Prologue
Ophelia
“No Air- Jordan Sparks & Chris Brown”
Laying in my bed, I stare at the dark outline of my window, waiting for Hayden to climb through it like he does almost every night.
Usually he taps twice on the glass before sliding it open with that crooked grin already waiting for me.
Like sneaking into my room is the only thing keeping him alive.
But tonight, the window stays still. No tapping. No grin. No Hayden.
He told me at school he had to “handle something” with Justin before coming over.
Those words have been clawing at me for hours now because nothing Hayden and Justin do together has ever ended well.
Trouble follows them like a second shadow.
My father always says Hayden is poisonous.
A boy born broken who will do nothing but drag me down with him.
But my father has never looked at me the way Hayden does.
Like I’m something worth protecting—like I’m his favorite thing in this ugly world.
Hayden is my forever boy. My first kiss, my first love—my first everything.
The memory crashes into me so hard my chest aches.
The night we lost our virginities. Hayden touched me like I was something fragile and sacred.
He went slow when I cried, kissed every tear away like he hated the sight of them.
Whispered how beautiful I was until I stopped shaking.
No one has ever loved me gently except him.
And God, Hayden tries he really does. But rage lives inside him like a living thing.
I’ve seen it crawl beneath his skin. Seen it twist his face into someone almost unrecognizable.
Trauma and abandonment carved him into jagged edges long before I met him.
Sometimes his anger scares me. It feels like I'm standing too close to a lightning strike and yet… .I still love him anyway.
Beneath all the fury is a boy who pounds his fists against his chest like Tarzan while kneeling on my bed yelling “I’m a man O!
I’ll provide for my family myself!” The boy who’d rather starve than take my money.
The boy who takes care of his alcoholic mother while barely surviving himself.
The boy who carries the weight of the world like he deserves the pain of it.
My chest tightens as I glance at the clock again. 12:47am. He’s never this late. And when he is, he texts me. Always.
Not tonight.
Fear curls around my chest, squeezing tighter every second. I roll over grabbing my phone with trembling fingers and text him.
Me:
Hey Babe, are you still sneaking in tonight? I’m a little worried.
The message delivers but no response. An hour goes by. Every minute feels like swallowing glass. I text again.
Me:
Hayden, You're scaring me. Where are you?
Three dots appear instantly and relief floods me so fast I could cry. Then his message comes through.
Hayden:
I’m sorry Firefly, I love you always.
My stomach drops violently and I almost throw up. No. No. No.
Me:
I love you too Hayden. What is going on?
Nothing.
Me:
Hayden?
Nothing.
Me:
Hayden Kingston Marks answer me!
Still nothing. Panic claws up my throat as tears blur my vision.
Me:
This is not funny. Tell me what’s going on. Please let me know that you are ok.
The message says delivered but it feels like I’m screaming into a grave.
I launch out of bed so fast my blankets tangle around my legs.
My hands shake while I dig through my dresser for clothes, yanking on shoes.
I need to find him. I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night.
I don’t care if my father loses his mind. I just need Hayden breathing.
My bedroom door suddenly slams open so hard it cracks against the wall. My father fills the doorway like a storm cloud.
“Young lady,” he snaps. “Where do you think you’re going in the middle of the night?”
“I need to find Hayden. Something is wrong” I say as my voice breaks. I shove my arms into a hoodie not caring that he is still glaring at me. “I need to know if he is okay.” I say and his expression darkens.
“I told you to stay away from that boy.”
“I don’t care!” I scream. “Move!”
Before I can pass him, his hand clamps around my arm and jerks me backward hard enough to make me gasp.
“You’re just like your mother,” he snarls in my face. “Defiant. Ungrateful. Never listen to what’s best for you.”
“I'm going to find him!” I yell, ripping against his grip. “Ground me for the rest of my life afterward, I don’t care!”
Suddenly both his hands are on me digging into my arms so hard pain shoots through me.
“You’re hurting me,” I whisper. “Please let me go.”
But he shakes me instead. “That boy is not coming back, Ophelia.” He states and everything inside me stops breathing.
“What?” I ask.
“The sooner you accept it, the easier this will be.”
Cold terror floods my veins and I swallow thickly.
“What did you do?” I scream and his jaw tightens.
“This isn’t about me. It’s about ending this pathetic little fantasy once and for all.” He says as my heartbeat pounds violently.
“No…”
“I’ve already arranged your future,” he continues calmly like he’s not ripping my soul out with every word. “Once you graduate, you’ll marry Brayden Augustine.”
I stare at him in horror, shaking my head.
“You’ll be polite. Obedient. You’ll give him whatever he wants,” he states as his eyes drag over me, making my skin crawl.
“including your body if he asks for it.” He smiles but he’s still not finished.
“Now clean yourself up. We’re going to church at eight in the morning and I won’t have you embarrassing this family anymore. ”
Fuck this. “I hate you” I say with words that come out broken and wet with tears. “you ruin everything.”
“No,” he says coldly. “One day you’ll thank me,” but I shake my head as I look at him and suddenly understand why my mother left. Not because she didn’t love me but because she couldn’t survive him.
“Mom had the right idea,” I choke out. “all these years you make me think it was her fault…but it was you,”
His eyes flash dangerously as he steps forward, grabbing my face so hard my cheeks burn and forces me to look at him.
“Let that anger out, sweetheart.” He whispers. “But forget about Hayden Marks,” he smiles and my breathing hitches. “He's as good as dead.”
Then my world shatters while he smiles.
“Goodnight, sweet child.” Then he walks away.
I collapse onto the floor the second he is gone.
Dead? Dead? The word echoes through my skull.
No. No. No. No. With shaking hands, I get up and grab my phone hitting Hayden’s name.
Bringing the phone to my ear it goes straight to voicemail.
Not even a ring. My chest caves as I text him through blurred vision.
Me:
Hayden, please. Please don’t do this to me. I need you. You can’t leave me too. Everyone always leaves. Please just answer me. Call me. Anything. Come to me if you can. I love you always.
A sob rips out of me making my throat hurt. I curl into myself on the floor, clutching my phone against my chest like I can somehow hold onto him through it. Like love alone can keep someone alive.
Eventually I force myself back into bed and stare at the ceiling while tears soak my pillow.
Maybe this is a nightmare. Maybe I’ll wake up and Hayden will be climbing through my window, grinning at me like always.
Maybe there will be a text waiting for me in the morning.
Please. Please let my forever boy come back to me