Chapter 11
TANK
Tank knew the exact second everything changed.
It was the second he stopped holding back and let himself have her.
It hit him like a punch to the chest the moment their foreheads rested together under the spray of the water, both of them breathing hard, both of them a little unsteady.
He’d crossed a line—one he couldn’t uncross.
It had been one he was fighting since the second he met her.
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath as he dried her off.
Lillith let out a soft laugh, her hands still resting against his chest. “Yeah, that about sums it up.” He should step back from her, putting some space between them.
He knew that he should rebuild the walls he’d been hiding behind for weeks, but he didn’t.
He promised to tell her everything, and that included what happened to Cami.
She was the reason that he was holding back with Lillith.
Letting her close meant that she’d be put into the line of fire—just like Cami.
What if he couldn’t protect Lillith? What if she ended up dead? He couldn’t lose her—not now.
His hands tightened on her like he was afraid she’d disappear if he let go. “You don’t make this easy,” he said.
Her lips curved slightly. “Pretty sure you’re the one making it hard.” That earned her a look—one that should’ve warned her, but it didn’t
“You should’ve stayed in bed,” he said, though there wasn’t much heat behind it now.
“And miss this?” she asked softly, looking his naked body up and down.
Tank’s jaw tightened. Because this was exactly what he’d been trying to avoid.
Not the sex or the attraction that he felt for her, but what would come after—the attachment and the complications.
They would make him weak and make him drop his guard. He couldn’t allow that to happen.
“You don’t know what this is,” he said.
Her expression didn’t waver. “Then tell me.”
“I can’t,” he breathed.
“You won’t,” she corrected again. God, she was frustrating. She didn’t let anything go. Hell, she didn’t even let him go, and for some reason, that made something inside him shift in a way he didn’t like.
“You keep pushing,” he said quietly.
“And you keep running,” she shot back just as softly. Tank exhaled slowly, his grip loosening just enough to give her space—though he didn’t fully let go.
“You should get dressed,” he said finally. “You’re gonna freeze.”
She glanced down at herself, then back up at him, one brow arching. “You’re stalling,” she said. “Do you actually want me to put clothes on?” she asked.
His mouth twitched despite himself. “Yeah, before I do something else that I shouldn’t.” Her gaze held his as though she was challenging him to do just that.
“Maybe I’d be okay with that, Tank,” she whispered, letting her towel hit the floor. He looked her over and shook his head, trying to rid himself of every thought that was currently clouding his mind. That was the problem with him being with Lillith—she didn’t let him think straight.
Tank stepped back then, finally breaking the contact, and breaking the moment before it pulled him in deeper than he could afford again. “You don’t mean that,” he said roughly.
“Don’t I?” she asked.
“No,” he said, more firmly now. “You don’t.” Because if she really understood what being tied to him meant, then she wouldn’t be standing here. Lillith wouldn’t be looking at him like that, and there was no fucking way that she’d trust him.
Lillith studied him for a long second, and then slowly nodded. “Okay,” she said. Somehow her compliance felt worse than if she had actually argued with him.
“You can use the bathroom to get dressed,” he said, not looking at her.
He heard her move behind him. He could feel her every step towards him. “You promised me that you wouldn’t shut down like this, Tank. You promised to tell me everything. Do you always shut down like this?”
“Like what?” he asked, already knowing what she was talking about.
“Like you just did,” she said. “One minute you’re all in, the next you’re gone.” He didn’t answer right away because she wasn’t wrong, and he didn’t have a good answer.
“That’s how I stay alive,” he said finally. That was more than he should’ve given. Lillith didn’t respond right away, but when he finally glanced back, she was watching him.
“That sounds lonely,” she said softly. Tank’s chest tightened.
He shrugged it off. “It works.”
“Does it?” she asked. He didn’t answer because suddenly, he wasn’t so sure anymore. “You said that this has all happened before. What did you mean?” she asked.
Tank wrapped the towel around his waist and picked up her towel from the floor, handing it to her.
“If we’re going to talk about this, you’ll need to at least wrap up in this,” he insisted.
She sighed and took the towel from him, wrapping it around her body, covering up all of her delicious curves.
Honestly, the woman made his mouth water.
“There, happy?” she hissed. He wasn’t, but for now, he needed her body covered so he could get through this next part.
He crossed the small bedroom and sat down on the bed.
Lillith did the same, sitting so closely to him that their legs were touching.
He liked the way that she needed the contact with him, because honestly, he felt the same way about her.
“A little over two years ago, I was with a woman named Cami,” he said.
“I let my guard down and let her into my life, even though I knew that it was a huge mistake. I fell in love with her, and I thought that the guys following me had stopped. There was no sign of them for over a year, and I took that as a sign that they had just given up. God, I was an idiot,” he said, running his hands through his wet hair.
Lillith reached over and put her hand on his thigh, steadying him more than she’d ever know. “You’re not an idiot, Tank. You were hopeful, and there is nothing wrong with that. What happened to Cami?” she asked. He could tell by the look on her face that she could guess what had happened to Cami.
“They caught up to us and killed her. I wasn’t home when they found our place. I had run to the store, and she wanted to take a bubble bath. I thought that she’d be safe—I thought that we were both finally safe, but I was wrong.”
“Oh, Tank, you couldn’t have known,” she insisted.
But maybe he could have. He should have been paying better attention, because if he had been, he would have noticed the black sedan parked down the road just about every morning.
He would have picked up on the fact that they were being watched.
Instead, he ignored all the signs because he was focused on Cami. And that got her killed.
“I came home from the store to find her dead in the tub. They made it look like an accidental drowning, so that the police wouldn’t believe me, even if I had the nerve to tell them everything.
But I didn’t. The police questioned me, but I never told them everything.
They told me that they were ruling her death a suicide, and even though it pissed me off, I allowed it.
I was receiving threatening text messages, and I knew that they’d make good on every one of their promises if I told the cops everything.
So I was a coward and kept my mouth closed.
It’s been over two years now, and I still feel like shit for letting Cami down like that. ”
“You didn’t let her down,” Lillith insisted.
“You did what you had to do to stay alive. I’m thankful that you did; otherwise, I would have never met you, Tank.
” He knew that she was right. He did what he had to do to stay alive, but that little voice inside his head told him that he was a class A asshole for letting Cami down the way that he had.
“I let her die, and if I get involved with you, Lillith, the same thing will happen all over again. They’ve already tried to kidnap you. What happens years down the road when we get comfortable and let our guards down? I can’t lose you, too.” She wrapped her arms around him, and he stilled.
“You won’t lose me, Tank. If you can’t tell by now, I’m a bit stubborn. I don’t plan on going anywhere. Plus, I do know how to take care of myself. I’ve been doing so since my mother died. I thought that I had no family left, and I learned to watch out for myself.”
“Yeah, but these guys are dangerous,” he insisted.
“You should meet some of my old customers at the diner where I worked. They were very handsy, and I learned to dodge their advances. I’m sure that I can take care of a few hitmen if they show up at the front door.
” He chuckled at the thought of little Lillith taking on the men who were chasing him.
She was fierce, he’d give her that, but she was no match for them.
“How about you get me that burner phone and let me call Ember. I think it’s time that we got the Royal Harlots involved.
Our brother club, the Royal Bastards, will help out too.
I’m sure that with them involved, we can find a way to take down the men who are after you,” she assured. He wished that it were that easy.
“And how exactly will they help us?” he asked.
“You’ve been going it alone for a while now—just like me.
I’ve learned that there is power in numbers, so let’s grow our numbers.
Plus, my future brother-in-law is a cop, and I’m betting that he’ll be able to help you out.
Just trust them, Tank. Trust me,” she said, leaning in to gently kiss his lips.
He wasn’t sure why he nodded his agreement, but he did.
“You know, besides being a bit stubborn, you are also very persuasive,” he said, causing her to giggle.
“I’ve been told as much,” she said. “Thank you for agreeing to this, Tank. I’m not sure that it will work, but it’s worth a shot if it means that you’ll get your life back.
” He wanted to tell Lillith that he would not only get his life back if this worked, but he’d get a chance at happiness—with her, if she’d agree to it.