Chapter 39
“You are such an idiot,” Havisham said.
“What’s going on over here?” asked Betty. “I’m too old to break up fights. That’s why they moved me out here, away from where all the nightclubs are.”
“We’re not going to fight,” I said.
“Oh, we might fight,” Havisham said.
Salcedo, who was sitting beside me tonight, reached across the table to put a hand on her forearm. “Let her be. She’s had a rough couple of days.”
“Of her own making.”
“I am right here, so you don’t have to talk about me in the third person,” I said before turning to Salcedo. “And you’re going to take down the website, right?”
“Yeah, if I have to.”
“Well, I can’t afford to lose my main job due to ethics complaints, now can I?”
“That’s ridiculous.” Havisham practically spit the words out.
“Maybe so, but I gotta eat, and I gotta pay you back. Also, I’m the one who had the breakup, so what’s eating you up?”
She tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. “I found my billionaire cowboy philanthropist, and I was counting on you to prove to me that this whole signs-from-the-universe bullshit might have something to it.”
“You, of all people, know better than to look for signs from the universe,” I said. “And Trace isn’t a billionaire cowboy philanthropist anyway.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know,” I said, even if I hadn’t actually looked him up.
“Well, he’s a multimillionaire cowboy philanthropist, and I would say that’s close enough.”
Wide-eyed, I looked to Salcedo for confirmation. She shrugged.
I waved away the discussion. “Whatever. If I were younger, maybe I would’ve begged Malone to give us a chance, but I needed him to make the first move. I gave him the opportunity. He didn’t take it.”
“How exactly did it go again?” Salcedo asked.
I told them about the conversation again, even though my chest ached at the thought of it.
“So he said, ‘If that’s what you want’?”
“Yes.”
“Stark, he was waiting for you to make the first move,” Havisham said.
“Well, I wasn’t about to. Nothing good has ever come of my putting myself out there first. Not with my father.
Not with Ken. No thank you. And long-distance wouldn’t work anyway.
I don’t like planes, I don’t like starting over, and I don’t like being made a fool.
I don’t have the time, energy, or money to start over. Cat lady it is.”
Havisham’s eyes widened. “Wow, Stark. That was so cynical, you’re making me sound like Pollyanna.”
Salcedo frowned. “Stella. You’re clearly miserable. Why don’t you go to him?”
“No. I ran after my dad, and he cut me out of his life. I once went back to Ken after a breakup, and you see how that ended up for me. Besides, what do I know? My bullshit detector is obviously broken beyond repair. Trista was in cahoots with Ken the whole time.”
“What?” asked Havisham and Salcedo together.
This necessitated telling them about the entire day from start to finish.
“And to think I gave that woman some chardonnay on the house,” Havisham said.
Salcedo put a hand out as if to remind her that wasn’t the most important part, and then she turned to me. “You shouldn’t have been making decisions immediately after all that. Also, you need a therapist.”
“No shit. How am I going to pay her? Can’t even barter with acts of pettiness now without fear of having someone call to complain. No, I’ll have to read my book and talk it over with my emotional support cat.”
“Yeah, well, Brené Brown would tell you to take a chance on love,” Salcedo said.
“The cat or the author?”
“Both.”
“Maybe if Malone had mentioned the word ‘love’ even once, I would listen to the author. Or even the cat.”
“Well, did you mention it first?”
“No. I never have, and I never will.”
Havisham whooped. “Never? You asking for the universe to mess with you a little more? I said I’d never own a bar. What have I been doing all these years?”
“Know what? I’m going home.”
“You do that. You’re out of sorts,” Havisham said.
“Thanks so much. Next, y’all are going to tell me we aren’t friends anymore, either.”
The tears hit me hot and heavy, and I tried to slide from the booth, but Havisham grabbed my arm. “Stella Stark, sit your ass down.”
Meekly, I obliged.
“Look me in the eye.”
I did.
“Do I strike you as the kind of person who would ever lie to you?”
“No.”
“Or the kind of person who would arbitrarily decide I didn’t like you?”
“No.”
“You’re damn right about that. I can pretty much count on one hand the number of people I actually like, and I like you. The only way you’ll get rid of me is if you dump me or if I keel over.”
“Thanks, Havisham.”
“Me three,” Salcedo said. “I like the fact that neither of you stand on ceremony. You say what you think. You do what you say. You don’t do things for the sake of appearances.”
“That’s beautiful,” Havisham said. “I think I almost shed a tear.”
“Oh, don’t make fun of me or this moment,” I said between hiccuping sobs.
“I’m not! I’m a salty old broad because I hold all those tears in, but—oops! I just lost one.”
“I love y’all,” Salcedo said with a smile as she put an arm around my shoulders.
She said it with an ease I envied desperately.
“There you go, Stark. Cry it out,” Havisham said gruffly.
“Y’all done made the baby cry,” Betty said. She called over her shoulder, “Jasper! Get over here and sing this girl a song.”
“I ain’t singing no song!”
Their argument made me laugh even in my tears and told me the world would keep on spinning, even if the days were dull for a while.