Chapter 16
SADIE
I’m wearing my favorite dress. The blue one with small white daisies. It twirls when I spin in front of my mirror, and when I do there’s a vision of a girl I once knew behind my eyelids. I feel a smile melt against my skin.
I can still be her.
When I open my eyes, my cheeks are slightly pink.
I grab the red lipstick and open the cap, staring at the bold color.
I shouldn’t.
I’m going to church.
I can practically already hear Patty and a few of the other older women whispering in the pews, looks of horror on their faces as Sadie Summers plays piano with red lipstick on in front of the entire congregation and Jesus.
I’m not supposed to stand out. I’m supposed to be barely there—just enough to be needed.
I twist the tube of lipstick, a thrill cartwheeling in my stomach. Then I lean closer to the mirror, bringing the lipstick up to my mouth. It glides on effortlessly, as if Tiffany was right—it was made for me.
When I rub my lips together and see the fullness of the red, my eyes widen.
My cheeks have become pinker, my eyes brighter. There’s something about me that feels different and yet the same.
I look at the lipstick and then back at my reflection. I touch the woman’s face in the mirror gently, my fingers lingering against the smooth surface.
Her eyes are clear, as if I can see right through them, and I plummet into their pain.
The pain of giving up who I loved most when I didn’t know any better.
The pain of dropping my classes and moving back home.
The pain of walking into the accounting office every day to make sure my dad’s business survived after the accident.
The pain of Milo still chasing his dreams while mine were fading to dust.
Moments pass before I take my hand away from the mirror and tuck my hair behind my ear.
A true red smile stretches across my face.
I’m still here.
It’s not too late.
A small tear slips down my face too quickly for me to blink it away, but it doesn’t cause my smile to falter. It enhances it.
“Hi, Sadie,” I say to my reflection. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see you.”
I grab the list and my pen from my nightstand to mark another item off.
Try Something You’ve Never Done
Speed on a back road.
Order dessert first.
Quit something you’re “good” at.
Go somewhere without a plan.
Wear something just because I like it.
Climb the water tower.
Watch an R-rated movie.
Get a tattoo.
Kiss a stranger.
Paint the walls in my house.
Then I grab my sheet music, my Bible, and my red lipstick, just in case I need a touch-up.
The moment I walk into the church, I feel as if everyone’s eyes are suddenly on me, but when I look around, people are doing their normal Sunday-morning things.
Adults opening their Bibles to mark where Pastor Jeff is going to be preaching from, kids grabbing crayons and coloring sheets from the basket at the back of the sanctuary, and members talking to one another about what has happened in their lives for the past week.
“Sadie!” someone yells.
I turn toward the voice, and it’s Courtney from Firefly Farms.
“Hey, Court!”
Her eyes widen and then sparkle. “Girl! Did you get a new lipstick? You look amazing!”
My cheeks flush, but I grin and nod. “I did. You don’t think it’s too much?”
She immediately shakes her head. “Not at all!”
“You sure?”
“Not everyone can pull off a red, but not everyone is you,” she says.
I feel my chest swell. “Thanks, Court.”
“I wanted to talk to you because we’re putting together our summer event out at the farm and last year you ran a booth. Would you be willing to do that again?”
My eyes widen at the thought of the hula skirt from last year and the chafing that took me two weeks to get rid of . . .
“Actually, Court, I think I’m going to skip, if that’s okay,” I say, my consonants and vowels somewhat tripping over each other as I think about how I failed miserably in telling Patty no.
“Really?” I can hear her disappointment, and I wince. “I had the best idea for a kissing booth this year.”
“A kissing booth?” My voice squeaks.
“I thought it would be fun to set up a booth where you are hidden behind a window and a pig is hidden behind another one. They have to pay first and then choose which window.” Court’s eyes spark as her words grow louder, gaining the attention of those around us.
“You’d be perfect! And now with that red lipstick . . .”
“I’m not sure I’m okay with kissing half of Dusty Hollow,” I say quietly.
I glance around us and notice Patty with knitting needles and yarn in her hand while she leans to the side, whispering something to Deborah Rimes, another proud member of the gossip chain.
“Please, Sadie? I don’t know who else to ask. Everyone else is dating someone or married or a cousin to too many people . . .”
“Um, I—” My words fall short as I catch Milo staring at me, grinning.
He walks toward us.
“Something I could help with, ladies?” he asks.
Courtney’s eyes brighten even more, as if light bulbs hang behind her irises. “I’m trying to get Sadie here to volunteer for the kissing booth at the summer event out at Firefly Farms.”
His brow quirks. “Kissing booth?”
I wonder if he’s thinking about my list. About kissing a stranger. But there would not be strangers at this event.
“How about Ginny?” he suggests.
“Oh. That might work,” Courtney replies.
“Or Patty?” I add.
Courtney snorts at this. “Patty has already ratted me out to Pastor Jeff, thinking he can change my mind on the idea. But thanks. I’ll ask Ginny. Happy Sunday, you two.”
Courtney walks away.
“You didn’t have to save me, but thank you,” I say with a smile, relief warming my skin from the fear that had freckled my skin with goosebumps.
“You’re welcome,” he replies.
“I haven’t seen you around much.”
He swallows hard. “Yeah. How’s Grant?”
I blink. “What?”
“Well, pizza and painting . . .”
“He’s just helping me with some house projects. I’m not very handy, and the house I bought is a little . . . in need of hands.”
He nods. “You know, I can do a few things.”
I tilt my head and grin. “Don’t you remember the porch swing we built for my parents?”
The left side of his mouth curls up. “That was a good swing.”
“Until they sat in it.”
He laughs. “Okay, but that was ten years ago. Maybe I’ve learned a few things?”
I raise a brow. “Have you?”
His chin drops and he shakes his head. “I’ve learned things, just maybe not the kind of things to remodel your house.”
I chuckle lightly. “Well, I better get up to the piano.”
“Okay,” he says. “It’s good to see you.”
And then for whatever reason—maybe it’s the red lipstick, the realization in my reflection this morning that it’s not too late, or gratitude for saving me from a kissing booth—I say, “Don’t wait so long next time.
You know where I live and where I work and where I am when I’m not working or not living. ”
I say the last part even though I’m not sure he’ll understand or remember what I’m referring to.
His eyes soften. “Not in Dusty Hollow Cemetery. You’d be spread out over a Texas bluebonnet field in the spring where tears are turned to petals.”
My breath seizes slightly.
One night, our senior year, we were parked out on a dirt road, staring at the stars in the sky while Milo let me rattle on passionately about the things I loved and hated. He let me do that often.
“No one better bury me in Dusty Hollow Cemetery,” I said loudly, sitting up to look at him with determination in my eyes. “I don’t want my body rotting away in the dirt outside Dusty Hollow.”
He sat up, his blue eyes glistening. “So, what should I do with you? If you die before me?”
“I want my ashes spread over a Texas bluebonnet field in spring where tears are soft blue petals for me to rest within. But I won’t die before you.”
He laughed. “How do you know that?”
“Because I’m more stubborn than you,” I said with a smug smile. “And what about you, Milo Carter? When you die, what am I to do with your body?”
His hand traced my face from my ear to my chin before he swooped in for a gentle kiss and then whispered against my lips, “Keep my ashes so I can be with yours.”
Those words meant so much to me.
Others would have laughed at my rant, but Milo took it seriously. He always took my words seriously, which meant they were always safe with him.
I blink before my words tumble out. “You remember.”
“Some things never leave you.”
I take two steps backward up the aisle. “Well, you know where to find me, then.”