Chapter 13
Ansley had been feeling sorry for herself. She wanted to call and text Link all day, but she knew that would be too much.
When her friend, Luis, stopped by, she snapped a photo and decided to send it to Link. He didn’t text back, but then she realized she hadn’t attached the photo.
She rolled her eyes and included the photo of her with her friend’s dog.
“Your dog is great,” Ansley said.
“You realize he’s a service dog.”
She set her phone down after actually sending Link the photo and met Luis’s gaze. “What do you mean?”
“I got him for my PTSD and depression. He came in and signaled on you, noting your mood.”
Ansley sobered as she stroked the dog’s head. “So you’re saying your dog flagged on me?”
“How bad was your last mission?” Luis asked.
Ansley closed her eyes and shook her head. “We lost four. I was held hostage. My arm still aches a little, but it’s my leg. It hurts like a bitch.”
"I'm sorry. I had to get out, and even then, I'm a mess."
“I’m sorry it was so bad for you,” Ansley said.
“Yeah. It sucks.”
Her phone buzzed, and she glanced at it. "He said 'cute dog.' Your dog is cute. I wonder…"
“What?” Luis asked.
The dog sat down and put his head on her lap. “Will I ever feel normal?”
“Probably. Some days I feel better. I mean, two years ago I couldn’t have even come to visit you.”
“Yeah, you’ve made progress. I should have stopped by more.”
Luis shook his head. “You’ve been busy with work. I came by because I want you to know I’m here.”
“Thank you.”
“So are you staying in or leaving?” Luis asked.
“I’m getting out. After being captured and held, there is no way I could stay in. It was bad.”
"Yeah. It changes you. Will you stay in California?"
She shook her head. "I want to travel a little, and I can't stay here. It's too expensive. I need to get away from military life, or it might just suck me back in when life gets tough."
“Yeah. I get that. I’m here, but one more increase in my rent, and I might need to leave.”
The dog lifted his head and licked Ansley on the face. She grabbed her phone and snapped another photo of the dog.
“What kind of dog is this?”
“He’s a pitbull mix.”
“He’s a good dog. If I end up living alone, I need to get one so I have someone to talk to.”
Luis laughed. “Yeah, there is that. If I didn’t have him, I’d just be walking around the house talking to myself.”
“How are you with crowds?”
Luis shook his head. “Not good.”
“Come over for lunch next Sunday. If I’d known you were coming over, I would have made some food.”
“You don’t have to.”
"I'd like to spend time with you before I leave, and I want to cook a meal for you."
“Okay, lunch next weekend. I’ll bring pie and bread.”
“Sounds good.”
She gave Luis a fist bump, knowing he didn't like hugs now. Before her last mission, she hadn't really understood why Luis needed so many restrictions on his life, but now she understood. Living through the hell she'd been through had changed her.
She was in the kitchen when her phone rang. She pulled it out, seeing Link was calling. She answered, excitement filling her.
“Hey, is your friend still there?” Link asked.
“No. Luis took off about five minutes ago.”
“That dog was cute.”
“Yeah, though the dog is a service dog. Alerts on people suffering from PTSD and depression.”
“Oh, so the dog licking your face was him noticing you were having a hard time and trying to make you feel better?”
“Yeah. I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought I was doing okay. Like getting over stuff, but I’ve been fooling myself. I’m not getting over what happened.”
“It takes time.”
She blew out a breath, wishing she could just get over it, but she couldn't. She had to work through the fear, the shame, all the weird emotions, and the trauma she'd gone through. When her friends had bad experiences, she cut them some slack, but she wasn’t cutting herself any.
“How do you know Luis?”
"He was a part of my unit a few years back.
I didn't go on the particular mission. Bombs started going off, and he ended up being tossed around by an explosion.
He hit his head pretty hard, rang his bell.
It wasn't great for him. He had a difficult time adjusting.
Ended up taking medical retirement and is on disability. "
“That sucks.”
“Yeah. I don’t want to be trapped in my mind, unable to live.”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way to work on it. You’re already thinking about how to help yourself,” Link said.
She let go of a heavy sigh, wondering how she should move forward.
"I am. When I come out there, I think it will be better because I'll be doing something different almost every day.
I mean, I know there is some repetitiveness in everyday life, but I like the idea of spending time with you and seeing new things.
Link was glad he’d called her. They were talking about real PTSD they had to deal with as people in the military. He knew plenty of guys who saw such heavy action they couldn’t get past it.
“I’m glad Luis and his dog stopped by your place.”
“Yeah, it was good to see him. You know, I probably haven’t done enough for him.”
“There are people I’ve let slip to the wayside. I think it’s just part of human nature. I’m not saying it’s good, but it is human.”
“I know leaving the Marines will mean I’m leaving behind people I care about, but I can’t stay in.”
Link understood her point. There wasn't any way he could leave the military, not yet.
Eventually, he would leave the Army, and it would be hard.
He was so used to being a part of the Army that it was in his blood.
But when he was too old to perform his tasks, he would be a hindrance.
He wouldn't put his buddies at risk, or he hoped he wouldn't. He would probably go from a job as an operator to something less strenuous, and then he would fade away, slipping from service, hopefully living a life worth living.
“You went quiet. What are you thinking about?” Ansley asked.
He blew out a breath as he stared at the game on the TV, not really paying attention to the action. "I don't want to be one of those selfish pricks who don't know when to leave my unit. I mean, I'm not close yet, but I've seen too many guys who stay in and then put people at risk."
“Yeah, ego is a problem in all branches. I’ve always tried to be realistic about what I can and can’t do.”
Link snorted. "Ego can help push you in certain situations, but not realizing your limits is destructive. Like, I know I'm not twenty, but I'm also not twenty."
“How old are you?”
"Thirty-two. What about you?"
“Twenty-five. Just had a birthday right before being abducted."
“So I’m about eight years older than you. Is that going to be an issue?” Link didn’t really know what to think about their age difference. Maybe when she came out to see him, they would figure out they weren’t set up to be together.
“I don’t think it will be an issue. It’s not like you went out hunting for someone younger than you.”
“No. Meeting you was a real surprise.”
It sounded like she was laughing, but then she made a humming noise. He wanted to know what she was thinking. When she arrived, would she be okay with a hug?
“I can’t wait until I can see you.”
Ansley’s words warmed him. He wanted this to work out. Maybe they weren’t compatible, but he liked how they’d been together. “I know we said we would talk on Saturday, and I hadn’t planned on calling you, but I wanted to talk.”
"I'm glad you called. I wanted to talk to you, too."
"This week, I'll probably have to stay late at work a few times. It gets crazy, and we end up working late. So I don't know that I'll have time to chat during the week."
“I understand. Soon, I’ll be there.”
Link closed his eyes, thinking about having her in his arms. “I can’t wait.”
“Winding down to leaving is going to be hard, but knowing I’m headed to North Carolina to see you helps.”
“Leaving the military life is an adjustment.”
“I’m sure I’ll be happy the first few months, but then reality will hit. Hopefully I’ll have enough stuff to keep me busy.”
He’d seen a few guys get into trouble because they didn’t have enough to keep them busy after leaving the military. He hoped Ansley could make the adjustments necessary. “Well, I’ll be here to help.”
“Thank you. It means a lot to me.”
They talked about the game he was watching, then the call ended.
He looked around, thinking his place needed a deep clean.
Next weekend, he would take care of the task.
He also needed to do work outside and get the back yard looking better.
The weather cooperated a few days a month at this time of year, so they might be able to grill steaks and eat outside.
A waft of rain blew against the windows, and he sighed.
The weather may not cooperate, but they would have a good time. He would make sure of it.