3 TWISTS AND TURNS
“Wow, okay. Let me think. That was a long time ago,” Paige starts, squeezing my fingers as she looks up at the ceiling.
“I heard she was driving back from the mountains alone, hit a patch of ice, and spun out of control. Her car tumbled down into a ravine, and when they got to her hours later, she’d already passed.”
“Coming down from where?”
“The lake. She was up in the cabins with her boyfriend,” Paige says, squinting and tilting her head. “At least, that’s how I remember it. There was a lot of gossip that she’d been abused or something. I went to her memorial service, but that’s where my memory gets flaky. Why?”
“I dreamed of us on that camping trip. It feels like a memory I’ve repressed for many years. She broke up with me a few weeks later, and I was devastated. I loved her but also felt spurned by her. Aside from Amy, I never dated anyone seriously after that.”
I shrug. “I guess I decided it was easier to be alone than to deal with strong feelings for someone.”
“I think that describes a lot of us.” Paige half smiles. “Leah tells me about some of her clients to shed after a tough session. I keep her confidence, but sometimes we get stuck in the past, you know?”
“Yeah, that describes me.” I nod with a smirk. “Until last weekend. I feel like my heart is open again. But my memory of what happened with Stacy makes me feel unsure. But that’s not even the weird dream.”
“You had another?”
“Yeah.” I nod and glance up at her. “I dreamed of an older Stacy, eating with me at the lodge diner. She told me she tried to find girls that could love me like she did. Then she said to tell her mom that she loved her and that she’d be moving on soon.”
Paige’s mouth opens in surprise. She hugs me tightly and rubs my back when I don’t continue. We hold each other, shocked and silent, and then she pulls back and watches my eyes.
“We need to tell Leah.” Paige nods at me, then looks at her watch. “But we need to get back on the road. Pack up. I’m going to go talk to Imogen and Beatrice.” She grins as she uses their full names. “Meet us downstairs.”
I nod as she leaves, pulling my backpack onto my lap.
I sort through my things; my company laptop is still inside, and I keep my cable kit and stuff for my road trips.
I zip it up and place it by the bed as I sort through my suitcase.
Thanks to the two-bag system Ginny implemented, most of my things fit in one bag.
I zip it up and scan the room. Spying the box I need to return my laptop, I grab it, my backpack, and my suitcase and head downstairs.
The other three are at the foot of the stairs, watching as I walk down to join them. Paige reaches for my backpack and box and hands them to Bea and Ginny.
“Bea and Ginny will ride back together,” Paige says as the pair nods. “There is just enough room for your suitcase in the back of Amy’s SUV.”
“So I’m riding with you?”
“That’s right. We can talk to Leah together.”
Turning to the younger girls, I hug them and kiss each of them.
“I’ll fill you in when we’re all back together. Drive safely. I want us all to get there in one piece,” I say as we walk out of Paige’s house; she pauses to lock her front door, then takes my free hand.
I pull my roller to the back of Amy’s SUV, and Paige helps me fit it into the packed compartment.
The news about how Stacy died is still fresh in my mind.
While we’ve driven this road many times, it’s a reminder that anything can happen at any time.
As we pile into the vehicles, I’m struck by how easily Ginny and Bea get along.
They are both millennials, while the rest of my girls are GenX like me.
I’m glad we all seem to fit together despite the age gap.
“I’m going to call Leah,” Paige says as she steers toward the highway. “Tell her everything you told me.”
“What are you thinking?” I look at her as I pull out my phone to check messages. Since there are no notifications, I slide it into a depression on the console.
“I think we’re experiencing things I can’t explain,” Paige says, tapping on the CarPlay display in the center of Amy’s dash. With a couple of taps, we hear the phone ringing over the in-car speaker.
“Hey, babe,” Paige says when she hears Leah’s voice. “Kurt remembered some dreams he had on the ride down. We’d like to hear your thoughts.”
“Okay, no problem. Hi Kurt. Are you doing okay?”
“I think so,” I say, already feeling better just from hearing Leah’s comforting voice. “It’s strange because, like I told Paige, I rarely remember my dreams.”
“We’re experiencing a lot right now, which is likely why your subconscious is becoming more active. That’s my take on it. In a sense, your subconscious has remained dormant while you’ve been going through the motions by rote for a long time.”
I tell her about my dreams, and she listens as I spill everything. I also detail my relationship with Stacy in high school. In the background, I hear the sound of a chair scraping.
“Amy’s joining, and I have you on speaker,” Leah says.
“Hey, Kurt. I remember when you dated Stacy,” Amy says.
“You guys dated for a long time when I was a junior. I remember asking you to that drive-in movie after you broke up. I may have been a little jealous of how close the two of you were. You always treated her respectfully, even after you parted ways.”
“That was a long time ago,” I say, smirking at Paige.
“I hardly remembered any details about Stacy until I had that dream this morning. Remembering how she ended it so abruptly messed with me. Then you and I hit it off, and that helped. But after you moved away, I returned to feeling completely alone.”
“You said you had two dreams,” Leah interrupts. “What was the second one?”
“Well, the first seems like a repressed memory. Like, I knew it happened, but the details were fuzzy when I woke up from the first dream. I was exhausted and stayed in the car, meaning to call you to discuss it. I remember seeing Paige’s text, but I couldn’t stay awake.”
“Okay, go on.” Leah’s voice is soft with an undercurrent of caring and comfort.
“Well, in the next dream, she was older. Maybe five years, while I felt the age I am now.”
I tell her the details as I remember them.
“Then it gets weird. She said she was sorry she left without saying goodbye. She said she’d tried to gather girls that would love me like she had. And to tell Donna she loves her, but she’s moving on.”
“Fuck,” Leah says, and I hear Amy gasp. “I just got another dose of goosebumps.”
“What does it mean? Stacy’s been dead for years. We haven’t been in contact since high school. She had’t been on my mind until we ate at the diner after?—”
“I know,” Leah interrupts. “ Kurt, I want you to go through some calm breathing exercises, okay? Let me think about this and talk to Amy. I’ll call back.”
After the call disconnects, the car goes silent. Paige looks at me as she navigates toward the highway. The traffic is light, but there are many stoplights on this surface road. My emotions start to get the best of me, and I struggle to take a breath.
“Just breathe, babe. You’re hyperventilating. Slow inhales, slow exhales,” she coaches, reaching for my hand as she drives one-handed.
“Leah will help untangle this, I’m sure. And regardless, I’m glad we’re together. I know I love you. It’s been fast, but… Kurt, I’ve never felt this way about a guy. Ever. I mean that.”
I squeeze her hand and smile. “I love you too, Paige,” I say to fill the sudden quiet.
“It’s weird feeling this way about all of you. But I agree with what Leah said about my emotions being dormant. It’s like I became a robot with the constant travel. And then they awakened while with the three of you at the cabins. I haven’t felt this way about a woman, let alone five women, since…
well… Stacy. ”
Paige squeezes my hand and then steers with both hands. “We’ll figure it out.” The cab fills with silence. “Are you hungry? I’m starved.”
“Yeah, I didn’t have much for breakfast. What are you thinking?”
“Taco Time?”
“Fuck, yeah. I haven’t had Taco Time in years. I loved their crispy meat burritos. Do they still have them?”
“Dipped in ranch?” Paige grins. “Of course, they still have the crispy meats!”
Diverting off the route, Paige halts the GPS while we detour for some Mexican fast food.
The Taco Time chain is only in the Northwest, and the first crunch of the crispy, deep-fried flour tortilla rolled with seasoned taco meat sparks memories of my hometown.
This triggers another dormant memory of Stacy and me eating there.
Taco Time was close to the high school, so we’d make quick trips at lunchtime.
As I’m chewing and mulling over the past, Paige’s phone rings.
She taps the phone button on the screen to connect.
“Okay, Kurt.” Leah’s voice fills the silent void that had settled in the car, “This is what I think. I want you to try and listen and hold your questions. You’re bound to have some.”
“I’m listening,” I say, popping the last bite of the crispy meat burrito in my mouth.