16. Lolly
sixteen
Lolly
I fight the urge to check the time again.
This has officially been the longest Friday ever.
I went to class, but I didn’t learn a damn thing.
The empty syllables floated past my ears, meaningless at best. My thoughts are consumed with green eyes and anxious hands, faded band tees and tattered jeans.
Those slutty fucking glasses.
God, I hope he wears those tonight.
A gnawing sensation rises from my gut, worming its way around my chest cavity. What if he changed his mind? What if he’s too afraid?
I thought he’d feel better if we went somewhere secluded, but now I’m concerned that was a mistake. What if he’s more afraid of being alone with me than he is of someone seeing us together?
Stop. Stop that shit right now, Lolly.
This isn’t who you are. You are kind, brilliant, and funny. You’re sexy as hell and he’s lucky to have your attention. You are not going to allow this guy’s hang-ups to be the litmus test for how you feel about yourself.
His unease is not a reflection of you. It’s his to carry—and if you’re going to pursue this, you need to stand firm in that.
My shoulders relax, my stride easy as I make my way across campus. Sometimes a little pep talk is all it takes to get my mind back on track.
The dorm is chaotic, I dodge bodies left and right as I make my way to our room. The insanity doesn’t bother me, I just have to be in the mood to participate and right now, I have only one thing on my mind.
“Happy Friday,” Jay says with a flat tone.
“Weekend homework again?”
“You guessed it.” He rolls his eyes and stretches back in his chair. “What bad idea are you about to jump into headfirst?”
“What do you mean?” I say, a sly smile giving me away.
“Oh hell,” he says. “You made plans with Closet Boy, didn't you?”
“I couldn’t help myself.”
“Does the kid have cupcake flavored nipples or something?”
I snort a laugh. “No, well—maybe, but I wouldn’t know. There’s just something about him. It’s like I’ve met him before… knew him somehow.” I sigh, run my hands through my locs. “I understand how insane that sounds, so don’t waste your breath.”
“Noted.” Jay waits a few long seconds before adding, “So, what’s the plan? Meet in an abandoned building so no one knows?”
I groan, dropping onto my bed. I know he’s right. This is foolish. Dangerous. But I fucking have to figure out whatever this is. I refuse to ignore it and spend the rest of my life wondering what might have been. Now that would be tragic.
“I’m going to take him to one of my favorite spots. Pick up some food on our way.”
“A fucking picnic!?” His eyebrows are almost at his hairline now, jaw about to unhinge entirely.
I have to look away so I don’t laugh again.
“No, it’s not…”
Shit.
It is.
It’s a fucking picnic.
“Okay, fine. It’s a picnic.”