Chapter 62
I love you now and always
Elena
Everything has happened so fast that I feel like I’m on the Furius Baco, the ride at Port Aventura that my brother forced me to go on last summer.
I’m so dizzy I can’t even get out of bed, and my legs are shaking just as much as my heart is.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way.
And worst of all, I haven’t stopped dwelling on the fact that I judged Victoria based on something I heard that wasn’t true.
My brother was absolutely right when he talked to me, because trust is one of the foundations of a relationship, and I’m not the same woman I used to be.
I believe in the feelings Victoria has for me because I could feel them in my bones, but the fear of making the same mistakes that led to our downfall has left a small scar inside me, and I don’t know what to do to get past it.
I know I can’t let the past hold me back and stop me from rewriting this story, which seems to be working out much better now than it did five years ago; that’s why what I want most is to fix everything and be able to move forward.
I’ve been locked up for a couple of days in a bedroom that was once mine.
The more I look around at everything around me, the stranger I feel in this world; nautical motifs mingle with the crocheted stuffed animals I used to love so much when I was younger, and on the wall there are a bunch of photographs representing that time when my love for Victoria was like the North Star.
My only concern was how to tell my father that I wanted to study tourism in Valencia and leave behind the hotel that has become my whole life.
Time has changed me a great deal in most ways, and every step I’ve taken, or decision I’ve made, has shaped the woman I am today.
When I look at myself in the mirror above the closet door, I don’t recognize that little girl I once was—except for small details—nor do I recognize the teenager in the photographs or the woman who was married to Victoria.
I’m a more mature version of myself—perhaps fearful and cautious—but I like myself much more now.
Sitting on the bed, I scroll through the photos on my phone, one by one—the ones I’ve been collecting ever since Victoria arrived in Ibiza.
Years ago, after my divorce, all I wanted was to go back and rewrite everything, but now what I want most is to know what will happen tomorrow.
If she were here right now, I’d tell her how I feel, but after the way my brother treated her, I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.
I hold onto the hope that, despite this mess, she’ll come back and we can hug, kiss, and talk about our future while looking into each other’s eyes.
I know I love her, that she loves me, and I feel so silly for having been fooled by words that were only meant to hurt us.
I leave the bedroom, go down the stairs connecting the upper floor to the lower one, and leave behind the unease of the last few days to smile and be my usual self again.
I walk through the house until some noises in the guest room catch my attention, and once I peek through the door, I see my mother holding my brother’s suit in her hands.
“You’re just in time,” she adds, encouraging me to give her a hand.
“I want to get your brother’s suit ready, and if it stays in the bag another second, it’ll get all wrinkled.
” Without saying a word, I help her lift it and hang it on one of the lamp’s arms. “Carolina told me your dress is gorgeous. Did you end up choosing the purple one?”
“No way,” I reply, giving her a smile. “She and Ana told me the red one looked so much better on me, and well, I listened to them,” I add, letting out a little sigh. “The truth is, it’s gorgeous. And very sexy.”
“I’m sure you’ll look wonderful.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Were you going out?”
“I was thinking of going to the hotel. I haven’t been there in a few days, and I’m sure my desk is piled high with papers I need to go over,” I confess with a shrug. “As Dad always said, ‘Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.’”
“And how true that saying is! But don’t work too hard, and remember that your brother is coming over for lunch.”
“Don’t worry, I’d never forget. But you’d better put that away so Carolina doesn’t see it.” As I walk over to the coat rack by the door, I sling my bag over my shoulder, give her a kiss on the cheek, and grab my house keys. “I’ll be here to help you with lunch, okay?”
“All right, sweetie. Be careful.” Once out on the street, the sun’s rays hit the white walls, blinding my eyes, and that forces me to put on my sunglasses.
“Oh, I’m such a scatterbrain! Wait, Elena!
” my mom calls out to me just as I’m about to start walking toward the car, handing me an unaddressed envelope addressed to me.
“It arrived this morning for you. It doesn’t say who it’s from, but I guess it’s someone in the family saying they won’t be coming to the wedding. ”
“That’s strange… the wedding envelopes are blue, but sure, I’ll check it in the office and let Jorge know later,” I say, turning it over in my hands to examine it curiously. “Let’s see who the smart aleck is who’s letting us know at the last minute. I bet it’s Uncle Rafael.”
“You can bet on it.” She laughs. “I’ll leave you to it now,” she adds, closing the door behind me.
When I look up, the branches of the palm tree that adorn the square where I used to run and play as a child are swaying in a light breeze.
I close my eyes for a couple of seconds and start walking.
The wedding is in a day and a half, and I still have a few things to do to get the hotel completely ready.
Jorge has no idea that once they say the famous “I do,” a fantastic fireworks display will go off.
Nor does he know that a small band will play to liven up the evening and that an impressive wedding night awaits him.
When I get into the car, the first thing I do is start the engine, turn on the radio, and tune in to my favorite station; I fasten my seatbelt and start driving, leaving behind the beautiful village where I was born.
This part of the island has always seemed like a dream to me, with the roads winding gently through the hills covered in pine trees and Mediterranean shrubs.
On both sides, stone walls rise up and mark the path.
The scent of wildflowers and the sea wafts through the window, enveloping me in a fragrance that only Ibiza can offer.
One of the things I loved most about accompanying my father when I was a child was this: the diversity of landscapes this place offers.
To the right, white-sand beaches merge with the turquoise waters of the sea.
To the left, the pine trees sway gently in the breeze; the intense green contrasts with the blue of the sky, creating a palette of colors that would steal anyone’s heart.
Ever since I got my license and put my hands on the wheel for the first time, I discovered why so many people say that driving gives you a sense of freedom that you can only truly feel when the wind blows through the window and ruffles your hair.
Strange as it may seem, after everything that’s happened, I feel strong and capable of overcoming whatever lies ahead.
I have no idea when I’ll see Victoria again, whether I’ll see her before the wedding or if I’ll have to wait until that day arrives; but whenever it is, I’ll confess my feelings without fear, without the shadow of the past hanging over my head, without the weight of pain on my shoulders and in my heart.
Obviously, I’d love for her to be here with me and to be my companion on this short little trip, the reason for my constant laughter.
But something tells me she’s still close to me despite the miles that separate us.
Feeling like I need a moment to breathe, I look for a pull-off and park the car, turn off the engine, and let the views of the sea calm my heartbeat; I’ve been wanting to call her for two days, she hasn’t called either, and I wonder who will be the one to break this silence that keeps us in a strange bubble.
The song “Sunsetz” by one of my favorite bands makes this moment feel intimate and personal.
I don’t even realize that my eyes have wandered from what’s in front of me to rest on the envelope I’ve placed on the seat next to me.
I hold it in my hands, and, strange as it may seem, I feel something stir inside me.
The only thing keeping me company is this sad, sweet melody, and I’m grateful for it because as soon as I break the seal and take out what’s inside, I don’t find a reply to an invitation, but a handwritten letter that makes my heart tremble.
Dear Elena,
I hope this letter reaches you before I do, and that, as you read it, you can feel the emotions my heart carries with it at this moment.
Since we reunited a few weeks ago, every moment by your side has been like a dream from which I haven’t wanted to wake up.
These past few days alone, I came across a letter you wrote to me some time ago, and that’s why I’ve decided to write these lines to you.
The misunderstanding a few nights ago, when you thought Joana and I had slept together, has left me trembling with fear.
The thought that you imagined me and her having that kind of encounter hurt me, but I don’t judge you because I would have thought the same thing.
I assure you that nothing like that happened and that I could never do something like that to you.
You are my love, my everything; don’t let all this overshadow what we’ve built together since I arrived in Ibiza and we reunited.
Every moment by your side has been like a gift to me, a reminder of what we’ve shared and what we still have left to experience.
Seeing myself reflected in your eyes, in your gestures, in every smile you’ve given me, in every caress we’ve shared, in every kiss we’ve exchanged…
has been as magnificent as the nights we’ve made love. Could I possibly want anything more?
I know our lives took very different paths, that we’ve gone through very difficult times, and that, in the end, time pulled us far apart.
But what unites us is stronger than all of that, more powerful than any obstacle, and I want to believe in a future where we’ll be together, sharing every sunrise and sunset, where our hearts beat in unison just as they do now, despite the miles that separate us.
I apologize for the mistakes I’ve made and for the times I’ve hurt your feelings.
You are the light that illuminates my life, the strength that drives me to be better every day, the reason I want to wake up every morning with a smile on my lips.
I promise that no matter what happens, I’ll do my best so that all the bad things we’ve been through are buried under lots of love and colorful lights.
I can no longer imagine my life without you.
You are my love, my best friend, my partner in adventures and dreams. I want to fill the world with laughter by your side.
No matter what the future holds for us, I need you to know that I’ll always be here with open arms, waiting for you.
I love you, Elena. I love you more than words can express, more than my heart can hold.
You are my reason for being, my inspiration, my everything.
And even though we haven’t been together these past few days, I don’t want you to forget how deeply in love I am with you.
We’ll see each other soon, my love. Remember, I’ll be the girl who loves you with all her heart and who, once she looks into your eyes, will never let you go.
I love you, now and always.
Victoria.