Chapter 10 #2
Rig kicks out suddenly and catches K, who absorbs the blow but tries to grab his leg and twist, but Rig squirms out of his grasp just as fast. K instantly kicks back, catching him beneath his ribs, and even with the padding he’s wearing I can tell how painful it is by the expression that shimmers across Rig’s face.
God, it’s that bad even with padding? All those blows he absorbed in that fight with the Bear with no protection at all.
He’s probably still tender from that fight, too.
But Rig has caught K’s arm now and has him down, and they’re grappling and rolling.
The guys by the ring shout and duck down to check whether Rig’s managed to press K’s back to the floor.
Fuck, I can hardly watch. Am I ever going to get used to watching Rig fight?
“Fucking bastard!” K shouts, and with a huge hip thrust manages to push out from under Rig. Then they’re on their feet and circling each other again, hands flying out to try and find a purchase on something … anything. After a few more taunts, the referee, such as he is, raises his hand.
“One minute timeout.”
“Did someone get a penalty?” I whisper to Brit.
“We’re halfway through,” she says, and sure enough, when I peer at my watch, five minutes have passed.
Wow, that went in the blink of an eye. The second half is no better, and when the referee calls time, Rig leans on the ropes, head down, breath coming out in heavy gusts. K collapses onto the floor.
“We calling it a draw?” Rig grunts, and K groans and rolls onto his side.
“Asshole,” he gasps out, and Rig shakes with laughter.
Rig gestures at me as the guys drift away. “You and Brit can train now,” he wheezes, and I gape at him. But Brit heads toward a pile of equipment at the far side of the ring, gesturing at me to follow.
“Let’s get geared up,” she says. “We’re not fighting for real; I’ll just teach you some of the basic defensive moves.”
My legs shake as I follow her to the pads and gloves.
“Brit’s nice,” I say as we head to the car and Rig limps along beside me. How does his body take all this abuse?
“Oh, Brit’s not nice, babe. She’s one of the most vicious women I’ve seen fight, really rides the edge of what’s legitimate to do to her opponent, won’t hesitate to injure someone.
But she’s so entertaining to watch. Brings so much negative energy to the ring.
Intimidates the fuck out of other women. Seen her fight men the same way.”
“I can’t believe she fights guys.”
He laughs. “She says she likes to practice on people she thinks she can’t beat. She’s a nut.”
“I’d like to be strong like her.”
“Well, a bit of weightlifting will go a long way.”
“No, I mean courage-wise.”
He frowns at me. “You’re a brave person, Carl.”
I snort. “I’m a pushover.”
“No, you ain’t. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
You got through one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and you’re still standing.
You’re helping people. Old people. People no one cares about.
” He waves his arm out and winces as I gaze at him.
He grabs me by the neck. “Gonna ban you from saying shit about yourself.”
And it makes me laugh.
When we reach his truck, he grunts, “Need to stop fighting in front of you.”
“What? Why?”
“Too distracting. Keep trying to do something impressive. That’s never a smart idea. Made too many mistakes today and got punished for it.”
I stare at him. He was trying to impress me?
“You don’t have to do anything just because I’m there, Rig. I’m already impressed.”
“That’s not how a guy’s brain works, babe. His girl’s there, he’s gonna bring his best game.”
His girl?
I swallow. “I’m your girl?”
He glances over at me, and his mouth has an amused twist. “Of course you are. Just don’t read too much into it.”
“Like lifelong commitment and babies, you mean?” I say, laughing.
“Yeah,” he says, grinning back. “None of that shit.”
God, I like him. And I want to say that I’m trying not to read anything into all of this, but it’s becoming increasingly hard when he takes care of me as well as he does.
My eyes blink open later to find a shadow looming over me in the dark. “What’s your dream, Carl?” Rig says, voice rough from sleep.
I roll over onto my back as he collapses back down next to me. “What? Have you been lying awake?”
“Sometimes things play on my mind. Answer the fucking question. What’s your dream?”
To pay my debts off? Live somewhere where the smell of the drains doesn’t make me gag on a daily basis? To somehow relive the whole thing with Charlie and do it right this time?
“Peace.”
“Peace,” he rumbles beside me like he’s chewing the word over. “Why don’t you have that?”
I run my hand down my face. “Not for me, for him.”
“He has peace, babe.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because for all the time he was alive, he had you. You gave him that.”
And my hand drops away as I stare up at the ceiling in the darkness. He didn’t see him, didn’t see how he struggled to breathe. How he fought to live. God, every time I think about it, it’s unbearable.
“Is that why you have to stay here, to be close to him?” he adds.
“I have to protect him. It’s messed up, I know.”
“You get that it’s not your fault, right?”
“I should have left Mark. I knew it. All through my pregnancy I was thinking about it. He’d hit me sometimes, not often, but there was enough doubt in my mind to justify it.
” I twist my head on the pillow to find Rig also lying on his back and staring at the ceiling.
“That’s why I don’t draw or paint. I gave it up as a punishment for not getting the hell out of there when I knew … ”
His body goes rigid beside me. “Not getting … What the fuck?”
I can’t justify it to him. I know it makes no sense, but I have to do something. There was nothing to do in that incubator room but watch him die.
“You’ve been punishing yourself for ten years?” he growls. “People make mistakes, babe.”
Yeah, yeah. “I understand that. Doesn’t make it any easier. I watched him struggle, Rig. I watched him die.” The last words come out on a gulp as my eyes fill with tears.
“Fucking hell,” he says, as he pulls me into him, and I press my nose into his chest hair and breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I don’t know how much time goes past, but eventually I feel my body relax into him.
“Worst thing in the world that, babe. I’m sorry,” he rumbles.
I tip my head back to look at him. “What’s your biggest mistake?”
He’s silent for a beat or two, then he accepts the subject change with a grunt. “Too many to even think about.”
“Give me one, then.”
“Getting engaged.”
Cold tightens my ribs. I open my mouth, close it, and open it again, but he holds up a hand. All he says is, “Don’t ask.”
Okay then. Ugh. Now the pain in my chest about Charlie morphs into something else entirely. Who the hell was he engaged to? This Sadie woman? Goddamn him, now I’m wide awake. I roll onto my back again.
We lie there for a bit, and just as I’m drifting off again, he says, “You’re different from how I thought you’d be.”
I struggle to throw off the fog of sleep. “Is this when you have all your deep and meaningful conversations? 3 a.m.?”
He chuckles and curls toward me, hand under his head.
“In what way am I different?” I say.
“People are messed up for different reasons. Some people are assholes, always have been, always will be. Other people, something happens and they fall down a hole and can’t get out.”
“Are you saying you thought I was an asshole when you met me?”
“You want honesty?”
“Yeah.”
“Didn’t care; just wanted to get laid. But you’re funny and kind. Something terrible happened to you and you fell down a hole.”
“Yeah, but there’s no way out.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“How you going to get me out of my hole, Rig?”
“Don’t know yet. I haven’t worked out what type of hole it is.”
There are different types? What I don’t tell him is that I’m digging down faster than anyone can save me.
And he’s not how I thought he’d be, either.
I didn’t expect him to try and help me. Maybe he’s a miracle worker.
Maybe he can help me find my way out of all this.
Sometimes I think I went back to nursing and then looking after the little old ladies because I can look after them in a way I couldn’t look after Charlie.
I know there’s something about it that warms me to my core.
Keeping track of their meds and making sure they’re okay.
Somehow I want to get back to where I once was, but I’ve fallen so far, where the hell would I even start?