46. Relapse
Chapter forty-six
Relapse
Drake
Four days later...
I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.
I know that everyone is being supportive, trying to help me stay on the straight and narrow, but I can feel my nerves unraveling with each passing day.
More questions, more receipts, more testimony to bury me further in my own grave.
There’s only so much of this a man can take.
A dry bitterness coats my tongue, and every nerve in my body is on fire. I know what this is; I’ve felt it so many times before. The need. The withdrawal. The bliss of drowning my mind in a thick soup of drugs is so tempting right now.
I’ve been staring at this computer screen for almost an hour now, and nothing comes to mind. My deadline is tomorrow morning, but my brain doesn’t want to go along with it.
If this was a few days ago, it would be more understandable after the hearing. It was easy to get back into the work as a distraction, throwing myself into article after article so that I wouldn’t have to think about anything else.
“I’m going to go out for a walk, okay?”
“Okay!” Maria calls out from the other room; she’s busy doing something with Alexander so nothing at home requires my immediate attention right now.
“Could you bring back a coffee?” She pokes her head out of the room, her cheeks flushed from exertion.
“Sure. Surprise you?”
“Yes, please.” She prances across the room and presses a quick kiss to my lips. It’s sudden, but the taste of it lingers on my tongue. I feel my senses dulling, eager to be swept away in the throes of passion.
My eyes dart to the door.
“Is Alexander due for an afternoon nap?” I growl under my breath, hoping that she gets the hint.
“Not for another hour,” she teases. The smile on her face, however, says differently. She’s eager too.
An hour? I don’t know if I can sit here and wait that long. I need something to take the edge off now.
“Later, then.” I pull her close by the waist and kiss her passionately. I feel her body melting against mine, and it takes everything I have not to sweep her off her feet right now and carry her into her bedroom.
But I have to respect Edward’s rules: no disruption of Alex’s routine schedule.
Once the kiss ends, Maria pulls away and blinks rapidly, her eyes trying to refocus.
“Oh. What was that for?”
“Something to keep you wanting until then.” I wink at her before throwing on my denim jacket and heading out the door.
How long are you going to make her wait?
Once downstairs, I head in the opposite direction of the nearest coffee shop, hoping to lose myself... somewhere.
I meander up and down a few streets, taking in the sights of stores I’ve never been to before, when a sudden turn around another corner brings me into view of the hospital. I don’t know why seeing it stops me in my tracks all of a sudden.
Tall white concrete, squares of dark windows, a flagpole at the front... It’s just a building.
I’ve spent so much of my life there. Now, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back there again.
The tight sensation in my chest returns, and I quickly turn away from the hospital to head in another direction. I need a distraction, something to do or someone to talk to so that I can stop feeling like this.
I pull out my phone and call Chelsea’s number. It goes straight to voicemail.
I should turn around and go back home, get Maria that coffee.
And yet, my feet keep taking me further away in the other direction. I can’t make myself turn around, and I don’t know why.
The urge is getting stronger now to turn back to familiar old bad habits.
I drag my tongue across my parched lips.
I venture up to the local college and head right on campus. It’s a Friday evening (when did it get dark?), so there’s bound to be a few parties going on. Crowds of people I can lose myself in.
People that might have what I’m looking for.
I spy two young men sitting on the steps in front of what I guess is a dorm building. They’re laughing to themselves, looking at something on their phones. Once they catch sight of me, they clam up and shove their phones into their pockets.
Perfect.
“Hey. Lenny said you were the one with the stuff.” I mirror their posture, hands in pockets and shoulders hunched.
The two look at each other in question before shaking their heads in unison.
“Fuck off, I don’t know you. Don’t know any fucking Lenny either.”
They didn’t say no, did they?
“The one from Phi Beta Kappa?” I clear my throat and spit a heavy one onto the grass. “He said it was either you or Chad.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Fuck Chad.” One of them pounces to their feet and nears, donning the smile of a car salesman. “What kind of stuff are you looking for?”
“Painkillers. The easy shit.”
“Well, no shit. You want Tylenol, there’s a pharmacy up the street. I don’t deal in ‘easy’ shit.”
“Oxy?”
“Depends on how much you got.”
“As much as I need to get what I want. Don’t you worry about that.”
I notice the other guy making his way behind me to trap me in or to hide the deal that’s taking place.
“Half dozen work for you?”
I only need the two, but I don’t need the guy to start asking questions, especially if six is his low standard.
“Yeah, fine. Twos?”
“Two fifty.”
I sneer while I retrieve my wallet and shell out two hundred and fifty bucks.
“This doesn’t look like coffee.”
“Oh shit!”
The two men turn tail and head deeper into campus, leaving me with my apparent stalkers who don’t know when to leave me alone.
“We thought you were past this, Drake.” Maria stands there with her arms folded; Stan’s by her side. I’m guessing Ed chose to stay at home with Alex.
“I am. I was. I just...”
Why can’t they leave me in peace?
“Let’s go talk in the car, okay?”
I have nothing to say, so I let Stan drag me by the arm to the parking lot, with Maria taking the lead. Once inside, Stan turns the car on, and warm air starts blasting out of the vents.
“How the hell did you guys even find me?” I ask as I huddle down in the backseat. I don’t know why I feel so cold all of a sudden.
“I saw which way you were walking, but I left it up to you if you just wanted to clear your head. But after I didn’t see you come back from that way after twenty minutes, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach.
Stanley just happened to get off shift when I called, and he drove us around until we found you. ”
“And what made you think to come here?”
“You couldn’t go back to the hospital to get more pills, and you’re not the kind of person to head to the seedy part of the neighborhood to get drugs. The college seemed like the next easiest choice.”
“What are you, some kind of Sherlock Holmes?” I drag a hand down my face. “Am I really that transparent? And here I thought I was being sneaky. How did you even figure out that’s what I came out here for?”
“I didn’t.” Maria leans back and offers her hand; I take it. “It was the way you sounded when you left. Sad. Lonely, even though I was right there. I just had a feeling...”
I kiss the back of her hand and press it to my cheek. How did this wonderful woman end up in my life?
Stanley drives us right back to Edward’s apartment and leads us upstairs. I brace for the impact of Ed’s thorned words and hot temper... but I get none of that when I walk in. Instead, he embraces me with a sigh of relief.
“Oh my God, I’m glad you’re okay.”
“I...”
He says nothing else as he leads me over to the couch and sits me down. Without hesitation, he places a blanket over me while Maria guides me to rest my head in her lap.
What is going on?
Stanley places a large bowl of hard pretzels and a jar of queso next to it before putting on a movie.
The smell is enticing.
I reach over and snag a hard snack from the bowl, dip it into the cheese, and shove it into my mouth. My favorite comfort snack. I help myself to another, not caring about the movie playing on the television.
This morning started off feeling so empty. Now, I’m the fullest I’ve ever felt.