Chapter 52
the fear that it will all happen again
elena
Victoria must be in a meeting with her bosses right now.
I haven’t stopped checking my phone since the clock struck eleven, and two hours have already passed, yet I still haven’t heard from her.
I know I should stay calm, believe that nothing bad will happen, but I can’t help overthinking it.
I’m afraid that what happened in the past will happen again, that her work will disrupt all our plans and she’ll completely forget the promises she’s made to me.
In an attempt to calm my nerves, I left the office and went down to the cafeteria to have some chamomile tea.
All around me, the world carries on as if nothing were wrong; smiles light up the room, and the laughter of children enjoying the pool echoes off the walls, setting the mood for yet another summer day.
I wish I could be one of them, forget about everything else, eat at odd hours, and enjoy an ice cream under the sun’s rays.
I’m tired of being an adult, of the problems, the complications, and the headaches.
I let out a sigh, hold my phone in my hands, and open my chat with Victoria, typing out a simple message. Once I hit send, I take a sip from my cup and slump into the chair.
“Elena?” Carolina appears before my eyes, her hair tied back in a casual bun and looking a bit tired. “Are you okay? You don’t look well.”
“Look who’s talking…” I say, and she sits down across from me. “Are your nerves already getting to you?”
“You’d know…” she confesses, trying to smile. “Are you a nervous wreck too?”
“Worse,” I reply. “Victoria told me she was going to see her bosses today. I got a text from her first thing this morning, but she hasn’t called me yet, and I’m in the middle of an anxiety attack.”
“And then you call your brother an overreactor,” she says, shaking her head a couple of times. “I’m sure she’s just gotten caught up talking to her coworkers. She’ll call you soon, and it’ll be to tell you good news.”
“All I hope is that they don’t mess things up like they always do and that she gets back in time for the wedding, because if not, I swear I’ll kill her this time,” I say, and she bursts out laughing.
“We’ll both do it. Where have you ever seen a wedding where the bride doesn’t have a maid of honor?” she asks, raising an eyebrow, and we laugh again. “But seriously, don’t worry. I’m confident she’ll do it right this time.”
“I wish I could feel as confident as you do. Part of me can’t help but feel afraid,” I explain, looking down at my hands. “I guess it’s because of everything that happened. I’m afraid of going back to the past and suffering like that again.”
“You should look at the bright side,” she says, catching my attention. “You’re not the same people you were years ago. Now you know exactly what your mistakes were, and I know you’ll do everything you can to avoid making the same ones.”
“I hope so…” I murmur. “Well, what about you? Are you ready for what’s coming?”
“The truth is, I’m impatient,” she tells me, slumping back into the chair. “And even though I tell your brother to calm down, I’m the one who’s nervous inside.”
“I felt the same way the week before I married Victoria, but enjoy it to the fullest. I’d tell you that you won’t experience it a second time, but…” I shrug. “You never know what the future holds. Just look at me.”
“My mom told me the same thing you did,” she says, sounding somewhat resigned. “And even though I’m trying to stay calm, I’m a nervous wreck. That’s why I thought I’d go to the beach for a while… to see if the ocean can relax me.”
“Is my brother going with you, or is he staying with the kids?”
“I don’t think it’ll be long before he shows up,” she replies, glancing over her shoulder. “Inaki and Ana had a date.” She raises her eyebrows playfully. “So he’s meeting Pablo for breakfast. You should come—it’ll help clear your head a little.”
“Maybe I will…”
“Come on!” she insists. “You’re not going to stay cooped up until the wedding, are you?”
“So what if I do?” I ask playfully.
“I’d call Victoria to come running back and drag you out of the house.”
“Don’t you dare say a word to her.” I point a finger at her. “The last thing I want is for her to worry about my insecurities.”
“Do you trust Victoria?”
“Of course I do!” I exclaim without thinking. “I know she cares about what’s happened these past two weeks and that it’s not nonsense. She promised me she’d do everything possible to make this work, and I’m absolutely certain of that.”
“Then just take her at her word and don’t be afraid of anything.” I snort at her. “And stop whining! You sound like a horse.”
“Why are you talking about horses?” asks Jorge, who appears out of nowhere and sits right next to me. “Wait, if it’s something really dirty, I’d rather you didn’t tell me.”
The laughter it provokes in us makes the nerves and unease I was feeling vanish.
These past few years I’ve learned that overcoming the bumps in the road alone isn’t the best way; that we need hands to hold us, a hug when we feel lost, and eyes to guide us through the darkness.
Carolina and Jorge became my guiding light, and thanks to them, I’m now able to face my future head-on with a smile on my lips.
No matter how things turn out, I’m no longer alone because they’ll always be with me.