Chapter 34
CHAPTER 34
NATE
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I lean back to fish it out.
Savanna’s dad and other brother, Devin, came by half an hour ago, but since I was there, the three of them decided to head out for a bite to eat. They’d planned on Devin sticking around, but I assured them they could all go out as a group and I’d keep my ass planted in the chair, promising to call if there was any change.
Connor whispered something to Devin when he looked like he was going to argue, and whatever it was made Devin agree to go without a fight. If I were to wager a guess, the conversation Connor and I had went a long way in him feeling comfortable leaving Savanna without one of them here.
I glance down at my phone’s lock screen and see I have a message from my mom. Pulling it up, I smile.
Mom: How’s my boy holding up?
Me: I’m okay.
Mom: How are you really?
I sigh. Leave it to my mom to know even over a text that my initial answer was bullshit.
Me: Tired.
Mom: How’s Savanna?
Me: No change.
I frown, glancing at Savanna’s still form on the bed. A groan here and there, but I gave up hoping a while ago it would lead to anything else. Besides those little sounds, nothing.
My phone buzzes again.
Mom: Are you at the hospital?
Me: Yep.
Mom: Have you had dinner?
Me: Nope. I’ll grab something when her dad and brothers are back.
Mom: Don’t you dare. I’m on my way with dinner for you.
Me: Mom, don’t. That’s over an hour’s drive for you.
Her reply is instant, as though she knew what I would say and had it typed out already.
Mom: Too late, I’m in the car. See you soon. Love you.
Me: You’re the best. Love you too.
I’m chuckling lightly at my mom as I stare at the conversation on my phone. My attempt to stop her from coming was half assed because it would be nice to have her here, even if it’s a brief visit before she has to head back home.
I’m not a momma’s boy by any means, but there’s something comforting about having your mom around when times are tough, and I’m man enough to admit that.
Hell, it’s nice to have support, period. Liam, Brody, and Jordan have all stepped up to help take care of the bar while Savanna’s in the hospital and I want to be by her side. I think Liam is doing it because he’s feeling a little screwed up after witnessing the accident, not that he’s told me as much. I just got the sense after talking to him today that he needed a distraction. I can’t blame him. I’d love one right now.
As if someone heard my thoughts, there’s a groan from the bed, causing my head to snap up.
I suppose I do still have a little hope with every sound that comes from her. Each of them has me looking, balancing on the edge of my seat, wishing her eyes open next. So far, I’ve been left disappointed every time.
Another groan, followed by a sigh has me sitting up a little straighter.
The sigh is new. So is the head movement.
I watch as she turns her head towards me, groans again, stops, takes a deeper breath than before, and turns it back. The hope that always comes, and usually dissipates quickly, is rising by the second, my heart leaping into my throat with optimism.
“Sav?” I say softly, standing from my chair to get closer to the bed.
Running my thumb over the back of her fingers on her cast-covered arm, I swear I feel them wiggle against mine. The movement is so small I might be imagining it, but when it happens again, I know I’m not.
My breath catches in my throat. For a second I forget how to speak, how to form words, how to communicate, but then the words come in a rush, “Sav? Baby, can you hear me?”
Her eyes part to slits, and in that moment, I swear I could fall to my knees and cry with relief. I know she can’t help it when they close a moment later, her lips separating and moving instead. Trying to say something though no words are forming on the breath she lets out.
“Shh, hey, don’t worry about talking, okay? You sound like you’re in pain. I’ll get a nurse,” I tell her, but before I can reach over and hit the call button, her fingers are curling around mine.
Her eyes are open, glassy, but wider this time. She’s forcing herself to look, to focus. I’m sure the medication is trying to pull her back under, but she’s fighting it. Then she looks away, taking in her surroundings before she finds me again, confused. Again she tries to say something, but nothing comes out.
“You’re okay. You’re safe,” I whisper, fearing my voice may break. “Banged up a bit, but nothing that won’t heal. You don’t need to worry about anything, okay? He’s never going to hurt you again, Sav. He’s gone for good.”
I can see relief shine briefly in her eyes before she loses the battle, and they close on her. Still fighting the medication, though, she forces them open a moment later. It’s taking everything out of her, I can see it in her eyes, but before I can tell her to close them and go back to sleep, her lips are moving again. This time I realize she’s asking for water.
An orderly just brought a fresh cup of water for her in case she woke up. I grab it and bring the straw to her lips, helping by keeping it steady as she takes a small sip. When she’s done, her eyes close again and I pull the cup away, setting it back on the tray.
“Nate,” she croaks, her voice hoarse, hardly loud enough to be considered a whisper.
“Yeah, babe, I’m right here. But don’t talk. I know you’re tired. Just go back to sleep, sweetheart,” I tell her, squeezing her fingers gently.
Again she forces her eyes open, peering up at me with intense focus that I didn’t expect to see.
“Nate… I love you,” she breathes before her eyes close again.
My mouth opens, then closes. Inside my chest, my heart feels like it cracks wide open at her declaration. I heard her yell it through the phone, knew she meant it then, just like she does now. What I didn’t know until this moment was how terrified I was that I’d never get to hear it in person. I’ve allowed the guilt and self-loathing to rule my thoughts the past thirty-six hours because I couldn’t bear, or dwell, on the thought I may never hear her tell me in person. Or worse… she wouldn’t hear me say it back.
“I love you too, Sav,” I choke out. There’s the faintest squeeze on my fingers in return.
It’s only a few seconds before I know she’s succumbed to the exhaustion and medication she was fighting against so desperately. That’s when I bend over her bed, pressing my face against her arm above her cast and let the tears fall, yielding to every emotion I’ve felt for the past two days.
Over an hour later, I’m back in the hospital chair, staring numbly at my phone. I’m exhausted. Seeing Savanna’s eyes, hearing her voice, and what she had to say, destroyed the little thread that was keeping me together. Everything I’d refused to feel since the day before, plus everything I’d allowed myself to feel, bore down on me like a torrential rainfall. There was no compartmentalizing this.
I managed to pull myself together after a while. Managed a phone call to Connor to let him, Devin, and Savanna’s dad know she’d opened her eyes. It had sounded like the three of them were on their feet to rush back before the words were out of my mouth, but I got them to relax and settle down when I explained she had slipped back into unconsciousness, and being awake even for a couple of minutes had taken everything out of her. They agreed to at least finish their meal before heading back, but I expect them soon.
When I hear footsteps entering the room, I switch my phone off. It’s not the three large men—the footsteps are too dainty for that—but my mom who walks in, holding a glass bowl of whatever she made for dinner. Her eyes sweep over Savanna first, then move to take me in. A frown as deep as any I’ve ever seen my mother wear creases her forehead and tugs her mouth down.
“My sweet boy,” she sighs with sadness, moving further in the room with outstretched arms.
Christ. A wave of emotion tugs at my heart. It’s unlike the one from earlier, less intense and heavy. More relief and comfort. I get up from my chair, taking the couple strides across the room, and allow her arms to engulf me in a hug only my mother can give. It makes me feel like a boy again, warm and safe, and wholly protected.
But I’m not a boy. I tower over my mom these days, and as I hug her back, I can’t help the smile that tugs my lips upwards.
“I’m okay,” I tell her quietly, rubbing her back in an effort to convince and comfort her.
She hums her disapproval, releasing me. “You’re exhausted. Have you had any sleep?”
I shrug, taking the container of food still in her hands. A welcome distraction so I don’t need to meet her eyes as I move to set it down on Savanna’s bedside tray. “Some. Thank you for dinner.”
My mom says nothing more about it, but I can feel her displeasure radiating through the room. She knows there’s nothing she can do. Instead, she changes topics, moving closer to the bed on the same side as me. “How is she?”
“She opened her eyes since I talked to you,” I tell her with a small, thankful smile.
My mom’s hand comes to her chest, her eyes glowing with hope. “Oh, honey, that’s wonderful. It’s a good sign, isn’t it?”
I nod, my fingers brushing over Savanna’s knuckles as I gaze down at her, thinking of the clear focus that had been in her eyes as she managed to tell me the words in her heart. She fought so hard to get them out. Fought the medication, the pain, the drowsiness. For me.
“If you plan on running off to marry the girl the second she’s out of here, could you at least invite your mother?” There’s a teasing tone to her words, but I think I also detect a level of seriousness.
Stepping sideways so we’re shoulder to shoulder, I sling my arm around her and pull her to my side. The thought of Savanna standing before me, in a dress she chooses with me in mind, chases every wretched emotion from my veins, and I smile, warming from the inside out. “If that day comes, mom, I promise you’ll be there.”
“When Nathan. Not if.”
My smile grows and I bend enough to place a kiss atop my mother’s head. I amend, “When.”
A moment later music begins to play, the sound coming from my mom’s purse. She rifles around in it, throwing me an apologetic look, probably for not having it on vibrate.
“Oh, it’s your sister,” she says when she pulls it out and reads the screen. It’s not a phone call, I realize, but a video call. My mom swipes right on “accept”.
Jordan’s face fills the screen. I blink. Red lipstick. Dark make-up lined eyes. Her hair down and in waves from what I can tell in the picture. It’s the way she looks when she’s headed out for a night on the town, not a night serving at the bar.
“Hi sweetie,” my mom greets Jordan.
My sister smiles and waves, but says nothing. Possibly because she couldn’t hear my mom with the noise of an obvious party going on around her. Behind her, the lights of wherever she is are dimmed, music blasting through the speakers. Suddenly, the phone erupts with a new sound, this of an entire crowd erupting in cheers and screams.
“Where the hell are you? Aren’t you working the bar?” I question, irritation creeping into my veins. It isn’t Jordan’s fault Savanna is in the hospital and I’m not there looking after the bar, but I can’t help feeling aggravated that she isn’t helping after she told me she would.
Not that it matters. I’m—we—are going to lose the thing anyway. Maybe Jordan’s already figured that out and decided to say the hell with it. I can’t blame her. She’s not attached to it like I always have been.
My mom pats my arm, and I’m not sure if it’s to soothe me, or quiet me. She says, “Just watch.”
With a frown, I glance down at her. Her own eyes are focused on her phone, refusing to meet mine, and when she suddenly smiles, I look back to the device.
And can’t breathe.
Jordan has turned her camera around, revealing her location. It’s 10-42, but it’s…so different. The place has transformed since I was there the night before Savanna was taken. Though I can’t see the entirety of it, I can see enough.
Tables have been shifted, moved out of the way to make room for a stage. A stage, I realize, that Liam had been working to construct for the last two weeks. It no longer looks like a barren piece of lumber against the far wall of the bar. Black fabric hangs from the front of it, garlands of streamers hung from it. Three large vases of flowers I don’t know the names of sit perched on the floor while bunches of balloons line the side of the stage. Hanging from the wall is a banner that looks all too familiar.
10-42
Save A Fire Truck, Date A Firefighter AUCTION
Liam stands on the stage in a suit—a fucking suit—grinning devilishly at the audience, a mic in his hand. The music quiets and I can hear Liam’s voice over the speakers like I’m standing in the bar with them. “Next up, we’ve got Station Nine’s very own Brody James. Personally, ladies, he’s my favorite. Besides myself, of course.”
Brody. The same Brody that I told to cancel the entire auction. The same Brody who said “over my dead body” would he participate in this. Brody who is striding up the stairs, and across the stage like he owns the whole fucking thing. Completely shirtless with jeans hanging low on his hips. Full of more confidence than Liam has on a daily basis.
Jesus. How many drinks did Liam feed him before this? It’s the only explanation.
“What the hell is happening?” I breathe into the room, to my mom, to Savanna, to whoever wants to answer the question. No one does.
The auction was supposed to be canceled. Everyone knew it. Once I gave my answer to Brody, everyone knew. Liam confirmed it this afternoon when I talked to him. And yet…
“Brody may look like a beast, but let me tell you, he’s a gentle giant. Quiet and reserved, this man enjoys surfing and long walks on the beach, ladies.” Liam pats our friend on the shoulder. “Let’s start the bidding off at one hundred dollars. Do I have a hundred?”
I can hear several cheers through the crowd, a couple of signs lifting in the air, and then like he was born to be an auctioneer, Liam begins working the crowd, the bids going higher and higher. With each new offer that comes in, Liam races around the stage pointing out what I can only assume are the different bidders. Brody stands in the middle, flexing a muscle in his arm or showing off his abs, and again I wonder how many drinks must be in him for the man to let go of so many inhibitions.
“Nine-thousand-nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine dollars,” says a woman’s voice so loudly that there’s no doubt it came from someone at Jordan’s side.
A silence falls over the crowd. Even Liam pauses, mid-point, his eyes scanning over everyone. Brody smiles. My breath catches in my throat. My mom, beside me, hums in appreciation. As though she knew it was coming. I’d look at her, but I can’t take my eyes off the phone. Not when Jordan is turning the angle, showing me the person beside her.
My grandmother stands there with an auction paddle raised high in the air and repeats herself, “Nine-thousand-nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine dollars.”
Finally I look at my mom, my mouth gaping, trying to wrap my head around what’s going on. The auction… Without my knowledge, they went ahead and did it anyway, even though I told them not to. Because they knew. Knew I needed it to happen, but knew I couldn’t deal with it myself.
My chest fills with emotion thicker than mud. My throat closes with the same feeling. For the second time tonight, I find my eyes wet, but with witnesses this time, I press my thumb and forefinger into the corner of my eyes to try and pinch it away.
“For him?” Liam’s astonished voice booms through the speaker, causing both my mom and me to laugh. I’m grateful for the comedic relief.
I’m positive I hear Brody faintly say, “Asshole.” When there are immediately a few laughs within the crowd I know I’m correct.
“Yes, Liam,” my grandmother says, exasperation showing in her tone and the way her paddle holding hand finds her hip. “For Brody. I prefer the quiet ones.”
“It’s always the quiet ones!” Liam exclaims.
Jordan moves the camera back to the stage. Liam is shaking his head in disbelief, but Brody… Brody is standing there like a proud peacock with a fanned out tail. It clicks into place for me then. He agreed to get on stage because he already knew who would bid on him and there would be no chance of being outbid. My eyes slowly turn back to my mom, narrowing slightly as I work it all out in my mind.
“You knew,” I accuse her. Not in malice but in awe. I’m in awe of it all.
My mom waves a dismissive hand in my direction, then points back to the phone. “Shhh.”
The video is bouncing all around, making it obvious that Jordan is on the move through the crowd. It’s mostly dark then suddenly gets a lot brighter and I realize she’s climbing onto the stage, the camera pointed at Liam and Brody, both standing in the middle.
“The beautiful Jordan Miller, everyone,” Liam croons to the crowd through the mic, waving a hand graciously towards her. “Sorry gentlemen, she’s not the next one up for auction. And if she was, you’d need to get in line behind me.”
Jordan laughs, and I see her hand come out to swat Liam playfully in the arm. I can imagine the massive eye-roll she’s giving him right now. “Flirt.”
Liam grins at her, handing the microphone over while he takes the phone. Planned. This was all fucking planned. From my mom being here to answer her phone, to Jordan walking on stage. I’m gobsmacked.
The video angle switches then, and Liam’s face fills the screen while Jordan talks to the crowd in the background. He’s still wearing a shit eating grin, and when Brody shows up over his shoulder, the latter is sporting a matching one. All I can do is shake my head at them, but I’m also smiling. A real, genuine smile. The first in a couple of days.
These two fools. My brothers. I wouldn’t trade them for a single thing in this world.
“You ready, man?” Liam asks, wiggling his eyebrows at the camera.
My brow furrows. “For what?”
I swear the grins on both their faces get wider before they disappear. In their place is Jordan standing on the stage, but beyond her is the bar. Liam slowly pans from one side to the other, showing my mom and me the crowd.
A choking noise bubbles up my throat. The wave of emotion that enveloped me earlier is back, tenfold. The place is absolutely packed. So packed the firefighter in me worries about the fire code. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined it could be that full.
“Everyone say hi to Nate,” Jordan says from somewhere out of the camera’s view.
The entire place erupts in a chorus of hello’s, cheers, and whoops. At the overwhelming sound, my knees give out and I sink into the chair behind me. My mom follows me down, perching in a second chair that one of Savanna’s brothers brought in this morning, still holding the phone for me to watch.
I run one hand through my hair, the other rubbing my chin, completely speechless as I take in the sight. Words escape me. Thoughts evade me. There’s nothing but disbelief. And gratitude. That slams into me so hard I have to bow my head to take a deep breath that’s shaky at best.
The comforting touch of my mom lands on my back as she rubs up and down in a soothing motion. “I know, baby boy. I know.”
“Nate,” Liam says, and I lift my head to find the video back on him and Brody, Jordan having joined them. “We love you, man.”
All I can do is nod at him and press my fist to my chest because even if I had the words, they wouldn’t do this moment justice. Nothing I could say would convey how I’m feeling. Even telling them that I love them back seems dismal in comparison to what is happening in my heart. After facing some of the darkest days of my life, to have the love and support of my friends and family means the world to me.
It's not easy to be vulnerable. And had a pretty little blonde not walked into an elevator and declared men disgusting, filthy pigs, I may never have learned how to become vulnerable. How to feel safe showing what I always considered a weakness.
I reach over to her now, taking her hand in mine, my eyes sweeping over her. Things aren’t perfect. Neither of us is okay. I’m not delusional enough to think we’ll magically be okay the second her eyes open for good. There are going to be a lot of things that Savanna needs to work through, and I’ve got my own shit to deal with. But together? Together we can conquer it all.
I locate my sister and brothers’ faces in the phone and smile. With Savanna’s hand in mine, I finally find the calmness needed to say, “I love you guys, too. Thank you.”