Chapter 43
Violet
I couldn’t sleep, my thoughts racing just like they always did. The ceiling stared back at me, pale and endless, and I shifted for what felt like the hundredth time.
My fingers itched for a brush, for paint—anything to drown out the noise out in my head. But I couldn’t slip out and go to the studio this time, couldn’t lose myself in colour the way I usually did when my mind refused to rest.
Sleep’s supposed to be the most basic human thing. Close your eyes. Drift off. Simple. But it’s never been simple for me.
Roman’s conversation was stuck on a loop in my head, entwining with mum’s confession until both were nothing but a blur of static.
So much noise that it took me a minute to hear the sound of the window opening.
Terror jerked my body, my heart thumping violently against my ribcage as I fought to free myself from the twist of bedsheets.
Only for a hand to press against my mouth, a heavy body pinning mine to the bed.
I flinched, ready to fight with everything in me—
“You really should lock the windows,” Ryder murmured, his heat seeping against my cold body like a blanket. “You never know what monster might crawl inside.”
His face was barely visible in the darkness, but my fear melted away to be replaced with… relief? Excitement? He had this way of grounding my thoughts, and even now I realised I’d slowed my breathing to match his.
“What are you doing?” I whisper-shouted when he released my mouth. “Why couldn’t you use the door like a normal person?”
“Because Elena told me not to disturb you,” he said, as if it were obvious. “Trust me, you don’t want to upset that woman. I’ve seen her talking to the mice. I’m pretty sure she’s building an army.”
I frowned, my eyes finally adjusting to the darkness. He wore the same clothes as earlier, his hair dishevelled as if he’d continuously ran his fingers through it.
“I think you wanted me to sneak in here.”
“Why would I want that?” I asked, not stopping him when he reached for my braid and slowly undid it.
“Because even through your anger, you want me.”
“You’re delusional,” I scoffed, ignoring the fact that heat was spreading from between my thighs.
“Maybe,” he muttered, his fingers brushing over my skin before I bucked, trying to throw him off. His fingers stiffened, pining me down. “Stay still.”
“Or what?” I sneered, no longer fighting the urge to hit him.
I didn’t care that I was touching him, breaking one of his stupid rules.
I kicked wildly, reaching up to scratch and punch.
I even managed to twist myself free, landing on top of Ryder before he quickly flipped us back, my legs spreading automatically as he pressed me down onto the mattress.
He caught my wrists, locking them in one of his hands above my head. “Or I’ll show you my favourite kink, and we both know how much you like to explore kinks.”
He pressed forward, his hard cock nudging against my opening even through the barrier of denim.
I bit back a moan, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.
He leaned down, his breath hot against my ear. “Or maybe that’s what you want?”
I bared my teeth in a snarl. “I hate you.”
“And yet your cunt weeps for me.” He rolled his hips, and this time I let out a hiss. “Hate kink, I’ll add that to your list.”
“What do you want, Ryder?” I groaned, debating how hard I could hurt him before he’d let me go.
“I want to know why you went to Roman and not me,” he asked, his lips pressing against the side of my throat.
“It doesn’t—”
He bit me, hard enough that I knew it would mark.
“Stop it!” I growled.
“Not until you tell me what you asked for.” His free hand pinched my nipple through the T-shirt, causing my back to bow. “And why him and not me?”
I hesitated, pulse hammering as the question hung between us.
Ryder’s quiet laugh brushed against my skin. “Oh, blondie, you really do like testing me, don’t you?” Before I could answer, he pulled up my T-shirt until it caught against my wrists, twisting the fabric and pinning them above my head.
The angle pushed my breasts up, and Ryder immediately leaned down to suck a nipple into his mouth, teasing the tip with his teeth.
“Ryder!” I tugged at my hands, and while the fabric stretched a little, I was stuck attached to the bedframe.
“No underwear,” he mused. “It’s like you’re begging to be fucked.” His fingers drifted down, stroking over my folds before two fingers pressed unapologetically inside.
A sound escaped me before I could stop it, and Ryder answered with a low, rough groan.
“So fucking wet.” He pumped his fingers a few times, curving them up until they brushed the spot inside me that had me whimpering. “So helpless.”
“Ryder, please,” I begged, not sure what I was begging for.
For him to stop? Or for him to push me past the point of thinking altogether?
“Why did you go to Roman?” His thumb flicked against my clit.
“Because he can keep mum safe,” I managed to say through gritted teeth.
Ryder paused, removing his fingers and sitting back with a sneer. “What did you give him in exchange?”
I met his gaze, my lips pressed tight together. With a click of his tongue, Ryder flipped me over, the fabric tightening further as it twisted. He guided me up onto my knees, one hand firm between my shoulder blades, pressing me down until I bent forward.
The position left me bare, exposed while he hovered above me.
Completely in control.
My breath stuttered when I heard the zipper, the mattress moving slightly as he removed his clothes. Then he positioned himself behind me.
“Ryder…” My voice trailed off. His manhandling should disgust me, and yet my clit throbbed and my thighs were slick. “Wait…”
I feel the press of his cock, so hot with the coolness of the piercing. He gently glided it through my folds, coating himself in my arousal. “I’ve known Roman a long time, and I know he doesn’t do anything for free. So, what did you offer him?”
I’d never been so aroused, my mind fuzzy as his piercing knocked against my clit.
“W-why should I tell you?”
“This would be so much easier if you forgave me already.” Ryder let out a sound that was dangerously close to a growl. “Maybe I should just fuck the answer out of you.”
“Ryder…” My voice cracked, body tensing as I felt his cock press against my entrance.
“You’re going to let me, aren’t you?” Ryder flexed his hips, and I groaned as he sunk inside me an inch, only to pull back. “You’re going to let me use your greedy little cunt, despite everything.”
I didn’t understand why he was affecting me so much.
Ryder teased with a kind of frantic precision, every motion restrained, measured, as though he was holding something dangerous back.
It made something in me ache to see him unravel, to tear through that careful control and see just how far I could push.
“You can fight me all you want, but you’ll soon beg me,” he said, his head teasing my opening before sliding back through. “Want to know why?”
Fisting his hand in my hair, he pulled me up so my back pressed against his chest, my arms still caught tight in front of me.
“Why?” I croaked, shivering at the way he kissed along my neck, only to pause at my ear.
“Because you’re mine.” With a single, punishing thrust, he was inside me. My breath caught, a gasp strangled in my throat as my entire body clamped down around him, heat igniting in every nerve ending like I’d been set on fire from the inside out.
Ryder groaned, the sound raw and primal, dragging a moan from me in response. Even though I was already embarrassingly soaked, he was still so big I ached, stretching wide around him.
And still, he didn’t hold back. His hips slammed into mine over and over, rough, relentless, and urgent. Like he could drive out every ghost that haunted him with each thrust. Like I was the only thing in the world that could hold him together.
“Fuck!” he growled. “This cunt was made for me.”
The air around us was electric, charged with heat and frustration and something darker. Something desperate.
My scalp burned where his grip tangled in my hair, the sting only heightening the pleasure spiralling through me. I arched into it, into him, his piercing striking deep, over and over. Each time sending jolts of pleasure ricocheting up my spine.
Tears stung my eyes, and Ryder tilted my head to the side, his tongue tracing the wetness along my cheek with a tenderness that didn’t match the brutal rhythm of his hips.
He never slowed. Not for a second.
All I could do was take it.
And somehow…I felt safe.
Which probably meant I was more fucked up than I’d ever let myself admit.
When he released my hair, I slumped forward. Ryder immediately gripped my butt and spread my cheeks. I sucked in a staggered breath, especially when he spat on my hole and his thumb pressed insistently inside.
“Relax,” he grunted, his cock sending pleasure through me while his thumb gave a sharp burn. “Otherwise, I’ll never fit.”
I wanted to ask him to stop, as I’d never done anything like that before. But I couldn’t find the words, my body coiled so tight as he hit every nerve. Then he breached my back hole, making me even tighter.
“Please,” I whimpered, the word barely a breath. I tensed beneath him, every muscle tightening as my orgasm surged closer. Like a wave about to break and drag me under. But I wanted more, to claim him as he’d claimed me. “Kiss me.”
I knew he didn’t like to kiss, and maybe some cruel part of me wanted to punish him for what he did. But I think I needed it. That connection he’d given no one else.
He stilled, and the sudden absence of movement nearly broke me. I could’ve screamed from the frustration from the way my body trembled with need, every breath ragged and frantic.
I hissed as he yanked me tighter against him, the motion rough. His cock throbbed deep inside me, thick and heavy, stretching me, pulsing like it knew just how close I was.
“See?” he whispered, voice low and possessive. “Told you you’d beg.”