79. Lolly
seventy-nine
Lolly
I do my best to stay busy. The dishes are done, the laundry is caught up, and the fucking picture frames have been dusted. I dare another glance at my phone and groan when there’s still no text from him.
I feel ridiculous. Absolutely out of my mind. Apparently I’m no longer in control. Bailey-addled brain has taken over.
Mom hasn’t spoken today and refused everything I tried to feed her for breakfast. Her small frame has withered significantly over the past year, the light in her eyes now almost permanently vacant.
It’s been devastating to watch, but I’m not alone in my grief anymore.
Corina has been by my side through it all and I know that while I’m losing my mother, she’s losing a friend.
Sometimes I wish she’d known her before.
My vibrant, kind, brilliant mother. She would have loved her.
And she did meet some of her in the beginning.
A sepia version, where the colors were toned down but not yet void of pigment.
Fuck, I need to do something. The pendulum in my mind swings violently from thoughts of vivid green eyes and a bright smile to impassive pale blues and trembling hands.
Bathrooms. I’ll clean the upstairs bathrooms and leave the phone down here. That is a perfectly sound, logical, not obsessive plan.
Both bathrooms are spotless in record time and I’m again unlocking my phone on a whim and a prayer.
It’s past noon and he still hasn’t said a word.
Maybe he isn’t interested and is trying not to give me the wrong impression.
Maybe I was too forward with the goodnight kiss.
Maybe I’m losing my fucking mind. This is so unlike me.
I take in a deep breath and stare at the screen one last time.
The corners of my mouth twitch up into a ridiculous grin.
Bailey: When can I see you again?
I laugh, wondering if he, too, remembers the last time those words were sent. I shake my head in disbelief. This beautiful man has somehow wriggled his way back into my life and I’m beginning to wonder if it was serendipitous.
Yes, part of me is concerned. Guarded. Worried about letting him in again. But I see something in him now—a newfound wisdom and a gentler spirit. And I think that for now, it’s more than enough.
Me: When are you free?
My smile widens and I don’t bother fighting it. I let it warm my face and then my heart.
Fucking unicorns and rainbows.