Chapter 46
Lily stared down at the vibrator.
It was impossibly large. There was no way it would ever fit inside her. It was bigger than any of the men she'd ever been with.
But was it bigger than Harvey?
She was getting frustrated with their lack of, well, sex.
She wanted sex, and she wanted it now. Harvey had touched her, he’d kissed her, hell, he’d spanked her. But he didn’t seem to want to take that last step. It was like he thought she couldn't handle him.
And she got it. She really did.
Lily wasn't sure how she would react. Maybe she would freak out. Maybe it would be too much.
And that was why she'd gotten out the vibrator.
It was the one that Harvey had ordered for her ages ago, but she had never taken it out of the box. At the time, she'd been too traumatized after learning about what Dr. Wallace had done to her.
But now she was looking at it as a tool. She was going to see how she reacted to an orgasm.
All right, she knew it wasn't the same thing. This wasn't going to be the same as having Harvey touch her naked body, having him play with her, tease her, drive her higher and higher.
But maybe it would help her, and perhaps it would even take the edge off this arousal that seemed to be there all the time.
Only she wasn't sure what the hell she was doing.
With a groan, she sat down on the bed and picked up her phone, calling her sister.
“Yo, what's up?” Clem asked.
“I'm trying to use a vibrator,” Lily blurted out.
There was silence on the other end of the phone. Great. Even Clem was horrified by what she was doing.
“That's really not what I expected you to say,” Clem said. “You're feeling really comfortable with me now, aren't you?”
“Clem,” she groaned. “What am I going to do?”
“Show me,” Clem said.
She put her phone on video and then flipped the screen around so Clem could see the vibrator.
“Ooh, you got yourself a good one.”
She rolled her eyes at her sister's words. “Harvey bought it for me.”
“Harvey bought it for you? Now, there's a man who's not threatened by a nice, thick, long vibrator. Is he smaller or bigger than the vibrator?”
“I don't know,” she wailed. “That's the problem.”
“Wait, are you saying the two of you haven't had sex yet?” Clem asked.
“Yeah, that's why I got out the vibrator. He bought it for me a while ago, but I just haven't used it. I'm getting very frustrated.”
“I don't blame you. A girl has needs, and Harvey should be seeing to yours.”
“I think he's worried about how I'll react after, well, you know.”
Clem was silent for a few seconds. “Right. I get it. And so why do you want to use the vibrator? Because you're horny?”
“Well, that, and I don't know. Maybe it'll give me some idea of how I would react. Does that sound stupid?”
“Kind of, yeah,” Clem said.
“Clem, you need to be supportive here.”
“Right, right. Just never expected that I'd have to be supportive of you using a vibrator.”
“Clem!” she cried.
“Okay, okay. Here's what you do. You take the vibrator out of the packaging.”
Well, sure, she knew that.
“Then you put some batteries in it.”
“Right. Okay. What then?” Lily asked
“Then you imagine Harvey's touching you, and you get yourself off.”
Lily sighed. “Clem, I don't know if I can do this.”
“You want Harvey to touch you, right? I don't think a vibrator is exactly the same as having him sex you up.”
Sex her up?
“My point is that I don't think you know how you're going to react until you actually experience it for real with Harvey. And for what it's worth, I think you'll be fine because you love Harvey. You trust him.”
“You don't think I'll freak out?” Lily asked
“No, but he might when he sees you with a vibrator.”
Now that was an idea she could get behind.
“Thanks, Clem.”
“Hey, that's what sisters are for: sex advice, vibrator recommendations, baby pigs. I've got it all.”
Lily stood and took the vibrator out of the packaging. And then she made sure it had a battery in it before turning it on.
Sheesh, that was loud. She dropped it just as the door to the bedroom opened. She quickly kicked it under the bed.
“Lily? I was looking for you. Everything okay?”
“Uh-huh.” Could he hear it? Did he know what was making that noise?
“You don’t look okay. You look odd.”
He walked closer to where she stood at the side of the bed. She hadn't gotten dressed yet, so she was still wearing one of his oversized T-shirts. She thought he'd gone down to the office to work.
“What’s going on? And what’s that noise?” Harvey frowned, glancing around.
“What noise?” she asked.
“It’s a buzzing noise. You don't hear that?”
“Um, well, uh.” She was well aware that she wasn't allowed to lie to him.
Suddenly, he crouched then reached under the bed, pulling out the vibrator.
She stared at it in horror.
“Well, I wonder how that got down there,” he drawled. “Something you want to tell me?”
“I want to have sex,” she blurted out.
He raised his eyebrows as he stared at her. “What?”
“I want to have sex,” she told him. “I got out the vibrator to see how it felt.”
“You used the vibrator?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No, I chickened out and rang Clem for advice.”
“You rang Clem for advice on using a vibrator?” He turned it off and placed it on the bedside table. “Why didn’t you come to me?”
“Umm,” she said.
“Lily, why didn’t you ask me?”
“Because I wasn’t sure what you’d say. You seem to think that that I’m now too fragile for sex.”
“I was trying to take it slow, so I didn’t scare you.”
“Well, don’t!” she cried.
“All right,” he said with a sexy look on his face. “I won’t.”
And then he stripped off his shirt.
Holy. Hell. No matter how many times she saw that chest, she still felt like she was turning into a puddle of goo.
The man was ripped, tattooed, and gorgeous.
Grasping hold of her hips, he lifted her, placing her on the bed.
They were doing this. Really doing this.
She swallowed heavily as he moved over her, so he was kneeling with his legs on either side of hers.
Then he placed his hands on the headboard behind her and bent down.
She rested back against the pillows as he kissed her.
It started off soft, and then it became something far more heated, more sexy, and much more decadent.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him even closer. She wanted more.
He lightly bit her lower lip before moving his mouth along her jaw with light kisses.
“What color?” he asked.
It took a few seconds for her brain to catch up to what he was saying.
She thought about it for a long moment. “Green.”
He drew back and stared down at her. “Green? You sure, baby? You’re ready to do this? Ready for me?”
“I feel like I am,” she said. “I don’t know that I won’t freak out at some stage, but I know what I’m doing, I know where I am, and I know who you are. And I also know that if I need you to stop, you will.”
“That’s my good girl,” he said. “And if at any time you need that, you are to tell me. We’re going to take things nice and slow and gentle, but it doesn’t have to happen today. If all we do is some kissing and cuddling, then I’m fine with that.”
She groaned. “Well, I’m not fine with that. I want more.”
He grinned down at her. “Does my baby need to come?”
“Yes,” she moaned. “I’m dying here.”
“Well, we can’t have you dying, can we? Because I can’t live without you.” He moved back, grasping her around the hips, pulling her down so she lay on her back.
“I’ll have to see what I can do to resuscitate you.”
Hell yes, some serious resuscitation was needed.
He reached for the bottom of the shirt, then held it for a moment as he stared down at her, as though he was asking for permission. And then she realized he actually was.
Harvey wasn’t a guy who asked for permission from anyone before doing something that he wanted to do.
The fact that he would pause and check in with her told her more than anything else how right this was, how he was the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, and that she could trust him with everything.
So she nodded. “Please.”
He stripped her off, so she was just lying there in a pair of lacy underwear.
She tensed for a moment, wondering if she’d feel objectified or as though she was under a microscope.
Being viewed like this might have brought up bad memories if Harvey’s hands didn’t start to play with her, to touch her with gentle reverence.
In every touch, she could feel his love, his adoration, and his desire.
“Keep your eyes open and on me, baby,” he told her. “I want you to know it’s me touching you. I want you to know it’s me here with you.”
She nodded, and he started kissing his way down her body. He paused at her nipples, spending so much time with them that frustration filled her.
She thrust her hips up, trying to get some friction against her clit. “More. Give me more.”
“Hush now, baby. We’re taking this slow, remember?”
“What if I don’t want to take this slow? What if I’m ready for fast and hard?”
“Well, what if I’m not?” he asked. “What if I want to savor every moment of touching you?”
She gave him a grouchy look. “I’m fairly certain that you just want to torture me.”
He grinned. God, he was gorgeous when he smiled, and lucky for her, he smiled a lot.
“No,” she cried. “That’s not fair. You’ve been torturing me for weeks now with your touch and your kisses, and those looks. And with the way you dress.”
“The way I dress?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Walking around in those cutoff shorts with your tan skin on display and all those sexy tattoos. Don’t you know that a girl has needs? You’ve been killing me. Killing me.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “I didn’t realize that cutoff running pants were so sexy.”
“They’re not sexy,” she told him. “You are.”
“You know just what to say to a man to stroke his ego.”
“What? Do you want me to stroke something else?”
He laughed again. “You’re starting to sound like me.”
Oh, Lord, he was right. She was starting to sound like him. And what was more, she kind of liked it.
“I am, aren’t I?” she said with a hint of wonder in her voice. “But would you? Could I?”