Chapter 24
Chapter 24
As she preceded her husband into their chambers, Elizabeth wondered what was making her practically delirious with joy—the fact that her faith in her husband had not been misplaced or the fact that she had overcome her fears despite clear evidence to the contrary. She did not dwell on the matter for long, as her yearning to confess her feelings to Fitzwilliam trumped her desire to examine her own emotions.
Preparing herself to do so, she stopped in the middle of the sitting room and turned eagerly to face him. However, one look into his intense, sherry gold eyes was enough to dry her mouth, and she discovered that it was much easier imagining making a speech than to actually do so.
So, when she opened her mouth, to her chagrin, she found herself asking, “You really broke Mr Manwaring’s nose, Fitzwilliam?”
Darcy blinked at the abrupt query. “It was an accident, Elizabeth. I did not go into the bout planning to break his nose!”
Despite his efforts, Elizabeth heard the defensive tone of his voice and gave him a sceptical look. “And I suppose it was Mr Manwaring who challenged you to the bout?”
Darcy flushed and glanced away from her. “Um… no, as a matter of fact, I challenged him.”
“Hmm.”
“Oh, very well. If you must know, I challenged him to a fight because I wanted to teach him a lesson. I had wanted to bring him down a peg when he tried to humiliate Miss Preston so carelessly, but at the time, we limited ourselves to protecting her reputation. It was, however, the last straw when only for a lark, he shot the rifle that day and endangered your life. I realised then that he could not be allowed to go on in life believing that there are no consequences for endangering other people’s reputations and wellbeing.”
Elizabeth nodded in agreement. Especially when those ‘others’ are people you care about. The thought came unbidden and brought with it a warm glow of contentment. “But did you really have to break his nose for that, Fitzwilliam?” She could not help teasing him a little.
“I told you, madam, it was an accident,” Darcy responded in exasperation, then swiftly changed the subject. “Let us not discuss Manwaring anymore. Instead, will you tell me why you were looking for me?”
With that query he had taken away all her reasons to vacillate. Firmly shutting the door on all her fears, she plunged ahead. “You did say that our courtship would last until I felt something more for you than gratitude, did you not?” she asked nervously, and saw her husband go absolutely still at her words.
“Yes, I did,” he whispered, his eyes suddenly alight with a nameless emotion.
“Well, Fitzwilliam, may we then end our courtship? Because…” Elizabeth paused and licked her lips as a mixture of embarrassment and dread made her mouth go dry.
“Because?” he asked with a painful intensity that cracked her reserve.
“Because I love you, Fitzwilliam, with all my heart.” She paused when she saw him close his eyes with a soft groan. It was a whisper of a sound, but she thought she heard him mumble, “Oh, Lord, finally!”
Before she could continue with her confession, he opened his eyes and said, “But not half as much as I love you, Elizabeth, and certainly not for half as long,” he said with a heartbreakingly soft smile. “I cannot tell you how much I have ached to hear you say these words. It feels like forever!”
Elizabeth gasped at his fervent words, her unruly heart threatening to burst out of its confines. She had known for a long time that he cared for her. Otherwise, he could not have treated her so gently since his return to Pemberley despite her incomprehensible behaviour and harsh accusations. However, she had worried whether he could develop ardent feelings for a woman he had been obliged to marry. To discover now that he did indeed reciprocate her feelings filled her with soul-satisfying contentment.
This time I will not leave him in any doubt of my feelings, she thought, nervously waiting for him to approach her, her longing clear in her wide eyes. However, to her utter astonishment, he cleared his throat and moved away. “I… ah… I will be back after a while, Elizabeth.”
“Wh-what? Is… is this all you have to say?” she stammered foolishly, unable to comprehend his strange conduct.
Darcy smiled ruefully at her bewildered expression, feeling like a heel for denying the unspoken plea in her eyes. But he foundthathe was a man after all. A man who after being rejected wanted the reassurance unequivocally that he was wanted. “No… no, that is not all that I have to say, but if I do not go now, then…”
“Then what?” Elizabeth asked impatiently.
His smile broadened. “Then I will not be able to stop myself from doing what I have been wanting to ever since I heard you defending me so staunchly to that vile woman.”
“Stop yourself from doing what?” By now, a sliver of annoyance had crept into Elizabeth’s voice.
“Stop myself from kissing you senseless… kissing you until you can feel only me and think of only me,” came the husky response.
Elizabeth’s breath caught at his ardent words. A thrill of anticipation passed through her as she remembered that one soul-stirring kiss they had shared before she ruined everything due to her foolish fears.
“But… why do you want to stop yourself?” she whispered after a moment of charged silence.
“Because there is this small matter of my promise not to touch you unless you ask me to…”
“Oooh… of all the stubborn men!” Elizabeth’s exasperated cry interrupted him, and then, in a flurry of movements, she was in front of him, pulling his face to hers and kissing him hard, flush on his lips.
“Oh.” She blushed at her forward behaviour and made to pull away from him.
Darcy grinned as delight and relief fizzed through his veins, and he prevented her simply by way of gathering her in his arms. “I suppose I can take this as an indirect request, even if not in so many w…”
“Fitzwilliam?”
“Hmm?”
“Will you kindly stop talking and fulfil your second promise?”
“Which one is that?” he mumbled while his lips grazed the wildly beating pulse just below her left ear.
The sensations he was causing were making her tremble. “The one to k… kiss me sense…” The rest of her words were swallowed by his lips gliding up and taking possession of hers—taking possession of her. She had often wondered what it would be like if he kissed her, and she did not spoil it by pushing him away. As he pulled her more firmly in his arms and his tongue began the gentlest of duel with hers, she realised the reality was far superior to anything she had anticipated.
Darcy broke the kiss only when they needed to come up for air. He stared down at the beautiful woman in his arms, trying to bring his reeling senses under control.
∞∞∞
Fitzwilliam certainly knows how to keep his promises. Elizabeth smiled dreamily, her eyes still closed, as she, too, tried to get back her breath and her scattered bearings. After a bracing moment, she opened her eyes to find herself looking straight into her husband’s. Well, the kiss appears to have sent his senses reeling too, she thought, pleased, as she studied his slightly dazed eyes looking back at her, shining a glorious gold.
Gold? Oh!
It was a moment of revelation as she slowly recalled all the times his arresting eyes had taken on the extraordinary hue—from the first day they had played chess together in Lord Seymour’s house to more recently when they had shared the cake. And every time she had made the mistake of assuming that he was discontented for some reason or another.
She found, however, that her curiosity was too strong not to confirm her newfound understanding, and very deliberately, she raised her hand to cup Fitzwilliam’s cheek. His eyes fluttered shut at the caress, and he turned his face to brush his lips against her palm. Elizabeth’s heartbeat sped up and almost without volition, her hand gently started wandering over his face—over his closed eyes, his proud nose, until finally, her thumb traced over his surprisingly soft lips. The next moment, his eyes snapped open, blazing golden fire down at her.
“Oh!” Although she had suspected it, still it was thrilling to get a confirmation, as thrilling as the discovery of what a simple touch of hers could do to him.
“What is it, Elizabeth?” he enquired huskily.
She found then that her courage could serve her only so much! “Nothing,” she mumbled before hiding her face in his chest with a soft, knowing smile.
“Hmm.” His arms tightened around her as he felt her burrowing against him, and he dropped a kiss on her hair. Assuming that it was shyness that was making her tongue-tied, Darcy decided to drop the subject. In any case, there was another matter he wanted to discuss with her before long. Regardless of how ardently she had responded to his caresses just now, he needed to know why she had spurned him that dreadful day. The very notion of a repeat of that incident was unbearable. He drew a sharp breath at the terrifying thought.
“Elizabeth?”
“Yes?”
“I… I do not want anything to ruin this perfect moment, but I would really like to know why you pushed me away that day in the park,” he asked hesitantly. The sudden vulnerability in his voice pierced Elizabeth’s heart, and for the thousandth time, she berated herself for hurting him so harshly.
She pushed herself away from him a little and Darcy observed the sadness shadowing her eyes. And he clarified quickly, “I only ask because I never want it to happen again. So… so if that day I scared you somehow or did something to offend you, then I beg you to tell me.”
“Oh, no.… No, Fitzwilliam, you did nothing wrong, my love, nothing. In fact, it is I who needs to beg your pardon for my cruel behaviour and unfair accusations. I have been wanting to do so from the very moment I uttered those lies.” She broke off, finding it difficult to admit the silly reason behind her inexcusable conduct.
However, the anxiety in his troubled eyes forced her to confess, “I pushed you away because I am a foolish woman who was afraid to open herself to love for fear of betrayal.” By the end of her statement, her voice had dropped to a whisper.
∞∞∞
“B-betrayal? But… I do not understand! Which betrayal are you talking about?”
Elizabeth swallowed, feeling like a complete idiot to acknowledge that she had been worrying about an imaginary situation. That she had hurt him so much for something that she had seen happening to another woman. “Ah, actually, it was the thought of… of you betraying me which…”
“I beg your pardon.” The incredulity in his voice made her wince, and she hurriedly glanced away from him.
“Elizabeth? What in heaven’s name are you talking about?” he prompted when she did not respond.
Elizabeth let out a resigned sigh before taking his hand and leading him to a sofa near one of the windows in the sitting room. She sat down and patted the seat next to hers, looking at him pleadingly.
As always, Darcy found it difficult to deny the appeal of her beautiful eyes. “Oh, very well!” he muttered and sat down beside her. “But madam wife, I am still waiting for an explanation for that very strange claim you made just now,” he added grimly.
“I will have to start from the very beginning to make you understand why I was… such an idiot!”
Darcy’s brow rose at the exasperation in her voice, and for a moment his eyes glinted with amusement. Then, he murmured with a gentle smile, “Tell me whatever you want, my darling Elizabeth, we have all the time in the world.”
Elizabeth looked at the softness in his eyes and swallowed. Will he still be feeling so generous once he knows the reason for my incomprehensible conduct? She wondered uneasily, as she glanced away from him and began to unburden herself.
“I-I suppose I started to fall in love with you from the very day you came to my rescue so valiantly. However, in the beginning, I was so busy feeling happy at what I considered our growing friendship that I never attempted to understand the true state of my heart.”
Darcy was only too eager to hear Elizabeth’s story, but her strange mannerism prompted him to interrupt, “Would you mind telling me why you are addressing my boots, Elizabeth?”
The amusement in his voice was the last straw, and Elizabeth glared at him. “You, sir, might enjoy hearing what an idiot I have been; I definitely do not enjoy admitting it!” she cried angrily, and her glare turned into a scowl when he chuckled. However, before she could retaliate in any manner, Darcy did what he had been wanting to ever since they sat down.
“Come here,” he murmured, pulling her into his arms and resting his chin on her head. “I think we will be more comfortable in this manner.”
Elizabeth stiffened in surprise briefly before a feeling of absolute rightness stole over her. Sighing, she relaxed in his arms, temporarily forgetting the difficult explanations ahead of her. It was only when his hand suddenly clamped over hers that she realised that she had been tracing the pattern on his waistcoat.
“You will not get out of telling me the truth by trying to distract me in this manner, Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth’s brow rose as she absorbed this interesting bit of information. “I was not trying anything of the sort,” she protested before asking conscientiously, “So, where was I?”
“You were going to tell me when exactly you realised that you had fallen in love with me,” Darcy supplied helpfully.
“It is not too difficult to remember, as it is seared in my heart.It was when I suffered an acute and wholly unfamiliar bout of jealousy on seeing you laughing and conversing with Lady Serena as you danced with her,” she replied baldly.
Darcy sat up with a jerk. “What the…” he bit back the rest of his words as he caught hold of Elizabeth’s shoulders and held her a little away from him. “I do not believe what I am hearing. They were duty dances, Elizabeth! I danced with Miss Preston too, if you remember.”
“But Miss Preston is not the daughter of a duke whom you were expected to marry by your family!” she nearly wailed after a moment.
Darcy took in a sharp breath. “Who told you about that?”
Elizabeth sighed. “Lady Matlock had to explain the situation when I came under an attack of needling sarcasm from Lady Lancaster at Madame Blanchet’s.”
“I am so sorry, my love, that you have had to undergo such rudeness from the shrews and the tabbies.” Darcy raised her face to his and dropped a gentle kiss on her lips. “All I can say is that while Lady Serena’s parents and my family might have expected it, I was never going to marry her, and I did not give her any cause to imagine such a thing.”
He saw the relief in her eyes and could not stop himself from giving her another lingering kiss before adding, “I danced with her only because she and her mother wished us well with genuine kindness when her grace at least had a cause to be miffed with me.”
“But I did not know that! When I saw you laughing and chatting with her, all I could think about was how I literally had to force you to open your mouth when we danced at Netherfield.” Elizabeth faltered at the look in his eyes, but she continued nonetheless, “A-and when we opened our wedding ball, you did not say a word to me, and it made me wonder if you regretted…”
“Really, Elizabeth? Is that what you felt when we danced together?” Darcy raised his brow in challenge.
Elizabeth flushed guiltily. “No… not when we danced. It was the most beautiful dance of my life. It was only later that I suffered a jealous fit! I am sorry.”
Darcy let out a soft chuckle, then murmured, “I beg your pardon for my silence that evening, but I was too distracted for small talk, my dear. I held the most beautiful and desirable woman in my arms—my wife! All I wanted was to carry her off to the nearest alcove and kiss her. Any husband in the world would have done so, but I could not since I had promised her to take things slowly during our courting.”
“Oh!”
“Yes, oh,” Darcy repeated ruefully, then bent his head to kiss her as if to reward himself for his earlier patience. For a long time, there was silence in the room, which was broken when he broke the kiss.
“Please tell me that we did not waste so much time because of this foolish misunderstanding.”
“No, we did not. On the contrary, after that billiards game, I was trying to think of ways to make you fall in love with me.”
“Oh, God! Why do you think I married you, Elizabeth?”
“Because you are an honourable man and could not leave me to face the consequences of that unfortunate gossip on my own. You told me so yourself.”
Darcy slapped his palm over his forehead and muttered, “That is why I abhor deceit!”
“But…” Elizabeth began in a confused voice, but he interrupted her.
“While I would have tried to support any woman under those circumstances, I do not think I could have married them if it had been anyone else but you.”
“Oh!” Elizabeth’s eyes widened at the surprising confession.
Darcy took a deep breath and finally told her the truth. “I married you because I love you, Elizabeth, with all my heart. I have loved you since the very beginning. I loved you even when I was letting societal expectations and my fears drive me away from Meryton. I came to see you on the day of your accident only because I could not leave the town without a glimpse of you one last time.”
He smiled at the delighted amazement on her face and lifted his hand to gently brush his knuckles on her cheek. “I cannot tell you how glad I was that all that gossiping finally provided me a reason to stop listening to my mind and do what my heart desired.”
“Then why did you not say anything at the time?”
“Because I also got to know your feelings for me at the same time as I learned to understand my own.”
“Fitzwilliam…”
Darcy’s smile turned rueful as he noticed the stricken expression on her face. “You were already being forced to marry a man you did not like; I could not then burden you with my feelings before at least trying to change your opinion of me.” Despite his best efforts, a shadow of remembered pain flickered in his eyes.
“I am so sorry, Fitzwilliam,” Elizabeth whispered regretfully, leaning forward to place a comforting kiss on his cheek, but Darcy turned his face and captured her lips with his once more. Soon his wandering lips were trailing kisses down her jaw and Elizabeth arched her neck with a soft mewl. The sound reminded Darcy of that day in the park, and he put herself away from him regretfully.
“Mrs Darcy, if you keep distracting me in this manner, we will never be able to finish our conversation.”
Elizabeth’s brows shot up at his words. “If ever there was a fitting example of the pot calling the kettle black!” she muttered.
Darcy smiled at her disgruntled look before saying, “I am still waiting to know what happened in the park that day.”
∞∞∞
Elizabeth sighed and rose from her seat to walk to the window opposite. “While I was falling more and more in love with you, I was also noticing how women like Lady Stalbridge behaved with you.”
She raised her hand as Darcy made to respond to that. “Oh, I knew that I had nothing to fear from Lady Stalbridge. You are not a man to betray his friend, but it made me wonder what would happen if there was some other woman, who… who you liked and who did not come with such an encumbrance.”
Darcy’s jaw dropped open in shock. “Just listen to yourself, Elizabeth! On one hand, you claim that I am not a man who would betray his friend, but on the other, you have no trouble believing me to be a cad who would betray his wife! And I used to think that you were an intelligent woman!”
Elizabeth winced at his angry words. “I beg your pardon, Fitzwilliam. All I can say in my defence is that being hopelessly in love that you believe to be unrequited is not very conducive to clear thinking.”
Despite his ire, Darcy’s expression softened at the pleading look in her eyes. “But what was in my conduct that made you think I would ever behave in such a base manner?”
Elizabeth sighed. “Do you remember our discussion from Great Amwell about people marrying for reasons other than usual and not keeping their vows?”
“Oh God! I was not talking about us, Elizabeth; I was talking about…” Darcy broke off abruptly.
“Jennifer and Sebastian,” Elizabeth supplied quietly.
“H-how do you know that?” Darcy’s shocked surprise was evident on his face.
“I was in Lord Matlock’s study on the night of our first dinner at Matlock House when you and Richard came into the billiards room and began discussing Minerva and them. I did not know where to go, as Georgie and I had recently left the drawing room to let Minerva speak to her mother without an audience. So, I listened.”
“Hmm.”
“It was from that discussion that I understood what an honourable man I had married.”
Darcy stood up, agitated, and approached her. “An honourable man you thought capable of cheating on his wife!” he said accusingly, his hurt palpable in his voice.
“I am sorry, Fitzwilliam, but… I thought that just like Jennifer and Sebestian we also had an… u-unusual sort of marriage and you might…”
“An unusual sort of marriage! Is that why I begged you to give our marriage a chance on the day I proposed? Oh, yes, an unusual marriage indeed, in which a husband tries to woo his wife in order to lessen her distaste for him, hoping against hope that she will fall in love with him.”
“Oh, Fitzwilliam, please forgive me, my love. I have already admitted I was not thinking very clearly,” she murmured, lifting her hand to caress his unhappy face. “Eventually I might have realised the irrationality of my thoughts, but the day before I pushed you away so heartlessly, I unfortunately saw a weeping Minerva.” She took hold of one of his hands and held it against her cheek for a brief moment.
“I had rarely seen her jovial before then, but oh, Lord, I believe I will never forget the pitiful and heartbreaking sounds she made that day,” Elizabeth whispered, staring unseeingly out of the window. “As I stood listening to her pain, most shamefully, all I could think was how I would want to die if ever you subjected me to what Lord Stanhope had done to her!” Elizabeth stared at him with wide, troubled eyes as she recalled the events of that distressing day.
“I had always thought of marrying for a deep, abiding love, but I never thought that the very same love could cause such anguish. I grew scared of the intensity of my feelings for you. And then… the next day, you kissed me.”
She paused to draw a shaky breath. “I-I cannot fully express how you made me feel. As I stood in the circle of your arms, it felt as if you had drawn my very soul from inside me. And then I suddenly remembered Minerva and in a desperate desire to protect my heart, I-I lashed out at you like I did.” Elizabeth caught hold of his hand and pressed her lips to it urgently. “I am sorry,” she whispered, and Darcy wordlessly drew her into his arms.
“It took me only a moment to realise how deeply I had hurt you. I tried to apologise, but the stranger who had taken the place of my husband would not let me. After the effects of laudanum wore off, I came down for breakfast the next day to apologise, but you had already left for Rosings.” She shuddered at the memory and hearing the remembered desolation in her voice, Darcy tightened his arms around her.