Chapter 3
Screaming
Lolli-Gag
It starts small. It always does. The humming won’t stop tonight. Not the walls. Not the lights. Not the people. Too many sounds, too many eyes, too many breaths in the same space.
“Make it quiet,” Jethro whispers.
“I’m trying,” I whisper back, pressing my palms over my ears, but it doesn’t help.
It never does. Nicholas from across the hall laughs then screams loudly.
His voice echoes through the entire place.
This is every fucking night. My head snaps toward him.
But other screams from down the hall increase, and I shut my eyes, wanting it to stop.
Brielle. I’d know her screams from anywhere.
I get out of my bed and standing in my doorway is Nicholas with a far away look in his eye.
Why didn’t the guards lock the doors tonight?
“Him. That one,” Jethro states, and I nod. Nicholas grins when he sees me. I have no makeup on. Which only makes me feel vulnerable and angry as fuck.
“Clown girl gonna cry?” he snarls, and I smile. My skin stretching too far and too fast.
“No,” I say softly as I tilt my head down, narrowing my eyes at him and making sure I look as crazy as I feel. The room tilts and the noise warps as everything narrows down to him. Just him.
“Make it quiet,” Jethro encourages. My body moves before I decide to. Nicholas’s grin falters just a little as I get closer to him. He doesn’t move an inch as I inhale his face, then neck and chest like a creature in the night seeking out her prey.
“Say it again,” I taunt, and he opens his mouth. Wrong choice.
Raising my hands, I dig my nails into the creases of his mouth and pull, ripping the skin right down the middle of his lips.
He screams again but doesn’t move. It’s like someone is holding him in place as blood sprays against my face and coats his teeth.
I smile, licking my lips as a giggle escapes my throat.
His eyes widen, and I rip his flesh apart until I can see the bone of his chin and the bottom of his nose.
His eyes are transfixed on mine as I keep digging my thumb nails into the meaty plump muscle of his inner cheek.
Tears stream down his face and I lean in to lick them one by one, then spit them in his eyes.
“Looks like you’re the one crying. Now, if you don’t mind shutting the fuck up so the rest of us can get some sleep, that would be greatly appreciated.” I giggle then shove his face away and lick my fingers.
“Such a good girl, my little Honeycomb,” Jethro praises, then I climb into my bed, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. Finally, fucking silence.
Heat, milk, heat, milk, heat, milk. “Get in the oven you ungrateful waste of space,” she yells, shoving me into the small oven.
“Please don’t. I’ll be good. I promise I’ll be good. Don’t hurt me,” I beg, and she smiles.
“It’s a little too late for that.”
Slam. Slam. Slam.
Heat. Milk. Heat. Milk.
My eyes fly open as the sun beams through the windows, blinding me momentarily. Shit! It was just a dream.
“He came in here while you were sleeping,” Jethro chimes in.
“Who?” I ask, and he huffs.
“Surgeon boy. Killian. I don’t fucking like him,” he states, and I roll my eyes.
“You don’t like anyone,” I say, and he shakes his head.
“That’s not true. I like the mute boy. He’s very loud in his head but he doesn’t look at you like he wants to eat you,” he states, and I giggle.
“His name is Axel. I like him too,” I say, then rip the covers off of me and climb out of bed. Time to do what I do everyday. Put my face on and terrorize the little creatures of Hillsboro.
“He’s coming!” Jethro states, and I take a deep breath as one of the guards stands in my doorway, staring at me.
“I think he should be next,” Jethro growls, making me giggle.
“Line up!” the guard yells. Getting up from my chair, I sway towards him then skip into the line. My shoulder presses against the wall and I feel it vibrating faintly, like something big is moving behind it.
“Honeycomb, don’t take the meds today. They’re different. They know about last night,” he warns me, and I hum in response then smile.
“They make you quiet,” I say as the line moves slowly.
“They make me gone.” My heart drops in my chest. That’s the part I don’t like. “I know. But today. Don’t take them.”
The line jerks forward. Bodies. Too many of them, too close to me and they all smell—their scent is of bleach and something sour that doesn’t belong to anything alive.
Laughter greets my ears then cries from Brielle’s room.
I hate when they hurt her. A whisper of the same sentence is making me clench my teeth.
“Eat your hands. Eat your hands. Eat your hands.”
I giggle because Ellie always wants us to eat our hands.
I don’t get it but I also don’t question it.
The cafeteria doors open and everything spills out.
The chaos of different noises hit first, slamming into me like a wave.
Metal trays clattering, chairs scraping, voices overlapping until none of them make sense anymore.
My mind whirls with all the noise. It’s not a room anymore.
It’s a cage filled with zoo animals. Lacey is standing on the far table screaming at the ceiling, accusing it of owing her money.
Charlie and Ben argue over a fucking spoon.
Not food, a god damn utensil. In the corner, Malcolm rocks back and forth humming so loud it cuts through everything like a blade.
“I hate this place,” Jethro growls, and I giggle.
“I like it. It has character,” I whisper.
“Move,” a guard snaps behind me, and I step forward, my shoes feeling sticky against the floor. That’s new. Maybe it isn't, maybe I just didn’t notice it yesterday. I shrug.
“Don’t sit with them,” Jethro tells me.
“I won’t,” I promise as a tray gets shoved into my hands. Gray eggs. Gag. Hard bread. Gag. And milk that I lift from my tray and throw at the guard standing on the other side of the counter. “You know better than to give me milk!” I growl.
“That was unnecessary, Logan. Now you get nothing,” he states, ripping the tray from my hands. I hold onto it until he tugs hard enough, then I let it go and smile while the eggs splatter all over his uniform.
Giggling, I walk away looking for Brielle but something tells me she won’t be here for breakfast. As I pass Axel, I smile and he nods, rolling his eyes at Michael, who is sitting next to him. Michael never shuts the fuck up.
Through my lashes, I see Killian is already seated, playing with his food as his eyes scan the room like he’s taking inventory. Then his gaze finds me. Instantly it feels like maybe it wasn’t inventory he was taking—maybe he was looking for me.
“Oh, look. The surgeon has found you and he’s hungry,” Jethro grits, and I smile but keep walking. Lucifer is leaned back in his chair like he owns the place and smiles when he sees me.
“Don’t go near him,” Jethro snaps.
“I’m not going near anyone. Relax,” I whisper, then my eyes snap to Jagger. He's got someone pinned against the wall.
“That one doesn’t need a leash… he is the leash. Sheesh.” Jethro laughs, and my smile widens.
“Sit down!” a guard shouts but no one listens. A tray flies across the room, hitting the wall, and no one reacts. Normal. I drop into a seat, sideways with one of my legs tucked under me, watching the animals. A tray is slammed in front of me and my eyes shoot up to Jagger.
“Eat!” he commands, and I nod. I’m not eating a god damn thing but I’m not going to tell him that. He walks away, and I continue to watch the room then stare out the window wishing we could go outside. I miss the feeling of sunlight against my skin and grass poking between my toes.
“You gonna eat that?” I blink then look over to see a boy, super thin with eyes too big for his head. He stares at my tray then back to me.
“I might,” I answer, and he reaches for it. Wrong choice. My hand slams down on the tray hard enough to make the boy jump. He freezes, and I smile at him. “You didn’t ask nicely,” I whisper as my smile stretches. His face crumples and he backs away.
“Good girl,” Jethro praises, and I giggle.
“Med line!” Nurse Barb yells—her words cutting through everything. The room shifts as the animals start to move toward the counter, lifting their little paper cups and drowning themselves in silence. My stomach twists.
Don’t,” Jethro warns again as my fingers curl around the edge of the table.
“They help, sometimes,” I tell him, but he gets in my face. His black shadow engulfing me until all I can smell is smoke.
“They erase me.”
I stand anyway. The line is worse here. Closer. Breathing on breathing. Rancid breath of the undead that makes me want to gag. Hands twitch, eyes roll, and some idiot licks the wall. I laugh under my breath. “They’re worse than me.”
“Not for long,” he replies as I step forward.
One person at a time. As I get closer, I feel eyes on me.
Killian watches from the table. Lucifer stares from his throne, and Jagger—he’s waiting to see if I’ll break.
I smile at all three of them, then reach the counter.
The nurse doesn’t look at me, she just tells me to “Open,” and I do.
Then she hands me the cup and the pill drops onto my tongue. Chalky and bitter.
“Lolli!” Jethro pleads, and I swallow. And just like that—silence.
Not real silence. But from him. I spin and look at the boys staring back at me.
The world dulls and the noise pulls back a bit.
I blink. The cafeteria warps a bit. I don’t like it.
I DON’T LIKE IT. My hands start to shake, and the nurse whispers something behind me.
“Good girl.”
I glance over my shoulder and smile at her as my feet start to carry me across the room.
My mind feels empty, my body feels light.
Eyes are still on me. All three of them are still watching.
I turn and see Axel’s head tilted. His face is riddled with concern.
Why is everyone staring? Are they all waiting?
Was this some sort of staged plan? My head tilts as my body feels like it’s floating across the tables.
“Jethro?” I whisper, but nothing answers, and my smile falters, cracking at the edges.
The room suddenly feels too big, too loud—too real.
I’m alone—he was right… they took him from me.
And somewhere deep in my chest something starts scratching to come back out. Jethro.