15. Chocolate Chip Pancakes
Chapter fifteen
Chocolate Chip Pancakes
Edward
“And that’s how the dragon and the princess lived happily ever after.
” I slap the book shut and discover my son is already asleep with his blanket tucked up under his chin.
I haven’t been his father for very long, but watching him like this fills my chest with a warm sensation that I can’t describe.
Almost as if this is what my life’s supposed to be.
I wonder how Maria is holding up.
I pull the door closed and leave it ajar a few inches so that he has some light streaming into the room. I need to add a nightlight to my checklist when I can find the time to go shopping again.
The living room is eerily quiet.
Concerned that one of them must have left out of frustration, I amble into the living room and discover a sight that definitely wasn’t on my Bingo card tonight. Drake is draped across the couch and Maria is sitting beside him, her fingers running through his hair.
“What the hell happened?”
Maria looks up at me with tear-stained cheeks, her fingers smoothing out Drake’s messy hair against his forehead. She holds a finger to her lips.
“I don’t know. I... I think something is wrong. He’s been rambling under his breath and I can’t make out a thing he’s saying.”
Not now. This is not how I wanted my evening to go.
“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to... You didn’t deserve to deal with this. Did he make you upset?” I snag a tissue from a box and offer it to her.
“Thank you. I don’t think he meant to. Everything just came spilling out and I couldn’t stop myself.” She dabs the corners of her eyes.
“What did he say?”
“I don’t hate him for it...”
“Maria, what did he say?”
She goes on to explain what happened from the beginning, how Drake had shared his feelings with her, how he’d accused her of finding him disgusting, and how he’d ragged on her for having a drink with some man at the bar.
Like always. This is how it always goes. But to see him like this? This is new.
“Why do you think something’s wrong with him?”
“His eyes. His pupils are, like, all blown out. I think he’s on something.”
My heart stops in my chest. I knew that Drake was going through some rough times, but I didn’t expect he was hurting this badly.
What kind of friend am I to have missed the signs so easily?
Now I feel like shit for dressing him down all those times when I should have been helping him and making sure he was okay.
Something to talk to him about tomorrow.
“Alright, help me get him into the spare room. I can take it from here.”
“I feel like I should stay. I’m the reason he’s like this.”
“Maria, don’t blame yourself for what this idiot does. You didn’t make him do anything. Now please, go home and get some rest.”
“I’ll see you in the morning, then.”
“Does that mean you’re saying yes to the job?”
Maria nods and smiles.
“How could I say no after meeting such a sweet boy?”
I help her out the door after getting Drake settled, her last words still echoing in my head.
It’s nice to know that Alexander has made a good impression on her.
With her taking care of him for me, I won’t have to worry about untrustworthy daycares and staff who’d overlook my son for a quick dollar.
He’s changed me so much already, hasn’t he?
“Alright, dickhead, let me get you some spare sheets before you complain about it being too cold.”
“‘m sorry,” he mumbles under his breath.
“Sure. I don’t believe you, but sure.”
I get very little sleep that night, sitting on the floor with my laptop, taking care of work while watching over Drake in case something goes awry.
I check his pulse every hour or so, as well as his breathing.
It seems mostly normal, but I also don’t know what his baseline usually is.
Once I’m sure nothing’s going to happen the rest of the night, I finally get in some shut-eye.
But being the idiot that I am, my back kindly reminds me why I’m meant to sleep in a bed when I wake up a few hours later. A red hot burning aches in the middle of my spine and my neck, making it difficult to even walk straight to the bathroom.
Right. Maria’s coming this morning, isn’t she? I should probably shower before then.
I glance over at Drake, still asleep. The man doesn’t have a change of clothes but I can’t exactly shove him out the door without a shower.
Let me take care of the important stuff first.
I can be thankful that getting Alex up and ready in the morning is a lot easier than I thought it would be.
He has no problems showing initiative and deciding what clothes he wants to wear and puts up no fuss when I tell him to get in the bath.
Shirley definitely did a good job with him.
I just hope she chooses to stay in his life and not run off.
Once he’s all clean and dried off, I leave him in his bedroom to get dressed while I make a few healthy servings of pancakes. Can’t leave Drake starving when I kick him out of here.
I pour the last of the batter into the pan when my phone buzzes. It’s Maria.
“Hi, are you heading over?”
“I’m already outside. But there’s a code for the gate.” She sounds nervous, like she’s about to be caught doing something she’s not supposed to.
“7827. Sorry about that. A few things escaped my mind last night before you left.”
“How... how is he doing?”
“Still asleep.” She seems very concerned for him all of a sudden. “I have pancakes waiting for you up here.”
“Ooo, blueberry?”
“Chocolate chip. And I’m fresh out of maple syrup.”
“Whipped cream will do if you have any.”
“Coming right up.”
Only I don’t have any. Time to see if my mixer still works.
By the time Maria knocks on the door, I’m mixing a bowl full of heavy cream and sugar, while Alex sits in his booster seat, ripping off pieces of pancake with his fingers. I wipe my sticky hands on my apron and get the door for her.
“I didn’t expect you to be here this early,” I say as she steps in. I offer to take her coat, but she quickly hangs it up on a hook.
“I didn’t get much sleep last night, to be honest.”
Me neither.
“And instead of staying at home and worrying, I thought I should put myself to good use.” She takes a seat at the island and tilts to her left to try and get a peek into the hallway.
“Still sleeping. Made it through the night.” I slide her a plate of about five pancakes stacked on top of each other and hand her the bowl of freshly whipped cream.
“You made this from scratch?!” She dips her fork into it and treats herself to a taste.
“What, like it’s hard?” I gleam with pride and undo the apron strings. I did myself the favor of teaching myself how to cook a few simple things while I was in medical school. Because as convenient as eating out is, nothing compares to a home-cooked meal you pour your love and time into.
A muffled “goddammit!” echoes from the other room, coupled with a few thuds.
I guess he’s up.
“I’ll be right back. Alex, why don’t you tell Miss Bailey about the story I read you last night?”
He wastes no time going into distraction mode so that I can take care of my “problem.” There’s no reason Maria has to deal with him again.
When I open the door, I find Drake strewn across the floor on his side, his hand pressed to his face.
“Did you fall out of bed?”
“Ed?” He peers up at me with bleary eyes. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I live here.”
Drake opens his eyes a little wider and looks about the room with confusion.
“What the heck am I doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing. You came over last night and made yourself a guest. You don’t remember any of that?”
“Not a damn thing.”
That’s not a good start.
“Shower’s yours. I can lend you a shirt and some sweatpants. In the meantime, there are pancakes waiting for you in the kitchen.”
“What kind? Blueberry?”
“No. Chocolate chip. And there’s fresh whipped cream.”
“You wanna tell me why you sound so pissed?” He slowly drags himself off the ground and plops onto the bed.
“Not until Alexander and Maria both leave.”
Drake freezes for a second, his eyes slowly widening.
“She’s here? What’s she—”
“None of your business. You keep asking questions, I’m kicking you out. Otherwise, go clean up and get dressed.”
“Yeesh, someone pissed in your orange juice this morning.” He drags a hand down his face.
“Yeah, and I’m talking to him.”
By the time Drake finally makes his entrance, Alex and Maria are already sitting on the floor in the living room, embroiled in a game of Snakes and Ladders. He helps himself to the last of the pancakes sitting on a serving plate.
“These are cold...”
“Be glad we saved any for you. Maria, would you mind taking Alexander out for a walk? He should get some fresh air before he starts his lessons today.”
“Lessons?” Drake mumbles around a mouthful of pancakes. “The kid’s four.”
Maria must see the frustration on my face because she quickly leads Alexander out of the room to get him ready.
He doesn’t need to see me get like this.
“You still haven’t told me why you’re pissed.”
I hold up a hand and say nothing. I start washing the small pile of dishes in the sink to give my hands something to do other than wringing his neck.
“Come on, Alex. Maybe we can write down how many different birds we see at the park today.” Maria slings his small backpack over her shoulder and scoops him up in the other arm.
“How many kinds of birds are there?”
“So many.”
The door shuts behind them and I breathe a sigh of relief. I don’t know how much longer I can hold this in.
“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”
Drake stares at me with filled cheeks, his expression uncaring and dull.
“You need to be more specific.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. Why does he have to be so obstinate? Getting angry with him is only going to make him withdraw more and I want to get to the bottom of this.
“What do you remember?” Instead of grabbing him by the shirt and pinning him against the wall, I busy myself with drying the dishes by hand.
“I remember feeling like shit. Honestly, I don’t even remember coming here. I do remember waking up on the couch, though.”
So not much of anything, then.
“I don’t know the exact conversation you and Maria had last night—”
Drake perks up and stands from the bar stool.
“Oh shit. What did I say to her?”
“I have no freaking clue, man, but whatever it was, it made her very upset. She told me that you might be on something.”
Drake stiffens mid-bite, the cup of coffee perched against his lips.
“You are, aren’t you?” The words are a mere whisper. With every fiber of my being, I don’t want it to be true. His expression and the lack of answers confirm everything.
“Drake...”
“I could do without the lecture, Ed.” His brows furrow and he shoves another cold pancake into his mouth.
He’s right, too. I was ready to lecture him and tell him what a mistake he’s making instead of hearing him out.
“No lecture. But I’m not letting you out of here unless you tell me everything.”
We sit in silence for a while as he scarfs down the rest of his pancakes and drains the mug of coffee.
“Thanks for the clothes, by the way.”
“You’re deflecting, Drake.”
“Sorry.” He holds up his hands defensively. “You want me to just start or do you want to play Twenty Questions?”
“I’d prefer not to play the guessing game right now. I don’t have a lot of time.”
He sighs and pulls an empty orange vial out of a pocket. He taps it on the island a few times before rolling it to me. I can see the word “codeine” written on the label.
“It started after that whole thing with that patient, Maria’s boyfriend.
I told myself it was just going to be for the week, just so I could get through this...
feeling. An emptiness. I was sure I could handle it by myself and that it would be done and over with.
Before I knew it, it became a crutch and I started sneaking out a few more whenever I felt it creeping up on me again. ”
“This would be how many?” I hold up the empty pill container.
“That’s the fourth one.”
Not as bad as I thought but still not a good thing.
“What if you’d screwed something up with a patient hopped up on these?”
“I never took them when I was on shift. Only when I had two days off.” He shakes his head.
“And how many?”
“One at first. Now it’s up to one and a half.”
“Christ. You know I’m going to have to report you to the Board, right?”
“Not if he gets the help he needs.”
We both turn and find Maria standing there. I hadn’t even heard her come in.
“Maria, what are you doing back here?” Their walk can’t be over that quickly.
“I forgot Alexander’s hat. It’s pretty sunny out today.”
“How much of that did you hear…?” Drake asks sheepishly. It would have been nice to keep it between the two of us but the cat’s out of the bag now.
“When you said how many pills you’re on. What are you—”
“Were you suggesting you know someone who can help?” I ask. Even if she has some sense of what’s going on, she doesn’t need to know the exact details.
“Chelsea Fisher. The woman I work for. She’s a therapist. I don’t know what kind she is, but you could talk to her. It’s a start and it’s better than nothing.”
Drake locks eyes with mine. Maria’s full of coincidences, isn’t she?
“Would you talk to her for me? See if she has any openings?”
“I could.” Her brow furrows, her stare fixed on Drake. “If you apologize.”
“I... I wish I could but I don’t remember anything. Ed said I made you upset.”
Some of the fire dies in Maria’s eyes. She can’t exactly blame him if he can’t recall what he did.
“Let’s not talk about that. It happened and we can’t change it.”
“Maria...” Drake starts to get up but I press him back into his seat by the shoulder.
“Whenever you can get that number to us would be great. Thanks,” I chime in, hoping to keep the conversation moving in the right direction and not have it meander back into unchartered territory.
Maria gives me another look before she takes Alex’s hand and leaves again, the door shutting behind her.
“Well, shit.” Drake finishes his coffee and slams the mug on the table.
“Hey, if you hadn’t come over last night in the state you were in, she wouldn’t have known anything. She might’ve found out eventually anyway.”
“You’re not going to tell Stan, are you?”
“Not my business to tell. But I’m not going to lie to him either if he asks if there’s something wrong with you.”
He glares at me from between the fingers covering his face.
“Some friend you are.”
“Says the shithead who busted into my apartment last night, high off his gourd, and saying some shit to my babysitter.”
“... point.”