we’ll regret.”
“Hey…” Victoria steps toward me and wraps her arms around me to stop me from moving. We’re in the middle of the street; people are staring at us, and I don’t like being the center of attention for strangers. “I would never regret doing anything with you, is that clear?”
“You think so?” I ask, my eyes red with sadness and anger.
“And what will happen when August comes and you have to leave? What will happen to me?” I add, my voice breaking.
“I couldn’t bear to see you go and…” I lower my gaze and start crying.
“If it ends like this, it’ll just be a summer fling and nothing more… It won’t hurt me.”
Suddenly, Victoria’s grip loosens and her arms fall to either side of her body, freeing me from a prison that made me feel at home; we look at each other, not knowing what else to say, and I take the opportunity to leave and leave her there, in the middle of our island, in the midst of the place that saw us grow up and learn to love.