Chapter 19
Reed
“Sorry I’m late.” School parking lot traffic is a bitch. I couldn’t say that, of course. “One wrong turn in the school parking lot, and you’re stuck behind endless minivans, and each one stops for ten minutes at a time. It was worse than leaving a football stadium.”
Our caseworker, Nina, had been parked in front of the house when I hauled ass into the driveway.
She gave me a warm smile and tried to put me at ease as we walked up the driveway together, but my nerves were shot.
“Not to worry, Mr. Marsh. I hit school traffic as well. I’m not sure if the mad dash in the morning is for parents to get their kids to school or to get away from the school and to the closest Starbucks.
People get a little crazy before they have their coffee. ”
As I opened the door, inviting her inside, she asked, “How has the transition back to school been?”
Nina and I first met a week or so after Caroline’s accident.
Surely, I looked like a deer in headlights then.
I probably still do today, but at least this deer had been privy of knowing about Nina’s visit ahead of time.
The first time she knocked on my door, it was completely unexpected.
Abi was having a full-on tantrum about the hot dogs in her mac ’n’ cheese being cut in quarters and not halves, and I had laundry on every surface of the living room and dishes overflowing from the sink, taking over most of the counter space.
She was understanding and helped me calm Abi.
And after giving me resources for help, she walked me through the process of gaining custody.
Since then, we’d had several visits. Abi would usually sit and color with Nina while they chatted. Nina would walk around the house to inspect, and Abi would give her a tour.
Walking into the house with Nina now, looking around at what her first impression might be, I saw how far we’d come. Were things perfect? Nope. Great? Nope. Were we getting by and figuring it out? Not really, but sort of. It was all about progress, right?
Nina set her things down in the dining room, and I chuckled as I answered her question. “Well, today is only the second day, but so far, so good.”
I mean… the first person I thought I could have feelings for in a very long time, then couldn’t be with, turned out to be Abi’s teacher.
We had a full-on meltdown after school.
I was driving a minivan that smelled like spoiled ice cream because I hadn’t had a chance to fully clean the back seat.
And—fuck, fuck, fuck. I didn’t pack Abi a lunch today.
So far, so good, my ass.
“Well, that’s wonderful to hear.” She sat down and began taking out her files, and I took the chair next to her, turning it to face her. “I’ll miss my little tour from Abi. She’s such a lovely hostess.”
Already this morning, I also missed Abi’s presence. Yesterday was full of meetings away from the house, so I didn’t notice the quiet. But now my workday of Zoom calls and editing would lack the background noise of a chatty, singing five-year-old.
“I’ll miss it myself. Guess it’s up to me to be your tour guide today.”
The wrinkles in her ebony skin appeared as she smiled with her whole face and gently patted my arm. “If Abigail were here today, and I asked her how she’s doing, what do you think she would say?”
Well, that was a… question. I paused, thinking about it, and she waited patiently.
“I think she would tell you that yesterday was scary, but she was brave. She would tell you she got her favorite casserole for dinner, courtesy of Daisy next door, and she ate all of her tater tots but avoided the vegetables. We still can’t find her favorite socks. And she wants a kitten.”
Nina grinned. “Spoken like a true parent. You’re doing a great job, Reed.
” She patted my arm once more and opened her folder.
“Okay, down to business. This will be a quick visit. You and I will catch up, I’ll snoop around, and then I’ll get out of your hair.
Any new things to report?” She didn’t even look up at me as she continued to fill out her form.
“Hmm, nothing I can think of.” I cleared my throat, and she looked up. My response was not convincing—for me or her—but she kept going, turning back to her paperwork.
“Any incidents?”
I shook my head, even though she was facing down.
“Medical issues?”
“Nope.” I gave my P a little pop, hoping to hide my nerves from the inevitable topic.
She clasped her hands together and folded them on her lap, finally turning her body to face me.
“I know there have been some changes in the custody arena.” Her smile was solemn, but I noted the genuine care behind it. “I have to be careful when approaching this subject, as you can understand, however, are there any questions you have about the process and my role?”
My breath caught in my chest on my exhale when I went to answer. “Well, how does it all work?”
“You have mediation already scheduled, yes?”
I nodded.
“Hopefully, through that meeting, you’ll come to some kind of agreement.”
Fat fucking chance. My teeth gritted as I kept those words from escaping—or anything else that made me look bad for abhorring my parents so much. My lack of response must have relayed some of that, so she continued.
“My role is to visit both homes, just as I have been with yours”—she gestured toward the rest of the house—“and then I will make a report to the case manager, stating my findings.”
Nina gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Reed, you’re doing everything you need to be doing.
You’re keeping her safe. You’re helping her through her emotions.
” She pulled herself back in her seat, still facing me.
“Keep doing that. Ensure that you’re involved with the school and helping her with her academics, helping her socially, helping her adjust to her new normal.
Keep things consistent.” The pride from Nina’s compliment smothered out most of the licking flames of anger that were building inside me.
My lips twitched, and I conceded a smile.
As she turned back to her paperwork, I ran down the list of praises she gave. I was no pro. But at the simplicity with which she listed them, I was doing those things. Going batshit crazy each step of the way, but yes, doing those things.
“Are you dating anyone?”
Welp, that was an unexpected turn in conversation.
My mouth opened, then snapped shut as I fumbled with a response.
“I’m not asking for myself.” Nina placed a hand on me as she shook her head, clearly amused.
“It’s a standard question, especially with custody evaluations.
Abi needs consistent people in her life, and while there is nothing wrong with dating, bringing someone into her life who may not be permanent or who has a confusing role might be a reason for concern during your custody resolution. ”
Why, why, why did Cienna pop into my mind once again?
Her dark eyes scanning my body, her fucking lips begging for me, the feel of her body against me.
My mind kept torturing me with flashes of her at insanely inappropriate times.
I couldn’t have her, and this conversation solidified that.
Even if she forgave me, overlooked that I was a parent of her student, and that I was now a single dad, it wouldn’t be good for Abi.
It would be detrimental to my promise to Caroline.
A stunted, grunt-laced laugh slipped from my lips. “No, no dating for me. I have a five-year-old who keeps me on my toes. She’s the only lady in my life.” I sighed. “And she’s the only one I need.”
Nina’s brow raised. “Reed, it’s okay to find your new normal too. But I know so much is in the air right now.” Ain’t that the truth.
I rubbed the back of my neck as she continued. “Are there any other prominent people in Abi’s life?”
Were there? None of my friends came around. There was no other family… “No, other than our neighbor who helps us out tremendously, it’s just us.”
She nodded. “Yes, Abi has commented on multiple occasions about her dog, and how she has the good fruit snacks over there.” She pointed in the direction of Daisy’s house.
The chair scraped against the floor when Nina scooted back and stood. “All right, sir. Well, if you don’t mind showing me around, I’ll get out of your hair.”
Scratching at my chin, I rose from my seat as she tucked her files in her bag. One question burned in my mind, and I cleared my throat, gulping down the bubble of nervousness threatening to burst. “Nina, have you met my parents yet?”
She paused from packing up her things. “Actually, no. Today is my first visit to meet the Fosters.”
A wry smile tugged at my lips. “That, um, must be a long drive for you.”
Nina was a good sport—she was the best, honestly. She puckered her lips, clearly trying to hold back a grin. “Nice try, Mr. Marsh.” She dipped her chin and lowered her brows, but her smile finally slipped. “It’s a short drive, but I appreciate your concern.”
Panic sliced across my chest, making it hard to breathe. But I nodded, hoping I didn’t lose all color from my face. They’re here and didn’t say a damn thing to me. What kind of show would they put on?
Thankfully, Nina was familiar with our home, so I didn’t have to say or do much as we started the tour. Not my greatest host moment, but my thoughts were zooming all over the place.
The first thing Nina did was stand in front of the fridge, otherwise known as Abigail’s Art Gallery.
From top to bottom, the fridge and freezer doors were covered in drawings.
She gently pulled on one picture in particular, and I bit my lip to keep from laughing out loud.
Her forehead wrinkled as she looked at me, so I pointed out the details to her. “This is a unicorn and a giraffe.”
She nodded with a little smirk as I continued. “Of course, Abi is the unicorn. And I am the giraffe.” I pointed to the space between the two creatures. “And this puff of rainbow is her farting on me.”
A laugh escaped from Nina, and I joined in with my own chuckle before we moved on.
As she poked around the rest of the house, my mind drifted back to the cause of my anxiety—my parents.
My attention darted to the breadcrumbs and little chunks of Pop-Tarts gathered around the toaster.
The fingerprint smudges on the fridge door handle.
The fruit snack I just stepped on. None of this would fly with them.
All I remembered from my childhood were countless lectures to Caroline and me about the most minimal messes.
And as we moved on to other parts of the house, my stomach plummeted further at the thought of how different Abi’s life was from the one I grew up in, and how much I wanted to keep it that way.
Every room we stepped into barraged me with some new way her life would be different if they gained custody of her. None of the things she enjoyed most would happen in the home of Bethany and Bruce Foster.
Singing? Nonsense. Splashing? Mess. Coloring outside the lines? Absurd.
And as Nina jotted down her final notes, one thing became resolutely clear: I couldn’t let them take her. Not now, not ever. And that started with fixing what I had messed up on today.