36. Lolly
thirty-six
Lolly
“You gave him the look, didn’t you?” I say accusingly.
“What look?” Jay replies, the smug grin on his face giving him away.
“The one that would make a psychopath shudder?”
Jay laughs, “It could always be worse. At least I didn’t throat punch him like I wanted to.”
“True. Careful, Jay. People might think you’re getting soft,” I tease.
“Fuck that guy. You deserve better. Furthermore, you can now say, with certainty, that I was right,” he pauses for effect, “again.”
“I’ll pass, but thanks for the opportunity,” I laugh. Fucking asshole.
“Honestly, man,” Jay goes on, voice softer now, “I think it’s no coincidence your nightmares started back up after that night.”
My stomach twists as memories of recent mornings waking to Jay kneeling next to my bed, trying to soothe me as I traveled from a vivid montage of the past back to the present.
Tears mixed with sweat as my whole being shuddered.
Memories of stumbling to the toilet before I got sick. Memories of Lani… of Mom and Dad.
Blood, metal, yelling, crying…
Chills run down my arms as I try to escape the palpable grief threatening to take hold of me.
I force myself to focus on my footfalls, the smell of the night air, the feel of my jeans on my legs as I walk, and the taste of the sucker I just popped into my mouth.
My heart rate slows and my mind follows, quietly returning back to the present.
“Lolly, that motherfucker fumbled you because he was afraid his cousin would tattle to his mommy and daddy. That’s fucking child’s play.
He’s a coward. You deserve someone ready to parade you around like the trophy you are.
” He bumps my shoulder with his, reminding me that he’s here for me even though I wouldn’t be in this situation had I just listened to him.
I smile, unable to stop myself from laughing at how ridiculous that sounded coming from his mouth.
But my eyes sting a little at his sincerity.
Knowing I was mistaken. That I had, once again, put myself in a position to be hurt.
It was foolish as fuck but I went in, dick first, heart second, brain last… just hoping for the best.
Walking away from him had been so painful that I’m certain I left a piece of myself lying next to him on the concrete of that alleyway. Washed away with the rain.