Chapter 15
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN
Payden
I’ve never been in shock before. Not like this. It’s one thing to witness a terrible event, but it’s quite another to be stumbling over the bodies of your colleagues.
I can’t stop thinking about Deidre. Holy fuck.
The way I initially thought she was concentrating on something with her head bowed forward.
I gulp.
So much blood.
I close my eyes when I think about that bullet hole and the way her face was one of complete shock. I think it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.
Taking Molly’s hand in mine when I visited her earlier was comforting, and I’m glad I was there for her until her parents arrived, but we both just sat there in shock, unable to speak.
To say it was the most terrifying moment of my life is an understatement.
I still can’t quite get my head around what happened and why.
If it was Cini Media or something to do with another case, why take everyone out?
It isn’t like they don’t have a really good asshole lawyer of their own.
Rainer Murphy is a pit-bull, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t tell his clients to come in and murder everyone in the opposing office.
“Drink it,” Logan says as I clutch the scotch in my hands.
We’re back at the clubhouse and Logan has been watching me like a hawk, as if I may fall apart at any given moment.
And even though I’m made of tough stuff, today was like something out of a nightmare.
A real living nightmare. Trying to get my head around seeing what I saw—that’s gonna take a minute.
I lift the glass to my lips and take a sip. I don’t like scotch, but somehow the burn in the back of my throat feels like a lifeline somehow. Reminding me that I’m still in the land of the living and don’t have a bullet in my brain like poor Deidre.
Molly couldn’t stop crying. I’ve always been a good friend in times of comfort and sorrow, but even I struggled to find the right words. We still haven’t been given any information about the rest of our colleagues, and I’m hoping that the old saying of ‘no news being good news’ is actually true.
I also can’t stop thinking about those men and what they said about Jeremy. I hope he’s okay. I hope that they were wrong and just talking smack. I want to wake up from this horror story, but as much as I pinch myself hoping it will all go away, the reality remains.
People died today and I was spared. I was spared because I ducked out for coffee and that probably saved my life.
“How you doin’?” Logan asks quietly. He’s facing me on the stool at the bar while people mill around, hovering.
Dozer is sitting on my knee doing what he does best. It’s comforting having him here, even though he’s not mine. There’s something about a dog's presence that just instantly puts you at ease. Titan, bless him, is lying nearby.
I nod. “I’m okay.”
“Don’t lie to me. You’ve barely touched your drink.”
I’m about to open my mouth and protest, but quickly close it again when I feel his gaze on me. There’s no use in lying to a man like Logan. He’s been around the block a time or two, and I know that he knows how to spot when someone is lying. Or in this case, saving face. It’s almost the same thing.
“I hate scotch.”
“It helps in times of shock.”
“What, by knocking the wind out of your sails with the fumes?” I say, shaking my head.
He’s trying to help, and I sound like I’m whining.
“If you want to talk about it…”
“I don’t. I’m fine.”
He pauses for a few brief moments and then says, “You don’t have to hold anything back. What you saw was horrific. Nobody expects you to be in lawyer mode all the time. People you worked with died. People you were probably friends with…”
I turn to look at him. “I know that, and I’m dealing with all of that in my own way.”
I mean wow, he can talk—he’s not exactly Mr. Verbose himself.
His face doesn’t change, but I see his throat bob. “Payden, your entire office was annihilated, and you’ve barely said anythin’. It’s okay, if you want to cry or somethin’.”
I know he’s being sweet and waiting for me to crack, but crying isn’t going to bring Deidre back, and in any case, I sobbed in his arms when I kicked my way out of that cupboard.
I cried with Molly and he left us alone to talk, hovering outside not letting even the nurses come in unless they were scrutinized.
“I know that.” I take a breath. My voice is a whisper when I add, “We don’t know that it was the entire office, do we? I mean, some of my colleagues would’ve gotten out. Surely?”
Except, nobody ran past me when I was making my way up to the second floor. Nobody fled.
But they could’ve gone through the back. Yes, they could very well have because that would’ve been the most obvious choice.
On the other hand, I know that Logan has been holding things back from me all afternoon while he went in and out of meetings with Cash and the boys. He knows more than he’s letting on.
I get that he’s worried, and that he has to abide by their dumb club laws and keep a tight lid on things, but I’m not going to flip out. This happened to me, not him. My colleagues and friends. People I care about.
Even when I felt the panic rising in that damn cupboard, my palms sweating, and my head spinning, I fought through it.
Later, I had to be strong for Molly. Her parents live in LA so it took a few hours before they were able to get on a plane.
Being strong is what I do. It’s what I’m known for at work…
At work. Now there is nothing left except carnage.
I blink back tears. I need to know who made it and who didn’t. I need answers.
Logan seems reluctant to give me them, shifting in his seat. “Jeremy didn’t make it. The others I’m not sure about. We’ll know more soon. The cops aren’t releasing names until the families are contacted, you know how it works.”
They’re all facts. Things I already know, but somehow it seems unfair. Grossly, utterly, devastatingly unfair.
“Fine, if that’s how it’s going to be. I’ll find answers myself.” I go to leave, Dozer shifting his head at my sudden movement. Titan lifts his head, glancing around.
Logan snags my wrist. “You’re not goin’ anywhere.”
“I want to go home. You can’t stop me, Logan.”
“Yes. I can. Especially when you’re in danger,” he tells me as our eyes meet. “You can’t go home. Not right now.”
I blink. I know he’s right. “I need things from my apartment.” I know the protocol, but they’re not targeting me directly. Then I remember…
Did you check everywhere? That bitch gotta be here somewhere.
Were they talking about me? Then again, there are a lot of women in the building, but I was the only one working on this high profile case. It’s not the only risky case, but it’s up there.
“I’ll drive you.”
If I tell Logan about what I heard, he’ll never let me leave to get my stuff, so I decide I’ll tell him when we get back. The chances that it was about me are slim, and so what anyway? They probably think I’m dead.
“Do I really have to stay here?”
“Yes.”
I try not to act like an insolent child when I sit back down, Dozer snuggling back into my arms. Titan rolls over, in sync with the little guy. It’s kinda sweet.
“Why?”
“You know why, Payden. Don’t act dumb.”
My eyes widen. “Wow.”
He runs both hands through his hair. “Look, I’m sorry, that came out wrong. We’ll go get your stuff, then we’re stayin’ here until we talk to Willow. Sawyer, Rock, and Jett are already on the case?—”
“What do you mean by that?” I whisper-shout.
“Cristoph. Sawyer’s heard of him.”
I blink. “And? What did he say?”
“Not much. He’s only heard about him in passing through some inner circles, but it’s somethin’.”
Hope blooms in my chest. “It’s a lead,” I say, more to myself than to him. “Better than a big fat nothing.” I’m going through the motions. I know I am, but it’s all I have right now.
I feel him shift, then a knuckle strokes against my cheek. The movement is so unexpected, I blanch. Then my eyes find his. “I won’t let anythin’ happen to you,” he says. “That’s a promise.”
I know it’s the truth. I can’t imagine anyone more capable than Logan, and that gives me hope.
I nod, unable to form words.
He looks down at Dozer. “He can stay here with his new buddy Titan. Luna or one of the girls will be here till we get back.”
“Okay.”
I don’t have the strength to argue with him. A wash of tiredness sweeps over me and I want to crawl into bed under the covers and stay there. I still have Willow to deal with yet.
Movement to Logan’s side has my eyes darting up. Haze leans down to Logan’s ear and whispers something.
Logan swears under his breath.
Then I hear him say, “Right now?”
“Willow’s got a job to do. Don’t make this difficult,” Haze replies. “She’s held off for as long as she can. Get it over with and it’ll be done.”
“After we get her stuff, we’ll go to her office,” Logan says, turning to me. “Won’t we?”
I nod. I know a statement has to be given, and I’ve hidden here for long enough.
Haze folds his arms over his chest. It’s not very often I see him as serious as this, so that has me even more worried. “We’ll meet you there.”
“Don’t need a damn babysitter.”
“Yeah? If this was Cini Media and their henchmen, they could very well be watchin’ this clubhouse, and any one of us. Better to be safe than sorry.”
I rest a hand on Logan’s forearm and Haze’s eyes shift down. Logan’s eyes are still on me. “Do you think they could really be watching us?”
“It’s unlikely,” he says, shooting Haze an annoyed look, his eyes narrowing. “They caused as much destruction as they possibly could to send a message. The cops and the media are all over it.”
Speaking of which, I need to see the news. “Can we go?” I ask.
Logan moves off the stool, taking Dozer off me as he yawns, stretching his three legs out all at once. He’s such a cute little thing. “Gonna go find Luna. You sit tight and we’ll take the truck.”
I can’t exactly argue with him.
When he’s gone, Haze is still standing there.
Our eyes meet.
“You okay?” Haze asks, concern in his eyes.
“I’m as good as I can be,” I say, hugging myself. “It was, uh, a lot. I’ve never seen anyone like that before.” I can’t even say the words.
“If you need to talk, the girls are here. They’ve been through similar situations over the years. Maybe not directly like this, but traumatic stuff?—”
“I will,” I say quickly, wanting to get rid of him. I know he’s trying to be nice, but this is difficult. “It’s a lot to process, but I’ll be okay.”
The same can’t be said for Deidre and Jeremy, and goodness knows who else who weren’t so lucky.
He squeezes my shoulder. “Logan’s a good guy.”
“I know.”
“He won’t let anythin’ happen.”
I’ve never been a person who thought to carry a gun, but now it has me seriously considering it. I put that away for another day.
“He got to me so fast,” I say. “Like, five minutes.”
“He broke a couple of traffic codes to get there, but I gotta tell you, I think my brother’s got a thing for you.”
Okay, so Haze knows something. I’m not surprised. I’m sure they have locker room talk or whatever. I just don’t know how much he knows.
“He’s just being a decent guy, like you said.” I look away, unable to deny that I am starting to have feelings for Logan. I don’t want Haze catching onto that.
He chuckles. “Right. You keep tellin’ yourself that.”
Okay, epic fail.
He takes off and I sigh in defeat. The last thing I need right now is Haze all up in my business, but with these Dawson boys, they kinda sneak up on you. A lot like Logan. He’s somehow crept past my guards and defenses and now he’s right there, staring down the barrel of my heart.
But I don’t want that. I don’t want to have my heart broken all over again—that’ll ruin me for good. It’s why I’ve stayed single this whole time; because life is way more complicated in a relationship.
Then again, something tells me that the ride with Logan Dawson might just be the reprieve I need.