Chapter 15
Specimen R
Jagger Holmes
The room won’t sit still. The walls breathe loudly. The lights stutter and laugh while everything bends like it’s about to snap but hasn’t yet.
I let him fuck my ass while I fucked her.
I’m not a bottom. I don’t let anyone near my ass.
And he knows that, along with the reason why, but I get it…
I begged him to do it, but he also didn’t fucking hesitate, which pisses me off.
I haven’t seen him in years and he comes in like a fucking wrecking ball with zero explanation.
Then we’re locked in this room, and first chance—I let him fuck my ass.
WHAT THE FUCK! The room warps, taking me to a place I don’t like to think about.
The room is dim but not dark—just enough light to see outlines.
That’s all we ever needed. I lean back against the wall with my arms crossed watching him.
He didn’t look at me though, which was odd.
He always looked me in the eyes. That's the only way I knew what we had was real and not just something easy. I mean it is with him, but the way our hearts beat when we’re together just told a story no one will ever know about.
Today he’s extra quiet. Most people think when he’s quiet that nothing is happening, but with him…
it means everything was. The silence spreads between us and I don’t like it.
I also don’t want to ask questions, especially if he’s not already in a telling mood, but it’s stifling.
The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Something is about to happen, I just don’t know what.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, finally finding the courage, but he doesn’t answer.
Instead, he steps closer—so close his breath fans against my face.
“I thought we don’t ask questions,” he states, and I shrug.
“Well, you’re off today and I don’t like it. Are you leaving or something? Do you not want to do this anymore?” I ask, swallowing thickly.
“Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to,” he says, and my jaw tightens.
“I don’t know anything, Vin. You never tell me shit,” I spit, and he takes a deep breath.
“You do,” he says, and that answer right there pisses me off. “Then say it,” I growl, and finally, he looks at me, and just for a second, my heart drops. Because there’s nothing there. No attachment. No hesitation.
“You don’t understand and you won’t,” he says, but I grab his face with both of my hands, pulling him closer to me.
“Please. Just tell me. If this is it. Then just be a man and say it,” I grit, but he steps closer, running his hands up my chest.
“Fine. I fucking love you, Jagger. I’m in fucking love with you,” he says, and my eyes widen as my heart pounds in my chest. “But I can’t do all this sneaking around.
I want to be with you,” he whispers, and I slam my lips against his.
He deepens the kiss, whirling his tongue around mine, then he pulls back.
“I love you too, Vin.” I chuckle. “I have for a long time,” I say, and he takes a deep breath.
“But listen. I have to go. I'll be back in a few hours. Then we can talk more about this,” he says, pulling away from me.
“Okay. I’ll be here,” I tell him, and he smiles then leaves the room.
That same night, men came into my house and not only raped me but raped and killed my mother.
It wasn’t the first time someone took advantage of me, and Vin knows that, but that night he never showed up.
Never called. Nothing. It was like he was there one moment and vanished the next.
This is the first time I’m seeing him in three years.
My eyes narrow as I stare at him. Lolli giggles to my left as the others shift around the room. My hands won’t stay still. My jaw won’t unclench, and my chest feels like it’s going to split open if I don’t—break something.
“Yeah,” I grumble. Because I need to. The drug isn’t quiet. It’s so fucking loud but not in my head. In my body. Heat sits under my skin like it’s trying to claw its way out.
My eyes snap to her sitting on the bed, still breathing heavy—still smiling like she knows exactly what she is doing to all of us.
“She’s yours to take,” the voice hisses.
“No,” I growl. Because she’s not. She doesn’t belong to anyone. She hasn’t chosen any of us.
Vinny stands near her. Almost too close and too calm. I remember his mouth. His hands. The way he never asked for anything but took anyway. That memory hits wrong now.
“Take it back.,” the voice pushes as my fists clench.
“I’m not taking anything.” But I step closer anyways. Everything in this room is pulling tight around one thing—her.
Killian is too still. Lucifer is too calm. Vinny is too quiet, but me? I’m about to break. I want to hurt him like he hurt me, but I want to do it without the drugs altering my mind. I want him in the present as well. I want him to be coherent in the flesh and take everything I’m going to give him.
The walls ripple around me—not fully, but I see it anyway. Faces. Hands. There’s shadows pressing through like they’re trying to get in. The ghosts Vinny saw. The control Lucifer thinks he has, and the patterns Killian won’t stop chasing—it’s all bleeding together. Into something worse.
“You feel that?” I snap, but no one answers.
“They’re watching,” the voice hums, and I look up at the camera. Still there, still blinking red.
“Enough,” I growl, then turn and see the cart against the wall.
Why is that there? I walk over to it and see an array of tools laid out—for us.
Not for them. My hand wraps around the cold metal edge and I shove it hard, forcing it to crash into the other wall.
Metal clatters as the objects scatter. The sound cracks through the room like a gunshot, causing everyone to turn.
“Stop thinking,” I say, and glance at Killian.
“Stop talking,” I tell him, then look over to Lucifer.
“Stop waiting,” I say, then look at Vinny as my chest heaves with anger.
“Do it,” the voice screams, and my fingers curl around something solid. Weight. Balance.
The room warps harder now, not just shadows but full shapes.
Figures moving where they shouldn’t be and their voices overlapping.
Screams, laughter. Everything all at once.
Lolli laughs. Bright and wild. That’s it.
That’s the trigger. The thing that snaps everything clean in half. My grin spreads into something feral.
“There it is,” I say as I take a step forward. This wasn’t a test. It’s a release and they made a huge mistake.
I laugh as I take another step then another with the weapon weighing heavily in my hand.
The others shift, not stopping me. They feel it too.
The breaking point. “Let’s see what they wanted,” I say in a low sinister tone.
The lights flicker and the walls pulse, allowing the room to breathe, and then—everything explodes.
The first strike lands and the room answers, not with sound but with pressure. Like the air finally gives up pretending it can hold us. My grip tightens as my knuckles split but I don’t feel it nor do I care.
“Again,” the voice says, and I do. The metal rings and something dents, something breaks but it’s not enough. Nothing in here is enough. The walls keep moving, faces sliding through them. Hands pushing out like they want to grab—
“Back,” I snap. I don’t know who I’m talking to. Them. Her. Myself. Doesn’t matter. Lolli laughs again and it cuts through everything, just like before. Perfect. The heat in my chest spikes, not just with anger but rage.
“Focus,” the voice snarls. “Pick a target.”
My eyes drag to the door. Locked. “They think this holds,” I growl, and Killian is already moving. His eyes lit up like he just found the answer to something.
“Structural weakness,” he says, almost to himself. Lucifer laughs under his breath. Vinny’s gone still again but the dangerous kind of quiet. Good. We’re all where we’re supposed to be now.
“No more waiting,” I say, and I slam the cart into the door. Once. Twice. The metal screams and the hinges shudder. Not enough.
“Harder,” the voice snaps, and I take a step back and kick. The impact rattles up my leg as the door bows.
“That’s better.” I grin as movement behind me distracts me.
Not real but I see it anyway. Figures lining the walls.
Watching. Grinning. Bleeding into the corners of the room.
Vinny’s ghosts. Lucifer’s whispers. Killian's patterns. All of it folding into one thing—a room full of everything we’ve buried.
“Look at you,” I mutter. Because none of it scares me. Not anymore. “You’re not real!”
“They don’t have to be…you do,” the voice says, and I nod.
That’s all I needed. Another kick and the door cracks, a line splitting down the frame, causing light to leak through.
Real light. Not the flickering garbage inside this room.
I take a deep breath then slam into it with everything I’ve got.
The door gives and I hear voices outside and boots running.
Now we’re getting somewhere. I turn back and look at them.
Killian—ready. Lucifer—smiling. Vinny—watching, and her—still on the bed naked.
Still glowing like something that shouldn't exist.
“Stay close,” I tell her as I peel off my shirt and throw it at her. She grins, putting it over her head.
“Or what?” she taunts, and I step closer.
“Or I break everything between you and me,” I warn, and her smile widens.
“Do it.”
The voices laugh, and I nod once. We step out into the hallway as the guards rush, the ghosts follow, and the voices rise, but I don’t slow. I don’t think and I don’t hesitate because now—there’s only one direction left. Forward, and whatever’s in front of me is not walking out of this.