Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
T he darkness of Anthony's spare bedroom pressed in around me, as heavy as the guilt churning in my stomach. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Olivia's face—hurt, betrayed, angry. Sleep wasn't coming. Not while the weight of everything left unsaid between us hung in the air like a storm about to break.
My mind raced, realizing I should have been honest with her. I should have told her everything from the beginning. My chest tightened with the fear that I probably lost something I didn't even realize I wanted, no needed. The thought of living without her was suffocating.
Olivia and Anthony hadn't returned from wherever they were, and even though I knew she had a security team on her, I couldn't help but worry. Anthony had kept her safe for much longer than I had, so I knew I had nothing to worry about, but I still did.
The door hinges creaked—that soft, tentative sound that made my heart slam against my ribs. I jerked upright, squinting against the sudden invasion of hallway light.
Anthony’s wife, checking on me again, I thought. But something about the hesitation in that pause, the way the door hung half-open, sent a different kind of tension through my muscles.
"Nick?" Olivia's voice drifted through the darkness, barely above a whisper. I darted out of the bed. "Olivia?" Her fingers curled around the doorframe. "Can I come in?"
"Yes." I flicked on the lamp on the nightstand, and she closed the door. The room filled with an awkward silence for several long minutes, and I wasn't sure if she wanted me to say something or be quiet.
Olivia wrapped her arms around herself. "I know there's a lot we need to talk about." I blew out a heavy breath, thankful she was going to talk to me. "But right now, I need to know what happened the day my parents were killed. I don't remember much, and I need to remember."
"I will tell you anything you want to know." I stepped forward, but she retreated, each backward step like a knife to my chest. "As long as you are sure you want to know."
"I am, Nick." she held out her hand stopping me. "I need to know."
I nodded, swallowing past the lump in my throat.
"I have blamed myself every day for what happened to you," The words scraped raw in my throat, barely a whisper. Years of guilt pressed against my chest, making it hard to breathe. "And I'm sorry."
Olivia's eyes hardened. "Did you kill my parents?"
"What? No." I raked my fingers through my hair, shaking my head. "But Emmett and I were the reason you were home. If it hadn't been for me, you wouldn't have left and gone back home."
"I don't understand."
"The day we got back from our trip, we wanted to go hang out with our friends." I recalled the memory like it was yesterday. "We'd been with you all week and didn't want you to come with us. So, I said something mean, and you left crying." I swallowed hard. "If I hadn't done that, you wouldn't have been hurt."
"Nick." Olivia's shoulders slumped, tension draining from her frame. "You aren't the reason I was hurt, and I know I was kind of annoying."
"You're not angry?"
"You aren't responsible for me getting hurt no matter what you did that day unless—" Olivia's voice caught. She drew in a shaky breath. "Unless you were the one who drove the knife into my back."
"I would never—" The very thought made bile rise in my throat. All these years later, and I could still see the blood, still feel the helpless panic of finding her there. "I would never hurt you like that. The thought of anyone hurting you..." I couldn't finish, the words crumbling to dust in my mouth.
"I know, but I need to ask you something." I nodded. "Did Emmett have the opportunity to do it?"
I narrowed my eyes, confusion twisting my features.
"Was there ever a moment after I left that Emmett wasn't with you guys?"
My brow furrowed, mouth twisting into a scowl. "You think Emmett did it?" I paced to the window, hands clenched at my sides. "No, Emmett's done some fucked up shit lately but hurt you and kill your parents? No."
Olivia sank onto the edge of the bed, her fingers tracing absent patterns on the comforter. "I don't want to believe it either, but I need to know there was no opportunity for it to be him."
The memories of how it all went down that day flashed forward.
Olivia leaned forward, moonlight catching the tears gathering in her eyes. "Is there anything you could have blocked out?"
My gaze shifted to the floor, memories of that day flashing through my mind like a broken film reel. "I think there's a lot I blocked out, but the memories of everything before I found you and your parents have always been clear. It wasn't Emmett." She blew out a heavy sigh as her body relaxed. "I'm beyond angry with Emmett right now..."
Olivia pushed off the bed. "I want to know everything." Olivia's hand shot up, cutting through the air between us. "From the beginning." My throat tightened. I nodded, the weight of unspoken words pressing down on my chest.
I was ready to do what I should have done in the beginning: tell her the truth about everything and hope that it wasn't too late and that she'd be able to forgive me.