Chapter 1
Welcome to Hillsboro Institute
Lolli-Gag
Walking down the hall towards group therapy with Dr. Petrova, I stop in front of Brielle’s room and wait for her to come out.
She’s the only person besides Jethro that’s been here almost as long as I’ve been.
I’ve been punished time and time again for killing the orderlies that hurt her.
The screams that leave her room almost every night are embedded in my brain.
I can never unhear them. I hate it. She reminds me of Lili, maybe it's because we click and she understands me and I her, or maybe it's just… I miss my friend. In the beginning, Lili would come visit, but then it just stopped. No warning. No letters just… silence. So, when Brielle arrived, I drifted to her, and now… I won’t allow the monsters of this place to breathe after they’ve harmed her.
“Good morning, Lolli. How are you today?” Brielle asks as she steps into the hallway. She grabs my hand and we skip together, giggling as we go.
“Just another morning, B. How did you sleep? I didn’t hear you last night so one can only assume it was a good night.” I giggle, and she smiles. Big and wide.
“You assumed correctly, my girl. Are you ready for group therapy?” she asks, and I nod.
“Yes. Let’s go get Axel before the guards start yelling.
” I giggle, and we skip a few doors down to Axel’s room.
He arrived not too long ago and hasn’t said a word yet.
I call him mute boy. I’ve seen his file.
He assaulted a nurse for touching him, and it specifically states to not touch him.
Why can’t people just fucking listen. There’s a reason why he is the way he is, so if they would just respect people’s personal fucking space, maybe bad things wouldn’t happen.
We approach his room and I see he’s already waiting.
I smile, and he nods then joins us. “Good morning, Axel,” Brielle whispers, and he nods again.
I giggle and listen to the humming of the walls.
Not too loud but enough to where I can hear it.
It sounds like something is trapped behind the paint, scratching, waiting to be set free.
I stop and press my cheek against the cool surface then smile.
“They’re coming,” I whisper, and Jethro mutters, “I know,” as he comes up behind me, pulling me away from the wall.
“I smelt them before you did,” he states, making me giggle. Of course he did. He always knows first, which helps me out just at the right moments.
The door at the end of the hall buzzes then swings open and three sets of heavy footsteps vibrate against the tile floor.
“Let’s go, single file,” a guard yells, and Brielle lets go of my hand walking ahead of me with Axel on her tail.
The first one, I feel before I see. “That one cuts,” Jethro says quietly.
“Look at his hands.” So, I tilt my head, watching him approach.
Tall, clean, and not a hair out of place.
Too pretty to be in here with his jet black hair and bright blue eyes that land on mine.
They don’t leave. It’s like he’s studying me and sees right through the paint weighing heavily on my skin.
“Hold still, Canvas,” he says, and my body stills. Not because of him, but because Jethro’s fingers tighten around my wrist in warning. Why is it that I want him looking at me?
“He thinks you’re unfinished,” Jethro whispers.
My lips twitch as an unsettled feeling rushes through me.
Unfinished? Unfinished. Now I just want to throat punch him and see how hard he gags.
My fists tighten at my sides, but his piercing eyes stab right through, forcing me to lean in and mirror him.
“He’s staring,” I say as the man in front of me narrows his eyes. So I do the same. Every breath he takes, I take it with him. His pointer finger twitches, so does mine.
“Let him, I want to see how long it takes before he reaches.” And I grin.
Let him try because I’ll bite those fingers right from his hand and revel in his screams as blood pours from his open flesh.
He finally looks away and glances over his shoulder as the second one glides as he walks, like the floor belongs to him and the air we breathe bends to make space for his presence.
“Don’t listen to this one,” Jethro growls.
“He’ll try to crawl inside your mouth and make a home there.
” I giggle as he walks past me, but then he stops in his tracks as his gaze finds mine, while the other one stares like I’m a fucking circus act.
I step closer as Jethro’s grip tightens yet again, but I’m fucking fascinated.
“Tell me the truth, Little Pretty One…” he says, his voice so smooth you would think it was dipped in honey. I tilt my head, taking another step. My fingers itch to glide them through his white hair but his deep chocolate brown eyes pin me in place.
“Which one?” I whisper as his breath fans my face.
That's an odd thing to say to someone, and I thought I was the batshit crazy one. Jethro stays close to me, never letting go of my wrist. The first guy blinks then continues down the hall. The one in front of me licks his lips, making Jethro growl. “He lies prettier than you do. I don’t like it.” I hum in response.
I don’t either, but I’m still intrigued.
Someone from down the hall calls his name.
“Lucifer,” they state, and I grin as the third one stomps over, and my grin widens.
“This one breaks things, I want to see what he does with you.” I shiver at his words because I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.
He stops right in front of me and raises a brow, but I laugh.
This man ripples with anger just by his stance.
He’s built for damage. And he steps closer to me, almost like he expects me to cower away because he may look scary, but I’m scarier.
“Hi, I’m Lolli… Lolli-gag. Welcome to Hillsboro.
” I giggle, and his eyes widen. Perfect.
“Don’t toy with him. He’ll rip the world apart for a sound like that,” Jethro warns.
“Let him try,” I say as he walks away and I follow.
Assuming we are all going in the same direction, but they stop and all three turn to look at me.
My fingers twitch and I skip the rest of the way to therapy, humming a low tune as I go.
“Why are they all still staring at me the same way? It’s creepy,” I whisper.
“They don’t.”
“Whatever that means.” I giggle, rolling my eyes. “Then how do they look at me, Mister Know-It-All?” I ask, stopping in my tracks and putting my hand on my hip, looking at him. He huffs while looking at them then to me.
“They are trying to figure out if you’re the knife or the one holding it,” he growls, and I can feel the ground rumbling beneath me from the anger radiating off of him.
“Why not both?” I answer, then continue to skip down the hallway entering the group therapy room.
I twirl around the room greeting everyone who is already seated, then park my ass next to Brielle.
I fold my hands over my chest and wait for the doc to begin.
They like circles here. It makes things equal, safe, but to me they are just cages without corners. Nowhere to hide.
“Nowhere to angle yourself properly.”
“Well, that was quite an entrance, Logan. How are you today?” Dr. Petrova asks, and I smile while he watches me like I’m the problem he can’t seem to solve.
“I’m great, but I would be even better if for one session you address me as Lolli—Logan is dead.
” I giggle, but he ignores me and asks Axel to introduce himself which he doesn’t.
Hello, he's mute. He doesn’t speak and scans the room when the three new guys enter, taking their seats across from me. Great!
“Everyone quiet down. We have a few new subjects entering our session today. Gentleman, if you would introduce yourself.” Dr Petrova gestures to them.
“Don’t blink,” Jethro whispers, and I don’t. I just place a bored look across my face as the first one speaks up.
“My name is Killian Klebs, I was studying medicine,” he says, pausing as he sits straighter in his seat, then his eyes flash over in my direction. “I have an interest in… repair.”
“He means you,” Jethro hums. Dr. Petrova nods like Killian’s statement is normal. Like he didn’t just say something that should come with a warning label.
“And why are you here, Killian?” he asks, and Killian’s head tilts while he thinks, making sure to select the correct words.
“I was misunderstood,” he states flatly as a giggle slips out before I can stop it. He doesn’t react though, but his eyes, they send chills up my spine.
“He doesn’t like being laughed at, especially by someone as damaged as you,” Jethro mutters then chuckles.
“Do it again later. This is going to be fun.” My smile widens as the next one leans forward.
He doesn’t sit like the rest of us. He lounges like this is his room, his throne, and we’re all visiting to see him.
“Lucifer Davenport,” he says, his voice as smooth as glass. Dr. Petrova doesn’t flinch at his name. Interesting. “I help people find clarity,” he states, and my lip twitches. The Davenports are well known for cult-like behavior so this one should be interesting here.
“He means control,” Jethro snaps. “Don’t let him talk too long.”
Dr. Petrova folds his hands, looking down his nose at Luci. That’s what I’m going to call him Luci-Loo.
“And the charges against you?” he asks, making Luci-Loo smile slowly.
“They trusted me,” he says simply, then pauses. His chocolate eyes shift to mine, locking in. “And sometimes… that’s all it takes.”
I lean forward in my chair, resting my chin in my hand then smile, “Did they scream?” I ask, and the room stills. His smile widens as he licks his lips.
“Only when they realized they didn’t have to,”
“Liar!” Jethro hisses, and I grin. The last guy shifts forward in his chair, making the metal scrape harshly against the floor. The sound cuts through everything. Perfect.
“Jagger Holmes,” he deadpans. That’s it. Nothing else. Dr. Petrova lifts a brow and clears his throat.
“And why are you here Jagger?” He shrugs, like he doesn’t give a fuck.
“People break,” he states, and I laugh, not being able to contain it any longer.
“Did you help them?” I ask, and his gaze snaps to mine. His light green eyes narrow, and I tilt my head, taking in the tattoos scattered on the side of his shaved head.
”Yeah. Most of ‘em,” he states in the most bored tone I’ve ever heard in my life. “He doesn’t lie. I like this one,” Jethro whispers, and I hum in response, rocking slightly in my chair. Back and forth, back and forth. Dr. Petrova clears his throat then beelines it to me.
“And you Logan?” he asks, and I grit my teeth because why can’t he ever just address me as Lolli?
How many fucking times do I need to say it.
“Lolli,” he repeats as his jaw tightens.
“Why are you here?” And Jethro leans in, his voice cutting through me like a sharp blade.
“Tell him the truth.” I abruptly stop rocking and a smile spreads across my face.
“They said I hurt myself,” I say as Dr. Petrova watches me intently, but my eyes shift to Killian, Luci, and Jagger then back to him.
“They said I liked it.” My voice drops, almost childlike.
“I drugged myself and turned the oven on, placing myself inside to cook.” Silence greets me and I shiver.
Jethro hums beside me, low and satisfied.
“But did you?” he asks, but I don’t answer. I just smile wider and wider until it hurts. Across the circle—three different kinds of monsters are smiling back.