Chapter 27
After another kiss, she rolled over to face the other way, but she felt strangely alone, bereft without his touch. And her arousal only seemed to be growing, not getting any less.
This was ridiculous. She should just ignore it. She didn’t need to do anything about it in order to sleep.
Rolling over, she faced the other way with a huff.
She tried to relax, but she felt so tense that it was difficult.
Opening her eyes, she peered at him. It was difficult to see much in the dark, but she could make out the shape of him.
She could hear his soft breathing and smell his delicious scent.
Oh, God.
So she turned back to face him.
“Baby, what’s wrong? Can you not go to sleep?”
“Oh, no, sorry. Am I keeping you awake?”
“I’m fine. I don’t need that much sleep. But you do. So what’s wrong? Tell me.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m perfectly fine,” she told him.
“No, you’re not. What you are is in trouble because we just agreed not to lie to each other, and you’ve gone and immediately lied to me.”
Uh-oh, he didn’t sound happy, and she gave him a nervous look.
Leaning over, he turned on the light. “All right, what is it? And remember no lying.”
“I don’t want to tell you,” she said to him.
“Well, you’re just going to have to get over that, because you are telling me.”
Sheesh.
“You said if there was something that we couldn’t tell each other, that we could say.” There, she’d found the loophole, and now they could just go back to sleep, she hoped. Or, at least, she’d do a better job of pretending to sleep this time.
“Ahh, no, that only applies to me. Not you.”
“What?” she said. “What do you mean that only applies to you? That’s not fair.”
“No one said that all the rules were fair, baby. They’re just the way they are. You have to be completely honest with me. Especially when it’s something that affects you, that worries you, concerns you, upsets you, scares you, then you have to tell me it all. Now, tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t think I like these rules,” she said.
“I don’t like that you’re not telling me what’s going on in that head of yours, and why you’re finding it hard to sleep.”
“I’m turned on, all right,” she cried before she could stop herself.
Then she groaned. Oh my God, why had she said that? What kind of an idiot was she? Lying on her stomach, she buried her face in her pillow.
“Lily, hey, come out of there. You won’t be able to breathe.”
Unfortunately, this time he was wrong. She could definitely breathe. Much as she wished she could pass out from asphyxiation.
She just wanted to maybe faint for a little bit and lose her memory.
“Lily, turn and look at me.”
She scooched down the bed, hiding under the covers.
“Lily, come out of there,” he commanded.
“Nope. I don’t know who Lily is. My name is Billy and I live here.”
“You live under the bed covers?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“And your name is Billy?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why is that? Because you’re embarrassed that you’re turned on? You know that everyone gets turned on, right? I’d be more worried if you didn’t get turned on.”
“Yes, but I didn’t have to blurt it out like that, did I? That was the embarrassing part.”
“You think it’s embarrassing to tell me that you’re turned on? I think it’s flattering as hell.”
“What?” she asked.
“I’m flattered that you’re turned on from kissing me. At least, I’m hoping that’s what you’re turned on from. If you tell me you had a sexy dream about another man, then we might have another conversation.”
“No. Of course I wasn’t thinking of anyone else. One sexy man in my life is enough. I don’t need to dream about anyone else. It was kissing you. It was touching you. It was everything about you.”
“Was?” he asked. “So, you’re not turned on anymore?”
“Of course I’m still turned on,” she said. “How could I not be with you right next to me?”
“Good to know,” he said.
“I guess I’m just not used to it. I can’t remember the last time I was this turned on. I’m not sure I ever have been.”
“Have you ever used toys on yourself?”
“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to the way you talk,” she said. “How can you say those things so casually?”
“Talking about arousal and sex and getting off is not something to be ashamed of. It’s normal, it’s natural, and it’s fucking sexy. And now you can use me to get off. You can use my finger and tongue and cock as much as you like. Once you’re ready, that is. No pressure.”
Right. And when would she be ready? She wasn’t sure. How would she know?
“I don’t know how I’ll know when I’m ready,” she said. “That sounds really stupid, doesn’t it?”
“That’s not stupid at all, baby,” he replied. “I think you’ll just know.”
“And in the meantime, I don’t sleep,” she said dryly.
“Hmm. That is a good point. You do need your sleep. Shall we buy you a toy?” He reached back for his phone and started typing something into it.
“A toy?” she asked. “What do you mean by . . . oh my God, you mean a sex toy?”
Without thought, she slapped the phone out of his hand. He stared at her in surprise, while she gaped at the phone in shock.
“Oh, shoot. I didn’t mean to do that. Sorry.”
“I take it you don’t want a toy,” he said dryly.
“No, of course I don’t.”
“Why not? Did you not have one before?”
“No. Could you imagine me trying to buy a sex toy? What on earth would my mother say?”
“How would she know?” he asked.
“Because she got all of my credit card statements, of course. I wasn’t supposed to spend anything that she didn’t agree to.”
“You didn’t have your own money?”
She shrugged, feeling slightly ashamed by this topic. “Well, I’ve never really had a job, have I?”
“But surely you had some money?” he asked.
She shook her head. This was getting more and more embarrassing. She curled up into herself, holding her bent legs to her chest.
“No, I didn’t have any money of my own.”
“Every girl should have a sex toy.”
“You really want me to have one? I mean . . . isn’t that, like, wouldn’t you feel that you . . . I don’t know . . .” She trailed off in embarrassment, unsure of what exactly she was trying to say.
“You think that I might be jealous of a toy? That I shouldn’t want you to have one because you have my truly magnificent cock to play with?”
He was killing her. He really was. Was it possible for her face to be this hot and there not be something wrong with her?
“I mean, once you do start playing with it, I think any toy will pale in comparison. But I would love nothing more than to watch you play with a toy.”
Her lips parted and her breathing grew faster. Was he for real right now? He wanted to watch her use a toy on herself?
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for that,” she told him.
“Let’s just wait and see, because that would be damn sexy.”
“I don’t want a toy,” she said. “I don’t think I could use it. Not here. I just . . . it doesn’t feel quite right.”
She felt too shy and embarrassed at the idea of using something on herself.
“Why don’t we take a look?” he suggested. “We can order the toy, and if you don’t like it, you don’t have to use it. But if you ever want it, it’s there.”
Well, she guessed there was no harm in that, right?
“Wow, there’s a lot to choose from,” she said ten minutes later, feeling overwhelmed. “How does a person know what they like? And what if I get it wrong?”
“We’ll just start with something simple, something classic, like the vibrator with rabbit ears. Yeah, you’ll like that one.”
How did he know what she’d like? She had no idea what she’d like. But the next thing she knew, he was popping it in the cart.
Oh my God, she was now going to be the owner of a vibrator.
“This is just for fun. You don’t like it, you don’t have to use it.”
“But it’s not like you can return it.”
“Definitely can’t return it,” he said with a grin. “But don’t worry, we’ll find some use for it.”
“Like what?” she asked. “What other use could you have for a vibrator?”
“I don’t know, maybe a foot massager or a back scratcher. Hey, maybe it could be used to froth up the milk for our morning coffee.”
She just stared at him for a long moment. Surely he wasn’t serious. Then she spotted him grinning. “Stop that. You had me going for a moment there.”
“Poor baby,” he told her. “Don’t worry so much, all right? You need to learn to de-stress. You know what is good for de-stressing, right?”
Oh, she knew exactly what he was going to say.
“An orgasm,” she replied dryly.
“What? No. Oh, well, I suppose it could be. I was going to say a back massage. But if an orgasm’s what you need to de-stress, well, I’m your man.”
Oh, Lord. She walked right into that one. But to be honest, looking at all those sex toys had only increased her arousal, not eased it.
Which was a problem, because she had no idea now how she was going to get to sleep.
“You’re still turned on, aren’t you, baby? Do you need my help?” he asked.
There was no way she could tell him yes, right? Yes, she wanted him to touch her, but she wasn’t sure that she wanted anything more than that. It was wrong to take without giving back. She knew that.
So she shook her head.
“Remember that lying to me is against the rules,” he warned.
This was going to take some getting used to. She wasn’t used to sharing all of her thoughts and feelings. Her mother had always preferred that she keep those to herself, which might be part of her problem.
“All right,” she blurted out grouchily. “Yes, I’m turned on, but I don’t need to do anything about it. I don’t think I’m ready to do anything more. I’m sorry.”
“There’s no need to apologize, baby. You’re not ready.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to touch me,” she said.
“I’m just not sure how far I can go, or if I’ll need to stop or .
. . I don’t know if I can do the same for you.
” She rushed out the last words, embarrassed to say them, and she could feel him growing still as he stared at her.
But she wasn’t able to raise her gaze up from his chin to see his full face.
“Lily, I want you to look at me. Come on, look at me. So your only worry is that you won’t be able to give me the same in return?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s my only worry, but I guess it’s the most pressing one.”
“Then we’re going to try this. If you need to stop, you say red. And you also need to know that I don’t want anything in return. This is going to be all about you.”
“But that’s not fair,” she protested.
“Not fair, baby? You think I don’t dream about getting my mouth on your pussy? About hearing you cry out in pleasure?
You think I don’t get off on that? I want that more than I want anything done to me. More than I want my own pleasure. Trust me on that.”
“It seems so selfish, though, and I’m trying desperately not to be selfish anymore.”
“You thought you were selfish before now?”
“I know that I was,” she said. “I know that I thought more about myself than other people.”
“Lily, you were drugged. You were being held hostage by your mother. Financially, emotionally, and physically abused by her since she was drugging you without your permission. What you weren’t is selfish.”
“I’m not sure about that. I think I mostly thought about myself.”
“I don’t believe it. But whatever you think now, I know that you’re not selfish. You think a lot about how I feel, my needs, my wants. You always put them before your own.”
She thought about that for a long moment, and she realized he was actually right.
Maybe because she thought that he could do better than her.
“I don’t think I’m good enough for you, Harvey.”
“No talking badly about yourself. I won’t allow it.”
She still didn’t understand how it was putting herself down when it was the truth. “I’m just being self-aware.”
“No, you’re being an idiot.”
She gasped in horror. “You can’t call me an idiot!”
“Hmm, that’s strange because I feel like I just did. You’re an idiot for saying things like that. Because if anyone doesn’t deserve someone, I don’t deserve you. I’m the one that kidnapped you, forced you to stay here, made you fall in love with me.”
She froze. Fall in love with him? She never said anything about being in love with him.
But aren’t you? Because would you really be considering staying here with him if you didn’t love him?
Shit. She really did love him, didn’t she?
And that was terrifying. What if she lost him? What if she gave him everything and he decided he no longer wanted her?
“Hey, it’s all right, because I love you too. Do you really think I’d just kidnap anyone? No.”
“I saw you, Lily. I wanted you. But then something happened. My need for you turned into something deeper, something stronger as I fell in love with you. And these last ten days, I just fell more and more in love with you. You might not be ready to say it or acknowledge it, but it’s there between us.
So we deserve each other. Got me? And now I’m going to make you come, and you’ll come so hard that you’re going to scream the house down. ”
Was he for real? But before she could say anything, he was kissing her, and every thought just left her brain in a large whoosh.
He kissed her until she was mush, until she could barely breathe, let alone move or speak.
Then he started kissing his way down her neck.
She was wearing one of his oversized T-shirts to bed. She preferred them to the pajamas in the wardrobe that he’d bought her.
They were comfortable, but not the sexiest things you could have worn.
“I should go get changed, or get ready, or do something,” she said.
“No, you shouldn’t. You should stay right where you are,” he told her as he moved his hand under the T-shirt to cup her breast. A shiver ran through her and he kissed her again until she was fully relaxed.
“You’re much better behaved after you’ve been kissed, aren’t you?”
Sheesh, she couldn’t believe he said that. Mind you, she felt like she thought that a lot about the things that he said.
“I’ll just have to keep kissing you so that you’ll keep doing as you’re told.”
Doing as she was told.
Jeez.