5. Some Relief
Chapter five
Some Relief
Maria
A few minutes earlier...
“Thank you very much,” I reply to the woman at the front desk despite the devastating news she’s given me.
“You’re very welcome, Miss Bailey.”
I know that I’m not his family, but they could at least tell me what happened.
Outside of what I already know, I mean. How it happened, how they found him, if he said anything…
All of that is being left up to my imagination and I don’t like where it’s taking me.
I know that they won’t let me see him either, which leaves me feeling alone and empty.
“Care to tell me what’s going on here?” Morgan rubs my shoulder, clearly seeing that I’m upset. I still haven’t told him, but I needed someone down here to keep me company before I lose my mind.
“You’re not crying about the twins, are you?” he chuckles under his breath. “I didn’t expect you to be so sentimental.”
A bolt of angry lightning shoots through me and I see red. When I wheel around on my heel to confront him, Morgan recoils like he’s just seen an angry rattlesnake ready to strike.
“Woah, woah, woah. I was just kidding around. I didn’t mean to piss you off.”
I didn’t mean to get pissed off either, but here we are. My emotional fragility is getting the better of him.
I unclench my fists and let my shoulders sag. The heat rushes to my face, both from embarrassment and anger.
“Can we… talk somewhere more private?” I whisper. “If you have the time, I mean. I know you’d prefer being upstairs with your twins.”
“Yes, well, they’ve got Clay and Norman holding down the fort in my stead. And Chelsea doesn’t need me bugging her every five minutes when she needs to sleep.” He runs a hand through his peppered hair, looking more exhausted than I feel.
Now the problem lies in getting the words out. After Benjamin and I have been keeping this secret for so long, it feels wrong to tell anyone without his permission.
But he can’t give that anymore, can he?
A sharp stinging pain shoots through the middle of my chest as we head outside and I lose it all over again.
I manage to twist my fingers into the fabric of his shirt and hold on before I collapse to the ground.
His large arms manage to catch me in time and I feel him drag me to his chest, enveloping me in a bear hug I have no hope of escaping from.
Not that I’d want to. I feel safe here.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to...”
“Benjamin’s dead, Morgan. He was supposed to pick me up from here, he was supposed to come to see the twins, and then we were going to dinner. And now...”
“Oh, Christ...” The shudder in his voice splinters my psyche even further and I feel myself sinking deeper into the darkness of despair. “I’m so sorry. You’ve been working with him for years.”
“We were together,” I blurt out between the sobs. I thought saying it would give me some kind of relief, but it only adds further weight to the middle of my chest.
“Oh.”
Morgan goes silent after that, unsure of what he can say to make any of this better. There are no sufficient platitudes to offer someone who’s lost a lover, much less one that had been kept secret for years.
“Does anyone else...?”
“You’re the first person I’ve told.”
Scratch that, I told one of the doctors. But he doesn’t count.
Morgan leads me in a lap around the waiting room in silence for a few minutes.
“Do you want me to tell anyone? About you and him, I mean. Or about any of it. It feels wrong not to tell the others about him. We all knew him so well too.”
I lean my head against his arm as we walk, contemplating the ramifications of my choices.
I could let my emotions simmer for a while and tell them when I’m ready.
How long that will be, I don’t know, and that would feel unfair to all of them.
Or I put everything out there so that there’s no longer the burden of confidential information hanging over me.
I don’t know if I can think about this now. I need some time alone to mull it over.
“I’ll tell them. Maybe later tonight.”
Morgan then looks at his watch and his face turns a bit red with embarrassment.
“I have to get back upstairs to change shifts with Clay so he can get something to eat, but I can always drive you home right after. Or you could come over if you don’t want to be alone for the evening.”
That sounds like a grand idea, actually. That might make it easier to tell the others, especially with some good food.
Scratch that, with a good bottle of red wine. Or two.
“S-sure. We can go to my place and I can pack a small night bag. You guys probably need help with Grace anyway, with your hands full with the twins.”
“Oh, Grace has actually been a peach about the whole thing. Since she started talking again, she’s definitely become more independent, helping around the house with the small things.” Morgan then rolls his eyes.
“Save for keeping her room neat, but that’s a story for another day.”
His phone in his pocket starts to buzz. He grumbles under his breath.
“It’s fine,” I whisper. “I’ll be fine. You go up there and see your babies.”
“Are you sure? I can keep you company if you really need it. I’m going to be staring at those little faces for the rest of my life.”
“No... today’s your special day. For all of you. You should go spend it with them.”
Morgan hems and haws for a second, his eyes darting toward the elevator.
“Okay... but I’m serious about you coming over to stay the night. It wouldn’t sit right with me if you went home alone.”
“I appreciate that. Thank you.”
Morgan pulls me into another hug and, surprisingly, kisses the top of my head. I’d never considered myself close to any of them, despite being old and dear friends with the Bowmans. To them, I was probably just the help. But after the ceremony, I guess they’re starting to see me more like family.
And that’s kind of what I need right now.