Chapter 26
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
Logan
A few hours earlier
I watch my girl from across the room eating dinner at the huge table where the Hellions sit as a family.
I’ve never known anything like this before.
The Rebels are close, but not by these standards.
It’s almost a given that every single person who is part of this club is sitting here while Ivy and two of the prospects serve up a mouth watering meal.
There’s roast chicken and potatoes, steamed vegetables, grits, and corn bread.
Some of the girls make conversation with Payden, and I keep a close eye on the men watching her. I won’t leave her alone for long, but I don’t trust that Hornet guy after he called Payden hot around the meeting table.
‘In our clubhouse now. Our rules, friend.’
He’s no fucking friend of mine and if he so much as speaks to her, I’ll come true on my promise to rearrange his balls.
A hand grips my shoulder as I turn to look at the intruder of my thoughts.
Bane.
He tilts his beer bottle toward Payden. “You worried about her?”
I give him a side eye. “What do you think?”
“Don’t have to worry about her here, I promise you that,” he says.
“I don’t know if I trust your men. Leavin’ my girl alone for five minutes would spell disaster, plus she’s been through a lot, I’m worried about her.”
“I reminded them she’s claimed. You have my word. Trauma leaves a serious imprint. I get that.”
“Appreciate it, but I meant what I said in church. Payden is my only priority.”
“You tell her about Becca?”
I palm the back of my head. “Not yet.”
“I don’t know when I fuckin’ agreed to become a goddamn halfway house, but I owe Cash a debt, and now my debt is paid.”
I glance at him once more. “Sounds heavy.”
He gives a chin lift over to Ivy who throws a piece of corn bread at Shadow’s head—it bounces off as she looks away innocently, trying to hide her smile. “It’s to do with my sister. She went missing for a while. Cash helped me find her.”
I don’t know anything about it, and I’m not one to pry. “She’s a handful.”
He smirks. “You can say that again. Some say I let her get away with too much, but when she first got here, she was nothin’ like this,” he goes on. “Bein’ around the club and people who care about her brought her back from a dark place. We’re a family, just like the Rebels, we look after our own.”
“Respect that. And Becca? What’s the plan?”
“Got friends in low places already makin’ sure we have an exit plan. One thing’s for sure, don’t trust the fuckin’ cops. Bit of a coincidence that her whereabouts were compromised before, don’t you think?”
“Willow weeded out a lot of the corrupt ones some time ago,” I say. “But there’s always gonna be dirty cops no matter what you do. Worth lookin’ into.”
“Gotta be someone on the inside,” Bane observes. “The way they bugged everythin’ down to some fuckin’ coin in her purse, that shit is hardcore.”
“After the footage Sawyer told me about, this fuckin’ cheesedick Ryan is in on it for sure.”
“A cover-up?”
“Worse: bribery. Thanks to him, people died. No matter what he thought he was doin’, he should’ve turned it in. He’s a fuckin’ piece of shit. When I found Payden, she was hidin’ in a fuckin’ cupboard, curled up with a look on her face I’ll never forget.”
“That shit’s rough. Listen, you take all the time you need. We’re headed out soon to get Becca.”
“You’re really gonna do this?”
“Worst case scenario? The cops will think it’s the same crazy gunmen who snatched her and they’ll bark up all the wrong trees.
” This man is afraid of nothing, least of all getting caught kidnapping a woman in witness protection.
So much for safety. At least she’ll be better off here than with the cops.
“You need a hand?”
Bane shakes his head. “Got some Rebels headed our way. We’ll be fine. You stay and look after your woman.”
I give him a chin lift as we pound hug. “Appreciate it.”
I head towards the table. Declan is telling some story that has everyone in stitches.
It’s good to see Payden laughing. She’s nothing like her brother, but I see the family resemblance.
He cares about her, and that’s all that matters to me.
If I have to step out, then I know he’ll protect his sister in my absence.
Like a siren calling, her head turns and our eyes lock. She nods as I motion outside with a small nod toward the door. I need some air for what I’m about to tell her…
“Tell me about your ex,” Payden says, snuggling into my side when we’re lying in bed. “The one you don’t want to talk about.”
We didn’t get a whole lot of talking done after hearing her confession. We came right back to bed and she rode me until we were both spent.
Dozer is in his bed on the floor next to us, snoring contentedly.
I sigh. “There’s hardly anythin’ to tell.”
“Cryptic. Give me something.”
I look up to the ceiling, feeling strangely comfortable. Talking about exes isn’t usually my thing, but I want her to know. I feel weird having secrets from her. “I’ve only ever had one really serious relationship, and I ended it.”
“Why?”
“No matter how I say this, you’re gonna get the wrong idea.”
“Try me,” she challenges.
I sigh again. “I didn’t feel it. The thing. I wasn’t in love with her and it felt wrong to keep stringin’ her along when she wanted kids and a family. I couldn’t give her that. She said it didn’t matter, that we could adopt—which I was open to—but I knew deep down she really wanted her own kids.”
“So you let her go?”
“It never would’ve worked. She would’ve resented me in the end, and I don’t think I’d make a good father.”
I feel Payden shift as she looks up at me. “Why not?”
“Aside from not bein’ able to have any myself? I’m not patient. I’m bad tempered. I like my life to be simple. Kids are messy and unpredictable.”
“What about older kids? Adopting? Fostering?”
I shrug. “Never really thought about it since finding out it isn’t possible.
Plus, living above a bar isn’t exactly the kind of place to raise a family.
” I’ve never thought about it before because I never met anyone I wanted a family with.
“I also would never wanna take away from anyone wantin’ kids of their own, so that bothered me. ”
“I’ve never been very maternal,” Payden admits. “I mean, I like kids, but I’ve never had that maternal need to have a child. I love the women of the club who are all having babies and it’s exciting. I’m happy for them. But I just don’t think that’s for me.”
“I think it’s better to know what you want and what you don’t want. No point in havin’ a kid if it ain’t for you.”
“Then again, I’ve always been more drawn to older kids.
I’ve seen quite a lot in my years of being an attorney, and so many kids are in the foster care system that need a home.
Teenagers especially. That, I could do,” she goes on, surprising me.
“There was a kid in our neighborhood growing up who went from foster home to foster home. I’ll never forget the look on her face when they came to take her away again.
She was broken. Lost. She just wanted a family to reach out and love her, you know?
To be wanted. I begged my parents but they were too set in their ways and they didn’t want another kid. Even now it makes me feel sad.”
I kiss the top of her head, loving this vulnerable side to her. “You’re a good person. You have a good heart.”
“You know you totally side stepped about your ex.”
“I did not, I answered the question,” I say, stroking her cheek. “The fact was, she left. I gave her an out and she took it. That told me everything. I cared for her, heck, I may have even loved her, but I wasn’t in love with her. I knew I wasn’t in it for the right reasons.”
“So, you’re destined to be a serial bachelor?”
I look down at her. Her silky hair splayed across my chest like ink.
This is how it should be—her naked against me in bed every single night.
I don’t want to keep things from her, but I struggle with emotions.
I was taught by my father not to show any, especially to a woman.
While I know what he told me was a load of shit—the man was a drunk, after all—some things just stay with you as much as you try to push them down.
“I was.”
Her voice lowers to a whisper. “Past tense?”
“Somewhere along the way, the lines have become blurred, Payden. I want more.”
She blinks, her pretty eyes looking at me with an innocence that has my heart hammering in my chest. “What if I want more, too?”
“You can have it.” I kiss her nose. “I know I’ve never felt this way before. Will I scare you away sayin’ I see a future with you?”
Her lips part, her eyes softening. “I haven’t been entirely honest myself,” she says, surprising me. “I-I’ve been feeling things for you, too, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.”
I’m gentle when I ask, “Why not?”
She shrugs. “I honestly don’t know. Old habits die hard, and I’m so used to doing things by myself. I don’t rely on anyone, but that shit gets lonely. I love being with you, Logan. You make me feel… alive. Like I can be myself no matter what.”
“You can, always.”
“Even if I’m a grumpy bitch?”
“Especially then if it means we argue but then get to have amazing makeup sex.”
She thumps me on the arm. “Jesus, did we just have our first heart-to-heart?”
I chuckle. “You’re makin’ me weak, that isn’t good in a clubhouse full of bikers.”
“You’ll keep me safe.”
I bend to kiss her on the lips. “You know I will.”
My heart hammers in my chest when she puts her hands on me, rolling on top of me as we kiss.
“You just know all the right things to say, don’t you, Logey-bear.”
I grin against her mouth. “Well, when I heard you talkin’ to Luna, it made me realize a few things.”
“Such as?”
“How I feel about you. Like I said before; I haven’t felt this way about anyone. I want to know you. I want to find out about all the things that make you tick, and for a person who really doesn’t like many people, that’s sayin’ somethin’.”
She smiles, kissing me as I grab her ass. “Mmm.”
“You’re a sex maniac, you know that?”
“Talk about me, you’re the one who couldn’t keep his hands to himself all night.”
“Can one blame me with an angel like you by my side?”
She gazes down and I cup her face. “Kiss me.”
I grin. “Do me.”
She laughs as I roll her over onto her back, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Such a way with words.”
I shift my head to suck one nipple into my mouth and she moans. “I’m gonna treat these tits to my tongue before I come all over them, and then I’m gonna feed it to you.”
She sputters, her eyes dancing with delight. “I had no idea you were so dirty, Mr. Dawson.”
“Better get used to it,” I say, kissing her neck as I mutter against her skin, “Your ass is next.”
Sleep can wait. I need my girl.