Chapter 38
with a trembling heart
elena
If someone had told me at the beginning of the year that Victoria and I would be together today, I wouldn’t have believed them.
I know it’s happening, that it’s real, that it has nothing to do with those dreams that have accompanied me, and I can’t stand not being able to find a way to calm what I feel.
Last night, after her sudden visit, we spent an intimate evening—the kind we hadn’t enjoyed in a long time.
Far from the passion that enveloped us the last few times, this time we just had dinner on the terrace while we talked about how we were going to tell everyone else that we were dating.
Victoria and I laughed a lot about the little things we’ve experienced these past few years.
I told her about my parents’ separation and how I took over Gardenias after my father left, leaving everything behind, about Jorge’s first few months at the gym, and even about Carolina’s jealousy when she found out one of her students was harassing him.
And she told me about the newspaper, how complicated it’s been for her to have her own office, and the nonsense she has to put up with from her bosses.
It was clear that we wanted a night—beyond sex and physical contact—sharing emotions and experiences.
The clock on my desk reads eleven in the morning, and I wonder if she’s enjoying the beach just as she told me she would.
I’d love to join her, get a little sun, and put my work aside, but today is one of those days when I can’t get away.
With my brother’s wedding just around the corner, I had to place some extra orders I hadn’t counted on, and I need to know if they’ve arrived in good condition before I tell the bride and groom that everything is ready for the big day.
Ready to leave the office and head to the warehouse, I gather the delivery slips and check my cell phone as I walk down the hallway toward the elevator.
Victoria has sent me a couple of messages, which I reply to quickly with several emojis, a kiss, and an “I love you” that makes me smile.
It’s been ages since I’ve felt this good, this alive, and this full of energy, and I’m glad she’s the reason why.
I get in the elevator and head straight to the top floor, and the loneliness surrounding me makes me sigh and lean against the mirror behind me.
I’m still dazed and overwhelmed, and feeling the butterflies fluttering inside me doesn’t help either.
When the chime announces that I’ve reached my destination, I walk without paying attention to the people around me. I hear my employees’ greetings and keep going after returning a few, at least until someone grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop.
“Miss Busy, are you wearing earplugs and not listening to me?” Ana asks, causing me to tense up and jerk my arm away from her grip. “I’ve been calling you since you got out of the elevator.”
“You scared me,” I say, rubbing my arm. “I’m sorry, I just have a lot on my mind.”
“I can see that,” she sighs, glancing at the papers I’m carrying. “Are you really busy? Where are you going?”
“I have to go over the orders that came in this morning. I ordered some things for the wedding and I need to make sure everything’s right,” I explain, tucking a couple of strands of hair behind my ear. “I swear this is the last time I’ll ever volunteer to plan a wedding.”
“I already told you it was crazy, but since you never listen to me…”
“You know I do, so don’t talk nonsense. But tell me, what are you doing around here? Are you here to see Inaki?”
“Actually, I came to see you.”
“What have I done now?” I ask, as if I were a little girl who’d gotten into some mischief. “I feel like everyone’s looking at me as if I’d done something wrong.”
“That’s for you to know,” she replies, raising an eyebrow with interest. “Is there something you’ve done that you want to confess?”
“I was already missing the Ana I used to know,” I think to myself, shaking my head before answering:
“Me? Nothing! What could I possibly do when I spend all day working?” I exclaim, trying to get her to stop thinking strange things. “Do you want to come with me so we can talk? I still have a lot to do after this and…”
“Yeah, come on, then you can tell me what happened with Victoria.”
“You never give up, do you?” I snort.
“I know you very well, and if you thought I wouldn’t notice your mood change because of Victoria, you’re in for a surprise.
I know something’s going on that you haven’t told me.
” Ana taps the papers with her finger, and then we head toward the warehouse.
“And if there’s one thing that was crystal clear to all of us yesterday, it’s that you two look great together. Too good, I’d say,” she insists.
“Sometimes adults work out their problems. That’s all.”
For a moment, I feel like running away and hiding underground so I don’t have to have this conversation with her, but it’s impossible.
I know she won’t take it well; as soon as I tell her that Victoria and I are together and that we’ve slept together, she’ll scream blue murder and call me every name in the book.
“Yeah, and you expect me to believe that those little glances and smiles you exchanged were just the result of a grown-up conversation and that’s it, right?
” she says, and suddenly I feel my cheeks burning.
“I’m not stupid, Elena.” She grabs my arm and forces me to look at her.
“You can tell me anything; I’m your best friend, and all I want is for you to be okay. ”
“Really?”
“Of course!” she exclaims confidently, feeling a little offended by my question. “All I want is for you to be happy.”
“Victoria and I are dating, Ana.”
“What!? You’re crazy!” Once she yells, she covers her mouth with both hands and realizes why I hadn’t told her anything since we kissed at the club, shortly after she arrived on the island. “When…?”
“Does that matter?” I ask, biting my lower lip in an attempt not to smile at the memory of what we’ve been doing these past few days. “Everything’s fine between us now, and I’m so happy I can’t hide the smile she puts on my face every day.”
“I see…” she murmurs, and suddenly I feel like I’m about to get a lecture I’m not sure I want to hear.
“And what happened to her partner? Did the earth swallow her up?” she reproaches me with such bitterness in her voice that I have to turn to look her in the face.
“I’m asking because, apparently, you’ve forgotten the afternoon you spent crying because Victoria was going to come to the wedding with her. ”
“And what does that have to do with anything now?”
“Are you seriously asking me that?” She laughs sarcastically.
“Everything is exactly the same as it was before I got to Ibiza, and you’re living in your own little bubble,” she argues, crossing her arms. “Victoria is cheating on her girlfriend with you,” she begins to list, “she lives in Madrid, she has her job at the newspaper, and once Carolina and Jorge get married, she’ll leave and you’ll stay here. ”
“That’s not…”
“Oh, wait, have you two talked about what’ll happen when the fireworks are over?” she interrupts me, making my stomach knot up. “How can you be so naive and let yourself get swept up in her nonsense? I told you! You have to protect yourself! And you didn’t give a damn about what I said!”
“And what the hell do you know about us!?” I yell at her, furious and with tears in my eyes. “You’re my friend! My soulmate! Do you realize I don’t need a lecture like this!?”
“And who do you expect to open your eyes? Your little brother?” She clicks her tongue. “He’s always idealized your relationship with Victoria, and apparently, he’s led you right into her arms.”
“Jorge has nothing to do with this.”
“Then it’s that meddler of a future sister-in-law of yours,” she adds without taking her eyes off mine. “She told me the reason she invited Victoria to the wedding is because she was sure that once you saw each other, you’d work things out.”
“Apparently Carolina is the only one who knows how to look with her heart and not with her eyes,” I declare, clutching the papers I’m holding even tighter. “I don’t want to talk about this with you anymore. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m leaving. I have to get back to work.”
With a lump in my throat, I turn around and head to the storage room. I don’t know what hurts me more: knowing that Ana is incapable of seeing how happy I am, or that she’s blaming all the problems we’ve had—and will have in the future—on Victoria.
“Elena, wait.” She takes the keys from my hands, and I, hysterical and furious, snatch them back to go back to what I was about to do. “I want what’s best for you—for you to be happy again. I don’t want anyone to hurt you. It would be unbearable to see your heart broken again.”
“I’m old enough to know what I have to do with my life, Ana.
” The vastness of the warehouse surrounds us, and even though there are several people working there, I turn to face her.
“What strikes me as even more unbelievable isn’t the fact that Victoria and I are together, it’s that you’re unable to see that everything that happened years ago is water under the bridge and that what I’m experiencing now is…
” My eyes fill with tears and I need to wipe them away with my hand.
“She makes me incredibly happy. And yes, she’s still in a relationship—so what?
I’m confident everything will work out.”
“Has she told you she’s staying here?”
“We haven’t talked about any of that yet, but I’ll say it again: whatever happens, we’ll work things out like the adults we are,” I reply with a frankness that even surprises me.
“I know that no matter how much I advise you, you’ll do whatever you want, but…” She shrugs. “Someone had to bring you back down to earth before you did something crazy.”
“Do you know what I regret every single day?” I ask, and she shakes her head a couple of times.
“Being so selfish with Victoria and not realizing she wasn’t having a good time either.
She had a job that consumed her, that mistreated her, and bosses who didn’t even think about letting her sleep,” I explain.
“All I did was put more pressure on her. I was wrong too, Ana, and she’s never held it against me. ”
“But she should have…”
“We both should have supported each other. And I’ve learned that yes, love is important, but for a relationship to work, there has to be much more than that,” I add, placing a hand on my chest. “Without understanding and support, it’s impossible for anything to last as long as you’d like.”
“I understand…”
“She made a mistake, and yes, we both came out of it badly; I had a really hard time. But now we’re okay, and all I can think about is spending the rest of my life by her side,” I confess. “And I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen.”
“Do you really think you’ll be able to do that after all this time?”
“You never know what the future holds, but I’m not going to sit idly by and not try,” I admit, my heart trembling. “I want to get this thorn out of my side.”
“What if it all goes wrong?”
“At least I’ll know that we both tried.” I give her a smile that hides the storm of emotions drowning my heart right now. “I need your support, Ana. I’ve been hiding all this from you for days, and I can’t keep bottling up how I feel out of fear that you’ll judge us.”
“You know I’ll always support you in whatever decisions you make,” she assures me, pulling me into a hug. “But you also have to understand that I’ll always worry about you.”
“Some things will never change.”
“Never.”