Chapter 5
Voice & Jethro
Lolli-Gag
Silence is empty. That’s the first lie. It’s heavy, like something sitting on your chest suffocating you.
Sitting in this chair, in the same circle, with the same bright fucking lights above me, listening to Dr. Petrova with his neat little notebook and his eyes that pretend not to shake.
Everyone is here except Brielle. I bet Master D has her.
Any time she goes with him, she comes back different.
More damage than good. I hate it, but I don’t pry unless she wants to tell me, but more times than not…
she doesn’t say a word. My eyes scan the room, lazily falling on Killian—still watching, Lucifer smiling like he already knows how this ends, and Jagger, who is leaned back, restless in his chair.
Then there’s me. I’m all alone as my fingers dig into my thighs hard enough to leave little crescent marks underneath my shitty cotton pants.
“…Jethro,” I whisper, but silence greets me and I take a deep breath.
“Let’s begin,” Dr, Petrova states. “The first half of this session we’re going to talk about control.”
I laugh, not a giggle, just a small laugh. “I had that,” I sing as Lucifer’s eyes snap to mine.
“You don’t need him,” a voice purrs, and I freeze. What the fuck? That’s not Jethro.
“You have us.” Another voice. And another, layering, sweet, rotting.
“You’re better without him.” Cleaner, stronger.
“No,” I whisper, and Killian leans forward slightly while Lucifer watches closely, and Jagger’s eyes flicker between the three of us.
“Logan,” Dr. Petrova calls on me with a frown.
“Lolli,” I snap.
“He left you,” the voice states.
“He abandoned you.”
“Trust us. Trust Lucifer.”
My nails dig deeper into my thigh. “No!” I snap again as the air shifts like something or someone stepped into the room that wasn’t invited. Coldness crawls up my spine and then—
“I didn’t leave.” I inhale sharply. There. There he is. But his tone is different. His voice drags across the inside of my skull like something is breaking through glass.
“You swallowed them,” he spits, and my head jerks.
“I didn’t, I—“
“You tried to bury me.”
The lights flicker above me but no one else reacts and my smile starts to stretch—too wide—too fast.
“I didn’t mean to,” I whisper. Killian stands slowly, but Dr. Petrova scolds him as Lucifer leans forward, eyes widening as he does. Jagger shifts in his chair as Dr. Petrova’s voice cuts through my thoughts.
“Lolli, look at me,” he commands, but I don’t, it’s not real. None of this is real. It’s the meds, they’re fucking with my mind. I bring my hands to my head and start hitting myself.
“You’re not real! You’re not real! YOU’RE NOT REAL!” I scream.
“Lucifer is real.”
“He is perfect for you Lolli.”
“You’re his giggling goddess. Let him keep you.” The voices taunt me as I keep shaking my head.
“Look at me,” Jethro’s voice commands, and I do but he’s not in the corner anymore. He's everywhere. My skin prickles, and I moan, feeling him.
“I’m stronger than them. Banish them! I am all you can hear,” he growls, but I feel his fingers roaming my skin, making me shiver.
“They made you quiet,” he growls, and my fingers curl, moving between my legs.
“Yes,” I moan.
“Did you like it?” he asks as my lips twitch.
“No!” I say, and he smiles.
“Good.”
The voices—Lucifer’s voices start to fade. Not gone—just pushed back. Jethro is too commanding for them. They don’t like it. They have one master and it ain’t him. That's right, little bitches. Jethro is mine.
Dr. Petrova stands, snapping his fingers in front of my face. Wrong move. My eyes snap to his, and I grin. He takes a step back, only making my grin widen even more.
“Logan. You’re disassociating,” he says, and I laugh, throwing my head back. Then it turns into a giggle.
“I’m not gone,” I say, tilting my head. “I’m back.” I giggle again. Then, I hear Jagger exhale slowly and Killian's eyes light up while Lucifer smiles wickedly. They see it. They all see it.
“Show them,” Jethro whispers, and I rise from my chair slowly, causing Dr. Petrova to take another step back.
“There it is.” I giggle, my grin splitting my face open. “The quiet breaks.” Killian stands again and steps towards me while Lucifer watches like he’s witnessing something sacred, but Jagger just stares, waiting.
“They like you better like this,” Jethro hums, and I glance at them. All three.
“They should,” I whisper. “I do too.”
“Sit down, Lolli,” Dr. Petrova scolds, and I turn to him and, for the first time, he looks afraid. Good. My smile softens just a little and I give him a curtsy.
“Don’t worry, I won’t be quiet again,” I tell him, and Jethro laughs, but this time everyone hears it. The lights flicker and the room tilts. Something cracks. Not the walls, not the floor, something deeper, and suddenly—no one in the circle is pretending to be sane anymore.
“Lolli, I need you to cut it out and sit down,” Dr. Petrova reprimands, and I roll my eyes then sit.
“Since we have no control today, let’s move on to something else,” he says, looking around the room.
“Mr. Cyprus. Care to introduce yourself this session?” he asks as Axel slowly meets his gaze and folds his arms over his chest, sitting back in his chair, not saying a word.
“He may not say anything but he’s extremely uncomfortable,” Jethro states. “Protect him. He will do the same for you later.” And I hum.
“He doesn’t speak. Haven't you gotten the memo, Doc?” I giggle.
“I wasn’t speaking to you, Logan. How many times have I told you to not speak out of turn?” he asks, and I narrow my eyes.
“And how many times have I told you not to call me Logan. It’s Lolli,” I fire back, clenching my jaw.
“Your birth name is Logan, that is your name while you are here, which, my dear, is for a very long time,” he reminds me, and I growl.
“Logan died in that oven. We’ve been through this!” I spit as I stand, circling him. Malcolm starts to rock in his chair, and Celeste hums as her fingers draw stars in the air.
“We should just kill him. I’m so sick of his shit!” Jethro growls as I circle the asshole, staring at his bald head.
“He’s a shit doctor. Ever notice how anyone he tries to help dies,” he reminds me, and I smile.
“I’ve got to say, Doc. Jethro is really getting sick and tired of your attitude.
He thinks you suck as a doctor. With all the crazies that have come and gone through the years, you’ve never rehabilitated any of them.
It seems all you do is send them to their death bed,” I accuse as he looks at me with his head tilted like I’m the one who is nuts.
“So Jethro is still hanging around I see. Do I need to up your meds again,” he asks, and my eyes widen as I shake my head.
“Don’t let him do it!” Jethro shouts.
“Very well. Now, if you are done interrupting me, you all have homework tonight. I want the six of you—”
“Seven, Dr. Petrova,” I interrupt, and he clears his throat then drones on about what he wants that he’s never going to get. I’m not doing shit.
“Nope, we aren’t, it's bullshit. Even mute boy knows it's all a ruse,” Jethro says, and I giggle.
“You are all dismissed for lunch and midday meds,” he says, and I giggle.
“You are not taking the meds,” Jethro reminds me, and I nod, humming as we leave the room. I skip along and catch up to Axel, elbowing his arm gently. He looks at me then down at his arm then back to me. I frown, and he shakes his head slightly.
“He doesn't like to be touched,” Jethro states, and I nod. Axel stops walking and just stares at me like he can see through me. I don’t like it.
“He can see the scared little girl trapped inside. Damn, he’s good,” Jethro tells me, but my fists tighten at my sides.
“Stop staring, mute boy! I know my scars are hideous, but I’m not a fucking sideshow act,” I spit, then walk away.
“That was really mean, Honeycomb. He’s not the enemy,” Jethro says, and I roll my eyes, walking back to my room. I just need a fucking minute.