Chapter 3
Chapter 3
The next twenty minutes were the most difficult of Elizabeth’s young life even while judging them by the standard of what she had undergone in the last two days. What does Mr Darcy want? Why has Papa not come up yet, what is taking him so long? She kept worrying over these questions over and over. Unfortunately, her foot had started throbbing once again and she was not even able to do what she usually did when she was anxious—pace while thinking.
To her it felt highly ironic that her attempts to avoid marriage to one man she could not tolerate might eventually result in her being forced to marry another one she found unbearable.
I do hope this furore will soon die down and life will go back to normal, she thought wistfully. No... I have to be more optimistic—the gossip will die down. Mrs Goulding might be taking her feud with Mama for the position of the best hostess in Meryton a little too far, but Lady Lucas and Mrs Long always treat me as kindly as a daughter. They would not be so taken in by the gossip.
“Lizzy? May I come in?” Mr Bennet asked from outside the closed door of her chamber.
“Yes Papa,” Elizabeth said and hurried to open the door. She stared at her father but was unable to make anything out of his expression.
“Papa...” she began but Mr Bennet interrupted gently. “Lizzy, will you please come down with me? Mr Darcy is waiting for you in my study.”
“But... Papa, you promised!” Elizabeth almost wailed as her eyes widened in shock.
Mr Bennet pursed his lips at the accusation in her voice. “I am not asking you to immediately say yes to his proposal, Lizzy, but I do believe that you should listen to him. If after speaking with him you find that you are still of the same mind as now, I will not force you... unless circumstances forceme.”
For one irrational moment, Elizabeth heartily wished that Mr Darcy had indeed been the coward Mr Wickham had accused him of being. None of this would happen if he had already left Meryton. Then, realising the foolishness of her thoughts, she went down with her father with a rueful shake of her head.
As they passed by the open door of her mother’s parlour, Elizabeth heard her aunt Phillips’s distressed voice. “Oh, Fanny, I cannot repeat what all they have been saying, but as I said...”
Elizabeth threw a panicked look at her father as the duo hurried past the open doorway.
“Aunt Phillips is here,” she whispered the obvious.
Mr Bennet nodded grimly. “Yes, Martha arrived a few minutes behind Mr Darcy and from the sounds of it she has regaled your mother with everything there is to know about the rumours.” He glanced askance at his daughter and added with a wry look, “That is another reason I wanted you to listen to Mr Darcy’s proposal.”
“You have promised you will not force me,” Elizabeth said quietly.
Mr Bennet sighed. “Yes, I did, Lizzy, but I hope you also remember that there is a caveat attached to it.”
An uneasy shiver passed down Elizabeth’s spine at her father’s words and she tightened her shawl around her unconsciously. By now they were at the closed door of the study.
“Mr Darcy requested that you be allowed to speak in the garden adjacent to my study. He believes it will be more pleasant for you.”
On hearing that, Elizabeth gave a surprised glance to her father, who raised a satirical brow before adding dryly, “It would appear that while all that staring down his nose at you, he has also been observing your likes and dislikes.”
Before Elizabeth could react to this strange sally, Mr Bennet opened the door of his study and ushered her inside. She looked in puzzlement at her father as she followed him. Papa has been behaving differently since his conversation with Mr Darcy. But... but, why?
∞∞∞
Darcy turned to look at Elizabeth once Mr Bennet left them alone in his study. She appeared anxious, which was understandable given the circumstances. For a while they were enveloped in silence as he suddenly felt ill-equipped to go about making the proposal. He had never imagined that when he finally proposed to a woman it would be under a cloud of a compromise hanging over his head.
So, what does one say to a young woman when asking for her hand in such awkward circumstances? he wondered even as he politely motioned to her to precede him in stepping out of the French windows of the study to the garden outside.
Did he talk about his admiration? Declarations of ardent love would hardly be sincere, as he did not know if that was what his feelings amounted to. It was only yesterday that he had admitted to himself that he admired Elizabeth. And although he was now feeling sanguine about circumstances necessitating their union, had the events of yesterday not occurred, he would have been in London at this very moment, trying his best to forget her. Elizabeth, too, was bound to doubt the sincerity of such declarations, as up until now he had done his utmost not to show any signs of his partiality for her.
It is best to be honest. Circumstances have forced both our hands, but it is up to us to choose how and where we go from here. With this very sensible thought, Darcy cleared his throat and asked, “How are you feeling now, Miss Elizabeth?”
“I am well, Mr Darcy. I did not get a chance to thank you yesterday, but... please accept my heartfelt gratitude for coming to my rescue so expediently.”
“There is no need for gratitude, Miss Elizabeth. I was quite happy to be of service and am only thankful that I reached you when I did. It would definitely have been detrimental to your health had you been exposed to the icy waters for much longer.”
Elizabeth nodded even as she shivered at the thought. “Then it was fortunate for me that you chose to ride in that direction yesterday.”
“Well, it was only the timing that was fortunate. I was already bound for Longbourn, to take my leave of you all, when I saw you going towards the woods.”
“Oh.” Elizabeth did not know what else to say and an awkward silence reigned between them until Darcy cleared his throat.
“Uh... Miss Elizabeth?” he said hesitantly.
“Yes, Mr Darcy?”
“I am not sure how much you are aware of it, but yesterday’s rescue mission has had some... ah... unintended consequences,” he came to a halt, not overly keen to discuss the ugly rumours.
“Are you... are you referring to the gossip taking place in Meryton since yestereve?”
Darcy released a relieved sigh at the realisation that he need not elaborate. “Yes....” He said grimly.
“To be honest with you, I was quite concerned about the presence of all those ladies at your doorstep yesterday. While I was hoping that your neighbours might behave somewhat differently from the neighbours everywhere, I postponed my travel to London, knowing human nature for what it is. I could not leave Netherfield without making sure that you were not left alone to bear the brunt of gossip that would most certainly have both of us as central characters.”
And Mr Wickham accused him of cowardice! The thought came unbidden to Elizabeth’s mind, but she was soon distracted by Mr Darcy’s changing demeanour as he shifted on his feet and tugged at his jacket in a self-conscious manner. It appeared that the moment she had been dreading was upon her. The unthinkable was going to happen—she was going to receive her second proposal in as many days. The second one, as unwelcome as the first, despite coming from one of the most sought-after bachelors in the kingdom.
Before she could react to his previous statement, Mr Darcy cleared his throat and said baldly, “Miss Elizabeth, I suppose we both know what will be the consequences of the gossip that has been spread since yesterday. My honour as a gentleman demands that I undertake steps to mitigate the damage to both our reputations. So... would you please do me the honour of being my wife?”
While waiting for her father to come to her just now, Elizabeth had tried to imagine how Mr Darcy would appear if he was forced to make an offer to someone he disliked. Especially when none of this was his fault. The image that had risen in her mind was that of a face distorted in anger and distaste. To her utter astonishment the man standing before her spoke in a gentle voice. And far from any distaste, his visage reflected only the sincerity of his words. Feeling thoroughly baffled at his unexpected behaviour, she shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind.
She had agreed to Papa’s request to listen to what Mr Darcy had to say, but she had already decided to reject his offer if he made one. She believed... rather, she had tried to make herself believe... that Papa’s fears regarding the risk to her reputation were unfounded or at least inflated. For the alternative was far worse. How could she accept Mr Darcy’s offer which was made under duress? Especially when she disliked him and knew without doubt that he held her and her family in contempt.
She had only considered herself before making her decision, but now that she had seen his sincerity and kindness, she had yet another reason to say no to his proposal. She knew that he had no actual desire to marry her or into her family. She could not take advantage of his gentlemanly conduct, condemning him to a miserable existence.
She took a deep breath and replied, “While I am grateful for your generous offer, Mr Darcy, I am sorry I cannot accept it. I... understand why you have offered for me, but... I believe that you and Papa are worrying unnecessarily.”
She sent out a fervent prayer that it was indeed the case before adding, “All these gossipers are people who have known me since my birth. In their hearts, they must know the truth, and I have no doubt that with the arrival of a newer on-dit, all of this rumour mongering will quickly die down. So... er... I do not think that there is any need for us to sacrifice ourselves at the altar of societal dictates.”
Darcy stood listening to her in shock. He had never imagined that a young lady would refuse him if he deigned to make her an offer. Trust Elizabeth to be an exception! he thought in reluctant admiration, even as he attempted to convince her of the need to rethink her stance.
“Rather than your father and I worrying too much, Miss Elizabeth, I believe you are being overly sanguine about the whole issue. In my opinion, the threat to your reputation and that of your family is very real. From what the cook’s assistant told Mrs Nicholls and what your father has come to know through his investigations, the gossip mongers have been quite loose with their tongues and wild with their imaginations.”
Elizabeth felt a prickling of fear at his words, and just for a moment, she wavered. But then she hardened her resolve. While it was only a possibility that the gossip might have a long-term detrimental effect on her reputation, it was certain that she and Mr Darcy would both be miserable if they were to marry.
“Be that as it may, Mr Darcy, but I find it hardly fair that you should be punished thusly only for being a good Samaritan and I for being a careless fool!”
“But...”
“Oh, sir, please try to understand. How can I, in good conscience, sentence us both to a miserable future for something that may not even happen? And marriage is for life. I am not sure how it is for a gentleman, but in our society, marriage for a woman is life-altering. More often than not, it necessitates the loss of whatever modicum of independence she enjoys in her parental home and... and may even require the submission of... of her own self.”
A whole host of emotions flitted through Darcy as he heard her impassioned words. On one hand, he could understand her fears, but on the other, it pained him to realise that she was afraid that a future with him would lead to misery. He was also puzzled as to what she meant by submission of oneself—was she... alluding to marital relations? He was not sure; only the blush on her cheeks as she talked about it made him suspect that it might be the case. Even as he stood there pondering her words, she said something else that scattered his thoughts altogether.
“I am truly grateful for your consideration, Mr Darcy, but I do not think that two people like us, who do not even like each other, could ever hope to have a happy future together.”
She... dislikes me? His stunned mind shied away from the thought, and he focused on the second aspect of her shocking statement. “Why do you say that I do not like you?” he asked through stiff lips.
“Do you really need to ask that? I am the same young woman whom you did not find tolerable enough to even dance with! Also, you could hardly have forgotten that my uncle is in trade, for Miss Bingley reminded us of it often enough when we stayed at Netherfield Park.” Elizabeth threw him a wry look as she paused to draw breath. Darcy could only stare mutely at her at the totally unexpected attack.
“And I do not think that I need to remind you that my mother is the same woman for whom you cannot hide your contempt whether we meet at a supper at our home or at a ball at Netherfield.”
For a while, her accusations left him too stunned to think coherently. However, as his mind started to function again, a flurry of realisations struck him. Not only had Elizabeth heard his boorish insult at the assembly, but she had clearly sensed the disdain he held for her relatives. Ironically, he had been all too successful in concealing his admiration for her and very transparent in displaying his distaste for her family members, particularly Mrs Bennet.
No wonder she does not like me, he thought bleakly. It mortified him to admit that while he had been very quick to sit in judgement on Mrs Bennet’s ill-bred conduct, his own had hardly been above criticism.
Not really knowing what to say to Elizabeth in his defence, he decided to at least apologise for his inexcusable words at the assembly. But before he could open his mouth, Mrs Bennet’s shrill, angry voice came floating out of the open window of her husband’s study. As Darcy involuntarily turned to glance in the direction of the voice, he was once again reminded of exactly why he held her in such contempt.
“How could you have left the decision to Lizzy, Mr Bennet? Yes... I know that Lizzy and that odious man do not like each other overly, but with all this ugly gossip flying around, their preferences hardly matter. I insist that you make Lizzy see sense. Those two have to marry to quench the rumours and set things to right.”
There was a short pause in which Mr Bennet must have made some response because Mrs Bennet shrilled again.
“No... You listen to me, Mr Bennet. My sister just made me aware of what they were saying about Lizzy’s appearance when Mr Darcy brought her back. And I think Hill has already told you what the tattle-mongers believe must have taken place between them.”
“For heaven’s sake, Fanny, poor Lizzy had an accident! You know nothing inappropriate happened.” This time, Mr Bennet’s angry voice could also be heard clearly.
“Can you convince all those busybodies of that?” Mrs Bennet asked acidly, and the lack of response from Mr Bennet told its own tale.
“I give you a fair warning, Mr Bennet, this time, if you do not make Lizzy do what is right, she is not going to stay here and ruin our lives. I let things be when she refused to do her duty and accept Mr Collins’s proposal, but this time I would not sit by quietly and let her ruin Jane’s future. Do you think Mr Bingley would ever return if his sisters got to hear of these rumours?”
In response, Mr Bennet mumbled something that was not clearly audible.
“Yes... I can see that even you understand the gravity of the situation. I only ask that you convince Lizzy to make this right; otherwise, I promise you that she will no longer be part of this family to blight our lives.”
“Do not talk like that, Fanny! And for heaven’s sake, please keep your voice down.” Mr Bennet belatedly seemed to have remembered the open window in his study. “Very well... I will speak to Lizzy, but for now, please leave me be,” he added, defeated.
∞∞∞
When silence descended in Mr Bennet’s study, Darcy turned to face Elizabeth once again. He was taken aback by the change in her demeanour. Gone was the passionate woman who had been arguing with him so spiritedly; in her place stood another. With a bowed head and drooping shoulders, suddenly she appeared weighed down with all the cares of the world.
Up until now, the rumours and the threats of loss of reputation had all been mere words for Elizabeth, as they came to her vicariously. Her natural optimism had made her gloss over the possible consequences of the scandalous gossip. But today, when she heard her mother’s fulminations, the threat felt tangible for the very first time. Fear overcame her anger at the unfairness of it all. I could very well become the cause of Jane’s unhappiness and the ruin of my family! No... no! I cannot allow that!
Darcy watched in a shocked silence as a tear fell from her eyes onto the hands she stood twisting together. The sudden desire to go to her and ask her to take heart, to somehow get her to revert to her spirited, proud self, was overwhelming, but he controlled himself with difficulty.
“Miss Elizabeth?”
“Mr Darcy...”
They spoke together, and Darcy motioned for her to go on as he gazed into the tear-filled eyes she raised to his.
“Would you give me leave to revise my response to your very kind proposal?” she asked quietly, even as a blush of shame stole over her cheeks.
She was clearly mortified to have to change her stance. The look of humiliation on her face pierced him like an arrow. As he stood staring at the forlorn young woman in front of him, a sudden epiphany acquainted him with his own heart. The shock of the discovery made him stagger. What a time to discover that he was in love with a woman who disliked him! What a time to realise that he would give anything to ensure that she would never again feel so vulnerable. And what a time to understand that he could not bear to see her lower herself—even to him.
He closed his eyes briefly as he feared losing control over his emotions. Now that he knew that they would indeed marry, he was assailed with a strange mixture of joy and sadness, anxiety, and determination.
When he arrived at Longbourn today, he thought he knew what obstacles he would have to overcome if he and Elizabeth were to marry. He had anticipated having to contend with his family”s displeasure as well as the prejudice of the ton. But he had not known the greatest impediment in his path—the dislike his bride held for him! Sadly, it was his stupid conduct that was responsible for that.
He let out a humourless chuckle under his breath. In the not very substantial time he had spent on this earth, he had had his share of challenges and tragedies. And despite his privileged birth, he had rarely won anything in his life without difficulties. It seemed the trend was to continue for his marital life. But then he had never let obstacles stand in the way of what he truly wanted, and he wanted Elizabeth—nay, he needed her in his life—and was determined to fight for what he believed could be a very fulfilling life. He knew that the greatest joy would be his if he could make up for his past follies and if she was willing to enter their alliance with an open heart.
He had been so busy with his musings that he forgot that Elizabeth was waiting for his response. It was only when he heard her distressed voice that he came to his senses.
“Oh, how utterly selfish and unfair of me to put you in this dilemma! Of course, you cannot marry a woman who not only rejected your proposal but did so while calling you names. I am sorry... it... it is just that I could not bear to be the cause of my dear sister’s misery, and you had so kindly offered me a way out...”
“Miss Elizabeth.” Darcy attempted to stem the flow of her words, but she did not appear to be listening.
“I am truly sorry; please forget what I said.”
“Elizabeth!” he said sharply, even as he placed his hand on hers to prevent her from wringing her hands any further.
Elizabeth paused mid-sentence and stared at him in surprise. Then, finding herself unable to meet his eyes, she looked down and stared at their joined hands a little uncomprehendingly.
“I believe I already told you, my honour demands that I shoulder this fight for our reputations alongside you, whether wittingly or not, I am an equal party to whatever is happening here in Meryton. So, I ask you again, would you do me the very great honour of accepting my hand in marriage?”
Elizabeth stared at him blankly for a moment, then, almost sagged in relief as realisation dawned. Only one thought remained with her—she would not be responsible for ruining Jane’s happiness! She swallowed a few times to relieve the constriction in her throat. Still, her voice remained husky as she whispered, “Yes, Mr Darcy, it will be an honour.”
“Good, that is settled then,” Darcy replied with a faint smile.
Elizabeth stared at him and suddenly felt terrified of her decision. What have I done? she thought in panic. Then, as she continued to drink in his visage, the gentleness of his smile, and the calm assurance on his face, caused the panic to slowly dissipate. “Mr Darcy, I... I... am truly grateful for your kindness.”
And she was surprised to realise that she was indeed grateful to him for being honourable enough to stand by her when most likely he was as apprehensive of this marriage as she was. She was grateful to him for being large-hearted enough to overlook her earlier rejection. But in addition to gratitude, she also felt guilt—guilt for so selfishly taking advantage of his kindness for her own benefit and that of her family.
But he came on his own and offered for me...and... I have not hidden anything from him, she told herself as she ruthlessly tried to suppress the pangs of guilt.
Darcy looked at her earnest face, then down at their hands, which were still entwined. The only change was that at some point she had turned up her palm, so now they were truly holding hands. Mayhap it was foolish of him to believe so, but that small, unconscious gesture engendered hope in him for their future together. It is going to turn out well—it has to, he thought fervently.
“I have a philosophy, or if I am to be particular, Elizabeth, my father hada philosophy with which I agree. He used to say that whenever life throws brickbats at you—and there will be many occasions when it does—duck, pick them up, and turn them into stepping stones.” He smiled, raised her hand, which he still held, to his lips, and released it with a gentle squeeze.
“Mrs Goulding and her ilk have flung quite a few missiles at us since yesterday. By agreeing to wed, we have already dodged them; now if we can but achieve an amicable life together, we can... er... cock a snook at them.”
He gave her a lopsided smile and added, “I do not need your gratitude, Elizabeth, but if you will, then promise me that you will work with me to create those all-important stepping stones.”
Elizabeth stared at him as if she was seeing him for the first time. Perhaps she was, for the man facing her bore little resemblance to the haughty, rude man she had come to know in the last few months.
“I promise,” she whispered.
“Then, shall we go and inform Mr Bennet about our decision?”
Just for a moment, Elizabeth hesitated. Once they told the others, their decision would become irrevocable. But then she remembered her mother’s angry outburst of moments ago, and she forced herself to nod. Darcy gave her a pleased smile, and they began making their way back to Mr Bennet’s study. She did not think that Mr Darcy had noticed her slight hesitation, but he had, and he stored it in the back of his mind to ponder over it later.
“Elizabeth?”
“Yes, Mr Darcy?”
He nearly asked her to call him by his given name but then bit his tongue. There was still time for that.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Uh... earlier you mentioned Miss Bennet’s happiness. Is she... um... will she be pleased with Bingley’s return?”
Elizabeth turned to look at him, recalling Miss Bingley’s claims about Miss Darcy. “Yes, she was very much looking forward to his return... but from something Miss Bingley wrote to her, we are no longer so sure if he will be returning.”
“Hmm.” Darcy murmured absently as he digested the fact that he had been wrong about Miss Bennet’s affections for Bingley. If Elizabeth believed that her sister had a tendre for Bingley, then it must be true. He had seen enough evidence today of her ability to call a spade a spade. His lips quirked ruefully at the thought.
“But perhaps you would not be so happy for Mr Bingley to return?” Elizabeth enquired tentatively.
“Why do you say that?” Darcy asked cautiously, while wondering if his disapproval of the match had also been so evident.
“Well, Miss Bingley mentioned how they were all very hopeful of a match between her brother and your sister.” Elizabeth replied hesitantly.
“What? Impossible! Perhaps Miss Bennet misunderstood what was meant.”
“No, she did not!” Elizabeth retorted forcefully. “I too read Miss Bingley’s missive, and there is no room for doubt as to her meaning.”
Darcy sighed. Why was he even arguing when he knew Miss Bingley’s wishes regarding herself and her brother? Perhaps because he found it hard to believe that she would start making false claims based purely on her own fantasies!
“Then, all I can say is that Miss Bingley lied. My sister is not yet sixteen. She is not yet out, and there is no question of her betrothal at present, either to Bingley or anyone else.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, and while I cannot say for sure if or when Bingley will return to Netherfield Park, I can certainly assure you that his movements are in no way guided by my sister. I request that you please clear any confusion Miss Bennet might be having in this regard.”
“Thank you. I am sure she will be relieved to know that.”
Darcy nodded in acknowledgement as they both entered Mr Bennet’s study.