Chapter 50
stranger in my own life
victoria
Coming home so soon wasn’t part of my plans, and neither was feeling like a visitor in the city where I’ve lived for over four years.
Right now, discomfort is taking over every part of me, and all I want is to take a shower, grab a quick bite to eat, and rest. During the trip, I’ve been thinking, and I’ll start packing my things so I don’t get delayed and can get back to Ibiza as soon as possible.
I sent Joana a message telling her I’ll stop by the office tomorrow, and as soon as I get home, I’ll call Elena to let her know I’m here.
Inside the taxi, gazing out at the streets, I can’t stop thinking about what’s happened these past few weeks and how my life has changed since we reunited.
I admit I never imagined any of this, but now I feel it’s the best thing that could have happened to me; I’ve escaped my bubble, opened my eyes, realized what my values are, and what I want for the future.
I’m sure there are many people in the world who care enough about their work to sacrifice everything for it, but I haven’t been happy putting love aside, and I want to bring it back.
My father once told me that my ambition would cause me to miss out on the chance to experience great things in life.
It was during a conversation after my divorce, and now I’ve realized what he meant.
He and my mother didn’t have an easy marriage; however, despite the difficulties, they always found a way to meet each other halfway and make it work.
I am in love with Elena, and I carry in my heart a sense of security I’ve never felt before.
I don’t know what will happen when I talk to Pepa and Alfredo, but the only thing I know is that I want to share my life with her, and I’m not afraid of the idea of sacrificing everything to make this dream come true.
As the taxi turns onto Calle de Alcalá, I know it’s just a few minutes until we reach Parque de la Quinta de los Molinos—and, therefore, my home.
A two-story red-brick townhouse that I fell in love with the first day I visited it.
In the blink of an eye, the driver takes a detour, and the thought that I’ll be spending tonight alone makes me sigh.
I’d love to be with Elena, plan a little outing, go out to dinner at some restaurant near the harbor, watch the sunrise on the beach, and make love to her.
I don’t know how I’ll tell my parents all this, but I know they won’t believe it.
The apartment complex welcomes me; there are only a couple of blocks left, and when we arrive, I see Joana standing by the wall where my mailbox is.
I’m so surprised that it takes me a few seconds to find my wallet and, inside it, the money.
I’d hoped to have a few hours to think carefully about everything I want to tell her, to do it in a more intimate way.
“Excuse me. Keep the change,” I tell the taxi driver once I snap out of it, and when I open the door and step out, she gives me a smile and kisses me, leaving me frozen. “What… what are you doing here?” I manage to ask.
“I wanted to welcome you home,” she says, cupping my face in her hands. A strange knot forms in my stomach; I think of Elena, and before she can lean in for my lips again, I grab her hands and pull away from her. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m really tired. I just want to drop my bags and take a shower,” I answer honestly. “You didn’t have to do this.”
“What’s wrong with that?” she adds, and as soon as I hear her, I walk toward my house. “Besides, I thought there was no better way to apologize to you. Last time didn’t end well, and well… you know.”
“I see…” I rummage through my bag for my keys and open the gate to enter the garden.
“But anyway, now that you’re home, would you like to go out to dinner together tonight?”
“Actually, no,” I reply confidently, looking her in the eyes. “I think I need a little time to sort things out. I want to talk to you, but first…” I bring a hand to my head. “Anyway, we’ll talk later, okay?”
“Sort things out a bit? I don’t understand…”
“Everything’s changed quite a bit,” I tell her bluntly. “I’ll let you go now, okay? Have a good rest of the day.”
“But, Vic…” She grabs my arm and stops me from continuing. “What happened? I know I was a fool for not answering the phone, but… I was upset and…”
“Wait… didn’t you tell me you were in Paris and that’s why you hadn’t answered?” I ask, confused. “Did you do it on purpose?” Joana looks me in the eyes, and in that moment, I know she’s lied to me. “What did you want? For me to chase after you? For me to beg you?”
“You asked me to stay here!” she exclaims angrily. “You’ve been with your ex-wife, and I’m sure you’ve had a wonderful time with her, am I wrong?”
The events of the past few days with Elena flash before my eyes, and although I fear my answer might unleash Joana’s fury, I know I won’t find a better moment to tell her everything I feel.
“No,” I reply bluntly. “I wanted to wait until tomorrow to talk to you, but it’s going to be now.
So come in. I don’t want us to do this out here in the middle of the street.
” I open the door, step aside, and let her in.
The house still smells of the floral air freshener I’m used to; only a few rays of light stream through the windows, and the silence seeps into me.
Joana follows me in, and when she closes the door behind her, I blurt out, “Elena and I slept together.”
“Wait, what?”
“What you heard,” I add without moving from my spot.
“These past few days I’ve wanted to talk to you to apologize, to let you know that I was a fool who shouldn’t have let what we had happen,” I explain without looking away from her eyes.
“I wasn’t at my best; I was vulnerable, I wanted to feel loved, for someone to help soothe my wounds, and you just showed up out of nowhere.
I know I used you, that we’ve had a great time these past six months, but…
” I shake my head and swallow. “She’s always been the woman of my life, and I can’t move forward with this.
Not when what I want most is to spend my days by her side. ”
“So it’s over…”
“It shouldn’t even have started, to tell you the truth.”
“Okay, then, I’d better go.” She turns around to open the door and leave my house.
Only when I’m alone do I drop my things and collapse onto the living room sofa with my eyes closed.
I miss the sun’s rays, the sound of the sea, the scent of salt…
I’d love to be in Ibiza, holding her close, enjoying the beach and her kisses.
I have a bitter taste in my mouth and a lump in my throat; I don’t like hurting people, but what happened with Joana was inevitable.
My phone rings, and the emptiness surrounding me vanishes at the same time as my unease. Seeing Elena’s name on the screen brings a smile to my face, though it’s my heart that’s racing, restoring its strength and energy.
“Hi, Madrid girl, are you home yet?” she asks from the other end of the line. “I know you told me you’d call, but I really wanted to hear your voice.”
“I’m just taking off my shoes,” I explain, unbuckling my sandals to put my feet up on the couch. “I’m exhausted. I was thinking of ordering a pizza, taking a bath, and going to sleep. What are your plans?”
“My brother asked me to go to my mom’s for dinner, but, to be honest, I really don’t feel like it.”
“Why’s that? You should go and have a good time with them,” I say, glancing around the room. “At least you can do that.”
“I was thinking we could organize a family dinner when you get back,” she says, making me smile. “I’m already looking forward to having you here. I don’t know if I can handle Carolina on my own.”
“Let your brother handle it—he’s the one marrying her.” My comment makes us both laugh. “You know what happened to me when I got off the plane?”
“No, what?”
“I felt like this isn’t my city anymore. And now that I’m home, I feel like someone else used to live here. I guess it’s because these weeks in Ibiza have awakened the Victoria from years ago.”
“And I love that it happened…” she confesses in a whisper. “I hope these days fly by.”
“I’ll be there in no time, you’ll see. First thing tomorrow, I’ll go to the newspaper office to talk to my bosses, and once I’m done, I’ll look for a return ticket.”
“Sounds perfect to me…”
“I’ll hang up now, so go spend time with your family and enjoy yourself, okay?” I insist.
“I will, you nag.”
“I love you so much,” I remind her, and I smile.
“And I love you even more.”