26. Over Coffee
Chapter twenty-six
Over Coffee
Drake
The next morning…
Each session with Chelsea has helped me discover parts of myself I was unaware of. I’d originally gone into this thinking it would be nothing but anger and tears, but she’s really helped me to understand my thoughts and emotions more, why I do the things I do sometimes.
She’s also helped to keep me on the straight and narrow when it comes to my addiction. Several weeks have passed and I haven’t thought about them once, even with the awful cases I’ve had to deal with lately.
Speaking with her has also given me the clarity of mind and confidence to tell Maria face-to-face how I actually feel about her.
Without the savior complex hanging over my head.
Though that was what sparked everything, I want to actually get to know her as a person so that I can figure out if these feelings are real or not.
I owe that to myself at least, and it will be a way to finally clear the air between us in a healthier fashion.
I sit on the couch for a few minutes with my eyes closed and clear my mind of everything else. No thoughts about work or anything else that would be a distraction. Maria is getting nothing short of my full attention.
I pull out my phone and call her number.
Part of my brain tells me that I’m making a mistake, that this is a risk I shouldn’t be taking. That’s the self-doubt speaking and I have no intention of listening to it or giving it any credence.
After a few rings, Maria picks up. She sounds like she’s been crying.
“Ah, uh, Maria? Is this a bad time?”
“What do you want, Drake?”
She sounds like I’m the last person she wants to talk to right now.
“I just wanted to talk. Not about anything in particular. But if you’re dealing with some things right now, it can wait until later.”
Maria pulls the phone away from her mouth for a second to say something to someone (likely Alexander) before she returns to the conversation.
“Can’t you just tell me now and get it over with?”
“I... I’d really prefer to do it in person. Part of therapy and all that.” It sounds like a cop-out to say since no one’s likely to say no if it’s going to help someone’s mental health.
She sighs and I can hear her moving to another room. A door closes softly behind her.
“Would tomorrow be okay? Today is just... not going well right now, and you don’t need to be victim to that.” She sniffs and blows her nose into what I assume is a tissue. “I’m glad to hear you’re still going to therapy. How is it going with Chelsea?”
“Oh, she’s great. Very understanding. She definitely has her work cut out for her, that’s for sure.”
“Well, I hope you’re not giving her too much trouble.” She sounds less unhappy, at least.
“I don’t see why not. I’m paying her, aren’t I?”
“I wouldn’t push her limits. I’ve heard she has a mean backhand.”
“Oh, now you tell me!”
It’s just a coffee. Yet I don’t know why I feel so nervous about this.
It’s not as if she’s going to chew off my head either; we left our phone conversation on good terms, though she wouldn’t share with me what made her so upset.
I quickly buried the part of me that wants to help and take that pain and anger away, reminding myself that if she wants the help, she’ll ask for it.
Not everyone wants their problems to be dealt with by someone else.
“Are you ready to order yet, sir?”
“No, sorry, I’m waiting for someone to show up. We’ll order then, thanks.”
How long that will be, I don’t know. I got here ten minutes early as a courtesy for Maria’s time, given she has her hands full with Alexander most days.
I hadn’t even considered that she might show up with him. Dammit, I should have asked about her schedule. Stupid, stupid, stupid...
“Now, now, now, Drake. Is that any way to talk to yourself?”
Chelsea’s soothing voice echoes in my ears; the self-deprecating talk isn’t going to make anything better nor is it going to change anything. The best thing I can do is apologize to her when she gets here.
I check my watch again. Five minutes before we’re supposed to meet.
Maybe I should go for a quick walk...
“Sorry, sorry, I’m here!” Maria comes prancing around the corner, her hand holding down a rather large sunhat on her head. “Edward took Alexander to the pool and I was making sure they had everything set up and packed.”
“The pool, huh? That sounds nice, given the heat today.”
“Tell me about it!” She plops onto the chair across from me and snatches up a menu from the table. “Have you ordered already?”
“No, I was waiting for you to show up. I can wait a few minutes longer while you look for something to order.”
“Thanks. Sorry, I’ll try not to take long.”
A sudden soft breeze tugs on her dark hair, done up nicely for once instead of the usual ponytail she puts it in. It frames her face nicely in those soft waves.
Wish I could see her eyes, though. Those darn sunglasses...
“Ah, I see your friend’s finally arrived. Care to order?”
“I’ll have an iced coffee, please. Hazelnut syrup, two pumps.”
“Aren’t we fancy?” I tease. “Just a black coffee with sugar for me, please.”
“Aren’t we simple?” she shoots back. I’m slightly stunned at her retort. However, I have to admit that it’s good to hear her sounding more like her old self.
“What can I say, I’m not into coffee with all the bells and whistles.”
“Lemme guess, you’re also just a fast food burger kinda guy?” Maria props her chin up on her fist.
“Is there any other kind?”
“A gourmet burger with a chef-made sauce and in-house-made buns? You’re definitely missing out. Sure, it’s more expensive, but if one bite doesn’t convert you, then I can’t save you.”
I think about it for a while; what’s wrong with trying something new, even if it’s outside my budget?
“How about I take you up on that offer? You show me this ‘perfect burger’ of yours, and if I enjoy it, I’ll treat you.”
“And if you hate it?”
“Then I’ll still treat you, but you’ll have to buy me dessert.”
“Fair trade.” Maria rubs her hands together. “I’m going to make you eat your words.”
“I look forward to it,” I chuckle under my breath. I’m glad for the easy banter. My nerves are no longer on edge.
“So... do you want to tell me why you really called me out here? From what you said on the phone, it sounded important.” Maria takes a casual sip of her coffee and cringes.
"Brain freeze?" I ask with a chuckle.
"Yeah." She grits her teeth and presses a fist to her forehead. I wait until her pain subsides.
“I asked you to lunch because I want to get a few things off my chest. Therapy’s teaching me that holding onto things is weighing me down, which makes it difficult for me to move forward.
I’m not attributing blame to anyone in this, save me.
My actions are what brought us to where we are today and I want to fix it. ”
Maria hems and haws to find the right words but soon settles on silence.
“Firstly, I want to apologize for everything. For the way I treated you and spoke to you the first time we met. That was unfair to you to put you in such a vulnerable spot without much of an exit. I shouldn’t have forced myself on you like that.”
“You can’t take all the blame, Drake. I was... I wasn’t in a good mindset and...”
“And I abused it, for my own gain. Because I thought I was helping you without asking what you needed. And for that, I’m sorry.
And I want to apologize for what I said that night.
You nor Ed have told me what I said, but it obviously made you very upset and I never want to hurt you or see you hurt. ”
“I appreciate that.” She straightens in her seat and folds her hands together on the table. “I accept your apology.”
This is going a lot easier than I’d imagined. Now for the hard part...
“With all that said, I want another chance. To get to know you as a person and to show you what kind of person I really am. Without... all of that baggage I had with me when you met me. I would like to start over.”
I stop for a beat to take a breath.
“Because I want to know if the feelings I have for you right now are real or constructed from my own mind. If that’s okay with you.”
“You have... feelings for me...”
She says it like it’s an impossibility, an unheard-of suggestion out of the blue. I don’t know whether to be hurt by it or not.
“I do. I didn’t at first. I was convinced you were just another obsession I’d get over with time.
But the more I tried to push you out of my mind, the deeper you worked your way in.
At least, my perception of you did. And I don’t want what I feel to be based on something my mind constructed instead of the real thing. ” I hold up my hands defensively.
“And if you’re not interested, I’m fine with that too. Then I’ll know what your answer is and I can put this behind me. The only thing I need is your answer.”
My ribs feel like they’re going to break with how hard my heart is stammering against them. My mouth suddenly dry, I try to soothe it with a swallow of rich, dark coffee. I, too, recoil. They forgot my sugar.
“As flattered as I am that you found the bravery to admit all of those things, I don’t think I can say yes.”
I try not to let the disappointment show on my face.
“Not because I hate you or anything! In any other situation, I would say yes. But I’m involved with someone right now.”
Ah. I guess that’s a little better...?
“In fact, you already know of him.”
“That guy from the bar...” I exhale. Why did it have to be him?
“His name’s Oliver. Things just sort of clicked between us.”
“I’m happy for you.” I shove my disappointment to one side and try my best to sound genuine. “How long have you been dating?”
“A few weeks now. Almost a month, I guess?”
A month... Not long after...
“Does he work around here?” I ask before I finish that thought.
“No, the next town over, about an hour away.”
I continue sipping my coffee and allow Maria to continue rambling about her new beau. Her eyes are alight when she talks about him, some new revelation about him or some nice thing he’s done for her... She sounds head over heels for him already.
I continue pouring coffee down my gullet so that she can’t see the look of displeasure on my face.
And here I thought today would end well.