Chapter 22 The Coffee Shop
THE COFFEE SHOP
BECKY
We went over some of the finer points one more time as a group, agreed on a game plan, and went our separate ways.
Out in the parking lot, Carter parked right next to me, backing into his space, so his door and mine were directly next to each other.
We both stood there by our doors, in the middle of the day while everyone moved in the town around us.
We’re close enough to reach out and touch, but we keep our hands locked at our sides.
A door shut from a few cars over, but neither of us acknowledged the sound.
He didn’t say anything, and neither did I.
The problem with our standoff was Billy. When he brought up leaving a third time from the passenger side of the truck, Carter pretended he couldn’t hear him. So Billy finally hopped out, grabbed Carter by the collar of his shirt, opened the driver door, and pushed him into the truck’s cab.
“Jesus, I’m going alright?”
“Well go, mother fucker. She’s not going to disappear, and I have places to be.”
I laughed as I got into my car, starting it up and still managing to make it out of the lot before the boys.
Carter messaged me throughout the rest of the day, not in an aggressive, in-my-face way, but checking in.
First when Trevor and Paige went with me to meet their lawyer friend, Joseph Banks.
He was a beautiful, intimidating man, and Trevor and him walked me through everything while Paige sat with me, a supportive hand in mine.
I walked out of the office a little overwhelmed.
When I checked my phone, a message from Carter was waiting for me.
Carter
I know this is tough, but we have your back. Let me know if that douche was a douche, and I’ll take care of him for you.
I snorted at the message because he’s basically a pacifist. He told me that he’s never been in a fight before. Why would I need to throw a punch, when a well-timed joke does the job?
When Billy and I walked out of the police station hours later, the sun was going down, and it was almost my normal weekday bedtime. If I actually had school the next day. Another message from Carter was a comfort. I didn’t message him back, either time, but I read them.
My family is extremely supportive, and I could call them.
They would drop everything to be here, as my sister had a month ago.
However, Lenny would probably try to set the school on fire, and my brothers would start beating people up or threatening their homes and livelihoods without hesitation, or knowing what the hell was actually happening.
They’d all try to take control of the situation, and disrupt their own lives in the process.
I didn’t need to manage them on top of the rest of the crumbling mess of my life.
Carter was doing what I needed most in the moment—he was available as a support.
I walk through the door late, having run around town the majority of the afternoon, and then meeting with the lawyer and police in the evening.
Two steps through it, and off goes the bra, unhooked immediately.
The boobcage is always optional inside the home.
Once in my room, I put my most comfortable clothes on, including a shirt I’ve worn regularly.
I haven’t let myself consider why this shirt with the crossing wrenches and The Shop written on the left breast is my go-to.
It just is. I nab my work clothes and my kindle and head back to the kitchen to care for my critters, stopping by the laundry to drop my clothes into the washer.
I freeze in the kitchen when I see two bowls already halfway eaten, and a box of tea on the island with a small handwritten note.
Becky, here’s some tea. I checked on your tea drawer before I left on Saturday and noticed that you gave me your last bag.
I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to replace it, so I grabbed some before I came over to take care of Ellie and Daisy.
I hope I wasn’t overstepping…I loved getting to see you today.
I didn’t want to wash my hand after you let me hold it during that meeting at the bar, but then I had to love on the dogs.
Maybe you’ll give me another chance to hold your hand again.
Ok, I’m running out of room. Just know that I love you with my whole heart.
His writing got smaller towards the end of the small piece of paper, trying to fit his rambling messy words on one paper. I pick it up and turn it around to see that, yes, it’s part of another envelope he must have grabbed from work. My cheeks hurt from the grin I attempt to hold back. Carter.
Instead of feeding the satisfied pups, I follow them out into the yard. The moon is coming up already, full and bright. I take a deep breath of the fresh, cooling air. My phone vibrates in my pajamas pocket. I know who it is before I pull it out.
Carter
Do you feel comfortable with the steps you took today?
Hmm. I open the message stream and start to type, only to delete it and put my phone down again. I need tea.
I call the dogs in, and five minutes later, I’m back to staring at Carter’s message on my phone.
While I watch, three dots appear and disappear five different times.
I’m sure he watched me do the same thing just a few minutes ago.
The mug is warm in the palms of my hands–barely visible, peppermint scented steam curling up in the low light of the living room.
Gah, okay.
Me
Yeah. It made me feel weird, but Billy and Officer McNally were both really sweet and gentle. I also liked the lawyer.
I don’t think about it when I send another quick message.
Me
You helped too. Thank you.
Carter
Anytime you need me, baby.
I ignore my automatic impulse to send him the type of message I used to and put my phone down for the rest of the night. Instead, I nab my kindle from the side table, turn on my reading lamp, and get lost in one of my comfort reads.
A few chapters and multiple yawns pass when I call it a night.
I plug in my reader, check on the dogs again, put my empty mug into the washer, and head to the ensuite to get ready for bed.
I’m rubbing in some nighttime moisturizer when my phone vibrates on the counter.
The phone is in my hand before I recognize what I’m doing, so I put it back down.
Facedown. Ignored to finish up my routine.
I take my time making sure my pillows are just right and my phone and watch are both on charge on the bedside table.
The notifications glow conspicuously on my phone.
Inhale, exhale. Forget about it. Nothing more to do, I crawl into bed and wriggle down under the covers, ignoring the urge to check my messages just one more time.
My resolve lasts all of thirty seconds before the phone is in my hand, the bright glare lighting up the dark room, making me squint—two new messages from the group chat and one from Carter.
My finger hovers over his name as I debate with myself for maybe half a second.
I click it.
Carter
Goodnight sweetheart. Drink some peppermint tea to help stay calm and rested. I love you.
I ignore the smile on my face when I fall asleep.
?????
Carter
Is it weird not going to work today?
Me
Yes, but I’m going to Central Office today, so there’s that.
Carter
Do you have to take vacation days for this bullshit?
When I walked out of the Central Office, it was nice knowing he was keeping up.
Me
According to the lady I talked to, no. I get paid leave until this is figured out. Sonya says Taylor was pulled out of her class today.
Carter
We messaged randomly throughout the day.
I talked to a few people to help move our plans forward, then checked my phone to see if he responded.
Our days used to look like this, before–regular check-ins, a running commentary on silliness and nonsense.
It was later that night, when I was tossing and turning, trying to relax my mind enough for the day ahead that my phone vibrated on the pillow beside me.
I unlock it and the light from the screen fills my room in a dull glow.
I blink at the brightness and focus on the words. Tough words.
Carter
I’m sorry I brought all of this into your life.
I bite my lip and respond with simple honesty.
Me
I know.
Carter
I haven’t watched our show.
I snort at that admission, feeling a little less ridiculous about my answer.
Me
Neither have I
The dots appear and disappear a few times before his next message pops up.
Carter
Goodnight Spitfire, love. You were the best part of my life. I’m sorry I let other useless shit get in the way of it.
I have to fight against the prickling heat gathered behind my eyes.
Me
I know you’re sorry, Carter
More typing, more erasing, until finally he sends me what he wants to say.
Carter
I love you.
Me
I know.
?????
The morning of the School Board Meeting is here after a rough night of little to no sleep. Too many things are happening in my life at once, and my body and my mind refused to relax enough for sleep. To combat the drag, I message my favorite nanny for another coffee visit.
Me
Coffee?
Paige
Am I breathing?
Me
20 mins?
Paige
Say less
Paige beats me there this time. I can see her bright blond hair through the windows once I walk up to the front of the shop.
Her eyes are on her phone while her little charge sits in her arms, looking over her shoulder and taking in the coffee shop.
I smile at the sight. Someone holds the door open for me, so I slip in before them and hop into the back of the line.
“Becky!”
With a jump I drag my eyes from the cutie I was staring at, grab my coffee and stare, again, into the little happy face as I walk their way.
“Hello Cassian, you little adorable human,” I coo at him. “Oh, you too Paigey.” I pat her mop of hair as I move past her to sit down with my white chocolate mocha with raspberry because I’m treating myself, dammit.