Chapter 9
“So sorry we’re late. But come on, let us into the joke.”
Hearing my friend’s voice, my head snapped around to greet her. Lottie and Leo were standing by our table, both smiling brightly. I noticed that they were holding hands. This was a very good sign.
“Oh, it’s nothing really. Seb just said something that made me laugh.”
I jumped up and enveloped my friend in a warm hug, before turning to give Leo a swift kiss on the cheek.
“I’m so glad you’re finally here, we’re starving. If you’d been five more minutes, we would have ordered without you.”
Lottie flushed slightly and I caught a little glance pass between the two. I knew that look all right. They were obviously running late because they’d been indulging in a bit of afternoon aerobics of the bedroom variety.
Leo pulled Lottie’s chair out for her and she quickly sat down, introducing Leo to Seb in the process.
Seb grasped Leo’s hand and shook it firmly.
“I’m glad to meet you finally, fella. I’ve only heard good things.”
“Me too, Seb. Lottie has told me what a nice guy you are. It’s great we can all finally meet up.”
A smile lit up Leo’s face, showcasing his straight white teeth and his sparkling blue eyes which crinkled at the corners slightly. I gave him the quick once-over. He really was a handsome man. His sandy beard was trimmed shorter than the last time I had seen him, and he was dressed in a smart navy jacket over cream T-shirt and inky jeans.
Lottie looked equally smart in her simple yet elegant black wrap dress. I was touched to see it was the one I had given her for Christmas a couple of years before. It was a timeless little number and it suited her perfectly. Her hair was shining, her make-up, unlike mine, was immaculate and to put it simply, she looked stunning. But I think the most beautiful thing about her entire appearance was her megawatt smile. It simply lit up her face. She was happy, and that was clear for everyone to see.
Lottie was extremely lucky to have found Leo, but the exact same thing could be said of him. They made an impressively elegant couple. I noted them both attracting a few adulatory glances from the other diners.
The waiter who had been hovering by our table as Leo and Lottie arrived sprang into action with notebook in hand and pencil poised. We all ordered our dishes, Leo and Lottie barely glancing at the menu. It was clear that food was the last thing on their minds.
This was such a different Lottie from a year ago. Then the biggest loves of her life were a multi-pack of cheese Quavers and a baked vanilla cheesecake. Now she wasn’t simply eating her feelings; no, now she was actually feeling them. And by the look of Leo’s biceps through his shirt, there was plenty there to get to grips with.
Twenty minutes later, we were tucking into our starters. The atmosphere was light and convivial. Seb had thankfully cheered up and was back to his endearing best.
The starters were a success…mostly. Seb wasn’t overly enamoured with his hot seared beef and rocket salad. Not one for spicy food, the sauce had nearly blown his eyebrows off. And as for the minute quantity of steak on his plate, he grumbled that he “had seen more meat on a dirty fork”.
I couldn’t help but notice the little glances shooting between Lottie and Leo. Just looking at them was giving me the warm and fuzzies. My friend had a faint blush to her cheeks that I knew wasn’t all thanks to Charlotte Tilbury and some good contouring.
I realised one thing, for sure: I should let Seb choose the restaurant next time we came out to dine. He looked as if he might need therapy after getting a gander at his main course as the waiter placed the oval plate in front of him with an extravagant flourish. From the expression on Seb’s face, he might as well have slapped him in the face with the back of his napkin.
True to form, Seb had ordered the pizza, confident that it would be the most indulgent item on the menu. But this was unlike any pizza he had ever seen before. It was fair to say he wasn’t impressed. Gone was the thick stuffed crust and three inches of cheese. All he got was the faintest dab of mozzarella, a pinch of provolone and a few flakes of parmesan, so sheer he could have watched his favourite Battlestar Galactica through them.
“Three cheese pizza! They should have called it “three grams of cheese on your pizza”.
He had huffed away for a few moments poking unenthusiastically at his foot with his fork.
“That would definitely have been more apt even though I think saying three grams is being a bit generous, is there a shortage of cheddar in Yorkshire I’m not aware of?”
As for the rest of us, we tucked into our meals with enthusiasm. It felt good to know I was eating something light and healthy. I tried as a rule of thumb to stick to healthy eating, but life was really all about variety. And if on occasion I felt the need to dive headfirst into a family bucket of KFC, then I certainly would. It was all part of a well-rounded life. I just tried not to indulge too often, or it would result in a well-rounded Lila too.
Lottie and I made our excuses to the menfolk and headed to the ladies’ loo, telling them we needed to have a little “freshen up”. In truth, I had been dying to get my friend to myself all evening so we could have a good old chinwag. I wanted all the goss. Never mind the sloshed coffee from yesterday, now I wanted the tea to be spilt.
Lottie was standing by the highly polished mirror, squinting at her reflection as she applied a generous sweep of scarlet lipstick, having lost most of it on her chicken cacciatore.
I smiled to myself. I too always squinted my eyes when applying my make-up. It was a strange affectation, but clearly a common one.
“He’s so amazing, Lila. We love each other, we really do. Leo said he had from the moment he first saw me, standing outside Ivy’s front door. And I love him too, I love him so much.”
Lottie’s voice was high and happy: a combination of romance and Rioja, no doubt.
“I can’t believe I was stupid enough to nearly let him get away. But it looks like he’s going to be settling down in the UK for good now.”
I felt a warm glow flood through my body, and it I knew it wasn’t from the alcohol either. I might be cynical in matters of the heart, but I knew true love existed and it was clear that Cupid had shot an arrow straight at Lottie and Leo. Maybe one day he would take aim at me too. I could only hope.
My friend snapped her lipstick shut and slipped it back in her leather clutch bag before turning to face me, her excitement evident.
“He’s even said he thinks we should move in together.”
“That’s fantastic, Lottie. I’m over the moon for you.”
I let out a little squeal of excitement as I wrapped her in a huge hug. This was the most wonderful news.
“You don’t think were rushing into things though?”
Sensible Charlotte was back in the room again, her face dropping a little.
“After Daniel and how that ended, I don’t want to make a big mistake; and Leo and I really haven’t known each other that long.”
“Nonsense, Lottie, your ex was a disaster, and you wasted half your life expecting him to be a decent human being. Leo is a different specimen entirely: he’s a gentleman, and you only have to look at his face when he talks to you. He absolutely adores you; it just radiates from him.”
I gave her a little cheeky wink.
“At this point you could go at warp speed and you still wouldn’t be rushing things. And I could be wrong, but were you two lovebirds messing up the duvet this afternoon? Is that why you were so late getting here?”
She nodded, flushing slightly. It made her appear even prettier, and girlish somehow.
“Oh Lila, I’m so sorry we kept you waiting, but I’m not sorry about what happened. It was amazing! I just have to keep pinching myself to check that I’m not dreaming. After all those years with Daniel, when the closest he ever got to foreplay was to fart before he clambered on top. It was just wonderful.”
I half expected her to start twirling around the restroom like a princess in a Disney movie. She looked as giddy as a kipper.
“And you know how I was always so worried about being naked again after being with Daniel? How my stretch marks and saggy tum would turn a man off? All my squishy marshmallow parts I like to keep hidden under my Spanx all suddenly on show. Or how there might be new moves that weren’t even in my repertoire?”
I nodded back at her. I remembered only too well. I had wisely advised her to down a couple of double voddies before getting down to the deed. A bit of Dutch courage always worked wonders for sexual prowess, in my opinion. Some champagne or liquor turned me into a champion licker, if you catch my drift.
I had also helpfully imparted another top tip. That was to always sit high on the horse, a straight back and good posture in the bedroom was just good etiquette in my opinion. Slouching just wasn’t an option, gravity really didn’t need any help.
Lottie hadn’t finished.
“And my boobs, I was so worried about them once my bra came off. If things got too vigorous, they would be swinging around all over the place and clapping together. But to be honest, I didn’t care in the end. By the time we’d finished they could clap away as much as they liked. He deserved a round of applause anyway.”
I hooted at this. My girl was on fire tonight, and not just her loins. But I had a question of my own to ask.
“OK, Lottie, but tell me this: we know his bank account is very well endowed, but how about his…?”
I left the last word hanging in the air, but from my raised eyebrows and rapid hand movements she knew exactly what I was getting at.
“I’m not talking about that!”
“Oh, come on, Lottie, all the times I’ve shared tales of my bedroom antics; it’s only fair you spill the beans now. After all, this is the first time you’ve had anything juicy to impart for years. And I haven’t had a date for a while now, so I have to live vicariously through you.”
Her face reddened a shade or two more.
“OK…OK…let’s just say that at first sight it was pretty impressive, much bigger than Daniel’s. But then when I touched it, it almost immediately doubled in size…like when you’re kneading dough to make bread.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Trust Lottie: even her sex analogies were wholesome.
“So would you say much more impressive than old desperate Dan’s?”
Her eyes flashed mischievously. Even though Daniel had treated her horrendously, it was clear she still felt a little disloyal talking about him in such a manner. But not enough to actually stop, clearly. She was getting quite a kick out of it too.
“Put it this way, if I carry on the baking theme, Leo is definitely a full baguette, whereas Daniel was more of a dried-up breadstick.”
I snorted in that way I often did, which I imagine made me appear the very height of sophistication…not.
“Yeah, I can imagine poor old Daniel…nobody ever touches the breadsticks. They’re always left abandoned on the table. But I’m so happy for you, Lottie. I told you it was about time you tested the bedsprings again, and the fact it’s with someone you love is amazing.”
“That’s what I’ve been thinking too.”
She sighed happily.
“And it’s not just the sex; he’s just so wonderful, and Jacob loves him too. He’s a million miles away from Daniel in every way. I just can’t believe how different he is; and you’re right, he really does seem to adore me. It’s the little romantic things he does that mean so much, like buying me flowers and boxes of chocolates, or even just the fact he holds my hand in public, things that Daniel never did.”
“No, old Danny really wasn’t one for the romantic gestures, was he? But then again, a serial killer with a wilting bunch of carnations and a half-eaten Mars bar would still be a vast improvement on your ex.”
She was blushing again, the colour lighting up her pretty face.
“I know, I have to pinch myself sometimes, because I can’t believe this has actually happened to me and I’ve met someone so wonderful. Ordinary old me, I’m not exactly a femme fatale after all. I’m just a plain old middle-aged mum.”
“Rubbish! You’re talking about my best friend, and I for one know she’s an absolute knockout.”
I rubbed her arm affectionately.
“Grab life by the lady balls, Lottie. Move in with Leo, live your best life; you deserve it.”
I turned back towards the mirror and started to dust powder on my blotchy face. My tears of mirth earlier had nigh on ruined my visage. I looked like something out of the circus.
“Like I’ve always said, Lottie, it’s better to live in sin than cynicism.”
I snapped my powder compact shut and fished around in my silver clutch for my lipstick. It was damage limitation at this point, as I surveyed my appearance in the dimly lit mirror.
“Hell, I don’t know why I even bother; my face looks like a melted welly.”
“Nonsense, Lila, you look gorgeous, you always do. Like a fine work of art, a masterpiece.”
I snorted unattractively at my friend’s kind words, dropped my lipstick back in my bag and zipped it up.
“Yeah, I know I’m a masterpiece all right: old, damaged and in need of much restoration. Thank God for the magical powers of MAC.”
Lottie laughed at this.
“Oooh, that reminds me, Lila, I was going to tell you all about Jayne.”
Jayne was a good friend of ours. I had met her through Lottie, who had known her forever, having lived next door to each other as children. We often liked to go out in a group with our other friend Jasmine. We made quite the formidable foursome: setting the world to rights with sassy conversation and strong cosmopolitans. She was an artist, producing the most fabulous bespoke pieces of jewellery.
Lottie had opened the camera roll on her phone and was staring at it intently.
“She’s doing make-up now as well as her jewellery, and she’s really good at it.”
She passed the handset over to me.
“Here, take a look, it’s really impressive.”
I scrolled through the photographs: beautiful close-up shots of pouting women, some subtle with beige and rose tones, others striking with hues of peacock blue on eyelids and magenta lips. There was no doubt the looks were impressive and obviously took a great level of skill. The models were simply stunning, another talent for Jayne to add to her repertoire.
A photo popped up on the screen that made my stomach jolt and gave me cause to pause. It was a grotesque image of a face, hard to tell if it was even male or female, battered, bruised and bloody, looking like something from out of your worst nightmares.
“What the hell, Lottie! Who’s that?”
She laughed and touched my shoulder reassuringly.
“Calm down, Lila, it’s not real; it’s all just cleverly applied make-up. Jayne’s been on a course for special effects. There’s a big demand for it, apparently, and she’s obviously good at it, plus she can make a fair amount of money doing it for Halloween events and fancy dress too.”
She started tapping at her handset again.
“Anyway, I’m going to forward the pics to you in case there’s anyone you know who needs their make-up done.”
I felt the relief surge through my body. I had really thought for a second that it was a genuine image of some poor soul.
“Well, there’s no doubting that she’s talented. We need to arrange one of our girly afternoons soon, with Jasmine too. We all need to get together and raise a few glasses of something fizzy to toast our girl Jayne’s success.”
Lottie nodded her agreement as she tucked her evening bag firmly under her arm.
“Come on then, we’ve been in here for ages and I want to order the most sinful thing on the menu for dessert, and I’m hoping that doesn’t mean sorbet. Let’s get back to the table; we don’t want “our” men worrying we’ve done a runner on them.”
I playfully stuck my tongue out at the reference to “our” men.
“OK, in a min, just let me quickly get your opinion on something first.”
I went on to tell Lottie all about my issues with Jocasta. How we really hadn’t hit it off, and the fact that she had chucked coffee all over my fabulous outfit. I even told her about the milk mix-up and exploding excrement story. She visibly winced at that part, especially when I described my colleague’s dash to the lavatory, running so fast her limbs were as much on fire as her arse.
She turned towards me and I braced myself for her opinion. Lottie always gave the best advice.
“Look, Lila, it sounds to me like you two might actually get on if you gave each other a chance. From what you say, Seb seems to think she’s OK and he’s a pretty good judge of character. Just start afresh, maybe suggest going out for a quick lunch where you can both chat, just the two of you away from all the distractions of the office.”
I had to agree with her. It was the same advice Seb had given me too, and I would be a fool to ignore them both. I didn’t have a choice: I was going to have to suck up and play nicely with the mean girl.
“Anyway, how about you and Seb? Any chance of romance there? I know you always laugh it off, but you really do make such a lovely couple, and he’s simply the nicest guy…well nearly as nice as my Leo.”
Again, I was given cause to pause for a few seconds. After all, Lottie was the sensible and steady one out of the pair of us. She always gave good advice and rarely made a bad decision. But Seb and me? Did the whole world think we were meant to be together? And if we were destined to be, then why had it not happened by now? We’d known each other for years.
I brushed the notion off again like a nuisance bit of fluff. Who knew, Lottie’s opinion might be skewed for once, considering she was floating along in her own bubble of love. Clearly the smitten kitten, so of course she wanted the same for everyone else, especially her friends. So, her candy-coated, hearts and flowers opinion could not necessarily be trusted.
I shook my head forcefully, causing my shoulder-length blonde hair, which had looked so chic in my sleek updo earlier, to resemble a half-up half-down disaster. Like Ru-Paul in a bad wig.
“No, Seb and me are strictly just friends. You won’t see the pair of us growing old together any time soon. We won’t be sharing the same glass of water to put our false teeth in of a night.”
My friend shrugged her shoulders and smiled ruefully.
“Well, that’s your choice, but I just hope you don’t live to regret it. I’m telling you, Lila, Seb’s a real catch, and if you don’t snap him up at some point, somebody else surely will.”