Chapter 19
Lily jumped as the front door opened.
Was that Harvey? Wasn’t it too early? But the man who stepped inside wasn’t Harvey.
Fear flooded her, but the guy just gave her a small nod.
“Miss, is everything okay?”
“Yes,” she said as she stood and stared at him.
She hoped he didn’t try to come any closer. Oddly, Lily seemed to have developed some sort of fear of strangers, or maybe that wasn’t odd at all.
After all, she’d been drugged and out of it for the last ten months. Who knew what she had seen and done that she couldn’t really remember.
That part was absolutely terrifying. Not knowing what had been done to her.
Don’t think about it, Lily.
If she thought too closely about it, then she was certain she’d never get up in the morning. She’d never be able to function. The unknown was freaking terrifying.
And she hated that she always felt so scared of everything. It was no way to live. On the verge of a panic attack with each breath. Worried that something might send her over.
It couldn’t be good for her.
Mentally or physically.
The only time she didn’t feel like this was when Harvey was around. When he was close, her heart rate would lower, and she’d feel more in control.
Safer.
It was scary how much she’d come to need him in such a short amount of time. It felt like he had become integral to her life.
She wished she hadn’t ruined things this morning. And she hoped she could kind of turn back time.
“Everything’s fine. Um, who are you?” she asked.
He bowed his head slightly. “I’m Trey. I’m guarding the house while Harvey is out.”
“Oh.” Relief filled her.
“He didn’t tell you I was out there?” he asked curiously.
“He said there was someone out there. Sorry, I just didn’t know your name. I’m Lily.” She knew the normal thing to do would be to walk forward and offer her hand, but she just couldn’t make herself move from where she was positioned behind the sofa.
She was wearing a long-sleeved woolly cardigan today, even though it was quite a warm day outside.
She just couldn’t seem to warm up lately, and she pulled the sleeves down over her hands before crossing her arms over her chest. She knew she probably looked really nervous. But she couldn’t seem to help it.
“Yeah, well, just thought I’d check in and make sure you didn’t need anything.”
“Thank you. That’s really nice. I’m good. Do you know when Harvey will be back?”
Trey shook his head. “Haven’t heard from him. Guess we’ll see him when we see him, huh?”
And he turned away and shut the door. She guessed it was good that somebody was out there watching the house, even though she now felt even more on edge. She didn’t know Trey, and she didn’t feel safe around him.
Hopefully, Harvey would come home soon.
About two hours later, the front door opened again, and she stood up, turning. She was determined to be more welcoming this time, maybe even offer Trey a cup of coffee. She’d cursed herself for about an hour after their interaction for not offering him anything.
But this time, it was Harvey who walked through the door, and her relief was instant, nearly bringing her to her knees.
“Mo bhreáthracht, are you all right?” he asked, walking forward quickly. “You’ve gone all pale.”
“Oh, yes, I’m fine. I’m just really glad to see you,” she said.
Maybe she should have acted more resilient or unaffected by his absence, but she found herself unable to play any games around him.
All she wanted was for him to take her into his arms and tell her that everything was going to be all right.
“Are you sure nothing else is wrong?” he asked.
“No, I’m good. Really.”
She waited for him to give her a hug, or to boss her around by telling her to sit down and rest. But he didn’t say anything like that. And he didn’t move any closer toward her. Instead, he just nodded and then headed into the kitchen.
“Did you have any lunch?”
“Uh, no.” She winced and waited for the scolding to come.
Harvey simply nodded and started putting together some sandwiches.
He wasn’t going to tell her off? Even though it was now after two in the afternoon, and she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Which she’d also barely eaten.
That was odd and not like him at all.
This had to be related to her reaction this morning. Did he think he needed to treat her differently?
Shoot. How did she fix this? How did she prove to him that she was tough enough for anything when she wasn’t exactly sure that she was?
Or maybe she should just go with this. Perhaps this was better, to have a Harvey that wasn’t so controlling or commanding.
Sure. So why do you feel so weird and off about it all?
“Come sit down,” he said. “If you want to sit here, of course. We can sit at the dining table or outside.”
She glanced outside. For some reason, she just couldn’t bring herself to go out there. She didn’t know why.
Instead, she slid onto a stool at the kitchen island. It was familiar territory. And she thought that would make her feel better. He placed a plate, with a very full-looking sandwich on it, along with a glass of water.
Honestly, there was no way she could eat that huge sandwich. Lily wasn’t used to eating a lot of food. And it was going to take her stomach and her brain, it seemed, a while to catch up with the idea of eating more.
“Sorry, I’m starving,” he said as he sat across from her and took a large bite from his own sandwich
“Don’t apologize,” she replied. “How did you get on with my mother?”
Just thinking about her mother was enough to make her stomach clench. And ruin her appetite. Her mother had a habit of doing that.
She set the sandwich down on the plate.
Harvey glanced down at it with a frown. Okay, surely now he was going to say something about the fact that she hadn’t eaten anything.
But he didn’t. Instead, he wiped his mouth with a napkin.
“Your mother is desperate to have you back. Gave the same sort of spiel as the doctor about you being overdue to go to the clinic and needing your medication. There’s something rather off about her at the moment.”
“Off? More off than usual?” she asked.
“Yes. She was frazzled. She didn’t look perfect.”
Really? That was really unusual.
“I suppose being in trouble with the police might do that.”
“And having all her plans unravel,” he added. “We just need to figure out exactly what those plans were and how they involved you. So I can ensure that there is no danger to you.”
“I don’t see how I’d be in any danger,” she said. “I’m here now with you, away from Mother, away from Doctor Wallace, from Rick.”
“That’s right,” he said. “I also saw Rick today.”
There was a slight change of topic, and she wondered if he didn’t intend to tell her exactly what happened with her mother.
Although perhaps that was all of it, she’d just been desperate and frazzled and demanding Lily back.
She could imagine that was probably how the conversation had gone.
Her mother didn’t like anyone going against her.
“You saw Rick? How did that happen?” she asked.
She probably should have waited to have this conversation until after lunch, because now they’d both stopped eating. Although at least he’d taken a few bites of his sandwich.
“We went to the country club to talk to him,” Harvey told her. “He was surrounded by friends and having a great time. I managed to have a few words with him. I wanted to gauge whether he’d had any knowledge that you’d been given those drugs.”
“Do you think he knew?” she asked.
Harvey shook his head. “I actually don’t. I don’t think that Rick could have kept that sort of thing a secret. He’d probably have wanted to try the drugs if he’d known you had them on you.”
She nodded. That actually made a lot of sense.
“What now?” she asked.
“Just as I got home, I had a voicemail left on my phone from the doctor asking if I intended to bring you in today.”
A shiver ran through her. Her whole body seemed to turn cold.
She didn’t know why she was so frightened all of a sudden.
It wasn’t like Harvey was going to take her to the clinic.
She knew that he wouldn’t. He’d done everything he could to protect her.
Why would he turn around and betray her like that?
No, this seemed to be a reaction of her body to the idea of going back there. It didn’t matter that her brain tried to impart that they were safe now. Her body had broken out in chills, and she felt the urge to flee.
That scared her. What had happened in that clinic that her body just knew she shouldn’t be going back there? What had been done to her by that doctor while she was out of it on those drugs?
And what did her mother know about it all?
“Are you going to reply?” she asked in a quiet voice.
He studied her closely. It was as though he could read her every thought and fear.
“Why do you look so scared all of a sudden, baby?”
“I just . . . just the thought of going back there makes me feel like I want to vomit.”
His eyes narrowed. “You know that you’re not ever going back there, though, right? You’re aware that under no circumstances would I ever allow it, not even with me by your side the entire time.”
That was the Harvey she was used to, bossy and demanding. Relief flooded her.
Maybe she hadn’t ruined everything. Maybe it wasn’t too late to get them back on the right path.
If only she knew that this was the right path.
Wait. Did she want this? To be in a relationship with him?
Shit. She was so confused.
Yeah, a therapist would probably have a field day with her. They’d probably claim that she saw him as her hero because of everything he’d done for her. But he wasn’t entirely a hero, was he?
And yet, she didn’t seem to care about that anymore. Because she also couldn’t deny her feelings for him. And that the thought of not being with him was even scarier than the thought of going back to that clinic or her mother’s house.
Shit. She really didn’t want to be without him.
“Lily, are you going to answer me? You know that’s not happening, right?”
“Yes, I know,” she replied. “I know you’d never do that to me.”
“What’s going on inside your head? Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”
Tell him how you’re feeling. Tell him that you do want to be with him, and that you want to take this morning back.
But as she tried to say the words they got stuck in her throat.
What if he tried to take things further and she completely freaked out? It had been ten days since she’d been taken from her mother’s house. Ten days during which she’d spent a lot of time vomiting, shivering, and shaking in bed.
Her body was still weak, and it might not recover for a long time. At least that’s what Michaela had told her. There could be setbacks along the way.
Was she ready for sex? Was she ready for intimacy? Could she handle all of that?
And perhaps he’d changed his mind after this morning. Maybe he’d discovered that she was too much work. She couldn’t blame him for that.
“I’m just really confused,” she finally said. “With all of this, with my mother’s role in all of this. Everything has changed, and it’s really hard to keep up with it all.”
Sympathy filled his face, and he reached over to grasp hold of her hand in his. She clung to him, unable to stop herself, but the feel of him was enough to help her nerves settle.
Was she always going to be like this? Jumpy and indecisive, worried, on edge?
God, she hoped not. Michaela had also offered to give her something to help calm her, but she’d understood when Lily had said no. Taking more drugs didn’t seem to be the answer to her.
Although there was a part of her that wondered if that had been the correct decision as well.
See what she meant? She was so indecisive.
She was certain that he wouldn’t want to be with someone who went back and forth like this.
What she needed to do was take a moment and be sure.
“I get it, Lily. Even with everything you’ve gone through you’re still here, still so strong. You’re doing so well. I’m so proud of you.”
Wow. She couldn’t remember when anyone had ever told her that they were proud of her. Tears filled her eyes, and she felt one drip down her cheek.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, standing abruptly. He walked around the kitchen island to take her into his arms, holding her tight. “What did I say to upset you?”
“I’m not upset. Well, I am but not like you might think. I just can’t remember anyone ever telling me that they were proud of me.”
“Oh, Lily,” he said, as he pulled her up higher, so she was on her tiptoes. “I am forever proud of you. You’re doing amazing. You’re showing so much strength. We’re going to get through this and everything is going to be fine.”
That’s right. It would be. And he was touching her again. Relief filled her. Maybe nothing had changed at all, and she didn’t need to worry.
Then he pulled back and helped her sit again. Instead of walking away, he sat next to her and reached over to pull his plate closer.
He started eating again.
“What next?” she asked.
“We’ve got people watching both the clinic and your mother’s house. But we need to get one of them to talk.”
What did that mean?
Actually, maybe she was better off not knowing.
“Are you going to eat that?” he asked as he finished off his sandwich and stood.
“No, I’m not very hungry.” She felt bad that she was wasting food. “I’ll put it in the fridge for later.”
She waited for him to scold her, for him to tell her that she needed to take at least five bites before she was allowed to move away from the island.
Harvey simply nodded and took the plate to the fridge.
And that’s when she realized that things really had changed, and she’d have to figure out exactly what she wanted and fast, so she could fix this.