Chapter 33
Hands touched her bare skin. They were cold, and she shivered. She wanted to move. She wanted to scream, to push the hands away.
But she couldn’t move. Oh my God, she couldn’t move.
She was frozen, stuck in place while people touched her. There was more than one. All these faces swam above her. Her mother, Dr. Wallace, Rick, they were all laughing down at her as hands touched her bare, naked skin.
And she couldn’t even scream.
Someone shook her, and she attempted to shove them off, her hands slapping pointlessly.
“Let me go. Let me go. Let me go.”
“Shh, mo bhreáthracht. It’s all right. It’s me. It’s just me. You’re safe.”
It’s Harvey. You’re safe with Harvey.
She was safe with Harvey. Safe.
The words ran through her head, and gradually she managed to slow her breathing down, her heart rate dropping.
She stopped fighting against the arms around her, and instead turned her face into his warm chest and sobbed.
He settled her on his lap and rocked her back and forth.
This was their little ritual now, since she’d started having nightmares every night after seeing the video and learning the truth of what her mother and Dr. Wallace had done.
“Shouldn’t it be getting better by now?” she whispered. “Shouldn’t the nightmares be going away?”
“Baby, it’s only been a week,” he said. “You can’t expect everything to get better after a week.”
But she wanted it to. She desperately wanted it to be all good.
Part of her wished she’d never found out, that she could just erase it all from her mind, like so much else that had been erased, but she knew that wasn’t healthy.
It might have been easier, but in the long run it probably would have harmed her more.
This was harder, but at least it was real.
And maybe that’s what she needed. She needed honesty.
She needed the truth. That’s what she required in order to move on, to go forward.
The only problem was that she didn’t feel like she was going forward. She felt like she was swimming in mud.
She was swimming, swimming, swimming, exhausting herself, and yet getting nowhere close to the shore.
Soon she was going to be so tired that she wouldn’t be able to continue, and she’d start to drown. Maybe she was already drowning. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.
To see a way through this.
The only thing that kept her going at the moment was him.
How he was there through it all, the nightmares, the panic attacks, the times where she just sat and stared out the window at nothing.
He’d supported her, keeping her safe, forcing her to eat and drink. He’d put her in the shower and bathed her.
What was he even getting out of this? She was like a child he had to take care of.
Only she couldn’t give him anything in return.
“I don’t see how to get through this, Harvey. It’s getting worse, not better. I’m losing myself.”
His arms tightened around her. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll hold you tight when you feel lost. I’m going to be here every moment that you need me.”
“But soon you’ll have to go back to work. You can’t do this forever. I can’t do this forever. I feel like I’m unraveling.”
“I think we need some help.” He grasped hold of her chin and tilted her head back. “Will you let me find you some help? Professional help?”
He meant a therapist.
Could she tell a stranger everything that had happened?
“Is it safe to go to a therapist? Is there anything about what happened that I shouldn’t tell them?”
Dr. Wallace’s body had been found after the receptionist at his clinic called the police for a welfare check. The police had then looked into his clinic and discovered the secret room and the video footage.
They’d tracked Lily down eventually, and had asked her several questions about what had happened, about what she could remember.
That had taken so much out of her. Going over everything, telling them how she’d been drugged so she couldn’t really remember it.
But that she had flashbacks. She’d left out her mother’s part in it all.
She’d had her bail revoked, but she’d been acting so strangely that she’d ended up admitted to a psychiatric unit once more.
Ronan had offered to erase her presence from the clinic records, and she’d thought about it.
She hadn’t wanted other people to see her like that.
She hadn’t wanted to go through it with the police, but she also hadn’t wanted Doctor Wallace to get away with anything even though he was dead.
They hadn’t located any of his other victims. Which worried her. Were they dead? She had no idea.
The other girl wasn’t in a good way. Lily hadn’t even been able to talk to her because every time she woke up, she tried to harm herself.
Michaela had her admitted to a hospital. The police had found her there, eventually. Michaela had come up with a cover story for how she discovered her. She’d claimed that the girl had been wandering the streets alone, and that a friend had picked her up and brought her to Michaela’s clinic.
She hadn’t been able to give the police anything though, so Lily had been the only credible witness.
Apparently, one of the nurses as well as the receptionist had known about the doctor’s secret side hustle. Both of them had been arrested.
After the police interviewed her, she hadn’t been able to sleep because of the nightmares. And the lack of sleep was making everything worse.
And it wasn’t like she could take a sedative.
Paddy was still investigating the payments that had been going out of Doctor Wallace’s accounts. The police would also likely investigate those as well.
“You’d need to leave out a few things,” he told her.
“But nothing that would affect your care, just about Dr. Wallace’s murder.
I think a therapist would help, and Michaela has a friend who is one.
I just want you to feel better, baby. I don’t want you to have to suffer through all of these nightmares and panic attacks. ”
“All right. I’ll see a therapist,” she told him. “If you could set it up.”
He kissed the top of her head. “That’s my brave girl.”
She’d been told the first therapy session would be the worst, and that was definitely the case.
Afterward, she walked into the waiting room where Harvey was sitting, feeling like she was going to pass out or scream. She couldn’t decide which.
Lily had started crying about five minutes into the session and hadn’t really stopped, so her eyes felt heavy and swollen.
But she also felt a little bit lighter inside, so this was probably a good idea. It was just going to take everything out of her.
Harvey gave her a concerned look as he stood and drew her close, holding her tight.
Safety. Home.
Right now, it was hard for her to be away from him.
“It was a tough session,” Sophia, the therapist, told Harvey. “She’s going to need some care tonight. Maybe a bath, watch some TV, have a light meal, and go to bed, okay? I’ll see you in a few days. You did really well, Lily.”
Harvey helped her out to the car with his arm around her waist. She had to lean most of her weight on him. She was so exhausted she could barely keep her eyes open.
But she didn’t want to go to sleep because she knew the nightmares were just under the surface, waiting to grab hold of her. Talking about everything that had happened with her mother and Doctor Wallace only seemed to stir everything up.
She glanced around as the car came to a stop. Were they home? She wasn’t even aware of the drive. She was in too much of a daze.
Harvey ended up carrying her into the cabin and straight to the living room, where he wrapped her up in a blanket and sat on the sofa with her in his arms.
“That was so hard,” she told him.
“I can see that on your face, mo bhreáthracht. You look exhausted.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this.”
“None of it is your fault,” she told him.
She knew directly where the blame lay.
“Maybe not,” he said as he turned on the television. “But I do wish I’d gotten you away from that bitch earlier. If I had, I might have saved you a whole lot of pain.”
She shook her head. “You didn’t know and you were waiting for the right moment. Why were you friends with Rick? You never really explained.”
“Ahh, that. Ronan wanted me to get close to Rick. Rick has a gambling addiction and his father kept covering it up. Dear Rick attempted to use his sister as collateral for a bet.”
“Oh my God.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t accepted and Rick likely got the money from his father.
However, Ronan wanted me to keep an eye on him since we’d had business dealings with the family.
I discovered more family secrets, like the senator’s love of massages with happy endings and Ronan decided to slowly ruined Rick and his father.
He had to do it carefully because Rick’s father is a senator.
Even though he’s a slimy, sleazy one. So I stuck close, and fed Ronan whatever I found.
We worked hard to ensure they lost everything. ”
“You did?”
“Oh, yeah. And I’ve still got my eye on old Ricky even though he’s fled to Europe. He’s now owes money to some very angry people overseas. And his father won’t be able to save him.”
“You don’t think he had any idea about what was going on, do you? About Dr. Wallace and the pills?”
“I don’t,” he said. “He didn’t seem to have any knowledge when we questioned him. He never once mentioned anything about videos or Dr. Wallace to me. And I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to keep that sort of thing to himself.”
She nodded. That was her guess too.
“How about we sit a while and watch some TV, and then I’ll make us a light dinner. We’ll just have a quiet night, the two of us, together.”
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Harvey Gallagher, but I’m so grateful that you’re in my life.”
“And I’m so grateful that you’re in mine, Lily.”