Chapter 12
“So now you’re socialising with her?”
I still couldn’t believe it, even though I’d heard it directly from the horse’s mouth. And that nag’s braying words were running through my head like an Olympic sprinter.
Seb was my friend, not hers. I know that seems childish, but I couldn’t help it.
He was standing by the open filing cabinet, a pile of hefty documents in his hands. He was wearing his navy-rimmed glasses, the ones that always made him appear a tad more intellectual. The look of shock at seeing me burst into his office like a force twelve hurricane was evident on his handsome face. With a lengthy sigh that spoke volumes, and without uttering a word, he put down the files, shut the drawer and made his way over to me.
He gestured to the chair opposite his, a clear indication for me to park my arse. Once we were both seated, he finally decided to speak.
“So, Jocasta told you?”
I was so riled up by this point that my words just tumbled out, like ice cubes into a nice, chilled martini. And I could have really gone for a bit of alcohol right then.
“Yes, she told me, and boy, didn’t she just make a meal of it? So much so she needn’t have eaten any lunch. I just don’t understand though… why would you want to see her outside work, Seb? I’m your friend, and you know how I feel about her. It’s got to be a joke, surely. You are joking…right?”
He sighed, removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose and then up to his forehead as if he could suddenly feel a migraine coming on.
“No, I’m not joking. As you well know, I’ve never been considered a gifted comedian.”
I fidgeted in my chair like a truculent teenager on the verge of a tantrum. I was getting impatient, waiting for him to tell me what the hell he was thinking.
He polished the lens of his glasses on his sweater sleeve before putting them back on.
His tone was calm, yet businesslike. I had heard him use it many times, often when he was having a meeting with a rather bolshy client, and he was trying to pacify them and coerce them into seeing sense.
“Yes, I’m seeing Jocasta tomorrow night, but it’s not a date. I chat to her most days. Like I’ve told you before, she’s a sweet person, and it turns out we have a lot in common. She’s a friend, that’s all; no romance in it, just mates.”
My lips twisted into a smirk.
“You two? A lot in common? Give me a break, Seb, unless you’ve suddenly started waxing your bikini line and taken to watching Love Island of an evening with some roasted chickpeas to snack on. I just can’t see it myself.”
Seb chose to ignore me. Probably a wise move on his part.
“She’s into sci-fi, as it happens, and she loves a good pub quiz. It turns out there’s one on tomorrow night in the pub down the road from where she lives. She asked me to go along with her, as the friend she normally pairs up with can’t make it. So, I’m going instead as a favour. She just suggested we could grab a late dinner after it finishes, that’s all.”
It seemed that Jocasta was being let down by a lot of “friends” just lately. I sincerely doubted whether these people even existed.
This still didn’t make sense to me. Why was she setting her sights on Seb? My Seb. OK, so he wasn’t mine, of course, but I did feel protective towards him, and if I was completely honest a little unnerved by the thought of this workplace vixen getting her French-tipped claws into him.
Something just didn’t add up. Yes, Seb was a great guy, but he really didn’t seem the type of fella that Jocasta would go for, as friends or otherwise. I wasn’t buying the whole sci-fi devotee and into pub quizzes either. I’d seen the magazines she read: Vogue and Cosmopolitan to name but two. But I also knew the names of the sci-fi mags that Seb devoured monthly, and I’d never once seen an edition of those in her over-sized patent tote. And as for sipping half a pint in her local whilst racking her brain over question four on the general knowledge round, that just didn’t ring true to me either.
I cast a roving eye over Sebastian. He was sporting a jaunty argyle sweater over his work shirt. It was maroon with a zigzag pattern. It wasn’t quite Giles Brandreth level, but it was pretty dire nonetheless. The knitwear was teamed with straight-legged trousers that were a smidge too short. He looked like an overgrown schoolboy dressed up for tea with the vicar.
It was fair to say that his current garb was about as far from stylish as you could imagine; not likely to grace the catwalks of Paris or Milan any time soon, and about a million miles away from the style of the slimy suitor we’d seen on Jocasta’s arm at Olive Affair. That guy had an expensive “wanker banker” vibe to him; whereas Seb, although a solicitor, had more of a laid-back librarian aura.
That other guy was the type to be forever flashing his platinum card; Seb, on the other hand, was more likely to flash his Costco card, and that was only when he needed to buy his beloved bourbon biscuits in bulk.
It wasn’t just Seb’s outfit that wasn’t quite cutting it fashion-wise. His crowning glory was also letting him down royally. While he had lovely thick black hair with just the right amount of salt and peppering, it was rather unruly and could do with a bit of a trim. And it wasn’t just the hair on his head that was questionable; there was his monobrow too.
Seb liked to think he was a modern man, even a feminist; but the modern art of male grooming had passed him by completely; in fact, sped past at warp speed. It was fair to say that he cared little about his appearance: a splash of cold water to the face and a quick sweep with a comb through his unruly mop was about all the grooming he did of a morning. It was part of his charm.
“I just don’t think she’s your type, Seb. She’s very high maintenance, a real social climber.”
Seb was shaking his head.
“Oh, come on, Lila, aren’t we all wanting to better ourselves in our own way? Doesn’t that make us all social climbers?
“Not me, “I climbed nowhere; I took the lift directly to the top. Plus, I don’t buy her love for all things sci-fi. I saw her face when you were debating who was the best Doctor Who with Donald from Financial Services, and she was fake yawning behind your back, her eyes rolling so much I wanted to give her a slap just to knock them back into place.”
I smiled over at him in what I hoped conveyed my depth of feeling for him – friendship, of course.
“If I’m honest, I think she’s only befriending you to piss me off.”
Seb held up his hand to silence me. Rather like my old headmaster when I had been caught smoking in the girls’ toilets and I tried to lie my way out of it by saying I was just holding the lit Benson and Hedges for somebody in the cubicle having a poo.
“You really need to drop this combative attitude, Lila. It’s like you’re laser-focused on finding fault with her. I’m telling you she’s a nice girl, and you’ve got her all wrong. You just have to let this vendetta go; it’s not an attractive trait, and it’s beginning to make me see you in a new light. And I don’t like that. Just take it from me, Jocasta is a lovely person.”
I was smarting from his words. Seb rarely got angry with me. He always seemed to have me neatly placed on my own little pedestal where he could only ever see the best in me, a version that I didn’t even know existed. But it appeared that pedestal was shaky now, and I was perilously close to sliding off it completely. I couldn’t help it, though; I still needed to chip in with the final word.
“I would agree with you, Seb, if it wasn’t for the fact that then we would both be wrong.”
His blue eyes darkened like the sea when a storm threatens to take hold.
“Give here a bloody break, Lila! She’s not long come out of a difficult marriage, and then the guy she was seeing after that sounds like he was a complete bully, controlling her terribly, as well as cheating on her left, right and centre, the same as her husband did. Cut her some slack; she’s had a bad run of things.”
That shut me up. I hadn’t known all this about her. I knew she had been married before, and I knew she had split up with someone at Christmas. But with regards to her marriage, I was under the impression that she had cheated on him, not vice versa.
Thinking about it, where had I heard that from? I racked my brain but couldn’t remember. It must have been office gossip, no doubt. But if what Seb was saying was true, I couldn’t help but feel bad for Jocasta. Nobody deserved to be treated like that. I knew that only too well from personal experience; finding out that my ex-husband Duncan had cheated on me had near destroyed me.
I had never shown that to the outside world. To prying eyes, it appeared that I just moved him out and then moved on with my life. But the nights that followed his departure had been the most wretched of my life.
I knew enough was enough now. I had to shut my trap. I had said all I could on the subject of Jocasta, and I had to let it be. Trying to lighten the mood, I told Seb about the spa afternoon.
His eyes brightened again, and a smile broke over his gloomy face, like the sun breaking through after the storm had ended.
“Well, that’s more like it. What could be better than that? A chance to relax and have a good chat. It’ll do you the world of good, reinvigorate you and with any luck you’ll have a new friend after the day is done.”
I smiled back at him, suspecting it didn’t quite reach my eyes. I still wasn’t looking forward to it. And why had Seb said I needed reinvigorating? Did he think I looked like a bag of hot dog crap too?
A few hours later, I was back sitting at my desk. It was after 7pm and everyone else had left for the day. The office was quiet and eerie, the gloom settling on me like a heavy cloak. It was deadly silent apart from the distant hum of a vacuum cleaner. The cleaner always came once the working day was over.
I stared blankly at the files piled up in front of me. I hadn’t done any work of any value in hours. My head was chock full of unwanted thoughts that just wouldn’t seem to loosen their grip. I had the sinking feeling that I was losing Seb. I knew in my heart that I was being ridiculous; we were great friends, and had been for years. It would take more than this to loosen our foundations. But I just couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling of hopelessness.
Was I really jealous of Seb seeing Jocasta? Even if it was just as friends? I hated to admit it, but I was. I picked up my mug of coffee and took a large gulp. It was stone cold.
I had to shake myself out of this. I was being ridiculous. Well, if Seb could go out with Jocasta, maybe I should resume my dating life too.
I picked up my phone and glanced at the screen. No missed calls. No text messages for me to answer. Nothing. That made me feel a hundred times worse.
Sitting alone at my desk in the semi-darkness, it was as if I was the only person that existed in the world. Cast adrift by despair, down and defeated. Lila the loser in love. But this wouldn’t do. This wasn’t who I was. I was Lila Glover, that stood for something.
I was a powerhouse, magnificent not mousy. And I needed my mojo back. This would require going balls to the wall and bringing the big guns out. I tapped on the screen, finding the app I was looking for: its recognisable logo with the little red flame. I started to swipe right, over and over again.
A couple of hours later, I was finally leaving work. I’d had enough waking hours for one day. I swung my bag over my shoulder and left the building for yet another day. As I walked the short distance to my car, I was humming to myself and there was a definite spring in my step.
I had arranged a date for the following evening. Lila Glover was back on the market. Form an orderly queue.