Twenty-One Fate
Osiris
I fucked up.
There’s no other way to say it. I don’t know when I should have come clean about the lie, but something inside tells me I probably shouldn’t have lied at all. I just didn’t think she’d ever take me in otherwise, and why the fuck would she? I’m a convicted murderer she met online, nothing more, and I was an idiot to think she was actually falling for me too.
No. She was. I felt it with every interaction... it just wasn’t enough. I loved her more.
I probably always would have if she never found out the truth, because there was a part of her that was holding herself back. She doesn’t have to do that anymore now that the cat is out of the bag. I just have to get her to hear me out, and when all of our truths are laid bare, there’s no way she doesn’t come back to me.
It wasn’t some fucking coincidence that she found me when she did. I served eight years without ever finding a real connection, but then she found me right before I got out? Nah. That woman was made for me, and one day soon she’s going to realize it.
I just don’t know how the fuck to get there while I’m fucking homeless.
It takes me hours to find my way back to her neighborhood, and when I do I have to reel in my anger when I see my shit is all over the street. Technically it isn’t all over since Mr. Winchester is out here picking up the scraps for me, and shoving them into my ghetto ass bag, but I can tell he had a mess he was cleaning up before I got back.
This is embarrassing.
“Hey, David. Thanks, but you don’t have to do this.”
Chuckling, he groans as he straightens his back and glances over at Sienna’s house. “There’s nothing quite like a lover’s rage, is there?”
Scratching at my head, I shrug. “I guess not. I don’t even know what to do here, man. I didn’t even know she could get that angry.”
He pats my shoulder and hands me the bag, pointing over at his house in a gesture that tells me to follow him. “She must be really hurt then. I’ve learned that anger like this stems from pain or betrayal from someone they love, otherwise she wouldn’t care enough to be angry. She’d just be done.”
I hear him, but that doesn’t help me here as I take one last look at her house, and then follow him. “Are you saying I shouldn’t give up then?”
I wasn’t planning on it, but him nodding in agreement is enough for me to feel supported. “You’ll know when she’s done if it gets there. For your sake I hope you don’t though. She’s a catch.”
“She really is. Even when she’s acting insane.”
Laughing, he opens the front door and motions for me to come in. “Just make sure you never say that to her.”
Too late.
“Uh... maybe that’s why she threw my shit in the street?”
He pauses, raising an eyebrow at me. “You told that angel of a woman she’s insane?”
“Not exactly. I said she was being crazy or some shit like that. I don’t remember, all I know is whatever I said flipped a switch in her and she drove off. Pretty sure she contemplated hitting me with her car, she had this look in her eyes.”
Shaking his head, he lets me in and checks the driveway like he’s afraid she’s gonna come barreling through the front door. “And now you know why I’m gay.”
“I tried that. Couldn’t do it,” I admit.
“Well then, you’ve had a different experience than us,” Stephan says from the kitchen. “Trouble in paradise? You were all smiles earlier.”
“That’s because I didn’t know my life at home was about to be wrecked.” I go into exactly what happened, not sparing any embarrassing details about how I lied to her like a little kid, and then I stand there waiting to be scolded by people much fucking wiser than me.
Stephan blinks about a dozen times before he finally says, “How exactly did you think you were going to pull that off?”
Shrugging, I move over to slump in the chair next to him. “I was hoping she’d just forget about it and just love me. I know, I’m fucking stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, you’re just young,” David argues. “I’ve never seen her let anyone in her house but that Lydia chick, so you’re fine.”
That makes me smile even though everything feels heavy. “Yeah? So no other guys ever?”
“I mean no one,” he corrects. “No guys, no other chicks, no delivery people, maintenance guys, neighbors or family members. She’s kinda weird.”
“But she was the first to welcome us,” Stephan adds. “And the only one who showed up when we needed help after the flood. She spent hours helping us clean out the basement and refinish everything. She may be strange, but she has a good heart. She’ll make room for you eventually.”
She better. People may think she’s weird, but I love her damn quirks all the way down to the one that needs me to go on a walk so she can breathe. “Yeah, that sounds like her. Fuck, I already miss her.”
I stand up and walk to the window to stare over at her house, trying to ignore the eyes on me. Maybe they get it, maybe they don’t — but this is fate. She’s my fate.
“You’re welcome to stay here,” Stephan offers. “As long as you keep our yard tidy, you’ll have a bed and food.”
It’s such a fucking relief I feel my shoulders slump when I exhale a breath. “Thank you, I appreciate it. I’ll help out as much as I can, and hopefully get out of your hair soon. I just have to get my girl back.”
David shrugs. “We never had kids of our own, so it might be nice having someone else around.”
“If I get annoying, just send me on a walk. That’s what Sienna does since she’s so used to being alone.” I find the strength to pull myself away from the window and plop on the couch before I spiral trying to figure out what she’s doing over there. “Should I try calling her?”
Glancing at the clock, Stephan chuckles. “You called her crazy like an hour ago. Maybe give her a bit to cool off.”
I don’t want to, but I’m not foolish enough to ignore the advice of an old man who’s lived far much more life than me. It’s why I’ve always gravitated towards older people even before I went to jail, people my age just aren’t fun to be around because they’re all just as stupid as I am. Even Cohen is closer to thirty — fucking Cohen. “Yeah, you’re right. Can I use your phone to call someone else? I won’t take long.”
Stephan hands me his as I dig in my messy bag to find his phone number, but when I do I excuse myself onto the porch before I call. The second Cohen answers I can’t find it in me to hold back. “Cohen, what the fuck, man?”
“Don’t what the fuck me, how was I supposed to know she was gonna call me?” he argues. “I couldn’t hear shit and by the time I figured out who the hell it was, it was too late.”
Growling, I wipe a hand down my face to calm as much as I can. “She kicked me out. Left me on the side of the road, and then threw all my shit out of her house before I found my way back.”
“I never admitted anything. Tell her you talked to me and one of my parolees stole my phone or some shit. I can fix this.”
“I appreciate that, but I already came clean. Not fully because I was trying to bullshit my way out of it, but she knows I’m not on parole. I’d be homeless if I didn’t make friends with the guys across the street, but I can’t stay here long. I have to get her back.”
Cohen huffs. “You need to cut your losses and just come back to Idaho. I’ve got a little place here.”
“Yeah?” Just the thought hurts. “I’m not giving up on her, but how’s it going over there? You single?”
“Only because my P.O. is a crazy bitch,” he mumbles. “She keeps scaring everyone away. I think she wants me.”
Chuckling, I shake my head at how not surprised I am. “Do you want her?”
“Mark my words, she’ll be mine soon enough. She can tell me how inappropriate it is all she wants, but I catch her staring when I go in to take those piss tests. Every good girl craves a bad boy.”
“You’re not wrong.” He goes into detail about how goody goody she is sometimes, and how at others she’s joking about setting his car on fire for hanging out with other women. Naturally she claims they’re all jokes, but something about how he’s talking tells me there’s more there. “She might end up being a bad girl with you in the end. I get buying your time, but don’t give up. I won’t either.”
“Man, I’m sorry I fucked that up for you so bad. I hope it works out.”
“It will. I just need to be patient.”
Good thing I have a lot of practice.
––––––––
The next few days remind me somewhat of prison. It shouldn’t; I’m technically free, and able to go wherever I please, but like prison the only thing I truly want is out of reach. I can see it, it’s right across the street, and yet I cannot grasp it with my own hands.
Back then what I wanted was freedom.
And now all I want is her.
She isn’t going to make this easy on me — I’m honestly not surprised by that because she’s so fucking strong, but I have to find my way back into her life.
David is going to give me a ride to get my own cell phone tomorrow, because every time I knock on her door she ignores me. She’s not giving me an opportunity to talk to her at all, so I spend every moment I’m not working around the neighborhood sitting on the Winchester’s porch waiting to catch her walking to her car. She has to leave that house someday, I just have to be patient, and find the right words to get her to hear me out.
I’m sorry.
Not good enough.
I love you.
Like she’d ever believe me now.
I miss you.
That might just piss her off because we both know she misses me too.
I’ll never lie to you again.
Shit like that is just an empty promise, especially once you get caught in a big fat lie.
I want to fuck you.
No lie here.
Your pussy is mine.
Again, nothing but truth.
I refuse to give you up.
I think I’m onto something here.
You are mine.
Fucking mine.