Chapter 37
“You’re sorry? What for?”
“Everything,” Lily said with a laugh that quickly turned to a sob.
“Our entire lives, I guess. I just . . . I couldn’t figure out how to say this before.
I’ve always wanted to please everyone else, but especially Mother.
I hated it when she was angry at me, so I did everything I could to ensure that she was never upset at me.
But nothing was ever good enough, was it?
There was always something I was doing wrong, something that I had to do better. ”
Clem snorted. “Welcome to my life. I never did anything to please the old witch.”
“No, but you also didn’t care, did you? You were always your own person.
You were so strong, so independent. I didn’t allow myself to like this place because I knew how much Mother hated it.
And I thought I needed to be just like Mother in order for her to love me.
But she was never going to love me. That’s clear now.
You saw me as nothing more than a pawn on her chessboard, someone to move around and manipulate. ”
“You didn’t have to let yourself be manipulated, Lily. If you’d asked me for help, I would’ve been there for you. Instead, while I was stuck recovering from cancer, you slept with my boyfriend behind my back.”
“I didn’t sleep with Rick. I know you have no reason to believe me. You probably think I’m lying, but I’m not. It was a lie that Mother and Rick came up with in order to separate us, to keep us apart.”
“Yeah, well, if that’s true, why didn’t you just tell me?” Clem asked with a frown.
“I wanted to. I was coming to see you after your operation when she called me into her office and told me what Rick had told you. She said you wouldn’t want to see me, that you wouldn’t believe me.
Our relationship wasn’t the best, and part of me thought that was true, but another part of me wanted to try.
However, as I was leaving, she attacked me. ”
“Attacked you? What are you talking about, Lily? Why would Mother attack you?”
“Because she wanted me to marry Rick. She wanted me to support him in his bid to get into the White House so she could use me for her own agenda.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t have to go along with it, Lily. You didn’t have to do everything she wanted. I get it. You wanted her approval, but it went too far. You were going to marry a man who was a complete asshole. You would have gone through with it too, wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah, I would have, and I probably would have gone on living my life in utter misery, without knowing exactly why I was doing what she wanted.”
“Why were you? It had to be more than just pleasing our mother.”
“It was,” Lily said. “It was a whole lot more, and it gets a whole lot worse. I get it if you can’t forgive me, if you don’t want anything to do with me, but I was just hoping you might listen to what I had to say.
But if you want me to leave, I will. However, could you please just get that steer away from my car and find me a ladder so I can get down from here? ”
Clem just grunted and stared up at her. The lamb started bouncing around her. Oh, that was seriously cute. Lily hadn’t thought herself an animal person, but the lamb was adorable.
So were the little piglets that suddenly appeared around the corner of the house. “Oh my God, Clem, you’ve got piglets? They’re so cute. They surely didn’t come from that pig, right?”
“Of course they did. We’ve got Bacon, Porkchop, Crackling, and Emma.”
“Emma?” she asked. Emma didn’t sound like a pig’s name. Not that those other names were normal names for a pig, but at least they all stuck to a theme.
“Yeah, I ran out of other names, and Emma just really liked the name Emma. Didn’t you, Emma?”
As if the pig understood what her sister was saying, it waddled toward her. Just then, a truck started coming up the drive and came to a stop behind her car. Out climbed Jaret Malone.
He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt that was partly unbuttoned. He looked from Clem, then up to Lily.
“Everything okay here?” Walking over to Clem, he drew her close and kissed the top of her head.
Tears filled Lily’s eyes. That was something that Harvey would have done. He would have gone straight to her and given her a kiss.
Was he worried about her?
Of course he would be.
The way she’d left hadn’t been right. She should’ve stayed and told him what happened, and that she thought she should leave. But she’d known he’d try to talk her into staying.
Still, she should really send him a message and let him know that she was all right. It was the mature thing to do.
“Hi, Lily. Are you okay up there?” Jaret asked.
“Oh, sure. I’m fine. I’m just getting a bit of this lovely Texas sunshine.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Well, maybe you’d like to get some of that Texas sunshine down here, yeah? ‘Cause you look terrified that you’re going to fall off.”
“That’s a good plan,” she said, nodding. “I should definitely get down from here. There’s just one problem; I can’t find the ladder.”
He sighed, shaking his head. “Yep, that’ll be the llamas. Clem decided she wanted some a few weeks ago. For some reason, they love that ladder. Any chance they get, they steal it.”
They stole it? How did they steal it? Llamas didn’t exactly have hands.
“First they knock it over, and then they pick it up with their mouths and trot around with it,” he told her as though reading her mind. “Craziest thing you’ve ever seen. I swear, Clem really knows how to choose her animals.”
“Hey, I didn’t choose most of these animals,” Clem said, putting her hands on her hips. “They chose me. And Chuck Roast, stop eating that tire. Lily needs that car to leave.”
“Lily’s leaving already?” Jaret asked.
A knot tightened in her stomach. Obviously, Clem wasn’t interested in listening to anything she had to say, and she couldn’t blame her sister. Why would she want to listen to her?
“Well, yeah, at some stage, after she’s explained everything.”
Relief filled her.
Jaret found the ladder, then helped her down, and she walked with him toward her sister.
Chuck Roast turned, saw her coming, and put his head down. Then he started to charge. Lily let out a squeak of fear and turned to run, but Jaret wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Hold it,” he told her. “You’ve got to hold your position with Chuck Roast. He likes to play chicken.”
“Chuck, leave Lily alone. She’s not used to your games,” Clem told him.
He snorted smoke out of his nose. She was certain of it. And no, it wasn’t just a trick of her mind. That steer was the devil.
She should just go. This was terrible. Nothing about today was going right. But then some chickens walked past her. And following along behind them were the cutest little baby chicks she’d ever seen. They were like fluffy balls of yellow sunshine.
“Oh my, I thought the piglets were cute, but these guys look even cuter.”
“You like the baby chicks?” Clem asked.
“How could you not like baby chicks?”
“I don’t remember you liking anything about this property when we visited as kids.”
“No, I know. The truth is, I did enjoy some parts of it. I just couldn’t let that show because I didn’t want Mother to find out.”
“You didn’t owe her anything, Lily. Just because she was our mother doesn’t mean that we had to like her. She’s the one that should’ve taken care of us, protected us.”
“I know,” Lily said. “But if I kept doing what she wanted, most of her attention would stay on me and off you.”
She hadn’t meant to say that, and she was aware of both Clem and Jaret staring at her.
She kept her gaze on the little chicks as they moved past. They were so small and delicate. She was worried about them.
“Will they be okay? Will any of these other animals try to harm them?”
“Nah, they know that Drumstick will peck out their eyes if they go after any of the chicks,” Clem said.
“Drumstick?” she asked, looking at the mother chicken. She didn’t look very violent.
“The damn rooster,” Clem said, glaring up at the rooster. It glared back down at her from the barn roof. Lily was kind of glad to see that she wasn’t the only one the rooster seemed to hate.
“Come inside, Lily,” Jaret said. “We’ll get you some coffee.”
“Thanks. That would be great,” Lily said, following them into the house.
It was kind of bare and a lot of things looked unfinished, but it was going to be gorgeous when it was done.
“The house is starting to look really good, Clem. The whole place is. You must have put a lot of time and effort into it.”
Clem grunted and sat down as Jaret got them some coffee. “We had to rebuild after the fire. While we did that we stayed with Alec, Jaret’s brother. I wanted to stay here in a tent but Jaret refused to. He’s a little delicate.”
Jaret turned and gave Clem a look. Yeah, he looked really delicate.
“However, as soon as the place was habitable, we moved in.”
“Did you drive that car all the way from Boston, Lily?” Jaret asked.
“No, I took the bus to Freestown,” Lily said. “It was only when I got here that I realized that having a car might make life easier, and there just happened to be one for sale on the side of the road. The seller gave me a good deal.”
“Hmm, did he? Where was this car on the side of the road?”
“Not far from the bus station in Freestown. I could have waited for a bus into Haven, but there wasn’t one until tomorrow, and I wanted to get here. So, I figured if I bought the car, at least it would give me a way to get around and a roof over my head.”
“A roof over your head?” Jaret said, sounding alarmed. “What do you mean by that?”
Shoot. She shouldn’t have mentioned that. “I didn’t mean anything bad. I just meant when it rains or something, walking versus driving. So much nicer, isn’t it, to drive in the rain rather than walk in the rain?”
Clem was eyeing her with interest. Lily just smiled, hoping they bought what she was saying.
“You should have called us,” Jaret told her firmly.
“Um, yeah. Sorry I turned up without warning,” Lily said. “But I wasn’t sure whether you’d want me here or not.”
“I can’t blame you for thinking that,” Clem said as she tapped her fingers on the kitchen table. “Although I did say to you to come out whenever you wanted. I just never thought you’d do it. That was why I was a bit, um, surprised before.”
“When you asked me if I wanted half the property and was going to sue you if I broke my bottom?”
“Um, yeah.”
“I just wanted to get here. I guess I was simply focused on that and not on what would happen once I got here.”
Lily spotted the rings on her finger. “Your wedding and engagement rings are gorgeous. I bet it was an amazing day.”
Clem glanced up at Jaret then back to Lily. “It was.”
“Congratulations.” She wished she could have been there. “I would have loved to have been there. But it just didn’t feel right. I’ve had to work through a lot of stuff.”
While Harvey took care of her. The way he always did.
Lord, she missed him.
“Lily, that car doesn’t look in the best condition,” Jaret said. “Did you have someone check it over first before you bought it?”
Lily shook her head. “No, there was no time, and I wouldn’t know who to ask. It’s fine. It’ll get me around. Once I find a job, I can fix it up.”
“You want a job?” Clem asked. “Have you ever worked before?”
“No, but I’m not really worried about what I’ll do. Anything will be fine.”
Clem and Jaret shared a look.
“With everything that you’ve been through, Lily, it might be best to just take a break? A breather?” Jaret suggested.
“That’s a nice thought, but I can’t afford to do that. All I have are a couple of pieces of clothing and that car. Which is probably now missing half a tire.”
“Did something happen with Harvey?” Jaret asked her.
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Clem asked fiercely.
“No, no, Harvey would never do anything to me. He’s wonderful, the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
“Then why are you here without him?” Jaret asked.
“Because he deserves so much better than me. He deserves someone who’s whole and can give him everything that he needs, who he doesn’t have to take constant care of, and who isn’t too fragile to be introduced to his family.”
Clem raised her eyebrows. “Is that what he said, that you were too fragile to be introduced to his family?”
“He didn’t say it to me, but I overheard his sister talking, and that’s what she said.
She had a friend with her who’d obviously met me back when I was with Rick, and she called me cold and a snob and unfeeling.
And let’s face it, I was those things, I guess.
It’s just I didn’t even know I was being those things. ”
“What does that mean?” Clem asked, looking confused.
“I have some things to tell you and then I’ll get out of your way, okay? And if you don’t want to see me again, you never have to. I’m not telling you these things to make you feel sorry for me or so you’ll forgive me, but I just thought, well, I don’t think I can move on unless I do this.”
Lily waited for Clem to answer.
Would she let her explain?