Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
DIORA
The shower sex didn’t help me forget the hate my sister has for me. Neither do the days that follow. The utter silence in the apartment. These feelings are constant. I’m always waiting for Juliet to appear and wishing she never found out.
“She needs time, Little Crane,” Elliot says as he lays down on my bed next to me. I’ve resorted to hiding in my room, too. To say I’m scared of facing how Juliet sees me is an understatement. It burns almost as bad as the need for her acceptance.
I don’t need her forgiveness. I don’t regret what I did. I’d do it again, and I have a feeling we both know that.
“But how much? How much time is a normal amount of time for her to be mad?” I ask. I’m pacing by the door of my room. Listening for a sound, any sound, from Juliet’s room. She’ll come to me, right? Will she come to me if Elliot is here?
I look over to him to find him already staring at me. “I’m not leaving.”
“Hmm.” I swallow the spit in my throat, trying to calm down. Nerves haven’t cracked me like this before. My cuticles have never been in a worse state. A light sheen of sweat lines my hairline, and I’m sure I smell.
“What if she doesn’t wanna be my sister anymore?
” I whisper as I carefully sit next to him.
He’s been awfully attached to me since I killed Mrs. Jay.
I don’t know if it’s in appreciation or fear that Enyo may change his mind and come after me for killing his mom, or maybe…
maybe it’s just his love. I don’t know, but I like it.
“That’s not how being siblings works,” Elliot says with a chuckle as he sets his phone down and leans back on the bed.
I snap my head toward him with a snarl. “What do you even know?” I scoff.
“Don’t be mad, Little Crane. She loves you, and more than that, science can’t deny you guys are sisters,” he says, tracing patterns I can’t decipher on my arm.
“Love is loyalty. Love is the warmth in my chest when I look at you. The security I feel when I can physically see you. I feel love for you. It’s not quite the same, but it’s similar for family. ”
“If that’s love, then yes, Elliot, that’s what I feel.”
“For her?”
“Yes,” I say, moving to cup his cheek in my hand. Feel the soft skin under mine. My lips turn upward as I gaze into his eyes, watching the color move in them. “And for you.”
A knock pulls me away from him. The slow creak of the door lets light into my room from the hallway, creating a glowing halo over Juliet’s peaking head. She’s here!
“I’m sorry, I’ll come back later,” she pips as she tries to back away from the door. But I’m faster. My hand stops the door from closing, and I’m relieved she’s here. I’m sure she can see it all over my face. I’ve been much more expressive since meeting Elliot.
“Please, no, stay,” I say. I reach for her hand, her warm brown skin a comfort to me, but I stop. Maybe she doesn’t want to touch a serial killer. I don’t… I can’t make her dirty. I stop, and I try to keep my face neutral as my eyes meet hers again.
Looking back at Elliot, I sigh. I have to do this alone. I know I do, and yet I want to drag him with me. Juliet would be shy, though. She might even know he’s a killer, too, and get angrier. I don’t know.
“Let’s go to the living room,” I say as I close my bedroom door behind me. I hover my hand over hers and lead us to our favorite spot: the couch.
The silence eats at us, at least at me. I have the urge to fill it, but I resist. I don’t want her to lose her momentum; I need to hear what she has to say.
I need to know if she accepts me as I am.
Mom and Dad never did. Or maybe to better phrase, they tried the best they could. I don’t blame them for wanting to rid the bad in their lives, in Juliet’s. I’m not them. I’m not good, but I am a person. A person people can love.
Taking a deep breath, I wait as something crosses Juliet’s face. Her brows scrunch and unscrunch as she wrings her fingers in her lap. She’s scared.
I don’t want her to be scared. Maybe if I show her my empty hands, she won’t be scared. I try to relax my posture and place my hands open in my lap. It’s a bit odd, but if it will help, I’ll do anything.
She curls her legs up against herself as she sits on the couch. “Diora, you kill people?” she asks. Her eyes peer into me. Like a puppy who wants the truth to be different so badly.
But it’s not. This is the truth. A truth our parents spotted miles away. A truth I have to accept and live with.
A truth Juliet doesn’t have to live with.
She could turn me in, and I’d let her. I don’t know if Elliot would. I would have to stop him, but Juliet, I’d let her turn me in if it made her feel better.
It chips at my heart to disappoint her. It feels shameful to meet her eyes. To want to hold her after I hurt her.
“Yes.” The word falls from my lips and hangs in the air. I see her face drop for a moment as she stays quiet. She sighs before meeting my eye again.
“Why?”
“Because… I want to. Because I can’t help it. Because you deserve so much better. Because you deserve freedom.”
“But that’s—”
“And so do I, Juliet. I deserve freedom, too.”
“But what if you get caught? I can’t, Diora. I need you, I love you, I want you to be safe—” My heart nearly pounds out of my chest to hear that. Is this acceptance? No, I can’t celebrate too early. Shaking my head, I stop her rambling.
“The chances of being caught are slim, and even still, I’m not alone. I have Elliot. I have protections in place—”
“What if they don’t work?” Her tears stream down her face as she moves to sit next to me. The closest we’ve been since she found out. She grabs both my open hands in hers.
“They ruined me, Dee, and I’d hate to think they ruined you, too.” She sobs into my shoulder, grasping my hand. I lay a gentle hand on top of her curly head, and instead of flinching, she curls into me more. “I’m so sorry, Dee.”
“You were right before, Juliet. It’s not about them, it’s about me.
It’s about who I am. I wasn’t going to last much longer without satisfying the itch,” I say, trying to put words to something indescribable.
It’s not something I can explain, and it’s not something she’ll ever understand.
She doesn’t get the itch in the way I do.
Her itch is soothed by cleaning. Mine is by killing.
“Don’t get caught, ever, Diora. I need you here with me forever,” Juliet says as she cries.
“I won’t,” I say as I lay my head on top of hers.
I smell her strawberry shampoo and her frizzy hair tickles my cheeks, but I am so happy.
Just as happy as I was when Elliot told me he loved me for the first time.
The happiest I’ve been in my whole life.
I kiss the top of her head again. Tears prick my eyes in relief. I could sob. I’ve never cried so much.
“I’ll make sure she never leaves you.” Elliot’s sudden voice makes Juliet jump in my arms. She sniffles and leans out of my embrace as Elliot sits on the other side of me.
“I’m assuming you’re like her?” Juliet asks, nodding her head toward me. She watches him like she watches me. She doesn’t know him, but I hope she knows he won’t hurt her, either.
Elliot nods his confirmation and flashes a small smile at her. “But a whole lot more experienced.”
“Whatever,” I mutter, chuckling as I grab one of his hands and pull it into my lap.
“We’ll be okay,” I say, smiling again. “And more importantly, you’re truly free, Juliet.”
“They’re dead, but my memories aren’t,” she whispers.
“For now, but that’s a battle you’ll be able to fight without them haunting you in the real world, too.”
I stare at my little group on the couch.
As comfortable as I am here in this little home, there is still one thing I have to clean up.