Chapter 24
CHAPTER 24
SAVANNA
“What?” My eyes widen to saucers. Horror rushes over me. He can’t be serious. Call home? I… I can’t! “No! Nate, I can’t.”
“You can. You need to, especially with that video out there now.” His hands are running up and down my thighs in a comforting gesture as he stands between them. “If they’ve seen it, they’re probably worried sick. Can you imagine if one of your brothers disappeared and six months later you saw a video like that?”
My heart sinks and I bite my bottom lip, picking at a nail on one hand as I hold Nate’s phone in the other. I hadn’t thought of that, but of course he did. While I’ve been consumed by fear of Vincent, Nate’s been putting himself into other people’s shoes to see how they would feel.
My number one priority has been everyone I love, which sounds ridiculous because I know I hurt them by disappearing. With the secret of where I am out in the world as public knowledge, however, there’s no reason I shouldn’t call home. If the roles were reversed as Nate suggested, I would be sick with worry. And then I would be doing everything I possibly could to find him. Though, if I’m being honest, I would have been looking long before any video.
Maybe I should be glad they haven’t shown up at my front door.
Not that you have one right now.
I frown at myself. It’s not entirely true. I do have a door at my apartment, it’s just that no one is allowed in. And the one at Nate’s… well, they’d never find that one. But if they’ve seen the video, they might already be in Santa Rosé looking for me. My heart aches. If they were here, in this city, so close, and yet so far, because I didn’t have a home they could track me down in, I would be heartbroken. As would they.
Nate sees when I put it all together, giving me a smile. “Quinn texted me earlier, reminding me of the slo-pitch game going on. She, Hailey, and Shawn are playing. Said I should bring you by to watch as part of our date.”
He curls a finger around a tendril of hair and brushes it behind my ear. “Come join me when you’re done, or I’ll come check on you in a while if you don’t feel like coming down. Take your time.”
He cups my face in a gentle palm and leans in to press a soft kiss to the corner of my lips. “Then we’ll go home, and I’ll hold you all night if that’s what you need.”
“Okay,” I whisper, and he steps out from between my legs, turning towards the field.
Anxiety grips me at the loss of his calming comfort, but he’s only two steps away when he turns back and holds up a finger. I turn to watch as he goes to the cab of the truck before returning with a box of tissues. Giving me a wink, he places it beside me and then he’s gone, leaving me to make a phone call I’ve thought about more times than I can count, and cried over enough to fill a swimming pool.
I watch as Nate walks across the field and reaches the baseball diamond. He slaps a guy on the back, Shawn I think, before they both turn to look my way. I lift a hand, getting a wave back from the other man. Then I see Hailey, her copper hair a tell-tale sign, and she gives me a wave as well.
I wonder what he’ll tell them. I kind of hope it’s something along the lines of him not allowing me to be near them after the night before. Just to get them back a little. Make them a little worried.
Taking a breath, I look at the phone and sigh. It’s been six months. I never used to go longer than a few days without talking to my dad or brothers. I spoke with Maddie daily. It was a hard adjustment to make when I left, not being able to talk to my people. Something that never got easier.
Part of me believed I would never talk to them again, just so I could keep them safe, but here I am, phone in hand, about to make a call I'm unsure my heart can handle. Biting my lip, I pull up the phone app and dial the number I know by heart. I’m not halfway through typing it when it becomes hard to see through my watery eyes, but I manage to get it done and take a deep breath, pressing send before I can chicken out.
It rings twice before it’s picked up and I hear my father’s gruff voice full of trepidation. “Hello?”
I wonder if that’s how he sounds every time he’s picked up the phone since I left.
The thought or the sound of his voice, I’m not sure which, sends me over the edge. One word. One word and I have a steady stream of tears running down my cheeks. All the nights I spent thinking about this. The days I longed to hear him. To hear his thoughts, his laughter, feel his joy.
I can’t help the soft sob that escapes, a tidal wave of homesickness washing over me. I need to pull it together so he doesn’t hang up, but my heart is clenched so tightly in my chest, my throat feels squeezed shut. Managing words seems an impossible feat.
“Savanna?” he whispers, his voice quiet, like he doesn’t dare dream it’s me.
A heart wrenching sob releases from deep within. I cover my mouth and pull the phone away from my face for just a second so he’s not more concerned than I’m sure he already is. I suck in the deepest breath I possibly can and let it out slowly before bringing the phone back to my ear.
“Hi dad,” I say, trying to sound as collected as I can muster but the wobble in my voice is apparent.
“Savanna. Oh god. My Savanna.” I hear the emotion in his voice, and I know he’s trying not to cry, but there’s a choking sound on the other end of the line as he loses his battle. “Savanna,” he repeats, “My Savanna.”
Nate was smart to bring me the tissues because I can’t stop crying. Listening to my dad is tearing my heart out, probably like his has been torn out over the last few months.
I hate that I’ve done this to him. I truly do. Even if I had the best intentions, I hate that he’s gone through this. I tried to explain as much as I could without going into serious detail in my letter to him, but I know it was little consolation.
Above the sound of my father’s sobs, I hear, “Dad? Dad, what’s wrong?” There’s a fumbling sound, and then I hear Connor, “Hello? Who is this?”
I choke back a new wave of emotion, forcing a deep breath into my lungs. “Hey bro.”
“Savvy? Holy shit.” A short pause. “Is it really you?”
“It’s me,” I tell him, the corners of my lips beginning to lift, though the tears don’t stop. Talking to Connor seems less emotional than listening to my father, who I can’t hear anymore. Either he’s walked away, or Connor has, but I’d bet it’s the former if I know my dad. “How you doing?”
“I’m not sure how to unpack that,” he says in a tone only reserved for a sibling. I can practically see him leaning back against the kitchen counter, casual and cool, one ankle crossed over the other, while having this conversation. “Should I start with I’m glad you called so I don’t need to go on a wild goose chase with Dev and Dad to the west coast looking for you? Or the fact that I’ve now seen my sister in her underwear?”
I wince, a deep frown replacing the smile. Obviously the video found its way to Colorado. I suppose I expected that, given the internet these days. All it would take is one person to recognize me and then tag my brothers, friends, or Vincent in it. “You saw that, huh?”
“I think everyone here has seen it,” he says with a frustrated sigh.
“Fuck.”
The tears have stopped, and I bring my fingers to the bridge of my nose and pinch, squeezing my eyes shut. I have zero doubt now that Vincent has seen it. That doesn’t mean he knows how to find me, though. Staying at Nate’s could be my saving grace. But I will need to be more careful.
I use my shoulder to hold the phone to my ear while I pick at my fingernails. They’re red and bleeding, and they’re going to hurt tomorrow. They hurt now. “How’s dad?”
Another frustrated sigh. “How do you think he is, Savvy? Fucking heartbroken, like the rest of us. You took off without a word or goodbye, and you haven’t even called.”
“I had my reasons, Con,” I say quietly, but I know I deserve every tongue lashing I get.
“Yeah. I know,” he bites the words out like he’s saying them through clenched teeth.
Grabbing the phone, I lift my head from my shoulder and frown. “You…know?”
“I made Maddie tell me what she knew. Why didn’t you tell me?” he snarls, and in my mind I can see the look on his face. Anger pulling his lips taut. The hard set of his jaw. The crease above and between his brow. “You could have come to me. I would have helped you. I would have gotten you out of there.”
“And then beaten Vincent until he was a bloody pulp?” I counter, trying to contain the sudden surge of anger that comes out of nowhere. “You don’t think I didn’t think of that? I ran every scenario through my head, Con, and this one made the most sense to me.”
“It would have been nice to be given the benefit of the doubt that I wouldn’t kill him. He’s still alive now, you know.”
The thing Connor doesn’t know is Maddie wasn’t aware of it all. She had no idea how bad it really was. I have no doubt if I’d told my brother certain parts, he would have gotten the entire story out of me. Connor is good at pulling information out of people. Especially me. If he knew everything that went on, I know he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from going after Vincent. Which is why I never told a soul, including Maddie.
Not until Nate.
I glance at the baseball diamond now, focusing on the bodies there, and it’s easy for me to find him. We’re across a large field from each other, but I can feel his eyes on me from here. My heart reaches out to him, wishing he were here to pull me in his arms and tell me it’s going to be okay.
“Do you know if he knows about the video?” I ask, my voice as quiet as it’s been since I got on the phone.
“He was tagged in it,” Connor tells me, and I can hear the hard edge in his words. My heart sinks, and I expel a breath. Before I can say a word, I hear Connor say to someone else, “It’s Savanna.”
I expect to hear my other brother, Devin, when the phone is fumbled, but I’m shocked to my core when it’s Maddie instead. “Sav? Oh my god, I have so many questions, the first being what was it like to be manhandled by a fireman?”
Oh, if she only knew.
I ran Nate’s phone right out of battery. As it turned out, Maddie, my brothers, and my dad were all getting together to devise a plan to come find me. Devin showed up ten minutes into my conversation with Maddie and demanded to talk to me, during which time he proceeded to first ream me out, and then tell me how much he’d missed me.
Neither of my brothers had listened to my letter. Both of them had gone straight to Vincent to demand what he’d done to make me leave. When that hadn’t yielded results, they’d gone to the police, but with my letters there wasn’t much they could do. Or would do.
Maddie had done her job as my best friend perfectly. She’d led my brothers to the east coast where they’d contacted police agency after police agency, spreading my picture around. When Devin had finally packed his bags to go looking up and down the coast over the summer, Maddie had finally confessed the truth. My brothers had been furious with her. I never did find out how that got patched up, but I’m sure one of my subsequent phone calls with her will tell me.
The phone was constantly passed around, each of them taking the time to chastise me about not calling. I was mildly surprised none of them were upset I had left, just that I hadn’t called to keep them updated on my wellbeing. Even my dad seemed okay I had taken off to spread my wings and fly, something I’d said in my letter to each of them.
When I talked to Connor the second time, I asked if he’d told our dad, or Devin, what he knew about Vincent. He informed me he hadn’t said a word, but that they both speculated I left because of Vincent. I’m not surprised he kept my secret; Connor and I were always close, and he’s kept more than a couple of my secrets over the years.
Each of them asked when I was coming home, but I told them it wasn’t happening. For starters, I’m still scared of running into Vincent, not that I told my brothers or dad that. I did tell Maddie, though, swearing her to secrecy. I have this feeling she’ll tell Connor, but given he knows certain details, I’m okay with that. I got the impression something more was going on there, but I decided not to ask just yet. I promised her I would call again, and we’d have a longer best friend chat where we could divulge the things we didn’t want to say with my family there.
I may have mentioned a certain firefighter, though.
Nate was right to push me to do this, and I’m grateful he did. I don’t think anything would have made me feel as good as calling home and speaking to all my family. Even though I’m exhausted, I feel refreshed and rejuvenated after talking to them. It feels like a piece of my soul was restored, and I plan on showing Nate my gratitude as soon as we get to his place.
He’s sitting in the grass, legs outstretched, arms propping him up, watching the ball game. I’m nearly to him when he looks up and sees me, a smile spreading across that handsome face.
“They’re still playing,” I nod towards the ball diamond.
Nate’s eyes remain fixed on me. “Double header.”
My eyes are bright as I step one leg over his, dropping down to straddle him. My arms wrap around his neck, and I curl myself into his warm body, pressing my face into his neck. The essence of him wraps around me like a cloak, and I inhale deeply, the scent of woods and whiskey filling me. It’s as though the bar has penetrated his skin and become a part of him. It’s not foul like alcohol, but spicy, with a hint of sweetness.
He pushes himself up a bit to slide his arms around me, squeezing me to him. A hand rubs at my back and his head turns, his lips pressing a kiss to my hair. He says nothing, waiting until I’m ready, knowing I’ll tell him in my own time. I don’t know how he’s figured it out already. To wait patiently, even though questions must run rampant in his mind. Perhaps years on the job have taught him that wisdom and he’s just extended it to me. In any case, I’m grateful for it.
“Thank you,” I finally murmur into his ear.
I can feel his smile grow, hear it in his response. “I take it that went well?”
Nodding, I let out a content sigh before easing back. Running my fingers along the back of his neck, my mouth curves up. “My whole family was there. They were making plans to come out here and find me after they saw the video. You were right to make me call them.”
Nate shakes his head. “I didn’t make you do anything. You had a choice whether to do it or not, and you chose to do it. That’s all on you, babe.”
My heart swells for this man. A choice. I hadn’t thought of it like that, but looking back, he’s right. It’s been like that since the day we met on the elevator. Always the choice. The elevator, the hospital, the ride. Staying with him, working for him. Even the other night with his friends at the bar, when I could see so clearly how much he wanted me to come. Everything had always been a choice, right down to calling home.
I’m reminded of the feeling of freedom he evokes in me, how he wants me to fly, and he’s just there to support me. In this moment, I know that despite not knowing each other for long, I’m falling for him. Hard and fast.
The thought is scary. But also…exhilarating. Fear lingers there, too, Vincent dancing in the background of my mind, but I push it away, not wanting to sully this moment with Nate.
“You’re right. But I wouldn’t have done anything more than dream about it if not for you,” I tell him with a shy smile.
“Dreams are meant to come true,” he responds.
Tilting his head, his lips brush mine in a gentle kiss. My eyes close and I savor the feel of his soft lips and the way they sweep across mine with a featherlike touch.
“Tell me one of yours,” I murmur quietly into the kiss.
Nate stills, but doesn’t back away. After a moment, I open my eyes, inching back a fraction. Enough to break the kiss, but still close enough I can feel his breath against my skin. His eyelids flutter open, and his gaze meets mine. As he does to me so often, I wait for him to find the words, not pushing or pressing, giving him the time to figure it out.
Finally, he responds, releasing a deep breath that comes from deep inside of him. “I dream of the bar being okay. Not for me, but for everyone around me. For my Uncle Pete and his memory. For Jordan. For everyone who works there and earns a living. And for…”
He pauses and I wonder if his arms weren’t around me if he’d run a hand through his hair right now. Not born of the same nerves as asking me out, but because he’s not used to voicing his own desires. His own dreams.
“For everyone who walks through the doors and finds some kind of solace there. People like Liam and Brody. Or the guys you met from the other firehouse.” His lips curve upwards at the thought of the people who walk through his doors. “The ones who need an escape, even if it’s just for a few hours.”
My eyes are swimming with unshed tears. This beautiful, incredible, selfless man. Even his dreams are full of other people. It brings him joy when others are cared for. When he can make a difference in their lives.
I vow to make a difference in his.
“We’re going to make your dreams come true, Nate,” I promise him in a whisper, bringing my lips back to his to seal it. “I’m going to ensure it.”